by Kitty Thomas
“No!” August said.
“Yes. I want to exchange blood with her.”
“It won’t change anything, she’s still mine.”
“Then why do you care? Besides, you can’t babysit us every second of every day. If she wants that connection to me, she’ll take it when you aren’t around.”
Abruptly, August pushed Nicole off him. “I’ll leave you two alone, then,” he practically snarled.
Part of Nicole wanted to go after him if for no other reason than to keep whatever this was from escalating further.
Dominic pulled back the blankets and got underneath, propping the pillows behind him. He patted the mattress. Somehow it felt like old times—before August had come into their lives. She could pretend they were at their house sleeping in on a Saturday afternoon after he’d worked late the previous night. She could pretend Dominic was still a regular guy with worries like the mortgage and his case load and the occasional gray hair.
She snuggled against him, and he draped an arm around her in the same comforting way he always used to. “Are we going to be okay?” she asked.
“I’ve got you and my eternal good looks. Why wouldn’t we be?” The attempted joke fell flat but the attempt was admirable all the same. After another beat he said, “I think so. He wants us to be together. For you, mostly. He can’t stand to see you hurting.”
“But what about you? What about what you want?” she asked.
“I can’t stand to see you hurting either. It is what it is. I can’t undo the link he has with you. And I’m not willing to act in ways that just cause you more pain. I love you.”
It wasn’t that she wanted the two men to arm wrestle for her, but Dominic’s eerie calm about the situation was unnerving. It reminded her that he was something more than human now, that his frame for reality had shifted. And maybe now the otherness of the two of them would make her feel like the third wheel. The two vampires had acted as a unit. Although she was tied by blood to August, the vampires were tied by blood as well. But it was different. Their link was more complete, more primal. And she would always be the human that was there to satisfy their most basic hungers. What if that was all she became to them?
“I want to give you some of my blood.”
“What will it do?” She didn’t want to withhold things from her husband, but she feared angering August when everything was still so delicate and easily damaged.
“It will connect us more.”
“But August said… ”
“You wouldn’t have a mate connection with me like you do with him. I couldn’t find you like he can, and your lifeline is already tied to his, not mine. But it will connect us more. It will complete the circle.”
The words felt ancient and powerful. In her fevered imagination she saw torchlight, a mix of blood, and then a million fireflies coming out of nowhere, exploding out into the world leaving the three of them something new altogether.
“I just had the weirdest mental image,” she said.
“Did it involve an uncountable number of fireflies?”
“How did you…?”
“I may never be your mate in the way August is, but as a vampire, I can get inside your mind. You may be his blood mate, but you aren’t mine and never could have been mine. The reason I can feed successfully from you is his link with you and my link with him. I think if you drink from me the kind of connection we can have will be stronger. You may have something with August that I can never have, but I’ll have something with you he can’t. I already do to some extent.”
“C-could you control me? Like vampires do?”
“I could. I already can. I can also put images in your head like just now. I can speak to you mentally, but I get fuzziness when I try to read your thoughts directly. My mental powers will grow stronger as I get older, but I think a blood exchange would allow it with you now.”
“So you would be able to read my mind more?”
She didn’t want to fear her own husband. She didn’t want to think he would ever use his powers against her or sabotage her. August could always take them far away, but then Dominic would be left to kill, and she couldn’t accept that. Maybe he wouldn’t feel remorse when he did it because of who his sire was. Maybe that was gone forever, washed away by the blood link she’d created with the other vampire.
In the end, August would never do anything to harm her. His entire genetic code proclaimed that she’d saved him, and as such, deserved full protection for as long as time existed. But could Dominic be dangerous? Should she hold back this last part of herself until she knew how things would be? Could she ever know for sure? Forever was forever.
She looked up to find August leaning against the door frame, calmer now that he’d stepped away. Nicole sent him a questioning look.
On one level she didn’t care if August was bitter, but on another level it would make life more difficult. It was daunting being in the middle of them, being the wild card that could make things turn either very good or very bad. If very good was on the table… that was what she wanted.
“You have my permission, Nicolette.” His voice came out smooth and regal. It was as if he’d returned from a month-long mountain top retreat where he’d discussed this issue with a council of fellow vampires. And now permission was being handed down. How gracious. How magnanimous.
He wants to feel like he’s the one in control. But he’s afraid you’ll do it anyway. Dominic’s voice pressed into her mind, as he squeezed her more tightly.
Can you hear me back? She tried to think in his direction and imagined pushing the thought into his mind, but there was silence in her own head after that. She turned toward him, but he was looking at August. He hadn’t heard her, and for that moment she was utterly alone.
Of the two men, which did she truly trust more? While the bond was a leash that forced August to protect her in the end, it didn’t mean he couldn’t and wouldn’t make mistakes. He’d already done things to her that most people would consider quite bad. Ignoring those things made her feel as if she were excusing the behavior of an abusive boyfriend.
Dominic may be a new vampire, but he was also the man who’d loved her for over a decade, who she’d loved in return. He’d been good and honorable and kind. Whatever changes were happening to him, he was still Dominic. If she ever needed an ally, the mental communication had to go both ways.
“I-I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” Nicole said.
August’s eyes narrowed. She’d defied him. She’d questioned him. How dare she?
“Do it,” he commanded.
Reverse psychology? Brilliant. Dominic thought.
She wanted to think back, How well you know me.
Dominic pricked his finger and pressed it into her mouth. Nicole closed her eyes and drank the blood, unsure if such a small amount could do anything.
“That’s it, sweetheart. Take as much as you need.”
When the wound healed, he withdrew his finger.
Well? she thought at him. Can you hear this?
Yes, I hear you. There was a triumphant glee in his mental tone. It was as if he’d discovered Walkie-Talkies.
Nicole tried not to think about the fact that she’d never have another private thought when she was near him.
I have to make some kind of effort to hear you. It’s not a passive talent, and I don’t disrespect your privacy. You know me.
She squeezed his hand to let him know she understood.
Chapter Sixteen
August closed his eyes against the sight of them together. Reading each other’s minds. Having private conversations he would never be privy to. He had the same ability with Dominic, but the direct mental connection with Nicolette was something he would never feel. In some ways, Dominic had greater power over her.
But he was a young vampire. All August needed was for Dominic to lose control and abuse his skills once. Then she would come running to her mate for protection.
He opened his eyes to find the two of
them making love. Either they didn’t care he was there, or they’d forgotten. He turned and made his way down the dark hallway, stopping at the French doors.
The crickets and frogs stopped chirping when he reached the fresh air, giving the appearance of solitude in a foggy night illuminated by a full, bright moon. Everything but humans went utterly still and quiet in his presence.
Sometimes August thought it would be a greater challenge to hunt something from the forest than something from the mall, but for centuries he’d never had the luxury to test that theory, since it was human blood that sustained him.
The urge came on slowly, easing into his senses. It wasn’t the mindless need to feed. It wasn’t a hunger. It wasn’t accompanied by guilt or angst, just a simple, quiet drive to kill something, to snuff out life like a lone candle in a dark room. The sociopathy of the feeling chilled his blood.
But he wasn’t thinking about killing humans. He was thinking of hunting in the woods. Humans hunted in the woods. The local deer population had grown rapidly. It was open hunting season. Even the humans said it was okay.
He stalked through the forest, scanning the foliage for a pair of guileless brown eyes, something innocent to slaughter.
Eventually, the night sounds resumed. The crickets, the frogs. Small creatures scampered through the woods into their hiding spots. He spotted the female deer before she spotted him. When she realized she’d been seen, she darted between the trees.
August gave chase, a feeling of exhilaration washing over him. When he ran the doe down, he held her by the throat and sank fangs into her flesh. He choked and gasped and spat the blood out.
“That’s disgusting,” he said to any wildlife that would hear his complaint.
She seized on the ground—suffering—so he broke her neck with one brutal jerk.
Now that Dominic was there to stay, August needed an outlet. Perhaps hunting would allow him to burn off the necessary steam to make peace with their new life. Had he really thought he’d ever have her to himself? If Dominic had died, the specter of her husband would forever hang over them, haunting each moment they shared. The ghost at their table, in their bed.
When he returned to the house, he found Nicolette on the back patio. She’d put a lavender robe over her night clothes, though there was no danger out here that anyone would see.
“I hope you didn’t cover that lovely body on my account,” he said.
Her eyes widened as he approached. “August? W-what did you do?”
Was it wrong to enjoy her discomfort? “What do you mean what did I do? I took a walk.”
There must be blood on his mouth or on his chest. And of course she would think it was human blood. Of course she’d think he would cross that line in a jealous rage, go take a human life when he was free of the curse… for no other reason than sheer petulance. Did she think so little of him?
She gripped his arm as he brushed past her. “August? Who? Why?”
He shook her off, annoyed. “Bambi’s mother. To blow off steam.”
He jumped to the balcony in one great superhuman leap and re-entered through the French doors. Nicolette was forced to go back inside the normal way.
He stopped in a guest bathroom and rinsed the dirt from his feet, then wiped the bit of deer blood from the corner of his mouth and off his chest. Nicolette’s footsteps pounded up the stairs as he crossed the hall to his room and climbed into bed. He was about to flick the bedside lamp off when there was a knock on the door.
“August?”
“Go away, Nicolette. It’s been a long, trying few days. I need to rest.” What he needed was to drink from her, away from Dominic—to force her to remember the pleasure of his bite—an addiction that wouldn’t go away. But he wasn’t prepared to appear weak and cloying just now.
The door clicked softly, and she stepped into the room. August leaped out of the bed and blurred to the door, looming over her, one hand above her head holding it shut, the other turning the deadbolt.
Her pulse fluttered in her throat, and her eyes grew large. All at once she looked, not like someone he couldn’t kill, but like any fragile human. Like any meal he would have kept locked in one of his cages. Part of him could barely remember that life, as if it were thousands of miles and years removed from this moment.
“You shouldn’t come to my room unless I send for you.” He pulled the sash on the robe and slid the silky fabric off her shoulders.
“I… August… I… it was a deer? Really?”
He rolled his eyes and growled. “Yes, it was a deer. Did you think I’d killed a human? Out here in the middle of nowhere?”
“You move fast. You could have gone pretty far.”
“Am I to understand that the only reason you’ll want anything to do with me from now on is to prevent me from murdering people?” As his irritation grew, fangs pushed through his gums.
“N-no. It’s not like that. Dominic said it was okay to… ”
August wrapped a hand around her throat. “Do you imagine I need Dominic’s permission to take what’s mine?”
“H-he didn’t say anything about that. He said… he said it was okay for me to love you.” The last words came out on a whisper, less real than the rest of the sentence. But he’d heard them.
August released her abruptly. Her hand moved to rub the already fading bruises.
“Love?” He worked to keep the expression on his face smugly amused, but he was sure he wasn’t pulling it off.
The idea that she could or would ever love him at any future point in time… that Dominic would consider such a thing, and permit it… Not that one could allow feelings. Still, to say it was okay to let go and feel something, for her husband to imply he wouldn’t hold a grudge, that he’d share her honestly—it was unexpected.
She blushed and looked down.
“What makes you think I require your love? All I want is your blood and your body when I demand it. You can save your soft, sweet feelings for your husband. I don’t want them.”
He’d assumed she’d become angry, but when she started to cry instead, the sparks of conscience reared up. He wouldn’t listen to it. He wouldn’t allow her human feelings to affect him. The vulnerability he might have allowed himself to show her if it were only the two of them could never be now. She’d always choose Dominic. Even if becoming a vampire made it possible for her husband to share, she was still human and would likely always think like one. It wasn’t worth the pain of never really having her.
“Get in the bed,” he growled.
“But… ”
“When you come here without being summoned and I tell you to go away and you persist, then you will do whatever the hell I tell you to do once you’re inside my chamber. Get. In. The. Bed.” He glared and pointed.
“Why are you being like this? You have me. I’m not going anywhere. I thought you said we were eternal? That I was your mate. Now you act as if I’m just food and a whore to you.”
“Well, aren’t you?”
August pushed past the revulsion at her tears, the instinctive urge to comfort her. The bond enslaved her? It enslaved him, to her whims, to her pain, to everything she wanted or felt. It wasn’t as if he’d ever been indifferent to her. From the moment he discovered he couldn’t get inside her head, she’d become something rare and precious. But these feelings that gnawed away at him had grown since he’d had her blood, since he’d sealed them together in an unholy matrimony.
“I-I guess you don’t have to pretend anymore. Since Dominic is a vampire now, and you know I won’t run again. We’re all tied together, so you can be yourself.” Her voice caught in her throat as if tears had somehow gotten lodged in there.
He didn’t reply.
“You were never going to care for me, were you?” she asked.
The fact that she didn’t understand how the bond had affected him was a small comfort in the midst of all she now held over him. He could never let her know her power. It would hurt too much.
“You
have Dominic. What does it matter? Do you expect me to believe after everything that has transpired between us that you suddenly feel romantic feelings for me? That I have your heart? You think to play me like some whipped fool?”
Her gaze shifted away from him. “When I was in the hospital, I wanted you to come get me because I knew you were the only one who could or would. You were the only one who understood. You were the only one who had the power to set me free from that place.”
“But now Dominic understands. So, it’s no longer necessary for you to pretend or cling to me.”
“But something changed when I was in there. I hated him for the briefest moment. I didn’t know I could hate him, but when I compared the way I hated him with the way I had hated you, I couldn’t figure out the difference. I wanted you to take me far away from there, from Dominic, from the hospital, from everyone and everything. They betrayed me. I couldn’t imagine you ever abandoning me like that.”
August’s jaw clenched. Her pretty words would not undo him. He let the rage simmer. He could have taken her away. It could have been the two of them if his anger hadn’t demanded retribution. He’d needed to indulge in the sweet vengeance of letting Dominic see the horror of the truth, of knowing what Nicolette had done, what she’d become, that her stories of a vampire lover weren’t madness. He’d wanted to rub it in the man’s face.
“The things you think you feel aren’t real. It’s our link. It will never be real.” Was that what he wanted to believe? How many centuries would he have to feel this need for her before he accepted it as another version of real?
She’d stopped crying but looked as if she might start up again at any moment.
He joined her on the bed and straddled her, cradling her in his arms. The one trump card he held was his bite. Dominic couldn’t replicate it. He could never hope to give her the same intense pleasure from it. If she pushed him, August could simply withhold his mercy, make her suffer the agony of Dominic’s fangs without the counterbalance of his own bite. It was the only power he had left, however perverse. And he knew even as he thought it, that he’d never do it.
