by Faye Avalon
Wisely, she said nothing, thinking that the wrong word from her could shut him right down. She hardly dared breathe, and actually held her breath when he stopped pacing and came to stand right in front of her.
His eyes were fierce, his body language confronting. “I’ve got bad blood, Lexi.”
That was all he said, but he said it with such conviction, such self-loathing, that Lexi knew he believed it at a deep level and that it was based on more than the usual teenage rebellion. “You don’t know what you’re doing getting involved with me.”
Reaching up, she touched his cheek and kept her hand there when he tried to move it away. “Since I’ve spent the best part of a decade mulling it over, if anyone knows what they’re getting themselves into, it’s me. If you want me to say I regret this, I don’t.”
He used his thumb to stroke the side of her hand against his cheek. “That night? Your eighteenth? I wanted you, really badly.”
“Then why didn’t you take me? And don’t say I was an innocent, or I might just take a swing at you.”
He leaned away from her, took a huge breath in. “You were, but you looked so damned sexy it scared me to death.”
She frowned. “Why did it scare you?”
“A couple of weeks before your party my father paid me a visit. My biological father.”
Lexi froze inside. From the look on James’s face it wasn’t an entirely welcome or celebratory reunion. “I always thought your father died at the same time you lost your mother.”
“Being placed in foster care leads most people to that assumption. I didn’t see the point in correcting them. Maybe I hoped that if I denied his existence long enough, it’d become true.”
Lexi had heard her parents talking, had heard the rumors, that James’s real father was a really bad lot. In and out of prison, and had given James’s mother an awful time of it. It seemed most people were of the opinion that James was better off without the deadbeat excuse for a father. Of course, they had also been of the opinion that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, at least until James’s successful stint in the army. While they didn’t know the nature of his chosen profession, the trappings of his success were evident, and clinched the deal. Those same people who had once condemned him, now spoke very highly of the local boy made good.
“I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you, meeting your father again like that.”
He gave his trademark shrug. “I felt nothing for him but contempt. I never will.”
“Why did he visit you?”
“Nothing too original. Thought he could tap me for money. Gave me some sob story about needing to pay off creditors who were leaning on him.”
Lexi wanted to wrap her arms around James, but the look in his eyes said he wouldn’t welcome her support right then. “What did you do?”
“Told him to take a hike.”
“Good. I’m glad.” She hesitated for just a moment. “But what did that have to do with my eighteenth party? What did it have to do with you and me?”
So stark was his expression, that she had to fist her hands tightly to stop from reaching for him. There was absolutely no way she was going to do anything to jeopardize his opening up to her.
“It had everything to do with you and me, Lex.” His tone was ragged, his face pale. “The last time my old man did time was for seducing an underage girl. An innocent kid who thought herself in love with the bastard. After he dumped her, she followed him, but he threw her out again, and she ended up on the streets for a while before her parents went to find her and take her home.”
Certain that the color had drained from her own face, Lexi placed a hand to her throat. “That’s absolutely awful. The poor girl. And he had the audacity to come to you for money after doing something like that? I would have thought he’d be hanging his head with shame.”
Thick with scorn, his laugh echoed around the kitchen. “Shame’s not a word that’s in his vocabulary, believe me.” His gaze fixed firmly on hers. “I wanted you that night. I planned to make you mine, Lex. But it didn’t seem right. Seeing my father again had reminded me where I’d come from, who I’d come from. I couldn’t touch you and have you sullied by my bad blood.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Lexi said sharply. “If that’s the case, then every child born of anything less than perfect, sainted parents doesn’t have the right to a normal happy life. Your past never has to define your future, James.”
He frowned so hard it turned into a scowl.
Unable to resist the urge to comfort him, to support him, Lexi took his face in her hands and held tight when he tried to move away. “You are not your father, James. You’re a good man. And before you start harping on about how someone as perfect as you think I am can even consider a life with someone as dire as you think you are, let me tell you right now, James Mallory, that I’ve been nuts about you from the moment you swaggered into our backyard with a cut on your lip and a bruise the size of Texas on your left eye. I’m still nuts about you.”
He looked suitably stunned by her outburst, panicked even. But she was finished with beating about the proverbial bush, tired of skirting around the reality of how she felt. She was stupid crazy about him. Always had been. They’d both have to deal with it.
She dropped her hands from his face and moved into him. “Well?”
He wiped a hand across his jaw, so sexily shadowed with evening growth. She wanted to stroke him, kiss him, make love to him, but first things first. “Are you going to say something? Other than how I don’t know my own mind? Or maybe remind me that you’re not ‘lover material’?”
His throat moved as he swallowed, his body tense and unmoving. Still he said nothing, and Lexi’s heart clenched. Oh God. Was she never going to reach him? Never going to make him see that they would be so good together?
Everything inside her plummeted when James turned on his heel and stalked out of the room. She took a shuddering breath and leaned her hands on the counter top. Tears stung, but she wasn’t about to cry. She’d cried enough damn tears over the man.
She straightened, rolled back her shoulders. At least she’d achieved what she’d set out to achieve. Never again would he see her as innocent little Lexi. From now on when he thought of her, he would be reminded of the woman she had become.
It was small comfort, because now she ached for him in ways that the teenager who had fantasized about him had never imagined possible. The fantasy might have become the reality, but at the price of her heart.
Chapter Four
Unable to bear the myriad images swimming through his mind, James left his bed and headed for the kitchen. For the past week, at his own request, he’d been on escort-only duties, the only downside of which meant that the nights spent alone gave him far too much time to think.
From a kitchen cupboard he retrieved a glass and a bottle of whiskey and poured himself a double shot. Sinking down into a chair, he propped his feet on another, cradled his drink, and closed his eyes. Letting his head drop back, he tried to blank his mind. But fuck, there she was again. Every damn time he closed his eyes. Every damn time he opened them, too.
No way could he imagine being with another woman while Lexi filled his head. His hands itched to feel the softness of her skin, to trace the lush curves of her body. He wanted to cover her mouth with his, to taste the sweetness of her, to slip inside her welcoming heat and let it fill the empty void inside him.
Sex for the sake of it held no appeal. None. Not anymore. Not after Lexi.
Since the Agency wasn’t keen for him to continue along the escort-only route indefinitely, he’d need to rethink his plans. Maybe the time had come to get out of the escort scene completely. He had been slowly building a healthy property portfolio since he’d left the military, which yielded a good return on his investment. It seemed he had a knack for spotting potential opportunities in the market, and he enjoyed the wheeling and dealing.
Opening his eyes, he took a swig of his drink. Dresse
d only in flannel workout pants, he felt the chill of the night air slide over his bare chest. Rubbing his free hand over his arm he traced the tattoo there. The one he’d had done as a permanent reminder of where he’d come from. But the only memories attached to the tattoo now were of Lexi’s soft fingers sliding over the intricate pattern, the heated curves of her body nestled against him as she told him she liked it.
She’d also told him that he was a good man. That he wasn’t his father. Damn right, he wasn’t. He was nothing like the bastard. Never would be. So why the fuck had it taken him so long to accept that? To believe it?
He knew that people made their own choices. Knew that a man measured his actions against his own conscience, decided on his own set of morals and standards. And yeah, he might have spent a few years fucking around and acting the rebellious youth, but that was okay. He could accept that part of himself, could accept that it had helped shape the man he’d become.
With his drink in hand, he stood and walked over to the window. While he might have shaped himself into a decent man, maybe he was a damn fool one. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d let the best thing in his life trickle through his fingers. That he had allowed his stubborn fears to push away the one woman who made him feel whole. The one woman who made him really question his own prejudices and beliefs.
Tipping back his head, he emptied the glass. Yeah, he was a damn fool.
But even a damn fool could try to turn things around. Could try and halt that trickle through his fingers. All he could pray was that it wasn’t too late.
****
Lexi headed for the door, cursing that she was going to be late for lectures again. After yet another largely sleepless night, she’d finally fallen into a deep slumber around five this morning and had slept through the alarm. Not that it would matter if she missed another round of lectures, seeing as she barely held her concentration long enough to take coherent notes anyway. Her head was filled with something else. Or rather someone else.
She really had to get a grip. Her attempts to win James had failed miserably, but at least she could console herself that she’d finally managed to seduce him. Mission accomplished. Except now she felt so wretched, so desperately lost and alone. All it had done was make her realize that her teenage crush had morphed into something far more dangerous and heartfelt.
Checking the security hole, Lexi stepped back as if she’d been punched in the chest. Her heart took a ridiculous leap into her throat, and every cell and sinew of her body burst to life.
She took a shuddering breath, held it, and let it out on a long, trembling exhale. Then, composed, or so she hoped, she opened the door.
Without waiting for an invite, James stalked in. He turned to face her, shoved his hands in the pockets of well-cut jeans and pressed his lips together in a thin line. With his gaze firm on hers, he nodded. “Here’s the thing,” he said, his expression fierce. “I’m not lover material.”
Lexi crossed her arms over her chest as the hope that had been slowly gathering dissolved in a cloud of disappointment. “I thought we’d already established that.”
He nodded again, looking like a man whose head was filled with conflicting thoughts and who was trying to gather them into some semblance of clarity.
Frustration mingled with annoyance, and Lexi went on the defensive. She couldn’t bear to have him reiterate the very words that had battered her heart. “What makes you think you can turn up here at just after nine in the morning, barge into my home spouting old news, and then just stand there saying nothing else? I’ve got places to be, James.”
She noticed that his hands fisted in his pockets. “Yeah? And I’ve got things to say.”
“I thought you already said—”
“You had your say last week. Now it’s my turn.” He took his hands out of his pockets, then dragged them through his hair. Lexi couldn’t help but find his sexily-tousled look incredibly hot. What was wrong with her that while her heart was lurching on the edge of a precipice, all she could think of was jumping into his arms and being enveloped in all that strength and heat?
“I’m not lover material,” he repeated. “At least I wasn’t. But I’m thinking maybe I could change that. Maybe I could learn how.”
Everything inside her lit up. “What?”
“I never wanted to care for anyone, didn’t think I was capable. Mostly, I didn’t want to drag them down. I saw what my old man did to my mother, how he broke her heart over and over.”
“James…”
“I want to be your lover. Not sure how good I’ll be at the role, and you’re going to need to be patient with me, but I want to give it a try. I’m nuts about you, too, Lex.”
She tried to process what he was saying, but all she could think was that she’d fallen into some dream state. That she’d slipped into that parallel universe people spoke about where everything was perfect. Whole. Complete.
“You’re right about something,” he said moving toward her. “The past doesn’t need to define the future. And I’m nothing like my old man. I’ve made myself into something better than he was, and I’ve got plans for much more.”
“You have?” Her knees were shaking. Whatever those plans were, she prayed they included her.
“Like expanding my property portfolio.”
She blinked. “You have a property portfolio?”
“Started when I was in the army. Couple of apartments. They’re providing a good return on investment, and since I seem to have a knack for it, and enjoy it, that’s where I’m planning to head.”
“What about the Talbot Agency?”
He shrugged. “I always knew it wouldn’t be forever.”
“You’re planning to leave?”
“Maybe this soon wasn’t my plan, but if we’re going to give this lovers thing the best chance, I need to rethink my options sooner rather than later.”
Her insides fluttered with excitement. She hadn’t wanted to say anything, but she hated the idea of sharing him, knowing that every time he left he’d be heading for the arms, for the bed, of another woman.
His arms came around her. “I’m on escort-only duties for now, and I’ve got some leave stored up.”
Lexi tried to keep her face impassive, but it was difficult. Everything inside her positively glowed. “That sounds really good.”
He drew her closer. “There’s only going to be you, Lex.” He took a deep inhale, blew the air out on a long sigh. “Every time I saw you I felt like the top of my head was about to blow off.”
“I never knew you felt that way. You never showed it.”
“I couldn’t chance showing it. I never felt I deserved you.” He dropped a kiss to her mouth, tender and full of promise. “You always had my back. When people used to make snide remarks about me, or insinuate I was responsible for things I hadn’t done, you always stuck up for me. Shit. Even when I was responsible for stuff, you took my side.”
“I always will.”
“Yeah. I get that.” He leaned down for another kiss, this time more passionate and intense. “Maybe it’s time I auditioned for my new role as lover material.”
“Hmm,” she said, all thoughts of lectures forgotten as he circled her from the kitchen and through the sitting room toward the bedroom. “Before you leave the Agency, perhaps I should book you for the whole weekend. A kind of swan song to your old career. How about the Extreme package?”
He grinned. “How about I give you a freebie? A ‘try before you buy’ deal.”
Wallowing in the pleasure, in the happiness that swamped her, Lexi sighed dreamily. Everything she had always wanted was here in her arms, and the reality matched the dream a hundredfold. “I like the sound of that.”
****
James lowered her to the bed, unable to believe his luck. Lexi was his. After all the years of convincing himself that they could never be. With every touch, every caress, every kiss, she had brought him to his knees. He ran his hands over her, letting his mouth devour every c
urve, his tongue taste every sweet spot. She was his, and he would never be the same again. Regardless of his vain efforts to stuff down his feelings, to stop himself caring, this woman had battered down his defenses, had opened his frozen heart, and made him see that happiness was within his grasp. All he’d had to do was trust her, believe in her. Believe in himself. Believe in them.
When he’d left her, intent on getting the hell away from her, he’d felt an emptiness far greater than anything he’d ever experienced before. He’d experienced such a pain in his chest that he knew he’d be a freaking idiot to walk away from the best thing in his life.
It turned out he wasn’t a freaking idiot. Thank God.
Now he took her with a passion, with a need that shattered the remaining threads of his restraint. And when they reached for the heady heights of their release, they did it together.
“James?”
Lexi lay replete against him, her soft skin flushed and glistening from their lovemaking. “Hmm?”
“Lover material,” she murmured lazily. “Your new role. Just wanted you to know that you’ve passed the audition.”
He smiled, pulling her tight against him. “I’m only just getting started.”
The End
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Other Books by Faye Avalon:
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