by J, Bella
“Well,” she took a breath, “I have an idea that if I say I feel better than I look, I’ll be lying.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Nah. It’s okay. I can handle it.”
I reached out, tucking a strand of faded blue hair behind her ear. “When your bandages come off, I think we need to go with a nice bright pink.”
Neon snorted. “I’d rather be blonde again than color my hair pink.”
“You’re a blonde?” Somehow, that surprised me.
“Yes. And just know I’m dying inside from shame.”
I let out a laugh and sat back in the chair, trying to imagine the wild, pixie-faced Neon with subtle and soft blonde hair. But I couldn’t picture it. Not with her hard and tough exterior. The goth look I’d come to know fit her perfectly. But then again, living with these beasts of men probably did that to a woman. You’d need a thick skin, strong personality, and tough attitude to survive in this world.
“You good over there, Swan Lake?”
“Hmm…yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“I dunno.” She closed her eye briefly. “With being kidnapped and all, I bet it’s fucking with your head.”
I pulled my legs up, placing my feet on the chair and pulling my knees to my chest. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
“Horse crap. First, you’re kidnapped, and now you’re stuck in a basement with a bunch of savages. No one can be fine with such shitty living arrangements.”
I laughed. God, I loved her and the way she managed to put me at ease with her sarcasm and snarky remarks. Not even a close encounter with death managed to take that light away from her.
She tried to wriggle a little, and her face scrunched up in pain. “Jesus Christ, what does a woman have to do to be able to move into another goddamn position?”
“Can I help?” I stood, my hands hovering over her, not sure where or how I would be able to assist.
Neon cringed and moaned, shifting a little on the bed. “Nah. Forget it. I think I know what a fucking baby feels like now, all wrapped up and unable to move.”
“Are you in any pain right now?” I sat back down, this immense amount of sympathy sweeping over me, and I had to bite back the tears.
“Besides my one side being numb? No. Doc has me on some pretty potent shit. Remind me to get the name of that stuff.” She gave me a once-over. “Stop staring at me like you’re about to cry, or I’m about to break.”
“Neon—”
“I know. I know. I’m already broken, right?”
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Truth was, from where I sat, she sure looked broken. She looked like she had been dragged through hell and back. Like every part of her had been shattered, stepped and spat on. I was convinced had it been someone else, they wouldn’t have survived whatever they had put her through. But it wasn’t her physical wounds that worried me.
“Neon, I know I’ve asked this before. But are you okay? Like, really okay?”
She cleared her throat, and I was sure I saw a glimmer of a tear in the corner of her eye, but she blinked it away. “I didn’t die, so there’s that.”
“It was hell thinking you were dead.”
“Ah, Swan Lake. It’s good to know someone will miss me if I really had to tap out someday.”
“I’m serious, Neon. I couldn’t stop blaming myself, blaming him.”
“Stop. It’s not your fault, and it’s not Granite’s either. When they found me, I asked him not to tell you.”
“Why? Why didn’t anyone want me to know? God, Neon. It was torture thinking you were dead.”
She scoffed. “You think it was torture for you?”
Shame made me look away. “I’m sorry. I have no reason to feel like I’m the one who’s been wronged.”
“It’s okay.” She took a few labored breaths. “Just…don’t blame Granite. The guy is having a hard enough time blaming himself.”
I nodded, toying with my cuticles. I didn’t know what to say next. What was left to say after everything that had happened? Words felt so inadequate. Nothing could make any of this better. Maybe only time, something that almost got taken away from her in the cruelest way. And here I was feeling sorry for myself, thinking I had it bad. A mother who didn’t know how to love. A father who didn’t seem to care. And a man who tore me away from my world, made me fall for him, then ripped my heart out by lying to me. By making me think he was the devil. All that had happened to me could not even be compared to what Neon had to have gone through. Yet here she was, trying to play it down by seeing the silver lining—the fact that she didn’t die.
“So,” she started, “what’s going on out there? I was sure I heard a commotion.”
“Well, I think I almost witnessed World War Three out there with Onyx and Ink trying to kill each other.”
“Oh, my God. Are you serious?”
I nodded.
“God, Ink is such an asshole. What’d he do?”
I shrugged. “I don’t think it was Ink’s fault. Onyx was all worked up and pissed at Granite.”
“About what?”
It occurred to me that this wasn’t the kind of conversation I should have with Neon right now. “You know what?” I waved it off. “It’s nothing.”
“Nah-ah. You don’t get to do that.”
“Do what?”
“Start a conversation, going in one direction, then make a complete U-turn just because you don’t want to upset me. You know what’s going to upset me?”
I stared at her.
“You not telling me what you were just about to tell me.”
Leaning to the side, I looked at her IV. “Is that stuff not supposed to make you sleepy?”
“Swan Lake, out with it.”
“Neon—”
“Don’t make me get up and kick your ass.”
“Oh, please. A minute ago, you couldn’t move from one position to another.” Neon’s eyebrow snapped down, and I frowned at her. “Okay,” I conceded. “Do you know a guy with the name…I think it was Junkyard?”
“Oh, yeah. He’s a member of the club. I’ve seen him around at the bar.”
I hesitated, doubting whether I should continue. Neon picked up on it.
“Talk, Swan Lake.”
“Fine. Apparently, this guy Junkyard got killed tonight.”
“Jesus—”
“Neon, are you sure you want me to tell you? I don’t even know if I’m telling the right story here. All I know is what I heard.”
She lightly shook her head, her nose scrunched up. “It’s fine. If I can survive a bunch of sadistic Python fucks, I can survive whatever you’re about to tell me.”
I sat back. “All I heard was something about an ambush, and that Junkyard got killed. Onyx wanted to go back to NYC…” I paused. “Wait a minute. If we’re not in NYC, then where the hell are we?”
Neon sighed. “We’re at the safe house in Coney Island. Now can you please just finish the fucking story before I die of old age?”
“Coney Island?”
“Swan Lake!”
“Okay, fine.” I shot my arms up in the air. “Onyx wanted to go back to NYC, and Granite said no.”
“Why?”
“Something about it being a setup, and that the Pythons are expecting them to go back.”
Neon nodded. “Makes sense.”
“Anyway, so, Granite stomped off, and then Ink said he agreed with Granite.” I eyed Neon with caution. “And then Onyx kinda said some things.”
Her eye narrowed. “What things?”
“Things about Ink not wanting to go because he doesn’t want to leave your side.”
Neon chuckled, her mouth curved at the sides. “I bet Onyx didn’t put it that nicely.”
I pulled my lips in a thin line, shaking my head.
“Let me guess,” she cleared her throat, “Ink tried to rip Onyx’s face off?”
“Yup.”
“Fucker is as smart as a loaf of bread, I swear to God.”
“He’s in love with you. You know that, right?”
Neon snorted. “He’s too in love with himself to love someone else.”
“I’m serious, Neon.”
“So am I. Ink is a manwhore who can’t handle the fact that I have no desire to let him fuck me. It’s driving him mental.”
Even with her bruised face and half-swollen eye, I managed to catch a glimpse of something that seemed a lot like disappointment while she said those words. Like a part of her might have wanted to believe what she said wasn’t true. I was pretty sure if it was me, Neon would have pushed and pushed until I’d admitted it. But I decided to let it go and changed the subject.
“There’s another woman down here with us.”
“Really?” Her brow lifted. “Who?”
“Um…” I couldn’t quite remember her name. “Terri? Tami—”
“Tanit?”
“Yes! That’s what the guy with the scar called her.”
“Manic?”
“No. Tanit.”
“No. I mean, the guy with the scar. His name is Manic.”
I placed my palm on my forehead. “I’m never going to remember everyone’s names around here.”
“What is Tanit doing here?”
I shrugged. “I have no clue. But her face is pretty beaten up, so my guess is she had a run-in with the bad guys too.”
“Not surprising,” Neon scoffed.
“Why? You don’t like her?”
“Listen, Swan Lake,” Neon tried to move the hand that had been bandaged, “girls like Tanit, they can’t be trusted. The way she flaunts her breasts at every man willing to look, and swaying those perfectly shaped hips of hers whenever there’s a dick in a room, it screams desperation. A woman that hungry for attention means trouble.”
I pursed my lips. “What are you saying, exactly?”
Neon nestled her head deeper into the pillow. “What I’m saying is keep an eye on her. And don’t trust her. If that bitch says go left, you haul that bony ass of yours to the right. Got it?”
I snickered. “Warning noted.”
“Good. So, are you and Granite…you know?” Her eye gleamed with mischief.
“God, Neon. I really don’t want to talk about that.”
“Are you kidding? Of course, you do. The man kidnapped you, tied you up, and then he takes your virginity. That’s a lot of Oprah shit right there that needs to be talked about.”
Tucking my hair behind my ears, I glanced around the room. “To answer your question, yes. We are…you know.” My cheeks burned.
“Fucking?”
“God!” I laughed. “You have no filter, do you?”
“Not that I know of, no. Listen,” she started then cleared her throat, “I wanted to ask you something before—” Her voice cut off, and her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard. “Before all this happened.”
I leaned closer. “What is it?”
“You on some kind of birth control?”
Slightly uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was going, I drew my lower lip between my teeth before finally responding. “I have a feeling I’m going to regret asking…but why do you want to know?”
“Because a man like Granite can impregnate you simply by looking you in the eye long enough, I swear to God.”
I burst out laughing. “Oh, my God.”
“I’m serious. That man’s semen can penetrate concrete, I’m sure of it.”
I couldn’t stop laughing. I almost doubled over. Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes, I laughed so hard. “Neon, you’re insane, you know that?”
She let out a laugh, but then her face scrunched up in pain and she coughed.
“Shit, you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Just, can you bring that glass of water over here? My throat’s a little dry.”
“Sure.” I shot up and grabbed the glass of water that stood on the bedside table, holding the straw close to her mouth. She took a few sips, trying her best to keep her head up.
“Thanks.”
I placed the glass on the table. “You don’t have to worry about me getting pregnant.”
“I’m telling you. Hulk semen.”
I chuckled and sat, pushing my hair out of my face. “My cycles have always been irregular. Sometimes months pass without me, you know…”
“You ever get that checked out?”
“No.” I lowered my head and gave a half-shrug. “I guess it’s the whole issue with me being underweight. I dunno.”
“Damn, Swan Lake. And your mother never thought—”
“My mother never cared,” I interrupted. “She’s more worried about my weight than my ability to bear children.”
And just like that, the atmosphere turned grim and black. It was like my mother literally walked into the room and poisoned our conversation with her miserable presence.
“Okay.” I slapped my hands on my knees and got up. “Doctor said I’m not allowed to stay long, so I’m going to let you get some rest. Need anything before I go?”
She closed her eye. “No, thanks, Swan Lake. I’m good.”
I gave her a warm smile. “Try to get some rest.”
“I’m so sick of resting,” she groaned. “This room is depressing as fuck. There’s no television set, radio, or any fucking color, for that matter. Look at these walls. Gray. It’s fucking gray. How am I supposed to get better when I’m stuck in a room that looks like a fucking morgue?”
I snorted. “It does not look like a morgue, Neon. It looks like a hospital room, which is exactly where you need to be right now.”
She pursed her lips. “I’ll say it again, it’s depressing as fuck.”
I smiled. “Well, if you’re not planning on getting some rest, I can always have Ink keep you company.”
“God, no. I’ll sleep. For fuck’s sake.”
I smirked. “That’s what I thought. I’ll come back later to check on you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Just go grab a donut or something.”
With a smile, I reached for the doorknob when Neon called.
“Swan Lake?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Just…” She paused. “Just…thanks.”
I nodded with a smile even though she couldn’t see me. “Sure.”
As I closed the door behind me, I experienced a feeling that swirled around in my chest. Something warm and comforting. Something that felt a lot like…hope.
Maybe after everything that had happened, we’d all somehow manage to find a sliver of peace.
Maybe.
13
Granite
My fingers dug into Onyx’s throat. “You need to calm the fuck down.”
“And you need to man up. Let us go kill those fucking sons of bitches.”
I shook my head and gritted my teeth. “I told you, I’m never underestimating those assholes again. Look at what happened to Neon. What happened to Junkyard. Are you really so fucking selfish you would risk any more lives by rushing into this without a goddamn plan?”
Onyx grabbed at my hand around his throat. “At least I don’t want to hide like a fucking coward.”
I shoved him harder into the wall and let him go with a jerk, stepping back. “I don’t give a shit what you think of me, Onyx. You wanna go get yourself killed, then go. I ain’t no fucking babysitter. You do whatever the fuck you want, but you do it on your own.”
Lifting my hand, I etched my glare on Onyx’s face. “Everyone who thinks we should rush back to NYC now, raise your hands.” I was so confident my crew had my back, I didn’t even turn around. “Everyone who thinks we lay low until we have a solid plan, raise your hand.”
By the sound of leather cuts creaking, I knew my crew had my back. And judging by the way Onyx’s face fell, he could see that too.
I crossed my arms. “You have a choice, Onyx. Either you fall in line, or you fuck off.” I turned to face the rest of the guys. “And this is the
last fucking time anyone lifts a hand to another crew member. The only person allowed to kick ass around here is me.”
Onyx straightened his cut with a jerk, those blue orbs of rage glowering at me like I was the fucking son of Satan.
He clenched his jaw, leaning forward. “You’re making a mistake.”
“Then it’s my mistake to make.”
Like a savage, Onyx spat on the ground, making a huge goddamn show of how much he disliked my decision—disliked me. But this was not a fucking popularity contest. This war was real life. And this was real fucking war.
Onyx stormed out, and I relaxed my shoulders, reaching for my pack of cigarettes.
“He’ll calm down.” Dutch rubbed his hand over his bald head. “If it’s worth fucking anything, I think you made the right decision.”
“Yeah, tell him that.”
“Onyx is young. An adrenaline junky. He still needs to learn control.”
I snorted. “I don’t think my brother will ever learn control.”
“We can only hope, man. Yo, Ink,” Dutch looked his way, “you okay over there?”
Ink leaned against the wall, chest rapidly rising and falling as he wiped his bloody nose with his shirt. “Yeah. I’m good. So, do we have any kind of plan on what the fuck we do next?”
Dutch crossed his arms. “Well, the police are all over it since they’re treating it like a hijacking gone wrong. Nothing we can do now.”
I took a long, slow drag from my cigarette before letting the smoke ease out of my mouth. “Okay. Let’s get some rest. Dutch and I will pay a visit to Junkyard’s wife tomorrow morning.”
Manic darted up the stairs to the main house. “I need a fucking beer first.”
Ink followed suit, and Dutch gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder before going the other way.
With everyone gone, it finally felt like I had space to breathe. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, and the pit of my stomach felt hollow. Tomorrow morning, I needed to look a widow and her kids in the eye while trying to explain to them why they’d be burying a husband. A father. A man who only did what he was told, simply escorting two girls in need of protection. Junkyard wasn’t even directly involved in this war, yet he was the one who took his last breath tonight.
“You okay?”
