by Daisy Jane
“Sure,” I say to Abbie, hating that my divide with Brynn has bled over into the group. But I knew that it would. Abbie and Kayla wanted to stay out of it, and I felt awful that our tiff had essentially ended girl’s night. But I didn’t know how to be around Brynn.
“It’s been two months, Sloane,” Abbie says, wrapping her hands around the mug of white mocha. The Wilting Daisy always has the best fancy coffees.
“I know,” I say, not knowing what else to say. “How are things with you and Devers?”
She smiles, looking away, getting lost in a private moment of her own. “Really good,” she says, cheeks flushing. Her fingers go to her neck and she smooths her skin.
“I’m so glad,” I say truthfully. “I can’t wait to meet him.”
“I can’t wait to meet Eli, either,” Abbie says. “Are we still on for the double date this weekend?”
I nod, happy to have one my best friends meet my boyfriend. I wish it was Brynn. I could say that right now, it would make Abbie so happy—I could say, invite Brynn and Bryan. And we could just move on.
But I can’t.
She decided without me, with them.
Abbie’s head falls to the side and in a quiet voice, she says, “You’re going to school, you’re cutting hair at the retirement home. You have Eli. You don’t have migraines. Forgive her, Sloane. You’re happy so forgive her.”
I give her a soft smile. “You cut your hair,” I reach out to her, taking an end of her now short A-line bob. “It looks really good on you, Abs.”
“Mike likes it,” she says, stroking her hair that resembles the same color as mine. Her normally taut and fit frame is a little softer looking today, and her pencil skirt clings to her hips in a new way. She’s got the new-relationship fifteen, like the freshmen fifteen only instead of fast food and booze, this one is caused by being on your back too much and happiness.
“I gotta get headed to Eastwood. First day back. My friend’s coming back after a year off. I want to get there a little early, you know, wish him luck.”
I smile and nod. When we stand, instinctually we hug. “See you Friday and hey, please, I’m never going to stop asking. Forgive her. Please, Sloane.”
“See you Friday.” I kiss her cheek and once she disappears behind the brick wall of the café, I take my phone from my bag and call Eli.
He’s at work but he’s always telling me to call when I’m feeling lost. I think he’s afraid the stress of my damaged relationship with Brynn will trigger a migraine, and I love how sweet he is.
Hell, I love him.
But it’s only been half a year that I’ve known him, and only half of that time have we been together.
When I finally do tell him that I love him, it will be weird to not share that news with Brynn.
“Hey baby, are you okay?” That is almost always how he answers. I hope with more migraine-free time under my belt, his worry lessens.
“Yeah, just had coffee with Abbie before she went to school.” I reach behind me and feel of my ponytail, making sure it’s still holding tight. Then I smooth my hands down my dress.
“Yeah? She ask you to forgive Brynn again?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“And do you feel ready yet?” he asks, with concern and care.
Eli and I have talked at length about what happened. He agrees that making that decision with me, giving me the opportunity to have a choice first, that would’ve been kind and respectful. But he also reminds me to see the way she could have quickly been overwhelmed and pressured, feeling like if she didn’t decide in that moment, the other girls would walk.
“I don’t know, honestly. I feel cruel. But I just don’t know.”
“Take your time. If she loves you like the best friend she is, she will give you however long you need.” God he always says the right thing. Seriously.
I look through the glass window lining the coffeehouse wall behind me. A black Tesla model S pulls up to the curb and a petite blonde woman waves to me, her smile contagious. “Hey, your mom is here, I gotta go, talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay, have fun, tell my mom I said hi. Later baby.”
“Bye.”
“Any closer?”
I shake my head, pulling the belt across my lap. “No, Bren, I just, I don’t know.”
She makes a thoughtful noise as we wait at the stop sign to exit the coffeehouse parking lot. Even Eli’s mom Brenda is invested in this situation with Brynn. When I first told her the whole story—leaving no stone unturned because women know how to dig up the backstory—she was completely with me in my heartbreak and shock.
But as time went on and as she allowed me to talk it and retalk it to death, I think, honestly, both of our perspectives changed. Eli was right. Brynn probably did feel cornered and threatened.
Breaking the silence of our thought, I say, “if you were Brynn, what would you have done?” It’s a question I don’t think I’ve asked yet. The only one.
Brenda lifts a hand to her hair and pats the sprayed blonde curls, and her perfume drifts to me. It’s Estee Lauder and cookies, comfort and love. I love Brenda and spending time with her has pulled me out of my funk so much.
“I would’ve explained the bind I was in to you, privately, and I would have talked it out with you.”
“See, that’s where I get lost every time I want to accept her apology. Why didn’t she just talk to me?” I tilt my head against the side window, watching the oak trees pass by. “I just miss her a lot, too. I want her to know that I’m going back to school, I want to talk to her about all the awesome women I’ve met at the home, I want to beam to her about how in love I am.”
Brenda parks the silent car and cups her hands to her face before I even realize what I’ve said. “Oh Sloane, sweetheart,” she wipes away tears of happiness as she smiles at me.
“What?”
“You love my baby,” she says, simply.
“I-I, oh,” I think back to my words. “I haven’t told him yet Brenda.”
She pats my thigh and nods. “You’ll know when the moment is right.”
Chapter 29
“She’s being a total Dwight right now, showing up at this dinner party uninvited!” I whine to Eli, who rubs my back and holds me to his chest while I essentially throw a temper tantrum in the garage.
Our double date dinner party is tonight. When Abbie and Mike showed up, Brynn and Bryan were in tow. She begged to talk to me in private, pleaded with me to let her in. I didn’t, but Eli did. Because Eli is good and kind and forgiving and wants peace in my life, in all facets.
“Okay, first of all, this wasn’t a dinner party, Sloane. It’s just us four.”
“But there’s a lot of food and wine,” I say, pointing towards the wall where the kitchen is on the other side.
He juts his hip out and looks at me with a quizzical pinch of his brows. “Is that what makes a dinner party? The amount of shit you put on a charcuterie board?”
I tap my chin. “You know, I actually don’t know. But you know what I mean. We were doing our thing. First couples double date and here she is, making it all about her!”
He runs his knuckles down my arm, making the tiny nerves inside me come alive. No matter how he touches me, it feels good. Even when we’re at his parents’ house having dinner, if he puts his hand on my thigh under the table, I’m wet. I can’t help it. I’m shamelessly head over heels, turned on in lust and love with this man.
“I don’t think she’s making it about her, baby.” Two months of being Eli’s girl and I will never stop melting when he calls me baby and sweetheart. “I think she’s really, really sorry and doesn’t know what else to do.” He dips down and takes my mouth. “Use Bodhi’s room. Go talk to her in private.” He kisses my temple then my hairline and then my forehead.
My body melts under his lips. Just from that smattering of affection, I can feel my orgasm building in my spine, pooling in the form of electricity and chemistry. I run my hands up the back of his head and ro
ck to my toes to kiss him.
“Thank you for pushing me to have a bigger heart.” I kiss him, and he keeps his hand on my back as he guides me back into the house.
Walking to Brynn, my heart beating fast, I ask her if she would like to go upstairs and talk for a few minutes. She nods, her eyes teary, and I know in that moment that we need resolution. We can’t go on like this.
We walk up the stairs in silence, sitting in Bodhi’s room on the edge of his bed.
Things between he and Carissa were going well and moving fast—in fact, Bodhi was preparing to move in with her. She was so busy with her business and Bodhi was so busy with the shop and her that we didn’t see much of him. We had decided to start a weekly “family” dinner with them, and our first one was next week. I was excited because as much as I loved Carissa, I loved Bodhi as a friend too and would miss him once he moved out.
But I was excited to have yet even more privacy with Eli.
“He’s uh, not here much anymore, I hear,” Brynn tugs at Bodhi’s bedding. I shake my head.
“Nope. He and Carissa are pretty serious. Bodhi’s talking about conflict-free diamond engagement bands to Eli. I mean, I’m not supposed to know.” I shrug and leave the thought there. It feels so strange to feel uncomfortable with Brynn.
“Listen, I can’t small talk, Sloane. Please, can I just say a few things?” She turns towards me on the bed, her knees facing mine, and the attention of her body language makes my palms sweaty.
“First, I want to say to you, again, months later: I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry, Sloane.” She tucks her red hair behind her ears and her bottom lip begins to tremble. “I fucked up. I shouldn’t have let them push me around like that, I know that now. I just, you know, I got scared.”
“I was worried that if they walked, I’d lose the salon. I don’t have the savings to float it, not even a few months. It’s been so tight. I just, I freaked out. I made a bad, snap decision. And it wasn’t worth losing you.”
I study her eyes. I don’t know why I do, because I know she’s sorry. I know she’s telling the truth. I know every expression Brynn makes and can tie it to exactly which emotion it belongs to. I understand her, inside and out.
“No,” finally, the words come and it feels so fucking good. “No, don’t. It’s business. I shouldn’t have had a station at the new place. It wouldn’t have been right. You made the right choice.”
She opens her mouth to speak but closes it again, a little wrinkle running across her forehead.
“I was hurt at the delivery. I was hurt I was left out of the decision. But I understand how you felt. And I should have tried to understand a long time ago. I’m sorry, too.”
Honestly feels good. Apologizing when you’re wrong feels so freeing. “I’m sorry,” I say again.
“Wait,” she says, as I try to close the distance between us with a hug. I miss hugging my best friend. “There’s one more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“I replaced all the girls. Every single one of them.” Her shoulders lift and she smiles, proud of herself. “I told them they bullied me and that I couldn’t live with that. I found their replacements first, of course.”
I smile at her. “You didn’t have to do that for me.” My grin grows. “But fuck those bitches.”
She laughs and I laugh too, and we laugh so hard because we’re so relieved to have it over. Because it’s over now.
We’re okay.
“Amen, girl.” And then we hug. That long overdue hug that unifies two people physically but tethers them together for eternity emotionally. “I’ve missed you, and I’m sorry.”
“Okay,” I say, “no more apologizing. Let’s just catch up.” I scoot closer to her with excitement. “You go first.”
Her eyes flare with enthusiasm. “Bryan gave me an orgasm without his fingers or mouth.”
I smack her in the arm. “Shut up!” This is a big deal because while Bryan was capable in many ways, they’d struggled to get that part of them just right.
She nods fervently. “Yep. So good.”
“That is so good. Good for you guys.”
“Now you, I know you and Eli are together. Abbie told me.”
“I figured she would.” I sigh, and I think of Eli and that blonde poof of perfect hair, those big blue eyes, those solid digits that please me so well, his sinewy core and tree trunk thighs. I think of how he took care of me that night months ago, when I was so sick. And how he’s taken care of me since, every day, from the small things to big.
He packs my lunch for the day when he packs his own, he charges my car for me and refills my water bottle every night. And he holds me when I get anxious and my body shakes, he fills me when I beg for him to take me, he licks my skin when I ask him to tease me. He does everything exactly the way I want and need, sometimes even giving me pleasure in ways I didn’t think I’d like. He’s everything.
“I’m fucking crazy in love, Brynn,” I admit. “It’s, it’s actually completely insane how much I love him.”
She drapes her hands over her heart, tilting her head with a cooed “ahh”.
“I haven’t told him yet.” I play with the ends of my hair, which I strictly wear natural and wavy now. “I’m afraid he will think I’m a stage five clinger if I tell him I love him after just two months of dating.”
“Your heart doesn’t have a clock.”
My brows raise. “Huh?”
Brynn laughs and cringes. “Yeah, that sounded better in my head. What I meant was, why put a timeline on when you can love?” She shrugs, making it all seem so simple. And maybe it is that simple. “If you love him, you know. Because he’s your first love.”
I nod. “He really truly is. No matter who came before him, I didn’t really know love until Eli.”
“That,” she points to me, “when you tell him you love him, say that. It’s incredibly romantic.”
“I told his mom. We spend a lot of time together. She and I drive to the nursing home together three times a week.”
“Really?” Brynn looks excited and happy for me. I’ve missed this. Not that I didn’t have this with Abbie and Kayla the last few months because I did. But Brynn and I are different. I’ve missed this connection. “Getting in good with the future mother-in-law, I like it.” She nudges her elbow into my side gently.
I bite my lip, raising my shoulders a bit in an uneasy posture. “I hope she is one day, Brynn, that’s how I feel about him.”
“Oh shit,” she says, trailing off, eyes wide.
“Yeah.”
There’s silence between us when we realize the impact of that. That I’m going to be the girl that fades from the group because I have a boyfriend turned fiancé turned husband. My pulse zooms at the idea of Eli being my husband.
“We’re not there yet, at all,” I clarify, “but still, I can see it. In fact, it’s all I can see.”
Brynn hugs me again and I missed the smell of her coconut-fresh hair.
“Do you think he feels the same way?” she asks, asking that one question that I’ve been asking myself once I realized just how serious I felt about him.
“I don’t know. I mean, I obviously hope so. He had a whiskey tasting last month, he didn’t invite me. They’re like, a big deal and his ex made a scene at the only one he ever took her to and it destroyed him how she could devalue something so important to him. So being invited, you know…”
“It’s like a big deal.” She finishes.
“Yeah, and he has one coming up next week.”
“Think he’ll ask you to go?”
I wring my hands together nervously in my lap. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. Maybe too much. “I don’t know, but if he does, if he’s willing to share one of his most important aspects of his life with me, then that means we’re serious.”
Brynn nods, understanding the significance. “I hope he invites you but if it’s not this one, it’ll be the next,” she says, dropping her safety net like any good best friend would
do.
“Okay, we gotta get back out there.”
We walk to the door and as we step out into the hall, Abbie is there, silently squealing and bouncing on the tips of her toes. “Eeeh! You guys made up!”
“Were you listening the whole time?” I ask through a laugh.
“I’m sorry you guys, the suspense was killing me. And also, Mike, Bryan and Eli are talking about alcohol.” She rolls her eyes. “I just don’t care, you know? I try to care but it’s just alcohol. Give me the buzz, what’s it matter how many years it spent in a barrel that was grown on the world’s softest soil with the sun at the perfect angle to age it to perfection?”
“It interests me,” I reply, nudging Abbie. “Mike likes what you’re into, don’t you want to like what he’s into?”
She gets a sinister smile on her face, her blonde bob up into a tiny and adorable little pony tail, bobby pins securing loose pieces to her head. “I’m into his dick so of course he’s into what I’m into.”
Brynn pushes her pointer fingers into her ears. “I do not want to hear about my sister being a slut.”
I laugh such a deep laugh that it makes Brynn laugh, too.
The group dinner is the most fun I think we’ve all had in a long time. Mike Devers is not at all the man I imagined Abbie would end up with. He’s a bit older than us, in his thirties, with a soft stomach and full dark beard. He’s handsome and jovial, the big funny guy, clearly. He’s outspoken and outrageous in the group but when he is with Abbie, thinking they are alone, he’s soft and gentle. I’d never seen her happier.
Bryan and Brynn were finding their sexual groove, and it showed. They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. Eli and I were in that floaty happy state, you know, how relationships are in the beginning. But the electricity in our touch, the heat bubbling over inside of me for Eli—it didn’t just feel like a new thing. It felt like an us thing. Like this is what it feels like when you’re truly happy with the right person.
