I landed on the Harbinger’s shoulder and ran toward the neck. Once there, I leapt off and grabbed ahold of the monster’s dangling earlobe. I stabbed my blade into it and used the leverage to climb higher, and soon I climbed over the ledge that was its ear canal. I peered into the hole, thinking that maybe I could climb in there and wreak some havoc. As disgusting as that prospect was, it seemed like my only shot at defeating the thing. But before I got a chance to test my theory, the Harbinger slapped at its ear, crushing me against its skull in the process.
Warning!
22% health remaining
My broken body fell through the air, and the Harbinger swatted at me again. This time it missed, however, and the next thing I knew, an eagle swooped down and caught me in its talons.
“You alright?” Anna yelled down to me and cast a healing spell.
“No…” I groaned.
My head lolled and my eyes rolled, but I saw other riders being plucked from the sky by the Harbinger’s nasty tongue.
“We’ve got to get inside its head,” I told Anna.
“Like talk shit to it?” she yelled down as she maneuvered her eagle around the Harbinger.
“No, I mean literally, we’ve got to climb through its ear and get in its head.”
“Are you serious?”
“Absolutely,” I said as my body healed to full health. “Drop me off on its head and put the word out.
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” she said in a voice full of concern.
“So do I!”
The eagle released me, and I fell ten feet before landing on the Harbinger’s bulbous head. I ran to the right side and leapt off as a hand smacked the top of the head in an attempt to squash me. I stabbed my sword into the earlobe, swung, and dropped down in the ear canal.
“Here goes nothing,” I yelled as I ran into the demigod’s ear.
My glowing sword revealed a waxy corridor with little hairs sticking out of the canal walls. The smell made me gag, but I fought through my disgust and ventured deeper into the Harbinger’s head.
“Hey, fuck stick!” I yelled, and a satisfying screech sounded outside. “That’s right, you can’t get me in here.”
I raced through the canal, trying not to get stuck or slip in the thick earwax that lined the floor and walls and dripped thickly from the ceiling. The sounds of battle were muffled in there, but I knew that my teammates were desperately attacking the demigod. I ran for what felt like a mile before I finally came to a larger cavern. Then I spotted the Harbinger’s giant eardrum, and I quickly conjured a Fireball. I released the spell with a big grin on my face. The spell exploded against the fragile eardrum, and the Harbinger cried out in pain.
The cry of pain told me that the demigod was vulnerable, and I didn’t hesitate to hit the fucker with everything I had. I hit it with Fireballs, Hell Fire, Magic Bolt, and Arcane Lightning, then I braced myself for the madness that I knew was sure to follow. I grabbed one of the long hairs growing out of the ear canal and held on for dear life as the cavern began to shake furiously. The Harbinger must have been slapping itself in the head. I couldn’t imagine how crazy it would make me if there was a tiny person in my head blasting my ear drum with magic spells, but I almost felt sorry for the bastard.
I heard a barrage of spells hit the Harbinger’s head, and for a moment the beast stopped thrashing. When he did, I quickly cast Fire Storm, Magic Bolt, and Arcane Lightning again. Meteors materialized right above the eardrum, which was now swollen and pink. Arcane Lightning spread out over the veiny surface, and my Magic Bolt burned a small hole in it.
Once again, the Harbinger began to shake its head, but I had lost my grip and bounced around the sticky cavern like a mouse stuck in a dryer. I managed to thrust my enchanted sword into the big eardrum, and I held on for dear life as the Harbinger shook its head and repeatedly punched itself. It growled and screamed at me, sounding less like a powerful demigod every second.
“This is fucking gross,” came the voice of Tweak.
I turned to see the ape swinging from ear hairs like they were jungle vines.
“Boy am I glad to see you,” I told him as he swung over and landed next to me. “What’s going on outside?”
“The fucker has killed about twenty furrys. Trinity, Ember, Kit, and Cecilia are dead as well. But Anna told the rest of us what you are up to. The others should be here soon.”
“Sweet,” I said with a grin, and stabbed the eardrum again. “I think it’s monkey time, bro.”
“I was just thinking the same thing,” he said with a mischievous grin and summoned his purple monkeys.
The little freaks screeched and swung from ear hair to ear hair, stabbing the cavern walls with little daggers as they went. Soon Frisco and some of his furrys arrived, and we all focused our spells on the throbbing ear drum. There was another fire mage among the furrys, and he released a Nuclear Thunderclap that finally finished off the organ.
And how the Harbinger howled.
I had no idea how much health it had left, but I knew that a busted eardrum must have hurt like hell.
“Come on!” I urged my team mates and charged deeper into the canal.
I knew a thing or two about anatomy from my schooling, and I leapt over what I thought must be the Eustachian tube and continued into the inner ear. I hacked and slashed at the Harbinger’s cochlea, obliterated the semicircular canals, and focused my spells on the naked nerves that were now exposed. The furrys joined me in my attack, and soon we had reduced the creature’s inner ear to pulp.
I felt the monster teetering and grabbed ahold of one of the ear hairs as the world was turned on its side. The Harbinger hit the ground hard, and we all tumbled out of the inner ear, past the destroyed ear drum, through the canal, and spilled out onto the ground.
A shitload of loot and coins flew into my pack, and the megalithic Harbinger turned to ash. I got to my feet shakily, clothes and body covered with thick ooze, and glanced around at my fellow players. They were all moaning and groaning as they pulled themselves up on the dead lake bed.
Then I saw it.
Sitting among the ash was a translucent gem about the size of a bowling ball. I approached it reverently and gazed down upon it as my guild mates and the remaining furrys gathered around.
“Holy shitballs,” said Tweak. “We really did it.”
I tapped on the Everstone and added it to my inventory, then I turned to regard the others with a grin.
“Congratulations everyone, you’ve just defeated a demigod.”
“Look!” said Frisco.
I turned around and saw that the cloud of thick fog hanging over the dead lake was beginning to recede. Life began to return to the shoreline, and water began to rise out of the dusty ground beneath our feet.
We summoned our mounts and took to the sky and watched as the dead lake was transformed into a vibrant pool of clear water. Trees and bushes popped up along the shore. The song of birds added to the miracle that we beheld, and I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with joy at the sight.
After marveling at the wondrous rebirth of the lake for a few minutes, I guided the survivors south. We had two days to prepare for the coming invasion, and I intended on seeing the elf queen make good on her promises.
Chapter 13
We flew back to Haven, not knowing if there were other cemeteries nearby that our fallen guild mates might have respawned at. When we arrived at the city, I saw that indeed, they must have all respawned in the cemetery behind the destroyed tower.
“Did you complete the quest?” Trinity yelled up at me as I landed.
I didn’t say anything, and slowly dismounted. My fallen guild mates joined Trinity, and they stared at me expectantly.
“Come on, don’t be a cock tease,” said Kit.
“Ladies,” I said as I tapped on my interface and brought up the prize. “I give you the Everstone.”
It appeared in my hand, and the women all gasped.
“Yay Big Daddy!” K
it cheered and clapped happily.
“You’re a crazy son of a bitch,” said Zoe. “I can’t believe that you crawled in its ear.”
“Don’t remind me,” I said with a laugh.
The furrys joined us and excitedly told those who had died prematurely what had happened. The villagers celebrated with us as well, for they knew that the retrieval of the Everstone meant that the elves would soon become our allies.
Everyone was in the mood for celebration, but we didn’t have the time for such merrymaking. With only two days left until other players were allowed into Ozara, we still had a shitload of work to do. The tower had been razed to the ground during the battle with the barbarians and our enemy guilds, but it still had life in it. I found a spell in the tower interface that could be used to repair it, but it took a lot of man power and a lot of magic. When I activated the repair mode, everyone with any magic joined me around the tower. The spell was easy, just tedious. We all had to keep up a steady stream of magical energy that gathered at the base of the tower. As we held the spell intact, the bricks began to slowly float back into place. Windows returned to their frames, their pieces moving back together as though someone had pushed reverse on a video.
It took two hours, but finally the last brick in the tower settled into place, and the entire thing began to glow and hum with power.
“I am happy to report that the tower is at 100% performance capability,” said Miramar.
“Excellent,” I told him. “I want you and the Tower Guard to begin work on more fortifications. I want this place surrounded. Lay out traps, dig oil pits, erect pikes. We’ve got two days to get this place ready for the biggest shitstorm that you’ve ever seen.”
“Yes, my liege,” said the wizard, and with a bow he was gone.
I told Frisco that I was going to go and see the elf queen and asked him for another loan from the Purrrrsian Empire. We were going to need some major firepower if we were going to defend our kingdom, and Frisco easily agreed. He had lost as many levels as I had in the previous battle, and now he and his guild were all in.
“Are you going alone?” Trinity asked as she and my guild members gathered around me.
“Yeah, I can seal the deal with the queen. You guys keep at it.,” I told them.
“Be safe, said Kit, and kissed me on the cheek.
“You know me,” I said with a wink.
“Yeah, that’s what we’re worried about,” said Anna.
“I’ll be fine. If I’m not back in twelve hours with an elven army, then come looking for me.”
With that I mounted my griffin and took to the sky. I steered toward the Great Wood, excited to see the look on the elves’ faces when I presented the queen with the Everstone. They would all think that I was the savior, and they would bow before me in reverence. Then I would claim my other prize…the one that Lyra had so seductively alluded to. Once I had secured my union with the queen, I would call upon her to help defend my kingdom from the barbarians, and the plethora of guilds that were no doubt gunning for me.
It took me longer to get to the Great Wood on the griffin than it had on the back of Nanaya, and I could barely contain my excitement when I saw the lush green forest of massive trees rise in the distance. I landed at the edge of the wood, making sure to make as much noise as possible, and it wasn’t five minutes before the elves emerged from the woods.
“I’m back,” I said to Malleus, the male guard who had escorted me and my guild mates to the Great Tree.
“I can see that,” he said annoyedly and tossed back his long blonde hair.
“Listen, Mal…can I call you Mal?”
“No.” He shook his head. “You cannot.”
“I think it’s a cool nickname,” I said, glancing at his female counterpart and offering her a wink.
She smiled, and Malleus cleared his throat impatiently.
“I need to see the queen,” I told them both. “Post haste.”
“What is this about?” Ole Mal asked.
“You know what it’s about,” said the female, taking a step toward me. “Have you retrieved the Everstone?”
“Lead me to the queen and you’ll find out babe.”
“Her name is Velaria, you disrespectful human filth!” Malleus suddenly erupted.
He had a sword to my throat faster than you can say ‘shit your pants’, and I stared down that silver shaft at his hard eyes.
Valeria slapped the sword away and offered Malleus a disappointed frown.
“We will lead you to the queen,” she told me. “Come.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” I told her and offered a scowling Malleus a wink.
It was a few hours before sunrise, and that meant that we only had one day and change left until Ozara was open to the public. But I was in high spirits: We had defeated a demigod, retrieved the stone, and soon I would return to Haven with an army of thousands at my back.
“It’s going to be a beautiful day, don’t you think?” I asked Velaria.
“I believe that it will,” she said, glancing at my pack.
“Quiet,” said Malleus. “You will disturb the sprites.”
“What a cock blocker,” I whispered to Velaria.
She laughed and offered me a beautiful smile.
When we arrived at the Great Tree, I was taken straight to the top on a magical elevator that could have been powered by pixie shit for all I knew. The queen was waiting for me, and like before she wore only a thin silken robe. I tried not to stare at her nipples, which looked like they were going to cut right through the thin fabric.
“Samson has returned so soon,” she said with intrigue. Then her eyes searched my body with excitement. “Surely it is to return the emerald and tell me that you have abandoned the quest.”
“Nope,” I said with a smile.
She frowned, then her eyes went wide. “You defeated the Harbinger?”
Some of the elves gasped, others began murmuring excitedly.
“Silence!” she ordered her subjects and strode toward me.
“Good Queen Lyra,” I said as I tapped on the Everstone icon on my interface. A moment later the revered stone appeared in my hands, and I took a knee to present it to the queen. “I give to you, the Everstone of the Great Wood.”
The queen took in a shocked breath and clutched her chest. The elves around us all moved in to get a closer look, and soon the revered stone began to sparkle and glow.
I expected tears of joy, hugs, maybe even kisses. I expected the elves to take me up on their shoulders and march me through the city, but none of that happened.
Instead, the queen began to laugh hysterically, and a moment later the elves all joined in. I turned in a circle, smiling with them. For all I knew, laughter was a sign of gratitude.
“You simple, delightful man,” said the queen. “I can’t believe that you actually defeated the Harbinger.”
“Yes,” I said, somewhat confused. “You asked me to return the Everstone, and I have done so. Now you must help me defeat the barbarians.”
That really cracked her up, and some of the elves even fell to the floor clutching their stomachs in fits of laughter.
“What the fuck is so funny?” I asked the queen.
“My dear, silly human,” she said with a hint of sympathy. “I was just messing with you.”
“Come again?”
“It was a joke,” she elaborated. “I was just trying to get rid of you. You know, send the fool on an impossible quest, have a good laugh? I never thought that you would actually accomplish the task.”
“That’s just messed up,” I told her.
Malleus was having a hell of a time, and I shot him a scowl.
“I suppose it is, but it is so much fun. You must try it some time,” said the queen.
“So, it was all a lie?” I asked. “The Harbinger never stole the Everstone from you, did he?”
She shook her head.
“And it isn’t the source of your power, is it?”
Queen Lyra burst out with laughter again. “No, no, of course not. The Great Forest is the source of our power, everyone knows that.”
“Everyone but dumbass humans who think they are a king,” said Malleus, and everyone laughed.
“What does the Everstone do?” I asked, ignoring their annoying chatter. “Why did the Harbinger have it?”
“The Everstone, while not our source of power, is indeed a great source of power in its own rite. Thank you for the fine gift.”
“Does that mean that you’re going to hold up your end of the bargain?” I asked.
“I told you before,” said the queen. “The elves and dwarves are allies; therefore, we cannot get involved.”
“I don’t think any of you understand what’s happening here,” I told them all. “Soon, these lands will be overrun by explorers and would-be kings looking for lands to claim. Like me, they are immortal, and they will never stop. We must all stand united against this threat, we must—”
“The elves of the Great Wood fear no one. We have been here since time immemorable, and we shall endure whatever comes our way,” said the queen.
“You’re not listening—”
“It is you who are not listening,” said the queen. “You speak of the terrors that shall soon befall this land, yet your own demon spawns fly free.”
Shit.
“Yes,” Lyra said cryptically. “I know about your union with the demon lord Megulla. I know about your children. They have already trespassed on our lands, and they have used their charms to lure elven females into their embrace.”
Double shit!
My golden demon sons hadn’t been on the surface for a full day, and already they were shagging their way through the levels. Assuming that they had the same twelve-hour cooldown as I did on the surface world, that still meant that they could gain two levels a day. I did the math in my head and realized that within a year my demonic children would be over level 700.
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