by London Casey
“So what? And you were supposed to be a loving and caring mother. You were supposed to be there for me when I needed someone. Instead you leeched onto me. And I couldn’t say no because what kind of person would I be if I sent my sick mother away?”
She took a weak and shaky breath. “Okay. I don’t regret giving him the money. He always tried.”
“He’s a loser. He gambled everything away. He left us stranded. Now he’s in debt and he has people after us.”
“There’s a cabin in the woods. It’s in my family. A secret. I told him to go there and hide out.”
“Where?”
“I’ll have to explain it to you.”
“Then start talking,” I said.
“They’re going to kill him, aren’t they?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not my problem or my worry. He owes money to people and maybe it’s time he finally pays.”
My mother smiled. “Well, at least if they do kill him, we can be together again when I go.”
It was kind of sad to see how hopeless my mother was for my father. All that she had done, given him, and would keep doing until she took her last breath. And she believed they would then meet up in the afterlife, right up there in heaven.
I thought about saying something to her about it, but I glanced over my shoulder at the door.
Noah was right outside that door.
Wasn’t I just as hopeless for him? I hid who he was from everyone because I didn’t want the backlash. I’d rather be labeled a whore who had a one night stand than deal with people telling me about how bad Noah was.
Love was a strange thing.
I felt my mother’s weak hand touch mine. I looked at her. We both smiled at the same time and then started to cry. There was nothing left to say to each other.
I knew in my heart it was going to be the last time I saw her alive.
38.
(Noah)
I paced the hallway so fast and hard, I thought I was going to cut tracks into the pearly white linoleum floor. I wanted to hit something. Who the fuck did that woman think she was talking like that? She just pushed Ashlynn away because of the pregnancy? It drove me mad to think about the roller coaster of emotions Ashlynn must have gone through. And then at the end of the pregnancy, there was a baby in her arms.
The door opened and Ashlynn stepped out.
I ran to her, grabbing her face. I kissed her. I kissed her the way a beautiful woman deserved to be kissed. The way the mother of my son needed to be kissed. The way she wanted to be kissed, to know that through it all she was still fucking as gorgeous and as sexy as the night I met her at that fight.
I wanted to put her against the wall right there and have her.
“Noah,” she whispered as our lips touched.
“What?”
“We can’t leave here yet.”
“Why the fuck not?”
Ashlynn looked at me. She inched back and then nodded to the door.
“My mother wants to talk to you.”
~
I had no idea what to expect, but I wasn’t going to take shit from her.
I stood there, staring down at a dying woman. Her face was sunken in, purple bags around her eyes, her hair all but gone, the few strands left were thin and straggly. She made fists and pushed at the bed, groaning as she tried to sit up more.
I grabbed her arm and helped her. I didn’t need to see her struggling, even if she had pissed me off already.
“What?” I asked.
“You care about her,” she said to me.
“Why’s that your concern?”
“I know that feeling, Noah. So tell me what you do for a living? You hurt people? You work for the mob?”
“I fight,” I said. “That’s my job. I survive.”
“And you just showed up at my daughter’s apartment…”
“Exactly. I get Craig, your ex…”
“He was never my ex, Noah. We never got divorced. I would never leave him. It was just better that we were apart. We had this plan to get back together once Ashlynn was gone. She worked hard to get into medical school.”
“But the pregnancy ruined that, huh?”
“Yeah, it did. It wasn’t part of the plan.”
“And the cancer was?”
She smiled at me. “You’re quick. I like that.”
“You broke her heart.”
“Now it’s there for someone to clean up and fix. That’s how any good romance begins, right?”
“She’s not going to have a beating heart to fix if Craig isn’t found.”
“I know,” she whispered. “Give me your hand, Noah.”
I offered my hand and she took it. Her grip was feeble. “I was on the side of the road, about an hour from here. Just outside this patch of woods. Right? Sitting in my car, crying my eyes out. My stupid boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. There was a sign ahead that I could read. Something about being happy. I started to drive forward, wanting to hit the sign. Knock it down. I didn’t believe in happiness. Then I met Craig. He saved me. I was about to go home with some guy I barely knew. I snuck into a bar and got drunk. Craig read me like a book. He took me home instead. He was slow, kind, perfect. And then he wasn’t… ever again. But I always waited for that version to come back. Maybe it’ll be waiting for me elsewhere.”
She let my hand go and waved her hand.
“Now go,” she said. “Take care of my daughter.”
“I will,” I said.
Ashlynn’s mother then looked at me with the biggest grin possible. “And take care of my grandson, too. You know… your son.”
I froze.
How the fuck…
She shut her eyes and turned her head, still grinning.
I guess the secret was out for everyone… just in time for everything to go straight to hell.
39.
(Ashlynn)
I stood in the doorway and watched. Jude was in the bath, Noah down on his knees, hovering over the tub, one hand at Jude’s lower back. The protective father instinct was in full swing whether Noah realized it or not.
Noah picked up a blue rubber duck and made it dance through the air. Jude followed with an intense stare.
“So he gets there first,” Noah said. Then he grabbed another duck. “You get there second. First thing, kid, assess your scene. Are you in a bar? A club? An alley? Or are you stepping into my world with money put on fights? I hope that answer is always none of the above, but I know how life works, kid. So you stand there and watch what’s happening… you stay calm, let him get fired up.”
I smiled and touched my mouth. My heart was racing just watching this. Noah’s back and shoulders looked a mile wide. His arms filled the short sleeves of his shirt with ease. Each time he moved, his arm flexed, forcing the shirt to accommodate his muscles.
“Get away from his eyes, kid,” Noah continued. “The eyes are going to be desperate to lie. You might find fear, but you might find some guy who thinks he’s the king of the world. You know what doesn’t lie? The body. What’s his stance? What’s his shoulders look like? Find a weakness and go for it. Let’s say he drops his shoulder. Oh, man, kid, he’s getting ready to punch you. You better get in there and stop that. If he’s standing straight, he has no idea what to do. Get him in the nose. Bust it open. He’ll fall back, tear up, and he’s yours.”
“Interesting life lessons,” I said, stepping into the bathroom.
Noah put the ducks down and looked back. “It’s all I know. You want me to teach him the A, B, C’s?”
Right on cue, Jude lifted both ducks and slammed them into the water, letting out a yell. Water splashed all over Noah’s shirt.
Noah looked at Jude. “Hey, kid, watch yourself.”
Jude splashed again. Noah jumped and slapped his hands off the edge of the bath.
Jude burst into a fit of laughter. He then smacked the water again, splashing Noah. Noah repeated the same action, making Jude laugh again.
They repeated the game until Noah was soaking wet and Jude started to hiccup. Jude dropped the ducks and looked at me. He hiccuped again and he looked terrified. I crouched down at the side of the bath and touched his head.
“You’re okay, baby,” I said. I touched his head.
There we were, the three of us. For tubby time. A moment I really never thought I’d see.
Jude started to grab for the ducks again.
I saw movement next to me and looked down to see Noah reaching for my hand. His big fingers slid between my fingers and he squeezed. He held my hand as our son played in the bathtub.
We looked at each and we smiled. Noah had a chunk of bubbles stuck in his stubble. I left it there. There was something so sexy about a man like Noah with bubbles on his face.
“I like this,” I whispered.
Noah grinned. “I like you, sweetheart.”
~
Noah held Jude until the baby fell asleep. I stood and cringed on the inside as I watched Noah put Jude down. The mama bear inside me feared nobody could do it like me. But Noah did perfect. He got Jude down without waking the baby up. He even turned on the monitor and checked the changing table for supplies. He pointed to the diapers and whispered, “Do you have more?”
“Another pack in the hallway closet,” I said.
He nodded.
We left the baby’s room and I grabbed at Noah’s wrist. “Hey. I have… I have something for you. I wasn’t sure if I wanted you to have it or not.”
“Okay,” Noah said. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Um… before that though. My mother…”
“It’s fine,” he said. “I’m sorry I got upset with her. I shouldn’t have been rude to her. But she had no right to say that stuff to you, sweetheart.” Noah closed in on me, putting me against the wall. “Don’t ever feel guilty. Life happens. Things happen in life. If it were perfect and all planned out, where would the excitement be?”
“I know,” I said. “I’ve made my peace with it.”
“She told you where he is, didn’t she?”
“Yeah.”
“You know we have to take that to Benito.”
“I know. But I don’t know the actual location.”
“Does it bother you? What Benito has to do…”
“No,” I said. “I’ll never understand the way my mother feels about him, for everything he’s done to us. But I can’t control it. If I have to choose between my family now and someone who was supposed to be family, the choice is easy. I didn’t do anything wrong in this, Noah.”
“No, you didn’t. And you’re not going to lose your family. You’ll always have Jude.”
“And you,” I said. “You’re my family too, Noah.”
“Goddamn, I love to hear that.”
Noah’s lips brushed mine.
“Hey, wait,” I said. “I really do have something for you. It’s a secret.”
“A secret?” Noah asked.
I took him into my bedroom. I went for the closet and opened it. There was a pile of old clothes on the floor. I dug through them and found a thick envelope. It was sealed and unmarked. It was also full.
I turned and held it, biting my lip. “This. This is for you.”
“What the hell is it?”
“Everything you missed.”
40.
(Noah)
I sat down on the bed and opened the envelope. The thing was thick. I stuck my hand in and pulled out… a stack of pictures.
The top picture was a pregnancy test.
“That’s not the first one,” Ashlynn said. “The first one I destroyed. I was so angry and embarrassed. So I took a few more and finally took a picture of one.”
I ran my finger along the two pink lines. I flipped and the next picture was an ultrasound. It was like a scrambled TV with a black dot in the middle.
“That’s Jude?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
The next one was of Ashlynn in her bra and panties. Her belly flat. Her breasts smaller than they were now. Her pre-baby body, which compared nothing to how she looked now. Yeah, she was stunning a year ago, I wouldn’t lie about that, but post-baby gave her something so beautiful.
I started to flip through the pictures and saw what she had done for me. Every week, she took a picture of herself. Every doctor’s appointment there was a copy of the ultrasound. As the little dot grew bigger and started to take the form of a human, Ashlynn’s body started to transform. First, her lower belly started to push out. Then it got bigger and much rounder. She filled out everywhere then. Her breasts got heavier, pouring out of her bra. Her hips, legs, arms, and even her face.
“Jesus,” I whispered. “This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Wait until you get to the last one,” she said.
I found the last one and it was perfect. Ashlynn stood in a bra and panties again. Her breasts were super full, resting on her large belly. Her stomach jutted out and around, such an amazing shape to see. Her hand rested at the center of her belly. Her face was puffy and she looked absolutely miserable.
“By then, I was done,” Ashlynn said. “I just wanted the baby out. I couldn’t get comfortable. Walking, sleeping. If I bent over, I’d pee myself.”
Then I flipped to the next picture.
It was the hospital picture of Ashlynn and Jude. The first picture of them together. Ashlynn’s face looked tired but in shock. Her eyes glistened. Strands of hair stuck to her forehead from sweating. Baby Jude wrapped up tight, his face small and pale. His lips were a wild shade of red.
“Oh… man…”
I put the pictures down and stood up. I cleared my throat to collect myself. I went right to Ashlynn and scooped her up.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “For all of this.”
“I had hope,” she said. “I never gave up hope. I took those pictures and I hid them. It scares me, Noah, that you were in jail. But to a point, it makes me a little relieved that you didn’t just leave and avoid me.”
“I would never do that,” I said. “I swear to you, Ashlynn. I thought about you every day. I thought about that night. I scrambled to find you and got popped. I played it over and over. What if I just went the right way… I could have gotten out of there and then found you.”
“You’re here now,” she said. “Just be here, Noah. Please be here.”
I looked back at the bed. The pictures were all scattered. The entire pregnancy right there for me to see. To have. To hold. But I’d never actually live in those moments. I never got to touch Ashlynn’s stomach, feeling it growing. I never got to take her emotions - her worry, doubt, fear, happiness - and hold it.
My hands touched the bottom of her shirt. I looked at her and she nodded.
“Make love to me, Noah. I’m in love with you.”
“Fuck, sweetheart, I needed to hear that,” I said. “I love you too. All of this. I love it all. We’re going to keep it all, too. Our family is going to be together. I swear.”
“I believe you,” Ashlynn said.
I then gently undressed her. Piece by piece, I took her clothes off. I dropped down to one knee and slid her panties down her legs. She stepped out of her panties and the sweet scent of her body attacked me. My hands eased up her legs and gripped her waist. I pulled her forward and kissed her sex, her soft and smooth mound, down to her tender folds. I collected her wetness to my tongue, never forgetting the taste of her.
I kissed up her stomach to her chest. My hands moved around and I unclipped her bra.
Ashlynn clawed at my still damp shirt and pulled at it. I stepped back and did all the work myself. This was about her right now. She had done so much for me. So much that I could never make up to her. She carried my son in her body for nine months. That meant taking care of herself and another living human at the same time.
The least I could do was undress myself and let her watch.
I stripped off my boxers, my dick popping free, already thick and throbbing
. I curled my fingers around the root of my shaft and squeezed.
“This is what you to do me,” I said. “Know that. You did it to me then. You’re doing it to me right now. And you’ll always do it to me. I can’t control my cock when I’m near you.”
I closed in on her and I released the grip on myself as I touched her left breast. My dick rested between our bodies. I ran my hand up and down against her breast, feeling her nipple harden. I pinched my fingers together and tugged, making her suck in a shaky breath.
“Noah… I might…”
I did it again. There was then a small sampling of liquid. It drove me fucking nuts to see.
I saw the look on her face, that she was self-conscious about her body reacting to my touch like that, so I cupped her breast again. I kissed her, just standing there like we had all the fucking time in the world together. My hands ended up at her waist again. I lifted her up and walked her to the bed. I gently placed her down, pulling at her lower half, keeping it a little higher off the bed. I was lined up right to her. We stared at each other again. The intensity was more than I’d ever felt in my life. I was more nervous in that moment than any fight ever. It was the truest feeling in the world - it was love. It was me completely falling for her.
I eased forward and thrust, entering her body. Her body welcomed me and I kept going slow, inch by inch. Once I was as deep as I could go, I thrust at her with a groan. Her body jumped and she whimpered. She reached back, her hand spreading across all the pictures on the bed. I looked at the pictures, seeing the ones of Ashlynn with her full, pregnant belly. I gritted my teeth. I was so pissed at myself for not seeing it all.
I pulled back and thrust again.
I took my time. I moved slow, deep, and thorough. I felt every inch of her body and watched every look in her eyes… every time she bit her lip or sighed or winced with intense pleasure. My hands scaled up and down, memorizing every curve, every mark.
I finally just kissed her, our lips and tongues meeting together.
And I kept going. My body in control, her body commanding it all.
For the first time in my wild life… I made love to the woman I loved…
