She brushed a tear from her cheek. “You’re ruining everything all over again, Lucas.”
“I’m ruining everything?” He gave a mirthless laugh. “I don’t think so. Your unrealistic expectations of marriage already beat me to that.”
“No, Scott and I make sense. I know he can make me happy.”
“So you’ve said. But happiness starts on the inside first, Elena. Don’t assign that much power to someone else.”
“Oh, and be like you? Afraid to trust. Afraid of giving someone else any kind of power over you. Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to live like that. I want to experience it all.”
He looked at her sadly. “Do you really? Because I see someone who is afraid to experience new things. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have even taken your artwork seriously. You constantly play it safe—in work and love.”
“Love is a lot of things, but I’d hardly call it safe. That’s the devastating risk but also the unbelievable beauty of it, Lucas.”
And she wouldn’t settle for anything less. Even if at that moment, her heart felt as fragile as a piece of crystal and about to shatter at any second.
Lucas shook his head. “In your case, the risk outweighs any beauty. You’re not listening to your own feelings. You’re making yourself crazy chasing this idealistic way you think your life should be. Creating this ‘Scott’ bubble that your life has to fit into or you’ll never be happy.”
“I’m not the only one chasing things in my life. The only reason you even agreed to help me was so that you could make partner in your company. Because you love your job and know it will make you happy in your life. You’re looking for a kind of security, too.”
“That’s different. I’m not relying on someone else to make me happy.”
No, Lucas would never rely on her or anyone. And that, in essence, was the major difference between them. More tears threatened to fall, so she headed in the direction of her bedroom, ready to shut them and Lucas out before that happened. But when she reached the doorway, she couldn’t help turning around one last time. “You know, you’re right, Lucas. What you’re chasing in life is different. Very different. Because at least what I want has the ability to love me back.”
…
After a restless night’s sleep, Lucas was up early and blindly combing through his email, waiting to talk to Elena. He had heard the shower running a half hour ago so he knew she was up, too.
Lucas felt terrible for the way things between them had been left last night. He had no business kissing her. No business getting in between her relationship with Scott. No business hurting their friendship. And certainly no business screwing up their working relationship. What the hell had he done? He was so stupid.
He and Elena obviously didn’t want the same things in life. As much as he couldn’t picture her and Scott together, Scott had the ability to make her happy—at least that’s what she believed. So, Lucas needed to step back and forget how she made him feel. She was important to him. He loved how she talked with no filter but was also a generous listener. Not to mention every time he’d touched her it’d felt like a blowtorch to gasoline. He loved being with her and making her laugh. True, they made a good team at work, but that’s as far as it could go. He couldn’t be trusted with her heart.
Lucas needed to move on. Elena was right; he was ruining her relationship with Scott all over again. Lucas just needed to finish this project with her and then she’d be out of his life. For the most part. Although, if she did get engaged to Scott, he’d end up seeing her now and then whenever he’d hang out with Scott. And if he was best man again…he’d see her at the rehearsal dinner. And then eventually, at the wedding…
Lucas slammed his laptop closed.
His cell phone rang, breaking into his bitter thoughts. He glanced down and saw it was Scott. Just who he didn’t need to hear from right then.
“Hey, man,” Scott said in greeting, “do you know where Elena is? She’s not answering her phone.”
Lucas glanced at the closed door between them. “She was probably in the shower when you called.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll try again in a bit.” Scott cleared his throat. “Uh, listen, I want to thank you for letting her stay at your place. I really do owe you.”
Lucas wanted to laugh. If Scott knew what Lucas had really wanted to happen last night with Elena, he would hardly be calling to thank him. “No problem.”
“I’m glad, because honestly, she could have stayed at my place.”
Lucas sat up. “What? I thought you were having your apartment painted.”
“Yeah, uh, the thing about that is…it wasn’t true. I just said that because I didn’t want her coming to my place before I could clear out the traces of any other women. It would have been awkward.”
“Scott, Elena knows you’ve dated other women while you were broken up. She’d hardly be shocked if she saw something that belonged to another woman there.”
“I didn’t want her getting all bent out shape and angry for no reason. You know how women get.”
Yeah, he knew how some women would react. But he also knew Elena. And obviously he knew Elena better than Scott did.
“You should have been honest with her,” he told Scott. “If you really are thinking about getting back together with her, then you should start on the right foot.”
“I know. I’ve already made up for it. By the way, how’s everything working out with Elena at your company? Do you think she’ll be offered a full-time position?”
Lucas stifled a sigh. Scott was so preoccupied with what he wanted for Elena, he wasn’t listening to what Elena wanted for herself. “No full-time job has been offered to my knowledge yet, however, I wouldn’t be surprised if they did offer her one. But even if that should happen, I don’t think she’d take it. She’s very loyal to Kinsley.”
Scott swore under his breath. “Well, I’ll have to work on her some, then. She needs to branch out more. I can’t have her going back to what she’s been doing at that rundown hotel. Maybe you could convince her of that, too.”
Lucas gritted his teeth. The best for their relationship would be for Scott not to lie to her anymore and accept her for who she was and whatever she wanted to do. But Lucas had promised himself and Elena he wouldn’t cause problems again, so he wisely kept his jaw clamped. Obviously, Elena knew exactly what and who she wanted in her life.
“Look, I’ll tell Elena to call you when I see her,” Lucas said, reining in his frustration with his friend.
“Thanks, man.”
Lucas hung up and tossed his phone down. At that moment, Elena emerged from the bedroom, already dressed for work in a navy sweater dress and boots, dragging her suitcase behind her. Although she still looked beautiful to him, he noticed there were slight smudges under her eyes.
He stood, heart in his throat. “Elena—”
“I’m going back to Cape Harmony,” she announced, her voice fragile.
Her statement gave him pause. They really needed to get some of the graphic design work done at his office, but he supposed he could figure something out later. “Okay, I’ll drive you.”
She shook her head. “I’m going to ask Scott. If he can’t drive me then I’ll take the bus. I’m sorry. But after last night, I think it would be better if we take a little break from each other. I’ll finish up that last drawing on my own and we can converse through email.”
Even though she made perfect logical sense, her words were like shards of glass, each one creating little tears at his insides. “Look, I’m sorry for last night. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“And you’re sorry for kissing me?”
He hesitated, trying to come up with the response she wanted to hear, then decided to go with honesty instead. “No, Elena. I’m not sorry for kissing you. I could never be sorry about that.”
She nodded. “Yeah, me neither,” she said softly.
His heart lifted. He reached for her then, but she pulled back before he could to
uch her. “That changes nothing, Lucas. It can’t go further than that. Don’t you see? I want the big picture. A future. And more than anything, I want to stick to our original agreement. That’s why I think it’s best I leave.”
Their original agreement.
Which meant she was choosing Scott over him. And even though Lucas understood—logically—all the reasons why, his heart squeezed painfully in a way he’d never experienced before.
“You know, Scott just called. He told me he wasn’t getting his apartment painted. He lied—”
“I know.”
He blinked. “You do?”
“Yes.” She sighed. “He left me a voicemail this morning. You’re not the only one who knows everything.”
“Oh. Well, I’m glad he told you the truth.” Aren’t I? “I still want to be your friend, Elena. I lo—like you.”
He liked her. Was he going to say love? No, he was not in love with her. He couldn’t be. He shouldn’t be. They were friends. Of course he liked her. His heart wasn’t capable of anything more.
“Thank you.” Her voice was barely audible. “But if you really want to be my friend, Lucas, then you won’t interfere anymore with what I want.”
He slowly nodded. She was right. As her friend and Scott’s, he should allow them to mend their relationship. With that in mind, somehow his feet carried him over to the front door. And as much as it pained him, he turned the knob and allowed her to leave.
Chapter Twelve
“It won’t matter what you wear to that Christmas party if you don’t look at least a quarter jollier than you do right now.”
Elena stood in front of her full-length mirror in her bedroom and gave Arden a sardonic look. “I’m just tired,” she lied.
Well, maybe tired wasn’t exactly a lie. She was tired. Tired of trying to find the perfect thing to wear to Scott’s company Christmas party, tired of all the fudge she’d consumed these last four days, and most of all, tired of thinking about Lucas Albright. But the strange truth was…
She missed him.
She missed him more these last few days than she had missed Scott all this past year. She missed working with Lucas. The way his hand would automatically reach for hers when she needed encouragement. She missed the way he made her laugh. She missed how he made her step out of her comfort zone. How good he made her feel about herself. But those were just normal thoughts she could have about a friend. Weren’t they?
She turned all the way around to face her friend. “How did you know you were in love with Wade?”
“How did I know?” Arden thought about it then shrugged. “I wasn’t sure at first, because it was the one time I wasn’t actually looking to fall in love. That’s what’s so funny about it. Love just kind of sneaks up on you and won’t let go. Your thoughts, feelings, and mood become all tied up with that person until you see them again.”
She frowned. “Sneaks up on you?” she murmured. “Huh. You don’t say.”
Arden chuckled. “Gosh, I remember I wasn’t sure if I was over-the-moon or completely terrified.”
Elena could relate. She felt a flutter of panic herself just then. She couldn’t remember having those feelings with Scott.
Oh my gosh. How had this happened? She wished she could blame the octopus tacos they’d eaten last week. But instead, this feeling was probably… It was just… Love?
In love with Lucas? Oh, no. It couldn’t be. She was in love with Scott. Wasn’t she? Maybe she needed to lie down.
Arden shot to her feet. “Hey, you don’t look so good. Do you need some water?”
What she needed was her head examined. She’d fallen for a man who had no interest in marriage or relationships. A man who wanted only one thing from her—and that wasn’t her heart. Partnership in his company was the only thing on his life’s agenda—not marriage or a family. He had low expectations of marriage and of people in general. He’d made that much perfectly clear.
“I think I just need to sit,” she said, flopping down on the edge of her bed.
Arden looked at her thoughtfully. “Is everything still good between you and Scott?”
Elena shrugged. “He hasn’t proposed again if that’s what you’re asking. But he’s called me every night this week, which is encouraging. And because it’s Friday, he even sent me those flowers,” she said, pointing to the white poinsettias she had sitting on her nightstand. All really perfect gestures, yet nothing stirred in her.
Arden nodded. “Hmmm, all the boxes are checked, yet you still don’t seem happy.”
“Oh, I will be. I just need everything to be perfect first.” I need to put Lucas Albright out of my mind first.
Arden sighed. She sat down, wrapping an arm around Elena’s shoulder. “Honey, love and life will never be perfect. And it won’t be easy, either. But being together and navigating all that together will be easy. When you’re with the right person, that is.”
Elena thought about her parents’ marriage, how easy they made their relationship seem. How desperately she wanted that same thing. How she thought she had it with Scott. Her and Scott’s relationship hadn’t always been easy. But she always thought it would eventually get there. Hoped it would get there.
Everything Scott had done was so like her dad—his job, the way he proposed, the way he sent her flowers every week. She was so confused. Lucas was obviously still clouding her thoughts. She had to remember that while there would never be a future with Lucas, there could still be one for her and Scott. She and Scott were happy before. They could be again.
Elena stood and walked over to her closet with a new determination. Tomorrow night was her last chance. She couldn’t afford to throw away that opportunity. “I know what I’m going to wear tomorrow night.”
Arden’s eyes widened. “Oh, you mean…”
“Yes.” Elena pulled out the dress she had bought in New York with Arden and Kinsley after her breakup with Scott but had never worn yet. “It’s time for Big Red.” Actually, they should have named it little red. Because she was fairly certain she was going to catch pneumonia wearing it.
Arden fingered the material fondly. “Feels like butter. You are going to look amazing.”
“Let’s hope Lucas thinks so.”
Arden looked at her quizzically. “Lucas? You mean Scott, right?”
Elena blinked. “Oh, of course, I mean Scott,” she said, turning away and holding the dress up to her. “Scott. I can’t wait for Scott to see me in this dress.” Scott Scott Scott Scott.
“But you said Lucas,” Arden said, narrowing her eyes.
Feeling flustered, Elena hung up the dress and began going through her shoes. “I know I said Lucas. It was just a slip of the tongue.” She glanced at Arden’s expression and winced. “Stop reading into this. There’s nothing going on with Lucas.”
Arden’s lips broke out into a slow grin. Leave it to her friend to put two and two together and come up with sixty-nine. “Oh, I think something is definitely going on. Or soon will be. Spill,” she demanded. “What’s going on with Lucas?”
Elena flung up her hands. “Nothing. Nothing at all. Lucas and I are just friends.”
“Friends with benefits?”
“No. Arden, please. Just friends. Lucas and Scott are friends, too, and besides, I’m practically engaged to Scott.”
Arden snorted. “You’re not even practically going out with Scott. You broke up. Personally, I’m glad to see Lucas swooping in while Scott’s motor has stalled. All’s fair in love and war and all that jazz, you know. Wow, this is exciting. You’ve got your own little juicy love triangle going on. What a Christmas,” she said, rubbing her hands together in glee.
Elena lost it. Her life plans were blowing up before her, and she had no idea what to do about it. “No. It’s a terrible Christmas,” she told Arden, her lips trembling. “The worst Christmas ever.”
“Why?”
Emotion clogged her throat. “Because…I think I’m in love with Lucas.”
My gosh. She
’d said it out loud. She was in love with Lucas Albright.
“Oh boy.” Arden sank onto the floor to sit. “Now that’s a bomb I wasn’t expecting to be dropped. Does Lucas know?”
“Of course not.” She sniffed. “I barely just realized it myself. Besides, he’s not looking for love or marriage. Since his divorce, Lucas told me he prefers being alone.”
“Everybody says that until they fall in love. Wade and I even said that. And look where we ended up.”
“I know that, but Lucas hasn’t had any good experiences with marriage. He even thinks I have unrealistic expectations about it. Do you think I do?”
Arden shrugged. “Um…well, people should have certain hopes and ideals about the commitments they’re going to make.”
“How very diplomatic of you to say,” she said with a laugh. “So you do think I’m being unrealistic.”
Arden patted her back. “Honey, it’s okay to have those beliefs as long as you don’t lose sight of the big picture.”
“And what’s that?”
“Happiness shouldn’t be your goal.”
“What?” She stared at her friend as if she’d suddenly sprouted wings. “Doesn’t everyone want that in life?”
“Of course. But happiness won’t come to you. It has to come from you.”
“Are you saying I’m looking for people to make me happy when I should really be concentrating on myself?”
Arden smiled. “Something like that.”
Elena blew out a breath. “I don’t know. The only thing I feel I should concentrate on is tomorrow night. There might still be a chance for me and Scott, if he’s willing to give it another try. And if that’s the case, I don’t want to blow it. Scott might still love me. We were so good together. I have to get over my feelings for Lucas.”
“I know that’s what you think you should do, but in order to create your own happiness you can’t suppress your feelings, Elena. Love isn’t that black and white.”
Her heart felt like a lead weight in her chest. She closed her eyes and sighed. “Easier said than done, Arden. Right now the last thing I feel like doing is smiling or laughing or even attempting to generate my own happiness. I’m just so tired of being alone. And I did love Scott before. I can love him again. I just need to talk to him tomorrow night to know for sure.”
Romancing His Rival Page 13
