by Kitty Thomas
Maybe she’d imagined her scratches healing before her eyes, too fast for anyone to see. Maybe it really was Dominic’s blood last night. Maybe she’d needed it to be partly hers because there was so much, and the guilt had eaten at her for lashing out like that. If she could hallucinate a whole vampire and elaborate back story that made her his savior, wounds that healed in seconds were nothing.
Dr. Cronan’s voice echoed in her mind. Earlier in the session he’d asked: “Do you feel useful in your life? Perhaps you needed to be needed more.”
She’d said Dominic needed her, but it didn’t feel true. Her husband loved her, but he didn’t need her. If she were being honest, her flower shop job had been a bored affluent housewife job. It got her out in the world, interacting with others. But did it make her feel useful, like she was contributing something of value to the world? Not like Dominic’s job must.
Had she snapped one day? She stared at her bare wrist. They’d taken the bracelet off her when they’d put the straitjacket on. Would August have really let her keep it all that time in the cellar? Was that realistic, given his supposed goals? Was it her touchstone back to reality?
She scrutinized each piece of her memory, seeking signposts that would cause the illusion to fade out like a bad dream and bring the true reality forth.
Maybe something had happened soon after her husband had given her the bracelet. She tried to force herself to remember. Maybe it hadn’t been as dramatic as what her mind had created, but maybe they’d grown distant. Had she filled in the gaps with a man who needed her?
Did need give one higher purpose than love? But she couldn’t even cheat on her husband with a fiction, a ghost. Was that why she’d finally had to escape?
She scooted up the bed until her back was pressed against the wall, and watched the door. She waited for it to open, for August to burst through and get her out of here, but it stayed shut. The hospital hummed along—a place where magic couldn’t exist—and she closed her eyes.
There never was an August.
Chapter Twelve
August smiled at the receptionist in the psych ward. “Buzz me through, dear.”
Her hand trembled as she pressed the button, and the gate unlocked. He winked at her and passed through.
He’d pushed himself to the very edge, right before the worst of things. It had been painful but the decay hadn’t started. He looked older and felt older, but he thought if he could try to give Nicolette a few short days in between their meetings at first, it might make things easier for her.
She’d been missing when he’d gone to her house. At first he’d thought she’d run again. He’d gotten the truth out of her husband, and it had taken a strong force of will to stop himself from ripping the human’s head from his shoulders.
She’d made another escape attempt, this one more desperate than the last. What would be next? Suicide attempts? Even if she were able to work up the nerve to end her life, it would do her no good. That door had been forever closed. The other option would be true madness. If he didn’t show her the futility of this, she’d never make peace with the turn her life had taken.
He’d held off feeding, allowed himself to suffer so that she could have more time with her husband, and the bulk of that time she’d been in the mental ward. He’d suffered pointlessly. And so had she. The seething rage gave him a renewed sense of energy.
He slipped down the hallway to the nurse’s station, pausing to listen when he realized they were talking about Nicolette.
“I’ve never seen anyone with such a high drug tolerance. We had to give her almost three times the normal dose to keep her knocked out last night.”
“You think she has a history of drug abuse?”
“Hell if I know, I’ve never seen someone who could take so much and their body shake it off like that. I’m not kidding, within an hour she woke up and I had to dose her again. She was thrashing about, making a fuss. She didn’t remember it this morning, though, poor thing.”
August emitted a low growl at the thought of someone putting a needle in Nicolette, of tainting his food source. The drugs would have cleared her system by now with the bond, but it still set his teeth on edge. No one had the right to imprison her but him. No one had the right to put anything inside her but him.
He didn’t require directions. He only had to follow the call of the bond—and now her scent. His mate’s fragrance wafted down the hallways, beckoning him. He waited for the women to leave the nurse’s station and for the remaining nurse to go back to her book before he shot past in a blur the humans might notice as the sense of movement one sometimes sees from the corner of their eye, but when they turn, nothing’s there. But something was there. It simply moved too fast.
He found her on a narrow white mattress, clothed in a plain t-shirt and sweatpants, her feet bare. Plain canvas tennis shoes were shoved underneath the bed. He kept his voice quiet and calm. “Nicolette.”
She turned toward him, her face vacant. “Go away. You aren’t real.”
So he was a delusion now, was he? He’d been many things in his time, but never a delusion. What a novelty.
He shut the door and moved further into the room.
“We’re not allowed to shut the door before bed.”
“Well, if I’m not real, you don’t have to worry about that. The door must still be standing open. You’re just crazy.”
She weighed that thought for a minute and stared at the closed door, fear for her quickly fraying sanity naked in her eyes. It made him feel bad for the wisecrack. This wasn’t the woman he was used to, the woman who’d resisted him for two months. How could something like this happen so quickly? Oh, right. They’d been armed. With drugs and numbers. He’d only had empty threats—unwilling to truly damage the woman he must spend eternity with even if the bond could heal anything he inflicted. She was a number to them, another patient. They’d had nothing to lose. He’d had everything.
“Come with me, we’re leaving.”
“Did you know my Uncle Chuck has delusions? His are pretty harmless, so we never made a big thing about it. It’s not right that I recovered from months locked up in the cellar. Like it was nothing. I should be angry at you about that. I should hate you forever and fear you and be traumatized. And all those people you killed. I can’t erase them from my head, but it’s like a movie I watched. Where are the emotions? Where is the pain I’m supposed to feel? I-I don’t feel anything at all. I don’t believe you made it go away with magic.”
“Do you want that? The pain? Do you wish to suffer as I have suffered?”
“No. But it’s normal. This isn’t normal. There is a world that makes sense and a world that doesn’t. And your world doesn’t make sense. What else am I supposed to think? How can I ignore the evidence in front of me?”
“I don’t know. How can you ignore me?”
They’d really done a number on her. He imagined with him being gone longer than expected and with everyone against her, with the drugs, with an intense intervention… she might be more easily swayed, the way prisoners and suspects were broken when all their life lines were taken away. When August had kept her prisoner, she’d had Dominic’s love to hold on to. She wouldn’t have held on to a vampire she hadn’t wanted in the first place.
Maybe she wanted free of him so desperately that she’d rather be a locked-up mental patient who had imagined him into existence than suffer the reality of his presence for even another day.
“We’re leaving.” He extended a hand toward her.
“I… ” She glanced past him to the door, waiting for it to open, to be rescued.
“Are you afraid of me?”
She looked away, and he could smell the salt of her tears. “I ran again. You said if I ran again there would be consequences.”
“Come with me now, and I will forgive you unconditionally.”
***
Nicole didn’t budge. She’d hoped for him to come for her, but now that he was here, now that she could s
ee the anger in his eyes…
And he’d aged considerably. He hadn’t started that horrible rotting thing yet, but he seemed close. The combination of such hunger and pain and anger made her hesitate. He was crazed.
Yet, so far he’d kept every promise. He’d let her go back to her husband. He’d spared her parents’ lives. He’d spared Dominic’s life. He’d freed the rest of the people in the cages. He hadn’t hurt her the first time she’d run away, but he hadn’t been this angry the first time, either. There had been a warning, an expectation that this extension of mercy for the crime of running would be indulged once. But now it was twice.
If she reached out and took his hand, would he be solid? Or would he fade into the air like a mist?
“Nicolette, my offer of clemency will expire soon. You must come with me now. I promise I will show you mercy.”
She closed her eyes and reached for him, surprised when warm, solid flesh closed around her hand, shocked by the sense of safety in him and that she trusted him.
As soon as she’d taken his hand, he had her pressed against the wall, his fangs in her throat, drinking her like she was the last stream in a desert. The tears rushed down her cheeks as she found her body reacting to him as it always did. Need. Desire. Longing. She hadn’t seen Dominic since the night they’d checked her in. It was August who’d come for her to take her out of this awful place. She wasn’t sure whose side she was supposed to be on. Who she should want. Who she should be loyal to. The lines of Dominic Good, August Bad blurred in the suction of the vampire’s mouth on her throat.
Finally, he pulled away from her, his youth and vitality restored.
“Let’s go.”
“H-how will we get out? Are you going to kill people?” Her anger and bravado when she’d threatened others with death at the vampire’s hands had faded. Now, the idea of a bloody massacre at the hospital terrified her, and she couldn’t stomach being partly responsible—of having blood on her own hands.
There was a knock on the door, and Dr. Cronan stepped inside. “Mrs. Rose, you know our rules about doors.”
August spun toward the doctor, shielding Nicole. He’d become territorial. He was a dog, and she was his meaty bone, and woe to the fool who tried to jerk it from his jaws.
The doctor was nonplussed by the presence of a strange man in her room. “You also haven’t been authorized to have visitors. And who might you be?” Dr. Cronan turned his attention to the vampire.
Nicole couldn’t see August’s face, but she could imagine the smile as fangs pushed through gums.
“I’m Nicolette’s delusion. It’s lovely to meet you.”
Dr. Cronan’s face turned as gray as the walls, as if he were a chameleon, blending in for safety. But it was too late for that.
August blurred across the room and gripped the doctor by the throat, pushing him against the wall so that his feet dangled like a child in the grasp of a schoolyard bully.
“You will tell me everything you did to my mate or I will bury you behind the parking lot. And it will all be finished before a single orderly has noticed your absence.”
“I-I brought her in for observation. W-we didn’t know you were real. H-h-how could we? We gave her a few sedatives, that’s all.”
“You’ve done more than that. You must have. Nicolette? What happened?”
“I-it wasn’t that bad.”
“What. Happened?”
“They held me down and put me in a straitjacket. When I wouldn’t take a sleeping pill they cornered me and strapped me down and shoved a needle in my hip. A-after that I didn’t fight them. I was scared of what else they’d do. They only gave me drugs at night, and I was too afraid to fight them after the first night.”
She’d seen too many scary mental institution movies. If they’d force her into a straitjacket and strap her down to sedate her, would they do ice baths? Electroshock? Isolation? Each of those possibilities had been too frightening to entertain. Even when logic said Dominic would come see her soon and she could go home, she feared Dr. Cronan would convince her husband and a judge that she wasn’t competent to be released, and then she’d be at their mercy indefinitely.
The fear of the mentally ill—that it might somehow be contagious and spread the pathogen of insanity—often kept others from doing what was right. Given that she’d been brought here to begin with, it was hard to know where Dominic’s line was. Or her parents. If fear for her and for themselves drove them, then could there be any boundaries that would keep her safe? Hadn’t she already foolishly trusted that they’d be on her side? That they could be reasoned with?
August stepped back and allowed the doctor to fall, then he hauled him up and threw him on the ground at Nicole’s feet.
“Beg her for your life. You had no right to touch her or make her do anything. She’s mine. Not yours. Beg her forgiveness, and maybe she’ll spare you.”
Nicole couldn’t bear to look at the doctor.
“P-please, Mrs. Rose. Y-you know I believed you to be ill. I was t-trying to help. Please, don’t let him kill me.” From his expression, the doctor had a clear memory of Nicole screaming that the vampire would kill him when he came for her.
August shook his head, and let out a derisive snort. “That is the most pathetic apology I believe I’ve ever had the displeasure of hearing. Did that sad display win you over, Nicolette? Does he live or die?”
“L-live.” As if it were a question. As if she could allow the doctor to be killed over this. The fear over being locked up and drugged faded in light of her rescue. Why did this upset her so much more than her memories of the cellar? She pinched herself, trying to ascertain if she were truly delusional. Maybe none of this was happening.
August grabbed the doctor by his collar and jerked him up until their eyes were level and locked. “You will escort us personally to the exit. You will entertain no questions about who I am or why we are leaving. Immediately after we go, you will destroy her records and forget either of us exist.” He released Dr. Cronan’s collar and the doctor stumbled to the door.
“This way,” he said, disoriented but obedient.
Before Nicole could protest, August picked her up.
“I-I can walk.”
“No.”
The doctor led them down the hallways. August took the opportunity to instruct each orderly and nurse and janitor he saw to “forget Nicolette Rose,” ending with the receptionist before Dr. Cronan buzzed him out.
The vampire didn’t put her down until they reached the Bugatti. He unlocked the passenger side, waited for her to get in, then shut it without a word.
“A-August?” she said, when he got in on his side and turned the ignition.
“Not right now, Nicolette.”
“B-but you said… ”
“I forgive you for this, but this will be the last time. You knew I could find you. You knew our bond had grown stronger. Why would you attempt something that was impossible and might anger me?”
Nicole looked at her hands. Why should she feel like a disobedient child over this? “I thought if I could get Dominic to see the truth he would run with me. If we evaded you long enough, you’d feed on someone else. You’re free now, so you could be a vampire without the suffering, and then… eventually you wouldn’t care about me. Y-you’d let me go.”
“Nicolette.” His tone caused her to look up to see the betrayal on his face. “I can’t believe you’d do that. I don’t want to be a killer. How would it be better to be an unrepentant one?”
She shrugged. I’m not the bad guy. But she could barely manage to hold that thought in her head. It kept breaking apart.
They rode in silence for several minutes before he spoke again. “It’s not about killing. Not anymore. With or without killing, I would always find you. You should be grateful for that. You would have rotted in that institution. That doctor was determined to keep you.”
“Dominic wouldn’t let… ”
“Do not speak to me of Dominic. He let the do
ctor take you. Why wouldn’t he let him keep you? They can’t handle our world, Nicolette. They are too weak. What would you do without me? How would you get by?”
“You sound like an abuser. That’s the kind of thing an abuser would say.”
“Even if it happens to be true? You are my mate. My highest priority now is keeping you safe.”
“Wouldn’t want to lose your convenient dinner,” she said bitterly.
“I won’t deny your blood is the sweetest I’ve ever had, but have you paused to consider that it’s because when I’m finished I’m satisfied and you’re not dead? You’re impossibly still there, and I haven’t done something evil to eat.”
“Only the evil of enslaving me to you forever.”
“It was your choice.”
“Made under duress. Made out of pity.”
His hands gripped the steering wheel so hard she was surprised it didn’t come off the car. For one morbid moment she fantasized about crashing and dying. But of course it couldn’t happen. She would rise like a bloody zombie out of the ashes, her body re-knitting itself in a freakish display of incorruptibility. “You did pass the curse on. Now we both have it in a diluted form.”
“I know.”
She was surprised he didn’t argue, that he didn’t try to defend himself or make any of it right. He didn’t try to twist her mind in rationalizations. Nicole watched the trees pass by, wishing everything in the world except her could get stuck in slow motion so she could run again and always stay one step ahead. All she ever thought about now was running. She’d longed for August to come rescue her, but now that he was here… the reality of him wasn’t safe like the fantasy. The reality of him turned her back into a cheating whore, if only inside the screaming walls of her own mind.
“What are you thinking of, my love?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Answer me.”
“How could Dominic have done this? I thought he was on my side. I thought it was me and him against the world. How could he turn on me like that? How could he not believe me?”
