“I don’t want any arguments. I’m tired, Owen,” I tell him, dreading facing my dad again.
He sighs heavily. “No arguments. I promise, but tonight you’re coming home with me.” His eyes are daring me to argue with him.
“Oh yeah? Says who?” I smile, being around him is so easy, it feels so natural.
He smiles. “There she is.”
I give him a questioning look, and that grin gets a bit bigger.
“There’s the woman I love.”
I bite my lip to stop myself from smiling. Whenever I hear him say those words, my legs feel weak and warmth settles over me. “Shut up,” I say just as we reach the front door. “You’re pretty amazing, you know that?” I ask him and enjoy watching the way the top of his ears start to turn red. Aww, he’s embarrassed.
“I’m starved.” That’s his way of changing the subject. The front door opens, and both Mum and Dad are standing there, Mum with a gentle smile. Dad’s regarding Owen with a funny look in his eyes. “What’s for dinner?” Owen asks with a grin, and Mum’s shoulders sag in relief. I didn’t realise she was so tense.
“Lewis is going to the chippy. Don’t stand out there all night. Come in and tell us what you want.”
I lead Owen into the house, not saying a word to Dad. I actually don’t know if I have anything to say to him. “I’ll have battered sausages and chips,” I tell her as Owen and I take a seat on the sofa. “Owen, what do you want?”
“Owen can go with your father,” Mum says, and my head spins so I face her, my eyes wide. She can’t be serious.
“Sure,” Owen says, getting up, I pull on his arm. “Cher, it’ll be okay,” he says softly, leaning down and giving me a kiss. “We won’t be long.”
I grab the remote off the coffee table and switch on the telly when I hear the front door closing. I wait because I know that Mum is dying to talk. She thinks I’m in the wrong, whereas I know that I’m not.
“Katy, why are you being rude?” Mum says coming to stand in front of me. She waited at least ten minutes to get it out.
I scoff. “I’m being rude?”
She looks at me as though I’ve ten heads. “Yes Katy, you’re being extremely rude. You didn’t even speak to your father.” She’s getting worked up; she’s pursing her lips, her arms crossed.
“You mean like he hasn’t spoken to me in four months?” I fire back, now I’m the one getting worked up.
Mum gasps. “Katy, he’s been hurting. He needed time to come to terms with everything that happened. He was grieving, Katy. He just lost his child.”
“Yeah Mum I know. So were you and so was I. You both lost Mickey but Mum you both forgot you had another child. You both forgot about me, I had to step up and make sure we stayed where we were. I had to pay for my brother’s funeral. Do you know how hard it was to get up out of bed every morning and go to work? Everyone looking at me wondering why I’m there. They knew what happened!”
Her eyes are wide and brimming with tears, but I don’t care. Everything I’ve had bottled up for the past five months comes bursting out of me.
“Neither you nor he gave a shit about me. It was like you didn’t care about me, and you know what? I get it. I let it go and did what I could to make sure that everything would be fine when you finally got through your grief, I never complained to you at all. No matter what I was feeling. Because I knew you were hurting so much.” My tears begin to fall just as the front door opens.
“But neither of you thought about me, neither of you cared how it was affecting me. I became a stripper Mum, just so Mickey’s funeral could be paid off, so this flat wouldn’t be taken from us. So that we could eat. And Dad? He didn’t give a fuck how you or I were doing. I love Dad, Mum, I do, but at the moment, I don’t think I like him.” I tell her honestly, I never meant for all of it to spill out as it has done, but finally getting it all off my chest feels good.
Footsteps sound, but I don’t turn and look to see who it is. Instead, I continue talking. “Mum, I understand that he’s hurting, and I sort of understand why he did what he did, but I don’t agree with it. He left us, and that’s going to take a while to forgive.”
“Cher.” Owen’s husky voice calls out, and I’m up off the sofa and in his arms before he can say anything else.
“Can we go to your place?” I ask through my sobs, it’s too much right now. “I’m so tired, Owen.”
His arms tighten around me. “Of course, Cher, grab your stuff and we’ll go.” He places a kiss on my forehead before releasing me.
I turn and walk into my bedroom. Still breathing heavily with my emotions, I scramble about, grabbing my charger and clothes and shoving them into a bag. I can hear Owen talking. His voice soft as he talks to mum, and I sit on my bed and listen to what he’s saying. “After everything she’s been through today, you couldn’t leave it alone?”
“I thought that if they saw each other, they’d talk and hopefully get past this.” Shit, guilt hits me when I hear Mum’s voice. She’s crying.
“Kim, come on, how were you supposed to know it would end up this way?” Dad tells her, and hearing his voice hurts.
“She’s our daughter, Lewis. She’s right, we abandoned her.” Mum’s sobs grow stronger, and I know that it’s time to go, I never wanted to upset anyone and I’m angry that I have made my mum cry.
I walk out of my bedroom to find Mum and Dad hugging, and seeing that hurts. But for Mum I’m happy. She’s finally being herself and if that’s partly down to Dad, then I can’t complain. “Ready?” I ask Owen as I walk to the front door.
“Yeah, I’ve got food for us.” He gives me a quick peck on the cheek as we leave the flat. Of course he does. That man and his food. “Let’s get you home,” he says, and I don’t correct him.
Right now, the flat I’ve just left doesn’t feel like home.
Chapter Eighteen
It’s been six weeks since I found out that Owen used to be in a gang, six weeks since Dad walked back into the flat. I’ve been spending my nights at Owen’s because Dad’s moved back in to our flat. It was like what I said didn’t matter and they did what they wanted. Owen has been my rock throughout this. He’s been by my side every step of the way. Both him and Molly agree with me completely, and Molly and I have been looking for somewhere to live. We know that it’s not going to be cheap, but neither of us wants to be living at home any longer. My and Owen’s relationship has been going from strength to strength. He’s introduced me to his brothers, and I’ve met Jess’s fiancé Hunter. I haven’t met his niece, and I respect that he and Jess and Hunter don’t want her introduced to people who may not be there in the long run. I really hope I am, because I love Owen with all my heart.
I’m no longer paying for the mortgage, so I’m saving up so I can go to beauty school. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years, and now it’s starting to become a reality. I’m starting in September, so I have a few months to save up and get everything in order. There are loads of courses that I need to take to become a qualified beauty therapist. Those courses range from £250 to nearly £4,000. It’ll be worth it in the end as I want to open up my own salon. Bailey will be also doing the classes with me, and I’m so excited that she’ll be enrolling too. She’s back working at Pleasure Palace; she still has days that are really hard, much like I do, but like me she’s taking it one day at a time and seeing how things go.
Today is one of those hard days for me. It’s Mickey’s birthday, and he would have been seventeen today. I woke up and it hit me, and just like that, I was paralysed in bed. Sobs tore through my body, and as Owen had gone to the gym, I clung to his pillow until I could function. It took me a while. I don’t know how long I lay in bed; I knew that unless I got up and cleaned up, I wouldn’t get out of it. Owen came home just as I got out of the shower. He took one look at me and pulled me into his embrace. Somehow I managed to keep the tears at bay.
Walking through the cemetery gates, a sense of sadness creeps over me. I hate this place. It’s so lonely.
It’s nine a.m., and the sun is shining; if he were here, we’d have had a barbeque party for him. He loved spending time with his friends and family, they were his priority. Walking down the path towards his grave, I see that someone else has already been here to visit; fresh flowers have been placed in front of the marker. I place my flowers down beside the new ones and tie the balloon I brought to the cross. ‘Happy Birthday’ is written across it in happy, bright letters. I clear away the old bouquet that I had brought last week along with the one Mum had got. I’ll throw them in the bin on my way out. Mum and I keep Mickey’s grave clean, we tidy up any leaves that may have fallen and make sure only fresh flowers lay over it. It’s bad enough that he’s here, the least we can do is keep it neat and pristine.
“Happy Birthday, Mickey,” I whisper, trying to keep the tears at bay. I’ll cry at home when I’m not around him. “God, I miss you so much. You shouldn’t be here Mickey, you should be out living it up.” This time the tears do fall, and I let them. “I should have been there Mick. I should have been there for you. This would never have happened if I had.”
“You shouldn’t think that, Katy.”
I freeze when I hear that voice. What the hell is he doing here? I look up, and Harley is standing a few feet away. He’s dressed in black, like he’s going to a funeral. This is the first time I’ve seen him since the night he told me about Owen’s past.
“I just wanted to come and see him, I didn’t think anyone would be here this early.”
“It’s fine,” I tell him, sighing. “I’ll be a few more minutes, and then I’ll leave.”
He nods and walks over to the bench and sits.
“I may have been wrong about him Mickey. He really does seem to care about you. I still think he’s a twat and needs to turn his life around. Anyway, I’ll be back on Thursday. Happy Birthday, I miss you more than I ever thought possible. Fly high and sweet dreams. I love you so much.” I kiss my fingertips and touch his name on the cross.
I make my way over to Harley. “Thanks for giving us some time.”
He nods. “Do you mind waiting? I want to talk to you, if that’s okay?” He sounds cautious but he’s actually being really polite; it’s a surprise seeing as how he spoke to me the last time.
“Umm…” I really don’t want to, but as soon as I look at his face, I change my mind. “Okay.” It’s the pleading in his eyes that was my undoing and the fact that he obviously loved Mickey. It’s the only reason I haven’t told him to do one.
“Thank you. I won’t be long.”
I nod as I take a seat on the bench that he just vacated and watch as he walks over to Mickey’s grave and kneels. I turn my head and look away. This is a moment that should be sacred, between Harley and Mickey, just as mine was.
I stand as he strides back towards the bench. He wasn’t with Mickey for very long. I guess he said what he had to, that and when you know someone’s around you feel kind of conscious of them. We begin to walk out of the cemetery and he’s not said a word. I’m getting anxious.
“You said you wanted to talk to me?”
He coughs. “Yeah I did. I wanted to apologise for how I spoke to you that night.” He glances at me but redirects his gaze ahead as we keep walking. “I shouldn’t have said anything about Owen, it wasn’t my place to.”
“Then why did you?” I ask. Not only don’t I understand why he did it but also why he’s bringing it up now.
He glances at me. “I was mad, okay? You rejected me and then I find out that not only are you dating Owen fucking Hughes, you’re also a stripper.” His tone is scathing.
“Don’t fucking judge me,” I say through gritted teeth. My back’s up now.
“You take your clothes off for money, Katy,” he tells me as though I’m some sort of child.
“Yes, I do. That money has paid off my brother’s funeral, that money has kept a roof over my family’s head, and that money is going to pay for me to go to beauty school.” I’m so mad right now. Who the hell does he think he is?
“You could have come to me. I would have given you the fucking money. Instead, you’re selling yourself!” He screams at me, his face red and blotchy from his anger.
I stop walking and stare at him. “How fucking dare you! You have no right to judge me. I may take my clothes off for a living, but it’s not illegal. You!” I point at him, I’ve reached boiling point with him. I let my rage fly. “You dare to judge me? You, the wanker that recruits kids to become his drug dealers? You, the bastard that tells those same kids that it’s okay to carry knives and weapons around with them.”
I watch his face drastically change. Gone is his anger. He knows he’s overstepped the line, but I don’t give a flying fuck right now. “My brother died because of your stupid fucking gang. I don’t do anything illegal, Harley. What I do doesn’t get people killed. You can’t say the same thing. You have no fucking right to judge me!”
“Shit,” he says, scrubbing his hands over his face. “This isn’t how I planned on this going. I genuinely wanted to apologise.”
I sigh. “You have a funny way of apologising.” I continue walking, my anger has disappeared, and I’m saddened that I’m arguing on Mickey’s birthday.
“I know. Again, as I said, I’m sorry for telling you about Owen. I see that you’re still with him.” Disappointment threads through in his voice.
“Yeah, I’m still with him. He’s explained everything, and I’m pretty sure you knew that he was no longer part of the Bluds.” I give him a pointed look. There’s no need to lie about it. I get that he was being a little shit and stirring trouble because he was jealous.
He holds his hands up. “I did, but he hadn’t told you that he was in prison. I thought you deserved to know. Look Katy, I’m not going to be a dickhead anymore. You’re with Owen, and I’ve come to terms with that. I’ve made a promise to both you and Mickey. I’m going to find out who killed him. They’re going to pay for what they’ve done.”
I shake my head. “I’ve been hearing this from you for months. Surely you should know who’s done it by now?”
He gets this look in his eyes, one that tells me he’s going to kill whoever it is that murdered Mickey. As soon as that darkness passes his eyes, he looks absolutely shattered. I wonder when the last time he slept was. “Silence is all I’ve gotten, no one knows anything. I’ve spoken to the dealers, the pimps, people who are in debt to me, and nothing. No one knows a fucking thing. I’m losing my damn patience, and it’s going to stop. Someone knows something, and I’m going to find out.”
We come to a halt at the bus stop. I’m not getting on here, I’m going to the tube station, but I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. “I hate the fact that whoever killed him is still out there. Why should they be living it up while Mickey’s body is lying six feet under? Where the hell is the justice in that?” It just shows how bad this world really is. Killers are never found, and they can continue to live their lives as though they’ve done nothing wrong.
“Trust me, Katy, they’re not going to get away with it. They’ll be brought to justice. I’m going to find out, and when I do, there will be hell to pay. I’ll be in touch.” He gives me a two-fingered wave and then crosses the road and disappears into the crowd, leaving me once again frustrated that there’s nothing I can do to find his killer. For me to know, Harley has to know, and that’s the worst thing, because they could be dead by the time I find out.
“He’s an arsehole,” Owen says, and he’s right. Harley is an arsehole, but deep down he’s actually sweet in his own way. “Just be careful around him, okay?” He gives me a kiss before opening the door to the club. We’re both working tonight, and I’m grateful I have something to keep my mind occupied. Owen doesn’t mind that I’m still dancing; he understands that I’m using the money to save up for school and that I won’t be here very much longer.
I walk towards the changing room, but his hand on my arm pulls me gently to a stop. “Cher, are you sure that you should be here
tonight?” His hand comes to rest on my cheek, caressing me there.
I lean in to his touch. “Honestly Owen, I’d be at home going crazy. I’m here because I know that it’ll take my mind off things. I love that you care so much.” I give him a soft smile. I messaged Mum while I was on my way back to Owen’s after visiting Mickey. I wanted to make sure she was okay. She called me straight away asking if I wanted to go with her and Dad to the cemetery. She got mad when I told her I’d just left. She told me she’d talk to me later and that she needed to get going. She never asked how I was, and that’s what hurts, it’s what’s keeping me away from the flat.
“Okay, if it gets too much, let me know and I’ll bring you home.” He bends and kisses me softly. “Love you Cher.” He whispers against my lips.
“Love you too,” I reply with a smile.
“Aww, look at you two,” Bailey calls out. She thinks Owen and I are hilariously sweet and always has to make a comment.
She’s just now walking in, that beautiful smile of hers as bright as her ginger hair.
“I didn’t think you were working today,” I say.
She’s nodding as she walks towards me. “I wasn’t supposed to, but I’d rather be here than at home.”
I groan. “Yeah, tell me about it.”
“Crap isn’t it?” I nod, “No matter where you go the reminders are still there.” She links her arm through mine and starts walking towards the changing room. “I’m thinking of redecorating. Do you think that will help?”
I look back at Owen, who’s looking at us with a weird smile. I wave goodbye as Bailey leads us into the changing room, managing to catch him winking at me. “Bailey, it’s up to you. Do you think it’ll help?”
I start getting changed. I’m on the bar first as I’m closing tonight, and Tyra will be taking over the bar from me. I throw on the tight T-shirt that barely covers my boobs and grab the denim shorts out of my bag. “Bay?” I ask when I realise, she’s not said anything.
The Sacrifices of Life Page 16
