by Grace Walton
“It wasn’t a church?” she ventured to guess.
“It was a church building. But it wasn’t a true community of God. It was deserted and ramshackle. A place for thieves and others with low intentions.”
“What happened then?” she bravely asked. If he could share this abomination, she could surely summon the courage to listen to his story without flinching.
“I was tired, as I’ve said. And I was famished. I’d traveled to the city with no resources and the fiendish vicar kept me walking all day with no food or drink. Once we arrived, I was given a leather flask. Which, of course, I greedily drank down with no question. The ale was a sleeping draught. When I awoke the next day, I was chained to the church’s cellar wall.”
Her small sound of distress stopped him. What came next was much more abhorrent. He weighed whether to stop and let her believe that was the whole of his tale.
But Jess would have none of it. She nestled closer to him and coaxed, “Then what happened?”
Finn sighed. There was no way to avoid telling her the whole of it. “The man was a panderer. He made a business of tricking the unwary into working for him.”
“Working?”
“Yes, he’d wear down your resistance by withholding food and water. And, if that didn’t work, after a few days he’d beat us.”
“Us? You weren’t alone?”
He shook his head. “There were three of us. There was a young girl, and another lad, along with me. But I was the lucky one, Jess. I survived.”
“The others died?” she asked bleakly.
“The others agreed to work for him. They were taken away and sold to whoever had the coin to pay their price. He taunted me by telling me of the banquets they all attended. And the fine clothing they purchased with their hard-earned coin, after he took his cut, of course.”
“But you didn’t believe him?”
The tall man shook his head. “I knew he was evil. And I knew, though he spouted fancy Bible verses as he beat me, that the others were dead. Later I heard they were sold for their innocence, used, and then discarded like filthy privy rags.”
“And that’s how you know scripture?” She shuddered at the perversion of God’s Holy Word.
Finn nodded. “Yes, and I’m glad of it now. Though at the time, I vowed to never believe in God or have anything to do with Him. You see when I was chained in that hellish cellar, I prayed many times for Him to save me. But it was Arthur Bassett, along with your brother Dylan, who found me.”
“Dylan?” Her voice quavered. “So you were telling the truth about my brothers and this Bassett fellow?”
“I’m sorry Jess.”
She pushed against his hard chest. She stepped away from the comforting heat of his big body. “There’s no need for you to apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I’ve done everything wrong, everything,” he said with an edge to his voice. “I kidnapped you. I forced you to my will, and into that cursed betrothal. When I knew, quite well, you wanted otherwise. I sullied your reputation, publicly. You deserve more than my weak, meaningless apology.”
“You didn’t force me into anything. It was initially my own idea, the betrothal, I mean.”
He nodded. “Yes, but I made it a reality. I made it binding. That can change. I can make it change,” he promised her.
“What if I don’t want it to?” Jess’s question came out as a soft whisper.
Finn’s face hardened. “You can’t build a marriage on the scant basis of sexual attraction, Jess.”
She flushed at his plain speaking. “It’s not just that…”
“It is just that. There’s so much fire between us, I could’ve had you several times over. Your innocence and lack of knowledge protected you.”
“I can learn,” she misunderstood his reservations. “You can teach me, once we’re wed.”
He shook his head. His eyes glittered with intensity. “There’s not going to be any vows spoken between us. I’ll make no more broken promises.”
“What?” she sputtered. “You can’t jilt me.”
“I’m not jilting you, love. I’m doing my best to save you,” he said bleakly.
Tears filled her eyes. One by one they trailed unheeded down her cold face. She knew he meant every word he uttered. It was over. This child’s bedtime story she’d been concocting was well and truly done.
“Save me from what?” she asked bereft.
“From a life filled with sorrow and bitter recriminations.”
“How can you be so sure I’d be bitter? I want to marry you, Finn. I love you,” she said the words she’d not uttered to him before.
A stark whip of pain arched across his face. His whole body clenched in despair. How could God do this to him? How could a loving deity give a man the desires of his heart, and then steal them all away? How could this be happening? And how was he to explain what he must do to the trembling girl an arm’s reach away?
“You must believe me, Jess.” His words were low and intense. “I love you. Never doubt this. But God has set me apart. I cannot marry like other men. I must do His will. It is part of the bargain I made with Him.”
“What madness are you talking about?” she rasped.
Jess couldn’t believe what she heard. He was claiming God’s eternal salvation and speaking of owing the Almighty in the same breath. Didn’t the man realize there was no way of paying for Christ’s ultimate sacrifice?
“I promised God,” he began, but she stopped him.
“What? You promised God, what?”
He frowned and looked away from her. He stared out over the noisy frantic ocean. A lock of black hair whipped across his face into his eyes. “I made a vow. I begged God to save you. In return, I would do whatever He required of me.”
“But Finn, faith doesn’t work that way,” she began arguing. “The Lord doesn’t require anything of us, save our surrender. Salvation can’t be bought with deeds, no matter how noble and self-sacrificing.”
“I made a vow,” he ground out. “A man’s honest vow to God cannot be broken. Even I know this.”
Jess bit her lip. What he said was patently true. The Bible had much to say about not making frivolous vows. A vow was a solemn and holy thing. That was the reason so few people of spiritual wisdom made careless vows to the Almighty.
“But I love you,” she whispered yet again. “Surely whatever God requires of you, I can share?”
“I’m to be an itinerant circuit rider.”
“What?” she gasped.
Everyone knew the hardship and privations those men suffered. Most died quickly after being sent to the mission field. Either the elements killed them, for they must constantly live out in the open. Or Indians and criminals fell upon them. Their lives were short, hard, and brutal.
“No,” Jess found her voice again. “Why would you believe God wants that of you?”
“Because it’s the fate I hate most,” he spat out. “It’s a terrible irony, isn’t it?” His eyes darkened, cold and hard. “After being beaten and scarred by a Man of God, now I must become one.”
“That panderer, who held you captive, was no Christian,” she said hotly.
Finn prowled closer to her. He cupped her icy face between his burning hands. “I know, love. For now, being saved and knowing the peace of the Lord, I can fully testify to the man’s evil. But that doesn’t change the vow I made.”
One of her tears spilled over onto his rough fingers. Her breath hitched in her chest. Her lower lip trembled. What he said was true. And though she should be overjoyed by his transformation, she was devastated by what he told her. She felt selfish and small.
“You are right,” she conceded. “If you are soundly convinced God means for you to become an itinerant preacher, then that is what you must do.”
“What must McLeod do, other than marry you posthaste?” Dylan demanded from behind them.
“We aren’t getting married?” Jess stated.
“Satan’s bloody l
imb, I knew this would happen.” Griffin snarled from his spot beside his older brother.
“He’s right, Jess,” Connor agreed. He planted his feet wide apart to balance the deck’s roll as they were hit by more dramatic swells. “You’ve been well and truly compromised. Every sailor on both ships has seen how McLeod manhandles you. There’s no help for it. You’ve got to marry him.”
“No, I don’t,” she said. “He’s got a higher call on his life than marriage.”
“Not that folderol again,” Griffin said in disgust. “Jessamine, not every action in your life has to have a higher purpose. I don’t know what flummery he’s been spouting to get you to back out of this betrothal, but it won’t work. You are getting wed. And he’s the groom.”
“I’ve been called to be an itinerant circuit rider,” Finn knew once he told them of his plans, they’d quickly back away from their protestations. But he was wrong.
“Called?” Dylan said with an arrogance that defied description. “You’ve been called?”
“Aye,” Finn agreed, his Scottish brogue thickening as it always did when he felt something deeply. “I have.”
“You’re a bald-faced liar,” sputtered Griffin. “You don’t have a spiritual bone in your body. This is all some kind of shill to get out of marrying Jess.”
“No, it isn’t. I love her. But I can’t marry her. God has called me to serve Him on the mission field. Can you honestly say you want that kind of life for your sister?”
“And just when did you have this spiritual epiphany?” Dylan wanted to know.
“He promised God he would give up his life for mine,” Jess answered.
“Did he now?” Dylan’s voice was low and deadly. “That would be directly after he promised all of us that he would marry you?” A wide mocking sweep of his hand indicated his brothers and his sister.
“Dylan’s right,” Connor grouched. “I admit I know very little about God’s dealings. But, even I know Finn’s prior promise to us supersedes any vow he made afterwards.”
“I agree.” Griffin’s hand lovingly caressed the butt of his sword. It was clear he wanted nothing more than to draw it and skewer the man who would play the knave with his sister.
“Nothing supersedes a vow to God,” Jess said. “And it cannot be broken.”
“That’s all well and good for McLeod. He breaks his promise to you. He gets to ride off into the wilderness and do who-knows-what with every willing female who crosses his path. But you are left with your reputation in tatters,” Griffin argued.
“It’s not like that.” Finn’s voice raised so he could be heard over the tumult of the raging sea and the equally angry men. “I love Jess. I would never sully that love by playing her false with another.”
“And I love him,” she said bravely as she took his hand into her own.
Dylan rolled his eyes. “So you would both suffer for his foolish vow? Celibacy for life, for you both? That’s your brilliant solution to this conundrum?”
“It wasn’t a foolish vow,” Finn reposted. “God saved her life. For that I would pay any price.”
“You do know you can’t pay God off?” Dylan the only other Christian among them tried to bring some wisdom to the discussion.
McLeod nodded. “Of course, but that doesn’t change the fact that I made a binding vow. One I intend to keep.”
“I’d like to know just when you became so all-fired holy?” Griffin complained. “I’ve heard you make vows plenty of times. None of which you ever intended to keep. None of which you did keep. Of the four of us, you were the most consummate liar.”
“That was before.” Finn knew what the man said was true. And he would not deny his former sin. He had no need to do so, God had forgiven everything he’d done in his profligate past.
“Before what?” Connor wanted to know.
“Before I became a Christian,” Finn told him.
Jess’s two younger brothers snorted in unison.
“It’s not the best time for you to find religion, Finn. We’ve got work to do. Serious work. Arthur is in Savannah right now waiting for us with some interloper who claims he’s the heir to the French crown. We’re to get to the bottom of the man’s tale and stop any mischief he may be brewing.” Connor tried to be a voice of reason.
“Arthur Bassett already knows about Hebert Le Roi?” Jess gasped out.
Every eye on the deck turned to her. All her brothers began to speak at once.
“What do you know about Le Roi, Jess?” Dylan pounced on the most relevant piece of information, she’d just disclosed.
“How do you know about Arthur Bassett?” Connor honed in on the second fact that stunned them all.
“I want to know how she could possibly have known Le Roi was in Savannah?” Griffin wondered aloud. “I only just brought both he and Arthur there from New Orleans a fortnight ago.”
Jess swallowed. With her unintended gaffe, she’d now exposed Mother Marguerite Marie. How was she going to get out of this coil?
The girl confessed miserably. “I have a letter for Mr. Bassett. It outlines Le Roi’s plot.”
“Yes, well, you can give us the letter,” Dylan instructed.
“I’m to give it only to Mr. Bassett.”
“But we work for him, Jess. We all have since we’ve been out of short pants,” Griffin said, frustrated by this turn of events.
“He’s telling the truth,” Connor added. “As soon as you pass the information to Arthur, he’ll tell us.”
The woebegone girl looked up at Finn.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, love. I told you the truth. Your brothers and I, we’ve all been working for Bassett for a very long time. Though, I imagine, I’ll be quitting his service now. There’s no way I can be involved in intrigue and be a Christian at the same time.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” Dylan protested. He knew it could be done. For he was still an agent of the Commissioner of Peace even though his life had been radically changed when he’d become a believer. The Duke of MacAllister no longer lived in the shady and seamier shadows of that life. But he still gathered legitimate information.
“That may work for you, Dylan,” Finn added. “But I know well what God expects of me. And it doesn’t involve listening at keyholes.”
The older aristocrat shrugged. “I’m surprised you’re so adamant about all this. For a new believer, you have a profound sense of obedience.”
Griffin shuddered. “You see, this is why I give faith a wide berth. A man’s forced to do all manner of uncomfortable tasks.”
Connor agreed, “I would never consider the notion of forced chastity. And I’m shocked you would, Finn. With your history…”
He was cut off by the captain, “Some things are never discussed in mixed company. My past is one of them.”
Dylan nodded. “Yes, I agree. There’s no need to air our dirty laundry in front of Jess. We’ve all done things for which we’re not proud.”
“So you’re set on being a shouting Methodist preacher?” Griffin inquired as he looked over at his friend.
“I don’t think there’ll be any shouting involved. But I will be a circuit rider.”
“Then I agree with you,” Griffin said. “That’s no life for a gently bred female. And certainly no life for Jess.”
“You are all making very free with your decisions, about my life,” Jess said. “What if I could convince you all that I would choose, even cherish such a life with Finn?”
“We just want to protect you, my love,” Finn answered with a sad smile. “God surely didn’t save your life for it to be lost in the wilderness.”
“I will never give my consent for Jess to marry under such circumstances. And now that you’re no longer engaged to my sister, I don’t like hearing you bandy your endearments about,” Dylan said sternly.
“I don’t need your consent,” Jess said hotly.
“No my love, you don’t. You’re an adult and can make your own decisions. And that is why
I formally withdraw my suit,” Finn gave her the news as kindly as he could. But it was final and immovable.
“She is no longer, your love,” St. John warned once again.
“No, she’ll always, always be my one true love. But you’re right,” Finn agreed. “I beg your pardon, Miss St. John. I intended no insult.”
He bowed deeply to the girl. The gesture should have looked silly. He stood on a bucking ship’s deck soaked to the skin. Water seeped over the tops of his boots with his every movement. A wet line inched along the chiseled edge of his jaw to gather and fall, almost like tear drops, onto the sodden material of his transparent shirt. That same shirt was molded to his torso.
Jess quickly averted her eyes. She’d just now noticed that both of them were all but scandalous in their clinging garments. She folded her arms carefully over her chest, hiding her underpinnings from their view.
“We may not be betrothed, Finn. But you’ll always, forever be the man I love. So there is no need for us to dive into a sudden and awkward formality.”
“I agree,” Connor said with a knowing look upon his face. “No matter how this adventure ends, I believe we’ll all maintain our close ties.”
He was sure of it. In fact, he’d bet hard-earned coin on the chances that his sister and McLeod would someday end up sharing a nuptial altar. No matter what nonsense they both spouted at the moment. One could hardly be in the same vicinity with the pair of them and not feel the sparks of their attraction for one another.
“I will still have satisfaction, if Jess’s good name is tarnished,” Griffin announced.
“I’m the Duke of MacAllister, Griff. The title does come with some few limited benefits. One of which is my sway over society. A short jaunt to London, an introduction to the king, a season among the ton, and all Jess’s problems will be solved.”
“I don’t want a season,” complained the girl. She bent to the deck. She picked up the tail of her gown to wring it out.
“I know it will be a sore trial for you, Jess. But it is the best way to put all this behind you. You’ll meet the cream that society has to offer. Who knows,” Dylan said with a great deal of careless élan. “You might meet your future spouse.”
