by Mary Smith
With shaking hands, I opened the door.
Thaddeus was leaning against the dresser in a black suit. He had a deep purple shirt on with a matching tie. Instead of his normal black boots that I was used to, he had shiny black dress shoes on. He had one leg crossed over the other, and his hands were deep in his pockets. He looked like he was posing for a magazine, instead of standing there.
When I came out of the bathroom, Thaddeus raised his head. He scanned me up and down with wide eyes. He pushed himself off the dresser and walked over to me.
“You’re…you’re…” He couldn’t speak. He kept looking at me.
“I feel very exposed.” I rubbed my neck and shoulders.
“If you don’t want to wear this, you can change.”
I heard the sadness in his voice, and the problem was I did want to wear this. Well, maybe it wasn’t a huge problem, but I wanted to do this, just one time.
“I’m fine.” I dropped my hands. “I need to get used to it.”
“I know it’s breaking the rules, but I wanted us to be non-Unit citizens right now. Only this one time.”
“Well.” I heard my voice still shaking with my nervousness. “We’re in Miami, not in Unit. Let’s have fun.”
He smiled taking my hand, and we left the room.
~~~
I saw a completely different side of Thaddeus. I believe no one ever saw this side of him. We ate dinner at a very fancy restaurant, took another walk down the beach and ended up eating ice cream from a street vendor.
When we got back to the room, the smile was still on my face. It was the best three hours of my life. I watched him ease himself out of his jacket and tie as I slipped my heels off.
“Xaviera,” Thaddeus saying my name still gave me chills at times. It was his deep voice that did it for me. “Thank you for tonight.” His forehead was on mine.
“You’re welcome and thank you too. I never felt this good.”
He leaned back giving me a smile. I don’t know if it was my self-esteem taking over or his blue eyes full of lust looking at me, but my mind shut down, and my emotions took over.
I had another first tonight.
I kissed Thaddeus.
I ran my hands through his soft hair, and I pushed harder against his mouth. He moaned as his fingers lightly trailed my along my collarbone and down my arms. My body shook with want for him.
Thaddeus guided me over to the bed, and I lay down not breaking our connection. My legs, on their own accord, opened, and he positioned himself in between them. Thaddeus pushed his hips against mine and broke our kiss.
I arched my back and neck moaning from the pleasure that I felt for him. Thaddeus kissed and sucked down my neck and chest. I raised my legs around his hips. His hand ran down my thigh and under my dress.
My emotions made my body rock against his. I felt his hard bulge in his pants pushing against me, while he matched my motion.
I wanted to touch him.
I wanted to feel more.
I tugged at his shirt that was tucked in his pants. My hands lay on his back, and I felt how hot his skin was against my touch.
Thaddeus began to toy with the string of my thong and reality set in.
“Stop.” I felt my body shaking not wanting to. “Thaddeus, stop.” He removed his hand and hovered over me. “I’m sorry.” I covered my face with my hands.
“Hey.” He rolled off of me. “Hey.” He pulled my hands away from my face. “I’m sorry. That was my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
One tear escaped my eye.
“Xaviera, please don’t cry.” He kissed my cheek. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You didn’t.” I sniffed.
“Come here.” He guided me over to him, and I lay on his chest.
I could hear his heart pounding so loudly, and I saw his arousal from the corner of my eye.
What was I thinking moving that fast?
That’s right, I wasn’t because I wanted to feel him.
I closed my eyes trying to figure out what had happened between us, and why I wanted to stop?
~~~
I either fell asleep on my own or passed out from all my adrenaline, but I woke up alone in bed, still dressed from the night before.
Thaddeus left a note saying that he was going to be with his dad until later this afternoon, and that was it.
After I showered and changed, I went downstairs to the restaurant to eat. Mrs. Edwards was there calling me over to her.
“I think something’s on your mind,” she said when I sat there not saying anything for almost ten minutes.
I couldn’t talk to her about any of what was on my mind.
“You know, Xaviera, if Thaddeus has done something to make you uncomfortable.”
“No,” I rudely cut her off. “I swear he hasn’t done anything like that. I just.” I stopped and began to rub my temples.
“Xaviera, I was twenty once, freshly Matched with a very hot guy. Granted we weren’t in Miami with scantily clothed people running around, but I know what you’re going through. Now, I don’t want to know all the details because that’s still my little boy, but I’m a great listener.”
I didn’t know who else to talk to right then. I mean I could have called my mom, but I knew she was at work. “I’m not sure I could talk about it.”
“How about this?” She removed my hand from the side of my face. “Are you okay?”
I nodded.
“And Thaddeus didn’t do anything wrong?”
I shook my head.
“Well, when you’re ready to talk I’m here, okay?”
I smiled. “Thank you, Mrs. Edwards.”
I told her that I was going to relax on the beach today, alone. She nodded with the understanding that I needed to be alone, but told me not to travel to far from the hotel. I promised that I wouldn’t, and I went back to the room to get my Kindle.
I spent the rest of the day in a lightweight sundress sitting on a bench, reading. I enjoyed the time alone, even though I felt slightly uneasy seeing the clothing on the beach or lack thereof. Then again, it’s a beach. Bikinis and shirtless men were mandatory.
I thought about Thaddeus and our night last night. The way my body felt, and the sensations of having him on top of me.
Sex.
That was something I’ve thought about over the years. If I was worried about my first kiss, my first sexual experience caused me to have a panic attack.
But last night I wasn’t thinking. I was doing whatever felt good to me, and it all did. I didn’t want it to stop, but if I didn’t it would have happened.
I shut my brain off and focused on the book in front of me. I needed to clear my mind for a few hours before I became stir crazy.
And that’s what I did for several hours.
“There’s no one on this beach as beautiful as you,” Thaddeus whispered in my ear.
I had almost finished my book when his husky voice brought me back to reality.
“Then you must be blind.” I turned behind me seeing his smile. “Or lying.”
“No and no.” He sat down next to me. “Mom said you’ve been out here all day. She’s been checking on you making sure you were okay.”
“I thought I saw her, but I’m fine.” I shut off my tablet.
Thaddeus took my hand. “I’m sorry about last night. I let my hormones get the best of me. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“That’s the problem, I wanted to do it,” I told him candidly.
“It’s not a problem, Xaviera. We’re Matched.”
“I know that,” I gritted at him. “That doesn’t mean we have to do…that.” I couldn’t say the word. Yea, I was real mature to have sex.
“I understand.”
I studied the woman out on the beach. I wore more under my outfits than they were out in public.
“Thaddeus, I need to have a few minutes alone.” I got up and left him sitting on the bench.
>
I walked back into the hotel and back to the room. I paced back and forth trying to figure why my world seemed to be in a tailspin?
Oh yeah, sex.
Was I ready for that?
I couldn’t even say the word aloud.
I wasn’t sure about anything anymore, and I wished Gia was here to calm me. I stood by the balcony doors looking at the white billowy clouds in the sky. I kept taking deep breaths and counting.
When my nerves settled, a little, I flopped back on the bed. I thought about my dad telling me how Thaddeus and I became Matched. The story played in my head over and over, but I can’t remember that party for the life of me.
“Is it okay if I come in?” Thaddeus called from the door almost an hour later.
“Yes,” I said.
He came fully into the room, staring down at me on the bed. “I really didn’t mean for you to get upset.”
“You’ve been very apologetic the past twenty-four hours.”
Thaddeus chuckled. “I have been.”
“Did your parents tell you how we became Matched?” I asked watching him sit down on his bed.
“I never asked. Do you?”
I nodded. “Dad told me.”
“So, what’s the story?” Thaddeus questioned.
“Apparently, when I was thirteen we were at a party, and we kept staring at each other. I don’t remember it all.” I turned my head on the pillow to him, and his head was down. “You do remember, don’t you?” I sat up on my elbows.
“I do.” He stood and went to the balcony window.
I rolled off the bed and followed him. “Tell me.”
Thaddeus usually stoned face looked sad and childlike as he was reliving the memory in his head.
“You were in a red dress and these bright green heels. I thought it was funny because they looked like something my mom would wear. Your hair was up, but there were a few curls that were loose. When you would laugh they would bounce around your face. I remember staring at you that whole night, thinking how pretty you were, but,” he shrugged, “I didn’t think you liked me back then. Even when I saw you in school, or around town, I never spoke to you.”
My whole life flashed before my eyes. Everything that I thought about Thaddeus was wrong. He wasn’t a jerk; he was avoiding me because he liked me. I thought about the party and couldn’t remember it, not even the shoes, but it obviously meant something to him.
“How can you remember all that? I don’t have a clue.” My eyes stared at him in amazement.
“You want the truth, right?” His voice was serious.
I nodded.
“I’ve been in love with you since that night. The reason I wanted to leave Unit is because Oliver was convinced you were his Matched.” His eyes were locked with mine, and I knew that he wasn’t lying.
He said he loved me.
“But you were mad when we were Matched in my kitchen, I know it.” I thought back to that night on my birthday. I remember seeing the pain in his face.
“I was mad at Mom, not you. That’s why I wanted to talk to you the next day, but you ran off.”
“But,” I paused trying to take in all the information that he was giving me. “But you agreed that if it didn’t work you would leave Unit. Our mother’s forced us.”
He fully turned to me. “I went along with that plan of theirs because you were so eager to leave, and I, at least, wanted to spend some time with you before you left. My mother knows my feelings for you, and I’m sure she’s told your Mom, and they concocted that plan. I never asked my mom, but I know her very well.”
I gasped thinking of the conversation with Mrs. Edwards on her porch. Everything came rushing through me.
Thaddeus loved me.
We’re Matched.
We completely made out last night.
His words kept bouncing in my head.
“Have you noticed that when you’re really upset with me or nervous or have a crazy barrage of emotions you’re not causing all those earthquakes or rain?” Thaddeus’ voice was low next to me.
“I had actually.”
“It’s because of me. I somehow feel when you’re emotions are everywhere, I know how to balance it.” He was looking at the same clouds that I had been earlier.
“How is that?”
Typically, only Controllers could feel other’s reactions and they would be able to assist them.
“I guess I have a little Controller in me. I can’t feel it all the time, only when I’m close to you.”
“So, you’ve been helping me, even when I didn’t know it?”
He nodded.
“Because you love me?”
He nodded again.
I went back over to the bed and laid back down on it. Since my first memory I thought about my life.
I was the Princess of Unit. My duties were to the citizens of Unit. Amaya was my Protector, and Gia my Controller. My parents were the two greatest people that I knew. I had a great life, and my future was bright, whether or not I remained in Unit.
The realization hit me.
I did want to stay in Unit.
I wanted to serve the citizens. I shouldn’t disregard my tradition or my heritage.
I studied the strong back of Thaddeus. He was a good person, strong, and smart. My parents wouldn’t pick just anyone for me. I knew they loved me more than anything and wanted my Matched to be the same.
Thaddeus had loved me since I was thirteen?
Didn’t I want my Matched to love me?
Wouldn’t I want him to care about me?
Thaddeus has done both.
I thought about my life since I’ve been Matched. All the sweet, tender touching he has given me. Our kiss, and the way he’s treated me has proved to me that we were going to make a great team and Matched pair.
To show me that he loved me.
And I loved him.
I did.
Yes, I was mad because I thought he was a jerk, but I was wrong.
So very wrong.
I got out of the bed and went over to him. My heart was racing, as I took his face in my hands. The rough stubble on his jaw tickled my fingertips. Thaddeus’ blue eyes stared me down as I stood on my tiptoes bringing my lips to his. Thaddeus put his hands on the small of my back, pushing our bodies together.
“I love you too,” I said against his lips. “I truly do.”
With a resounding moan, Thaddeus kissed me harder, picking me up. My body wrapped itself around him.
Like last night, my thoughts and concerns shut down, and my hormones took over. He laid us down on his bed, and he pushed down on me. I tugged his shirt, lightly scratching my nails down his back. My legs were around his hips, but he wasn’t touching me.
“Thaddeus,” I panted. “What’s wrong?”
He was breathing as hard as I was. “If I touch you, I won’t be able to control myself. I don’t think I could stop, even if you asked me to.”
I gave him a smile. “I’m not asking you to stop.
His eyes widen. “Xaviera.”
I put my hand over his mouth. “Thaddeus, don’t stop. I’m your Matched. We love each other. There’s nothing stopping us.” I removed my hand, and he looked almost angry, but then his face softened.
He kissed me softly; first on my lips, and then my neck. He stood up jerking his tie off. I followed him and with shaky hands, I helped him unbutton his shirt. My new confidence pushed his shirt off his shoulders and onto the floor.
I trailed my fingers down his chest and feeling the bumpy abs of his tight muscles until they reached the top of his belt. Even though my emotions were in control, my brain made me realize what I was about to do. It was the look in Thaddeus’ eyes which kept me going.
I thought about nothing else but him and me.
The sound of his belt being unhooked was the only sound in the room. I don’t think I was breathing at all.
My hands were unable to unbutton his pants because of my nervousness, but Thaddeus’ moved hi
s hands over mine and helped me. They fell to the floor, and I desperately wanted to look at him, but I couldn’t leave his steely blue eyes. He stepped out of his shoes and kicked the pants to the side.
“Do you want to stop?” He asked with a lustful voice.
I shook my head.
Thaddeus gave a smirk as he reached for the hem of my sundress, pulling it over my head. If I were ever going to pass out, it would have been at this moment. I stood half naked in front of Thaddeus Edwards.
His fingers traced up my arms, around my collarbone, down the middle of my chest and belly. My breath hitched as he toyed with the top of my thong. His grin deepened knowing that he was making my insides turn to Jell-o.
His hands moved around my hips and up my back to my bra. He unhooked it, but before he released it, he paused as if he was about to ask me if it was okay. I answered by covering his hands with mine and pulling it off.
He kissed me as it fell to the floor. My skin was on fire, and I pressed myself against his bare chest. Without breaking contact, he laid me back on the bed. His lips left my lips, and they moved down my chest.
I tried to catch my breath when he put my nipple in his mouth. His gentle sucking and nipping sent me into a head spin as I dug my fingers into his hair. His fingers trailed down my stomach and over my lace underwear. My legs opened wider and Thaddeus went to my other breast.
I felt like there was no air in the room when he moved the thin piece of material between my legs and began touching my most private area. I moaned loudly latching onto Thaddeus’ shoulders. His mouth left my breast, and then he cradled his face in the crook of my neck.
Thaddeus slowed his fingers that were inside me, while he carefully removed my underwear with his other hand. He then removed his own. If I couldn’t breathe before, I definitely wasn’t able to now. He was naked, and I memorized his body into my mind. I know he was doing the same with me.
He hovered back over me kissing me. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No, I love you.” I panted.
“I love you.”
I knew from reading too many magazines that this would hurt the first time. I was scared because I didn’t know what kind of pain. As Thaddeus positioned himself, my stomach dropped when he pushed his hips into mine.
