She threw the thing hard and Joe heard it smack the guy dead in the chest. He flew back on impact and landed painfully hard on the floor, convulsing. He looks like those guys on Cops after they’ve been Tased, he concluded.
“Why are you still here? I told you to leave!”
Joe: “I’m sorry, miss, I just want to make sure you’re not hurt or anything.”
“I’m not.”
Joe: “Well I … I just want to help you.”
“Oh no! You’re ‘inspired’ … I really don’t have time for this.”
She forcibly grabbed Joe’s hand and started running. Joe saw that she looked determined, and that the earring she had thrown earlier was now back on her ear. He must have been mistaken; she must have thrown the one from the opposite ear.
They continued to run against the crowd and away from the doors. Joe was sure they were actually going deeper into the stadium.
Joe: “Where are we going, miss?”
“Just enjoy the ride. Since you’re so gung-ho about helping me out.”
They found an elevator and the woman called it. It opened as soon as she pressed the button.
Joe: “Is this safe, miss … miss? Um, what’s your name?”
“Just get in.”
Joe: “That’s a funny name.”
Joe offered a smile, but dark tresses pushed him into the freight car.
“This is as safe as we need it to be, and if you must call me anything, call me annoyed.”
Joe: “Seriously!?”
“The concept of sarcasm is lost on you, isn’t it? So to say you’re an imbecile isn’t too far from the mark.”
Joe: “I'm not stupid. I just wanted to know your name.”
"Call me what you like. If I'm lucky I won't have to see you after today."
Joe: "Well, the only thing that I can think of is Beauty."
Beauty: “Whatever helps you sleep at night. Though that is a curious concept, isn’t it? Beauty can be learned, perfected, and mastered, and yet it is utterly subjective.”
Dark tresses studied Joe’s face and laughed.
Beauty: “I’m going to think about that one for a while. I suppose I could use your help. Yes, that’s it!”
Joe scratched his head, both out of habit and in general confusion.
Beauty: “You have a chance to do a really good deed today. Something that can really help a lot of people out.”
Joe: “What are you trying to do? Why are they trying to kill you?”
Beauty: “I don’t have time to explain. Just know that I'm trying to save someone. Once this elevator stops we’re going to have to run, and if you stick with me your life will be in danger. You need to decide before we reach the next floor.”
The wooziness brought on by the drinks and lack of oxygen had disappeared and Joe felt his head was clear now. He wondered why he had even done what he did earlier to save this woman. It was simple, he thought, Mom and Pop taught me early on to do the right thing. It was only natural to help when big men with guns tried to hurt little women. Joe knew he couldn’t just sit back and do nothing. He wasn’t raised that way.
Joe: “This person, are they important to you?”
Beauty: "Not to me, but to someone else, I'm sure. Today is the only day I can get them out."
Joe thought about it for a moment, but he knew he couldn't pass up a chance to save someone's life. He would want the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot.
Joe: "I'll help you."
The woman didn’t look all that surprised.
Chapter 3
She Can Do That!?
Ding!
Joe: “Okay, we’re here, let’s go!”
Beauty: “Get back in here! This isn’t our floor.”
Joe hopped back into the freight elevator and looked at the button panel.
Joe: “But it says we’re at the ground floor. We can’t go any lower.”
Beauty: “Shhh.”
Beauty ran her fingers through her hair and produced what looked to be a keycard. She took the keycard and inserted it into a small slit on the back side of the elevator. Three glowing squares popped up in the middle of the small glass display on the wall. They were marked UG5, UG6, and UG7. Beauty pressed the square for UG6; the elevator began to move and the display disappeared. The card reader ejected Beauty’s card and she grabbed it and placed it back amongst her dark tresses. Joe wondered where exactly she had put the card, but didn't linger too long on that thought. He had other things on his mind.
Joe: “Do you have a gun or anything? Seems like all these guys might have guns.”
Beauty: “No, I don’t need ‘em. I have everything I need right here.”
She touched the earrings on her ears. Joe didn’t know what she meant or how her missing earring was back on her ear.
Joe: “What will you do with those? They’re just earrings.”
Beauty: “I’m tricky. They won’t even see me coming.”
The elevator had finally come to a stop. For some reason Beauty was still facing the back wall. Joe went to tell her that they had reached their stop, but was halted when the back wall of the elevator suddenly slid completely open. Joe gaped down the hall to see if there was anyone there, but didn’t see or hear anyone.
Beauty: “Just follow me, Joe.”
Joe: “Okay, but how do you know my name? I haven’t told you yet.”
Beauty: “You look like a Joe. A real average Joe, as the saying goes. Now come on.”
Joe followed her as close as he possibly could. He figured that even if he somehow lost his sight he could still follow her as long as he had his sense of smell. The woman smelled as delightful as she looked, and Joe was taking it all in. It was one of the perks of following a woman, he supposed.
Beauty: “Remember to watch me and not my superbly sculpted buns, little guy. I need you to be alert.”
Joe snapped to attention and looked mortified.
Joe: “But I … I mean I wasn’t.”
Beauty: “Save it. Let’s go!”
Beauty ran down the hall with the speed and grace of a creature of the night. Joe had never seen a person move like she did. Complete confidence in her movements, she hugged the walls as if she were a part of them whenever she checked her surroundings. Joe felt awkward and clumsy as he tried to keep up. He wasn’t used to sneaking around, and seeing Beauty in action just made him feel like the kid he was. In that brief moment, he felt oddly uncomfortable in his own skin. A very strange thought crept into his head. He imagined some small creature piloting his body and now cursing itself because it didn’t pay attention to lessons in human piloting school. The creature also cursed Beauty’s pilot for being a know-it-all goody-goody and an overachiever. His daydreams ended when Beauty signaled him over to her side.
Beauty: “I’m sure this floor was successfully evacuated. I didn’t see anyone up ahead, but we should have company pretty soon. Let’s clear this hallway and I’ll lead you to our destination.”
Joe: “Okay, but what do you want me to do when we get there?”
Beauty: “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know soon. You’ll come in handy.”
They ran down another hall filled with doors that mostly led to empty rooms. Joe had no clue what these rooms could have been used for or even why the stadium had hidden floors to begin with. None of it made sense. Far behind them Joe heard the elevator doors slide open, and shortly after heard voices as well. The sound hadn’t escaped Beauty. They turned a corner and entered a large room filled with lockers that seemed like the coldest part of the building. Joe wondered if it was a backup locker room for the sports stars, but couldn’t see a visible showering area nearby. He did spot one thing though, a beautiful blonde girl bound with rope and gagged. She wore some sort of blue security pants with lots of big pockets and a white tank top but no shoes. She had a few bruises on her face and upper back near her shoulders.
Beauty: “She’s still in here. This makes things a lot easier.”
&nbs
p; Beauty quickly ran over to the girl and tugged at her ropes.
Beauty: “What an amateur. I can’t believe you got caught like that. You’ve made my job one hundred times harder.”
Joe: “I don’t think she can hear you.”
Beauty: “Can’t a girl vent her frustrations? This girl really mucked things up for me.”
Joe: “Sure but what made you both come here anyway?”
Beauty: “I guess I can tell you that. I have no clue why she’s here but I’m here to get something precious to me. It’s supposed to be down here somewhere. I thought I’d free her in the process. She got caught, a few weeks ago.”
Joe: “Who is she?”
Beauty: “Ask her yourself whenever she wakes up. Here take this.”
She handed Joe her elevator card and grabbed the earring from her ear. It looked like she was squeezing it but when she opened her hand Joe saw a shiny curved knife there, not an earring. She took it and sliced through the ropes cleanly as if she were using a katana and when she was done the knife turned back into a little earring and she put it back on her ear. Joe couldn’t believe that he wasn’t dreaming right now. The woman tried shaking the girl awake, but to no avail. She looked over towards the back row of lockers and only saw one that was lockless.
Beauty: “Okay, I need you to listen very carefully, Joe. A group of those guys that were shooting at me earlier are going to arrive here any minute now. I need you to do a few things for me. Starting off, I need you to hurry and tie me up.”
She lifted the girl off of the chair that she was sitting on and gently placed her on the floor.
Joe: “But I—”
Beauty: “No time to explain, Joe. Just do as I say. I’ll be just fine.”
Joe nodded his head and waited for further orders. Beauty picked up the rope that had bound the blonde girl and handed it to Joe. Joe was shocked to find that the rope had none of the cuts on it that Beauty had made earlier, but he decided not to linger on that thought.
Beauty: “Make sure you do that nice and tight, country boy. Knot it good. Once you finish that, I want you to pick up Sleeping Beauty and head straight to that locker over there — I’m staring right at it — and hide. Once the room clears out, I want you to wait a few minutes — at least until you don’t hear any more voices — and then I want you to escape with her.”
Joe: “Who is she?”
Beauty: “She’s important. I need her alive, and if anything happens to her I’m going to find you and besmirch you.”
Joe: “Besmirch?”
Beauty: “Now go. Hurry, we have no time. Make sure you stay hidden.”
Joe grabbed the mystery blonde and walked himself and the girl to the only locker that he saw without a lock. He opened the locker and saw nothing but a Pantera t-shirt inside. He lifted the cute blonde up and placed her inside first. She kept falling to the bottom of the locker, so he leaned her up and propped her at an angle.
Beauty: “Hurry up!”
Joe hastily draped his legs over the girl’s slumbering body and squeezed in as best he could. It was definitely a tight fit, and it was definitely uncomfortable. He could feel the girl’s tiny breaths on his chest, and could feel the weight and warmth of her body against his belly. The only girl he had ever been this close with was Kate. He peered out through the slits of the locker and nearly dropped his jaw. Where Beauty had sat before, there was now another blonde girl. No … the same blonde girl, but that was impossible. Joe looked down again at his locker mate and examined her face. He then looked at the girl in the chair and saw that they were identical right down to the bruises they shared.
This was madness. More importantly, where was Beauty? Joe had only looked away for a few seconds and had lost her. Wait, something was off, he thought. The clothes didn’t match up. The girls wore completely different outfits. That’s when he saw it. Before his eyes, the blonde in the chair’s outfit changed from the one that Beauty had worn to the same blue security outfit that his locker mate was wearing. It was then that he knew.
Joe: “She isn't like us.”
Chapter 4
Do What Now!?
Through the slits in the locker, Joe could still see Beauty, the lady he was trying to help, but now things had gotten a bit more complicated. For one, he had found himself in a very secret part of his favorite football team’s stadium, so secret in fact that the buttons to get there weren’t on the elevator. He was also being pursued by dangerous men in black suits thanks to his good deeds. But none of that held a candle to the fact that this girl whom Joe had named Beauty could change her face and clothes on a whim. She had changed from a tall, dark skinned, dark haired woman in black pants to a blonde haired girl wearing a blue security outfit and it only took an instant. He had to play the scenario in his head over again just to process it all.
A knot of tension welled up in his stomach. He couldn’t help but feel as if the blonde who used to be Beauty was a sitting duck. But it was her who had told him to tie her up, so he assumed she had some sort of plan. It was wishful thinking, but Joe was hard pressed thinking otherwise. He left it all to her and somehow trusted her judgment wholeheartedly. He had carelessly staked his life upon it.
There were men’s voices and then a loud crash. Joe could see men’s heads over the tops of the smaller lockers in the middle of the floor, and there were many of them. Most of them were in black suits, but he saw a few wearing a blue security uniform, with pants just like the blonde’s. They all seemed to be searching for something or someone. An older guy dressed recklessly in a salmon-colored shirt and white pants walked near the blonde in the chair.
“I was sure our intruder would come this way. If whoever broke in didn’t want this girl, then I don’t know why they came to this floor. Keep looking! They can’t have gone far.”
He was red all over but reserved the darkest shade for his neck and face. His balding head shined like the sun when the light caught it, and glistened as brightly as the long locks of blonde hair on the sides and the back of his head. He tapped the chair and signaled two of the men in black to his side.
“Bring her. We’re going to need collateral for that old agent.”
He looked the blonde’s face and grabbed her by the cheeks. Beauty pretended to be in a half-sleep state, which was more conscious than she and Joe had found the girl, but none of the men raised objections to that. The balding man pulled back her hair so that she faced him.
“The old man is being a real pain in our collective behinds. If he doesn’t back off, I’m going to have no choice but to do great harm to you. You ready to tell me why you came here?”
The man smiled and Beauty simply slumped down into her chair when he released her. Joe’s heart had stopped, for the man was looking dead at him it seemed. Joe dared not move. He dared not even breathe, and he hoped to heaven that his locker-mate would not make any sudden movements. The man seemed to stare on forever and Joe was stuck in the moment. He didn’t know if he should just wait for his fate or if he should run out there and fight for his life. Either way, he knew he’d die, but he also knew that he was no warrior and had no real prideful aspirations to “go out with a bang,” as they say. Truthfully, he didn’t trust himself. He didn’t know what he would do next and that frightened him. For now he waited.
“Where’s the lock for that locker? It’s the only one I see without a lock and I don’t trust unlocked things in secret places.”
He walked towards the metal coffin and was halted mid-stride by one of his subordinates. The security officer in blue had an explanation for him.
Security: “That’s Pete’s locker. He hasn’t locked it since he’s worked for you guys. The only thing he keeps in there is that funky Pantera t-shirt that he likes to over-wear.”
“Well, tell your friend Pete to invest in a lock. Alright, let’s go, we’re burning clock here.”
Two of the men in black untied Beauty, handcuffed her, and placed a cloth bag over her head. The bigger of the two hoisted
her over his shoulders and carried her. Ten seconds later, the room was completely empty. Joe waited ten minutes to even make a peep. He waited until even the small bumps couldn’t be heard anymore. Once the coast was clear he opened the locker and got a better view of the hallway outside. He stopped and listened, more clearly now, to the sounds outside the room.
He moved himself awkwardly past the sleeping blonde girl to the outside of the locker. He looked at the girl more carefully now. She was much more beautiful than he had noticed before, even though she was drooling and sweating unpleasantly. He was also a sweaty mess, but being trapped in a sardine can while scared to death would do that. He grabbed the girl, and she stirred after returning to the cooler air of the locker room. She shivered when he placed her on the cold floor. He nudged her by her shoulder but got no response. He let out a whisper.
Joe: “Hey. Pssssssst! Wake up. I need you to wake up. Psssssst! We’re in danger.”
No response. He shook her some more but nothing.
Joe: “Sorry ‘bout this. I don’t hit girls, I swear.”
Joe slapped her face once, twice, then thrice. He contemplated striking her harder, until a better idea came to his head. He walked to the back of the room, to the showers, and ran the water from one of the faucets. He came out with a handful of cold water and nearly tripped trying to quickly get it to the blonde.
Joe: “This is stupid. I’m going to spill all this water and have to do this all over again.”
He didn’t spill, much anyway. He knelt down but forgot to apply a little restraint and dropped all the water he had in his palms straight onto the blonde’s face. She quickly sprang up coughing and snorting and slapped Joe bloody.
Joe: “Ouch! What the hell!”
Blonde: “What the hell? What the hell! You almost drowned me!”
Joe: “Sorry, sorry. Keep it down, we’re in danger.”
She rubbed her face and tried to wipe as much water and grogginess from it as she could. They must’ve done a number on her.
Blonde: “Who are you, kid, and what happened?”
Average Joe and the Extraordinaires Page 2
