The angels are all quietly speaking separate words of affirmation in a circle around Fin. Then, the female takes a step closer and gets right next to Fin’s ear and I can hear her like she is whispering it into mine as well.
“His love surrounds you, Finley, you are precious to Him. All will be well because His love is perfect.”
The female angel steps back into the circle and I can start to see reason returning to Fin’s eyes. He is no longer in a trance, but actually considering his actions. Then the two male angels in suits step forward inside the circle and I realize they are identical. They stand opposite each other alternately whispering into Phin’s ears.
“Peace be upon you.”
“Calm your anxious mind, child.”
“Restore your faith.”
“No one has been lost.”
The twins step back out into the circle and Fin drops the gun and is now weeping. Finally, the giant winged male angel steps forward. He does not go to Fin’s ear, but instead stands directly in front of him and bends to be closer to his face.
“You will fight the fear.”
“You will fight the grief.”
“You will fight the pain.”
“You are a warrior.”
“You are a protector.”
The warrior angel puts his hand on Fin’s forehead and touches the pommel of the sword to his heart. I can see a white light radiating from both.
“You will save many of his followers. This is your greatest purpose on earth.
Fight to save them Finley.”
Fin gasps, then I see it, a look I have seen on his face countless times. He has made a decision about something and whatever it is, there is no going back. His jaw hardens, and his eyes take on the steely grey tint of his resolve, inside the green pools of his irises. Then I hear him speak, it’s barely more than a breath but the force of it through his gritted teeth makes me take a step back.
“I will.”
I whisper to Lucius. “Can Fin see them?”
All four angels turn to look in our direction. The warrior looks at me then to Lucius and nods his head just slightly at him. I swear I see the tiniest hint of a smile cross his powerful features. He raises his sword and sheaths it and an instant later they are all gone.
I turn to Lucius prepared to beg for forgiveness, but I am shocked to see a huge, excited smile on his face.
“So…you’re not mad at me?”
He gives me a serious look but can’t help smiling again. “No…but do not ever do that again.”
“I promise to try my best.”
“Haven”
“Alright, alright, I promise. So, explain to me what just happened. Why did the darkness hurt? I thought we couldn’t feel pain. Did Fin see the angels? They were all angels, right?”
“I don’t know why the darkness hurt, other than it was pure evil, and we were far closer to it than we should have been. Yes, they were all angels and no I don’t think he saw them. Some of the living, are seers, they can see certain supernatural things that exist in their part of the world and in ours. It is like most people are born with a veil, or filter that only allows them to see the natural. A seer, on the other hand, does not have this filter or at least not completely. But even among the seers very few would actually see an angel. I don’t think Fin is a seer, but we now know that he is definitely a protector.”
“Well, did he hear them? I am sure I heard him answer the warrior angel.”
“He likely did hear them, but not in the same way you did. It is more accurate to say he felt their presence and their words. But I think Michael gave him a vision when he touched him.”
“A vision of what?”
“I do not know he did not give the vision to me; it was a gift for Fin.”
I blow out an exasperated breath. “Well, do you have a guess?”
“My guess would be a glimpse into the future, a future where he is needed. Now, it is time for us to leave. Fin is safe now, but we should go, or the other watchers may grow concerned.”
“Don’t we need to wait on Mrs. Taylor?”
Lucius gives me a look of amusement. “We need to work on your observation skills, Haven. Have you not noticed that even though the angels have departed, this room and everything in it is glowing with light?”
I look at myself and Lucius, and all around the room. He is right everything is filled with that immaculate warm light. “How long will it last?”
“Long enough for us to get back to the assembly.”
As we start to walk toward the door, I look back at Fin, who is now sitting in the pew with a stunned look on his face. I stop and before I can voice my request Lucius speaks.
“I’ll wait by the door, but please be quick, Haven.”
I look into his grey eyes and see fathomless wisdom and compassion. I wonder how long it took him drifting around purgatory to develop that kind of spirit. I run back and sit next to Fin on the pew.
“Fin, I know you probably can’t hear me, but I hope you can feel me here. I just want you to know how much I love you. I want to tell you how sorry I am that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most. I should have fought harder for you. I am sorry for every hand that ever hurt you. I wish I could have done something to stop it. You are so brave, and strong, and I know you are meant to do something great. I am going to be praying for you. I’m not sure the weight purgatory prayers have in heaven, but I will pray for you regardless. Please take care of yourself and find happiness and love in your part of the world. I don’t know if Kirra is the one for you, but take care of her for me, she is a special person.”
Fin turns his head and for a second, I think he can see me. I stare into his eyes and then just as quick he turns his head back and drops it into his hands and his back begins to shake as he sobs.
“I’m sorry, Haven, I should have tried harder to keep you from going to Jackson’s. I had this bad feeling about it, that I couldn’t explain, and I didn’t understand, so, I didn’t stop you. I’m going to miss you. I have missed you all these years. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I just wanted to protect you. I didn’t want you to see how ugly my life is. I love you… you will always be my best friend.”
I wish from the bottom of my weightless heart that souls could cry. I am all choked up. My throat feels like it has I grapefruit stuck in it. My heart feels like there is a knife stabbing it. I think if I could just cry actual tears, some of the pain would ease up. I have this overwhelming feeling I’m not going to see Fin again for a while and I don’t want to leave him. But I know I have put Lucius through enough for one day. So, even though I know neither of us can feel it I rub my hand over Fin’s hair and the back of his neck. Then I stand up and walk away.
“All will be well, Haven, I promise.”
I can’t help but smile at Lucius, still bathed in heavenly light as we walk out of the church doors. “I hope you’re right, Spartacus.”
PART TWO
FIN
Chapter Seven
Saying Goodbye
M y God, I can’t believe what I was about to do. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. My hands become slick with sweat, as I stare at the gun on the floor near my feet. I wipe my hands on my jeans and take a shaky breath.
I used to pray all the time, for God to give me a reprieve from my situation. I begged him to send someone to save me. I began to think he was deaf to my prayers, or he just didn’t care because nothing ever changed. I was still stuck with my dad, and he was still mean as hell. Now I see, he did answer my prayers. He sent me the Hollocks, but I pushed them away. It was my choice. He did not ask it of me. He gave me what I needed, and I threw it away. Again, today he has given me what I need. This time I won’t be so short sided.
I stand from the church pew, where I just sobbed for the loss of the only family I have ever known. I grieve the loss of the girl I will always love, even though, I know she was never meant to be mine. I still can’t stop myself from loving her, I never coul
d. I haven’t cried in years, not since the day I decided that I could not be friends with Haven, anymore. From the first day I met her, I had this compulsive need to protect her. It made no sense. She lived in this beautiful bubble. The worst thing that could happen to her was she, would lose her dessert. She was so free in her innocence. I never wanted anything to change that. The day she saw me in the woods all battered and bruised, the look on her face broke my heart. I knew in an instant that if we stayed friends, I would be the one to burst the perfect bubble she lived in. I should have given her more credit. I should have known she was stronger, but to this day I can still remember that look on her face. It was so full of panic, fear and hurt. I could almost believe the beating had happened to her and not me. That’s when I decided I would not let my filthy life contaminate her immaculate one.
I cried for a few hours that night. But, somewhere in the night I convinced myself that I needed to toughen up. There would be other girls and other friends, but Haven would be better off without me. The tears dried up as my convictions solidified like a concrete wall. I thought I was doing the right thing, and nothing would sway me. The weird thing is along with my convictions it felt like my heart turned to concrete also. I honestly thought I lost the ability to cry, to feel anything deeply. I am not really close to any of my friends. The only weak spot I had was Haven. She was the only person that could make me feel or hurt me. Every time my dad would rage at me, threaten me, hit me, I just felt dead inside. I stopped crying for my dad many years ago. Ever since then, I have felt this brutality growing inside me, just below the surface. I know it’s there waiting to be set free. I have prayed for years for God to take it away. I have always feared it, this force that exists in me. I have always thought that if I lost my restraint, even a little, even once, it would take over and turn me into my dad.
I can’t explain what just happened to me, and I would sound crazy if I tried to tell anyone what I saw. But I know it was real. I felt warmth and calm, in the middle of the rampaging grief and anger, that was about to steal my life. I saw flashes of light, and in the light, there was this colossus, warrior angel. I looked into his eyes, and I saw what I was meant to do. I saw that the fury, the barely restrained violence in me has a purpose; I have a purpose. I saw a world I barely recognized filled with so much death and destruction that I gasped in horror. I tried to close my eyes to get away from what I was seeing, but I could not escape it. Then I saw her, a woman with long dark hair, she was running through the forest, I only saw the back of her, but I knew I was meant to help her. Images of faces flashed before me so quickly, I would not recognize any of them if I saw them now. But I know these people are my mission. They are all people I am supposed to save.
With slightly trembling hands, I bend down and pick up the gun. I put the safety on, shove it in between my belt and the back of my pants, and tuck it under my shirt. As I turn to leave the church, I see Mrs. Taylor, standing in the doorway to the church office. I am not sure if she saw me pick up the gun, but for a second, she is frozen in place. I make eye contact, and she snaps out of it, suddenly rushing towards me.
“Oh Fin, sweetheart…How are you holding up? “
She wraps her arms around me and reaches up to cradle the back of my head. I nearly start to cry again at the tenderness she shows. I have not received any kind of motherly affection since I broke contact with Haven, and her family. I realize quickly that I am not equipped to deal with it. I take a step back and cough around the lump in my throat.
“I’m okay, Mrs. Taylor. I just came here…Well, to be honest I’m not sure why I came here. I guess, I was in a mad rage, and I wanted God, to know just how pissed I was at him.”
Her head drops a little, and I expect her to scold me for my disrespectful comment. But when she looks at me again, her expression is quizzical.
“You were pissed at him? Does that mean you have reconciled your feelings?”
“As good as can be reconciled tonight, but I do believe he has shown me my path.”
She smiles slightly.
“That’s wonderful Fin. What are you going to do?”
“Leave…I’m going to take the early exit exam from school and sign up for military service.”
Her smile dissolves instantly and is replaced by a panicked expression.
“Fin, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You know better than most kids your age, the President, is not a good person. Who knows how you will be treated? Not to mention, our country could end up at war if the, United Nations, goes against the wishes of, President Liu. She will not let Agrisin fail. Our countries economy would be too vulnerable if it did.”
“I understand your concern Mrs. Taylor. After spending most of my life trying to avoid Lui’s, pseudo orphanages, it seems counterintuitive to volunteer to be in her army. I can’t explain how, but I know I am supposed to do this. I’ll never be some loyalist to Lui. She does not fool me with her talk of patriotism and prosperity. I know what she is about, but she offers something I need.”
“What could you possible need from her Fin?”
“Training… Mrs. Taylor, the world is about to fall apart at the seams. I know there are people out there that I am meant to help. I need training to do that, and if I go into the military, they will pay me to train.”
Mrs. Taylor pulls me into a hug and nearly squeezes the life out of me. I can feel her warm tears soaking through my black t-shirt. Her words are slightly muffled, but I can still hear them.
“You be careful Fin. You can always come back if things don’t work out. You know we all love you, and we wish we could have done more to help you over the years.”
“I know. It is no one’s fault but his.”
She looks up at me with tear filled eyes that are engulfed with sadness so deeply, that I can’t bear to look her in the face. So, I look up to the stained-glass window behind her. I am struck numb for a second, as I see the depiction of a great warrior angel pinning a demon down with his sword. My heart starts beating wildly. I recognize the angel in the stained glass. The window is beautiful, but only a pale comparison to the real thing. Still, I can’t stop staring at it. I look at sword he is holding, and my chest is filled with a burning ache. My fists clench at my sides. Suddenly, my mind is filled with the image of the woman in the forest again. I can feel her fear as she runs. I can’t see her face or who is after her, but I know I have to help her.
“Fin, are you alright? Your face has gone pale.”
I look back down to find Mrs. Taylor looking at me perplexed.
“I’m fine, but I better get going. Now that I know what I am supposed to do, I have this overwhelming sense of urgency to get started.”
“Wait just one-minute Fin. I have something for you.”
She runs to her office and is back in less than two minutes. First, she hands me a small wad of cash, and then she hands me a picture. I look at the cash, and I am about to refuse it. Then my eyes land on the picture, and I stagger back a step in shock. It is a picture of my dad and mom holding me when I was a baby. I have only seen one photo of my mom. My dad kept it hidden in his closet. One day he caught me looking at it and crying, and he flew into a rage. He snatched it and set it on fire in front of me. He said I didn’t have the right to cry over her, that it was my fault she was gone.
I don’t know what to make of this picture. My dad looks so clean cut and normal. He looks happy, they both do. We look like the perfect family. I look up at Mrs. Taylor in need of an explanation, and she readily gives it.
“Your dad…He wasn’t always what he is now. They used to come to this church. Your father, Joel, was so in love with your mom. It was like he lived and breathed just to see her each day. Your mom, Olivia, was exactly the same way about you. From the second she found out she was pregnant; she was in love. She told me before you were born that she could already feel how special you were. She said that you were going change the world.”
I watch as Mrs. Taylor takes a deep steadying breath before
continuing.
“Olivia found out she had cancer in her first trimester, but she hid it from your father. He found out during her third trimester and begged her to start treatment. Your mother was so fierce and convincing. Olivia swore to him, that she would be fine. That you were meant to be, and she was going to protect you. Nothing would change her mind. After you were born, the doctors told her it was too late. The cancer had spread throughout her body. They gave her a few months, and again she hid the news from Joel. She had this picture made before she told him the truth about her cancer.
You were about three weeks old. She said she wanted there to be one perfect memory before she broke your father’s heart. But it wasn’t just his heart…It broke every part of him. You see a man should love his wife and she, her husband. But your father…he worshipped her. In his heart he had put her on this pedestal and turned her into a Goddess. When she died, he didn’t just lose his wife. He lost all of his misplaced faith. Fin, your mom was one of the most beautiful and loving women I have ever known. We all adored her, but she was human, and she made mistakes, like lying to your father about her cancer. I think she had him, convinced that she would beat it. And for a while she did, she was such a fighter. The doctors had given her just a few months when you were born. She lived for thirty-four months. The doctors couldn’t explain it. But, I know, she fought every day, so she could hold you one more minute. All in the hope, that you would remember how much she loved you; that you would feel her in your heart. “
I am looking down at the floor as tears roll off my face. I am on the verge of begging Mrs. Taylor to stop. As much as I have always wanted to know about my mom, I don’t think I can handle it right now. But my feet feel as if they have been rooted to the floor, and it is as if my jaw has been wired shut. I realize that my need to hear what happened, overrides the pain I feel in this moment.
“Before she passed, she made your father promise to take care of you.”
Half Dead World: Book One from the Apocalypse Tales Page 10
