by J. M. Taylor
“How dare you?” My mother has finally come. She emerges from the shadows of the trees, marches up to Silas, and swoops Flynn safely into her arms. “If you have come to terrorize me, you need not bother. I have suffered enough because of you. And I will not have you upset my daughter.”
“Don’t you mean our daughter?” Silas is smug.
II
Flynn is happier than ever to have a good scratch behind the ear. Night has fallen, and although he usually leaves to hunt on his own, he has chosen to stay by my side tonight. He isn’t content to leave me or my mother alone with the strangers. It doesn’t hurt that my mother, much to my surprise, serves Flynn a plate of his own when we sit down to eat. She even honors him with a quick pat on the head. He looks immensely proud of himself like he has done something spectacular to deserve the special treatment, and when he catches me glancing at him sideways with a smirk on my face, he tosses a piece of meat in the air, catches it, and settles down with his back to me.
“Silly little fox.” I tease him, but I’m happy he’s still with me.
From that moment on, I keep an eye on Silas. It’s no surprise that I had a father out there somewhere, but I wasn’t prepared to meet him. Growing up, I had never asked many questions about him. I didn’t really care. I had never longed for a father. My mother has always been enough of a parent for me. I came from her the way she had come from a woman, and her mother had come from a woman before her. A history of witches.
But here my father is, sitting by our fire in a small clearing just outside the cave. Violet eyes, just like mine. Dark hair falling around his face. He is young - much younger than my mother.
“She was younger when I knew her,” he says. “If that’s what you want to know.”
“How did you know…?” I am offended that he has answered my unspoken question. “What kind of creature are you who knows my thoughts? You are no ordinary man, am I right?”
“I am the kind of man that has not been human for over two hundred years.” He laughs but then turns serious. He reaches over and gently touches my mother’s face. “Your mother is still young,” he says to me but without turning away from her. “And she is still beautiful.”
“You shouldn’t say such things,” my mother pushes his hand away. “It’s been a long time, Silas, over eighteen years. A lot has changed since I last saw you.”
“Yes, Clara, I know it has been a long time for you. But for me, time is nothing. You know that. Besides, I did try to come sooner, when I first heard there was a child, but I couldn’t find you. And to be honest, I could hardly believe what I was told. There have been stories passed down, ancient stories about children being born from a union such as ours, but I thought they were myths. How is it possible?” He looks at me and shakes his head.
“I don’t know,” my mother says. “But it is true, as you can see. The proof sits here before you - our beautiful Violet.”
“What are you?” I ask, still trying to understand who and what he is and why my mother had to flee the coven if he is not human. “If you are not a man, what are you? A warlock?”
Silas looks wounded, and Ronan laughs. Ronan almost slips off his seat with laughter.
“Absolutely not,” Silas answers. “We left this world as men long ago. We are all that remains of our former desires – the passion that once burned in us must now feed on others. We follow the shadows. The humans say we are the children of Lilith, but we are no one’s children anymore. We are nothing more than beasts who must live in darkness, spending eternity envying both the living and the dead.”
“Speak for yourself. I am contented enough,” Ronan says to him, and then he pretends to whisper to me, knowing all can hear him. “Pay him no mind. Your father is the dark, brooding type.”
Silas glares at him, and Ronan laughs again.
My mother is all seriousness. “A child was not possible from our union,” she says to me. “There have been stories, as Silas said, but I have never known it to happen. You are special.”
“Why did you run?” I ask. “If my father isn’t human, you broke no laws. You should have just told them about him.” I nod in Silas’s direction, still unsure how I feel about him.
“I tried to explain, and there were some in the coven who believed me, but Thayna did not, and eventually she convinced them that you were a threat. She accused me of lying, and even brought a human forward to confess he was the father.”
I had never been told this part of the story. “A man confessed? What man? Where is he now?”
He was not allowed to live.
“What happened to him?” I am afraid of the answer. I have always wanted to belong to my mother’s coven, to be accepted by the women who shared in my mother’s history. She had once led them, and they had once loved her. That much I know. I’m not sure I want to know they were once capable of murdering a man who had no power to wield against them and had done nothing wrong, broken no coven laws - an innocent human.
“Thayna…” My mother hesitates. “Thayna hanged him from one of the elder oak trees that mark the entrance to Ravenwood and declared that he should never be taken down from it. I was to be hanged from the other tree after you had been removed from my womb and sacrificed. Thayna planned for our bodies to remain there as a reminder to anyone who might make the same mistake.”
“And this is what the coven wanted? This is what they agreed upon? No one challenged Thayna? They did nothing?” I am horrified, and suddenly find myself questioning my secret desire to belong to such a coven.
“It isn’t the coven’s fault. Many protested, but they were silenced by Thayna. She had the law of the coven on her side, and without laws, there would be chaos. I had no proof that you were not the child of a human, and after one confessed to it, there was little anyone could do. I had lost their trust and had no choice but to relinquish my role as their leader. Thayna declared that her actions had proven her the true leader, and taking advantage of the coven’s doubt and confusion, she claimed it. She wears my Unakye stone, and Luna walks by her side.”
“Who is Luna?” I do not know the names of anyone in the coven but Thayna. My mother has never wanted to speak so openly about them before.
“Luna is the white wolf who was bound to me before Thayna took power.”
“You have a wolf?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“I don’t have a wolf,” my mother corrects me. “Luna chooses to follow me, much like Flynn chooses to follow you.”
“Witches do love their familiars,” Ronan jokes.
“What is a familiar?” I ask, and I can tell by the look on my mother’s face that she’s ashamed for having never told me.
“If a witch is powerful enough, her spirit is shared with an animal. That animal becomes her kindred, her connection to nature and the animal world. It will not only love and protect her; it can be her eyes and ears in places she cannot go.”
“I told you,” Silas says to me, motioning toward Flynn. “You get your love of that animal from your mother.”
As he speaks, I am reminded that he is partly responsible for what happened.
“Where were you?” I ask him. “Why were you not with my mother? You should have been by her side, defending her. Why didn’t you speak on her behalf and help prove that she had not betrayed the coven?”
Anger boils inside of me. My life could have been different. We could have stayed with the coven. I could be preparing to make my own choices now. Instead, my mother and I are preparing to move again, and we are still hiding. “You should have helped us,” I start to cry. I hate that being angry makes me cry.
My mother answers, “I doubt Thayna would have allowed him to speak. With my Unakye stone, she is more powerful than almost any being, alive or not.” She places her hand on Silas’s shoulder, and I can see the love and fear in her dark brown eyes as she speaks of what happened all those years ago. “She was so angry with Silas the last time I saw them together; I kept him a secret. Even when I had a ch
ance to name him as your father in my defense, I did not do it. I feared for him should Thayna ever find out.”
The look on Silas’s face is one of sudden comprehension, like the last piece of a puzzle has finally been discovered, but he says nothing. He’s still trying to see if it fits - if the answer to a long-awaited question has finally been answered.
I’m glaring at him, still seething. My mother moves quickly to my side. Her hand is soft and cool on mine. “Take a deep breath, Violet. Try to calm down.”
“Incredible,” Ronan says, stumbling away from his seat beside me.
Silas shakes away his thoughts, and although he’d been staring at me, it’s as though he finally sees me. “Amazing,” he gasps.
Fire from the pit is shooting up into the night sky, its flames twisting and turning together as it reaches far beyond the ancient treetops. My emotions have gotten the best of me again, and the blaze has intensified because of my powers.
“Come now,” my mother persists, putting her arms around me. “Calm down. You can do it. You must get it under control.”
“Has she always been able to do this?” Silas asks.
“It’s getting stronger, but she still lacks the ability to control it,” my mother tells him.
“I doubt you would have any problem defending yourself against a coven,” Ronan says, keeping his distance.
My mother isn’t convinced. She watches me gaze at the fire and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “She’s not ready. Witchcraft is better learned at twenty and more skillfully yielded with age. We just need to make it two more years, and then she can begin her training.”
Silas stands up and steps forward. “That may be the case for other witches, but Violet is not just any witch. She is as much mine as she is yours.”
He kneels before me and takes my hand. He speaks softly to me, knowing the danger he would be in if I turned my powers on him.
“I did not leave you on purpose, Violet. I was gone soon after your mother and I were together, and I had no idea of your existence until it was too late. Your mother had already fled Ravenwood. By the time I started searching for you, to see if what I had heard was true, years had already passed, and it took me many more before I was able to find you.”
I feel numb trying to process everything I have been told. My father had not abandoned me, and my mother had not defied or betrayed her coven. Silas had left knowing nothing about me, and my mother never had any choice but to leave Ravenwood. Knowing this did not make me feel better. We would never be able to stand against the coven now. Even if anyone believed us, Thayna wielded too much power over them. For the first time in my life, I know my dreams are hopeless. I will never belong to the coven, and Thayna will kill us both if we are ever found. We will never be safe or have a home. We will always be on the run.
III
I awaken on my bed in the small chamber I call my room inside the cave. A black coat is draped over me, and I remember how I had burned one of our blankets to ashes the day before. It’s too cold to get up right away, so I snuggle beneath the coat. This isn’t like the old cloak I wear. The material is heavier, the seams tighter. There is a strangely patterned lining that smells like lavender in the spring. I recognize it now as Ronan’s coat. He must have draped it over me after I fell asleep.
I stretch until the tightness in my back releases and smell the coat one more time before getting to my feet. My clothes are folded nearby, thick white stockings, a faded gray dress with laces in the front, a mended white shift, and new boots that my mother had managed to get for me from the nearby village in the valley below our mountain. I never go with her to any of the villages. On the rare occasion she goes, she goes alone. I am not permitted to follow her. I have no idea how she gets what we need, but she always manages it somehow. I often worry that she is stealing and will get caught, but she assures me that she has never stolen and there are other ways to get what we need.
My hands are cold, and I’m tempted to warm them with my powers, but I have no desire to set anything else on fire accidentally. I’ll save it for warming water – which I’m pretty sure I can still do safely even though my powers are escalating. I grab the bundle of clothes in one hand and my boots in the other and make my way through the cave, down its long winding tunnels deep into the mountain. Its walls hold drawings made by people who must have lived here long ago, and I often wonder what their lives were like. How many were there? How long did they live here? Did they consider it to be their mountain once, as I have liked to think of it as ours since we arrived?
“Our mountain,” I mumble to myself. It would be nice to call it that if we could stay. I know better now, though. It’s time to stop hoping for it and time to stop arguing with my mother about it.
Icy water flows down the rocks into a deep pool in a large, rounded chamber. It’s one of my favorite parts of the cave – no bathing in open streams that are impossible to keep warm – this pool is large enough to heat, and it’s private.
I slip out of my old shift, let the fire smolder beneath my skin, and step into the water. It’s a little icy at first, but it doesn’t take long to heat up. Steam rises around me. The light is fading from the opening overhead, but there is just enough left to flicker and glisten on the flowing water. I must have slept through the night and much of the day. The night will fall again soon.
Laying back, the water closes in around me while simultaneously keeping me afloat. I move my arms back and forth to push myself down before floating back to the surface, the cold air pricking the skin on my exposed face and breasts. I close my eyes and allow the humming sound beneath the water to relax me. And it does, until it’s interrupted by a sound I don’t recognize.
I sit up quickly and wipe the water from my eyes so I can survey the room. I hear a coughing sound and as soon as I can see clearly, I realize that Ronan is in the corner of the room. I hadn’t seen him when I entered, but he’s clearly been here the whole time. He’s stretched out on the floor of the cave, one arm under his head, the collar around his neck untied, his shirt open at the chest. He’s facing me, but he appears to be fast asleep.
You better be asleep, I think to myself, trying to rise from the water without making a sound. I’m still soaking wet as I quickly dress and step into my boots. The wet clothes are uncomfortable, clingy and cold, but I need to get out of here before he sees me – even though there is a part of me that hopes he does. I have never been desired. I know what desire feels like, at least what it feels like when I read about it in books and am stirred by it, but I’ve never known it for myself. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to want it, but Ronan is handsome and tempting. He stirs again as I leave, but I don’t look back. I’m too conflicted.
I make my way back through the cave’s maze in search of my mother. Instead, I find Silas alone in her bed reading a book by candlelight. I can tell he isn’t dressed beneath the blanket.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, my face burning with embarrassment. “I was looking for my mother.”
“She’s outside.” He smiles at me, completely unashamed. It is clear that he is not conflicted.
I hear my mother before I see her. She is in the small clearing near the opening of our cave, grinning and singing while cooking over a fire. It isn’t night yet, but gray clouds darken the sky and snow falls in large fluffy flakes. I catch a few on my hand as I greet her.
“You seem awfully pleased today. To what do we owe this song of joy?” I am being facetious, of course, and my mother knows it.
“Hush,” she tries to scowl, but smiles and blushes instead. “Don’t tease me. You’ll know it for yourself soon enough.”
“Ha!” For some reason, I don’t want her to know what I’ve been thinking. My mother has never taught me to be ashamed, yet I feel it anyway.
“Good ‘morrow,” Ronan says, emerging from the cave in his long, black coat. He ties his white collar and avoids looking at me as he approaches.
“Would you like something to eat?”
I ask politely, holding out my plate of freshly cooked meat.
He looks uncomfortable and pulls at his collar as though he has tied it too tightly. His green eyes finally flash in my direction, and I know. I know he saw me in the pool. I wait for a sign of desire, but it doesn’t come. Instead, he looks like he is going to be sick.
“No, thank you,” he says, looking away for a moment and clearing his throat. “I don’t mean to offend, but I need to catch my own. And it’s probably best if you don’t see it.” He vanishes into the woods before anything else can be said.
“Ronan is quite good looking, don’t you think?” my mother asks, trying to hide a smile. “He looks like he’s not much older than you, though I know that probably isn’t the case. He’s handsome. You should consider him.”
My face feels hot again.
“He’s alright, I guess, but not what I would want if I were looking.”
I’m not about to let her know I like him. What if she tries to encourage it only to discover that he finds me hideous? I can’t bear the thought of it. After all, he couldn’t even look at me. I’d rather be alone for all eternity than for her or anyone else to know I had been rejected.
“Have it your way,” my mother says, too caught up in her own happiness to see my despair.
Something flashes through her mind and she laughs.
“What’s so funny?” Silas asks, strolling up to her and taking her in his arms. “I love it when you laugh. In all my years I have never heard a more pleasant sound.”
He kisses her passionately, right in front of me. I am mortified.
“I’m going to find Flynn,” I say, not that either of them is listening to me.
At first, it’s just an excuse to get away, but I am curious about where Flynn might be. He usually likes to greet me when I awake, no matter the time. I call for him several times while walking deeper into the woods. The only sound is the sweeping of branches, heavy with new-fallen snow, and the crushing of snow beneath my boots.
