I pulled Aaron's face to mine, so that I could look him in the eyes.
"Don't blame this on yourself, Aaron. It wasn't your fault." My voice was stern as I said this.
Aaron's hair was matted onto his forehead now from the rain and the droplets rolled down his face as I looked into his eyes.
The eyes that I would always find myself getting lost in.
I was about to tell Aaron that we should both inside, but- before I could- Aaron spoke. His voice was firm and clear unlike his voice moments ago.
"My father." Was all that Aaron said and then he was silent again. To anyone else it may have looked like that's all that Aaron had wanted to say, but as I looked into his eyes, I knew that wasn't the case. His eyes were desperate; almost pleading for me to allow him to continue. He needed to let it out. He needed his release.
One look into his eyes and I understood. I moved closer to him, nodding my head slowly and he nodded back in appreciation before continuing.
"From what I can remember, my dad was a hardworking man. I didn't see him a lot, only on occasional weekends and holidays because he didn't stay with us. His work-base was in Scotland." He said, disclosing the first actual thing I had heard him say about his Dad.
I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue and, after several moments, he did.
"My mom didn't mind him being away so much. She knew that it was the only way to earn our livelihood. I remember when the incident happened too. It was a Wednesday. My mom and I were headed to Scotland. The idea was to surprise him, but we didn't know that we would also be surprised. We both caught him red-handed in bed with a woman. I still remember my mom crying. I was only 8 at the time or else I would have-" He stopped abruptly before clearing his throat. By the time he had reached the end of his speech, his voice had risen significantly. The anger was evident in his voice. He continued in a calmer voice.
"My dad kept coming back to apologise, stating that it was just a mistake, but my mom wouldn't listen. She would kick him out again and again and again. Then, suddenly, he just stopped coming. Weeks passed. Months passed. He didn't come back. After that, my mom drank herself into depression. There was never a moment where she was sober. It was only after she nearly accidentally set the house fire that she realised the consequences of her drinking. She stopped drinking altogether. I don't know how she gave up such a strong habit, but she told me that I was her biggest strength. By the time I reached 12, my mom was completely normal and had gotten a job. Not a trace of alcohol was left in our household." He said, a painful smile on his face from the bittersweet memory. I rubbed his arm in comfort, but I knew it was useless. He needed more than that to make him feel better.
Nevertheless, Aaron smiled at the small gesture, stroking a hand through his wet hair yet his demeanour changed in seconds and a frown was back on his face.
"I'm just like him. I'm nothing but a cheat." He strained out in anger.
I sighed, putting my hair behind my ears.
"You're nothing like him Aaron. You kn-"
Before I could finish, Aaron cut me off.
"I'm everything like him and you know it. I play with every girls emotions. I know they all like me yet all I do is bed them and then, right in front of their eyes, I give their best friend my address." He argued, his voice ridden with disgust.
I shook my head in response, but Aaron wasn't paying attention to me anymore. His head was back in his hands just like when I first saw him.
"Aaron." I called out to him, sighing when he didn't answer. I was about to call his name again, but Aaron had already removed his head from his hands and- before I knew it- was holding my face.
He looked into my eyes, his hand stroking my jaw.
"Thank you for being here, Lexi. It means a lot." He spoke earnestly and I knew he meant it. I could tell by his eyes.
I placed my hands over his and smiled in response.
"There's no need to thank me. I'm always here." I said to which Aaron smiled back, his face still close to mine.
Only seconds later, did I realise him leaning in. His lips looked warm and inviting, tempting me to kiss him.
But I couldn't.
Before Aaron's lips could make contact with mine, I put a finger to his lips and stopped him in his tracks just as he had done not long ago. However, my reasoning was different.
I knew why he was doing this. He was trying to kiss me to dull the pain he was feeling. I remember what he had told me once.
I smiled back, looking up at him.
"What's your most favourite thing to do in the world?" I asked.
Aaron bit his lip and raised a dark eyebrow.
"That's easy. Sex." He said, waggling an eyebrow.
I gave him a pointed look.
"Seriously, Aaron? Seriously?" I droned sarcastically.
He put up a hand in mock surrender.
"I'm serious, Lexi! It really is." He said, laughing. He shrugged before continuing.
"It helps me take my mind off stuff, I guess."
"What kind of stuff?" I questioned, looking up at him.
He shrugged again.
"I don't know. Problems, maybe- Whenever there's something pressing in the back of my mind. It just helps." He said honestly, making me smile.
He was doing this to forget what had happened and I felt for him yet I couldn't let it happen.
For now, Aaron had to deal with the pain. I know what ignoring the pain had done for him in the past. He had buried the pain of his dad inside him for so long and it was tearing him apart.
He couldn't do the same with his Mom. The pain may be to great to bear right now, but it would mean a better future for Aaron and that's all I wanted for him.
I looked apologetically at Aaron and he nodded understandingly before holding my hand. We sat in a long silence before Aaron spoke.
"Will it get better?" He asked, his voice laced with both fear and hope.
I smiled at the wet road, watching as the rain died down slowly.
"It always gets better."
And by the way that Aaron tightened his hold on my hand, I knew it was too late.
I was already in love with him.
14- That Damn Door
2 weeks.
It had been 2 weeks and 3 days since I had realised my love for Aaron. However, it had also been the same amount of time that I hadn't seen him. My heart skipped a beat thinking about my last encounter with him.
After a substantial time for Aaron to calm down, I had taken him inside. The rain had slowed down in the time we were sat outside yet it still wasn't good for his health and nor was it good for mine. Although being slightly unwilling, Aaron had followed me inside. I still remember the look on his face as I seated him on the couch; it wasn't something I could quite forget.
Defeated- that's what it was and, despite all of my attempts to cheer him up, the look wouldn't go. My heart swelled at the memory of him; he looked like a lost child and it took everything in me to not pull him into my arms and hold him until he was back to the way he was before.
But I, of all people, knew that forgetting a loved-one wasn't that easy. I knew it would take him some time, especially upon seeing how close he was to his mother, and I was willing to give him that time. Yet a part of me still wished this hadn't happened- that his mother was still alive and he wasn't as soulless as I had seen him. I wished he would be as he was before, even if meant hearing the constant sexual remarks again and again. It was worth it.
I knew I was being selfish, but I couldn't help it. Before Aaron had came into my life, the closest thing I had to friends were my mother and grandfather. My father was always away, yet I never held anything against him for it, knowing he did it for us. My life was just them.
But, I didn't mind. My granddad was my light. Every time he came over, he would give me the euphoric feeling of companionship that I didn't get anywhere else. I still remember all the stories that he'd tell me- about his past; the fairy-tales. The way he'd pause in between story-tellin
g and lean over to the ashtray, tapping twice before continuing. I still, however, remembered my last memories of him; when he had last spoken to me.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I ran outside, my chubby legs tripping over my dress. My eyes set onto granddad sitting on the porch, his gaze on the sinking sun. I ran up behind him, my hands reaching out and grabbing onto his shoulder.
"Ahh!" I screamed, hoping to scare him. He turned slowly towards me, the smile falling off my face as I took in his sorrow-ridden eyes.
"What's wrong?" I asked softly, staring up innocently at him. His smile didn't seem forced at the time, but now- looking back- I knew how tense he was. He held his arm out, so I could sit beside him. I rested into his side and he sighed in what seemed like comfort.
"What happened?" My voice was soft and trembling, my bottom lip sticking out in sadness as I took in his demeanour. He exhaled slowly, his eyes returning to the setting sun. My body moved with each inhale and exhale of his, his familiar smell of cigars and mints blowing with the breeze into my nose.
"There comes a time," he began, his deep voice filled with wisdom, "where something you don't want to happen, something completely unexpected, will appear in your life. It could be good, it could be bad, but it'll happen one day. And you'll have no control over it."
"You mean like destiny?" I asked quietly, blushing as he smiled proudly.
"Yes, my girl, it's something like destiny," he whispered, hugging me closer.
"And when this comes, you'll have to be prepared. I want to make sure you'll be strong no matter what," he said as if he knew something, but- at the time- I didn't pick up on it.
"I'm not weak, granddad, I can take care of myself," I pouted, holding out my arms as if to prove my point. "And even if I can't, you'll be there to protect me, right?" He smiled sadly at me, his fingers digging into my shoulder.
"I won't be there all the time, my dear," his voice was low and the same sadness from before reappeared in his eyes.
"The unknown, in itself, is nothing; yet we fear it," he spoke deeply, his eyes set straight as he gazed into the horizon. I hung on to every word, transfixed as he spoke about something I, at the time, was not aware of.
"Just know that it is right to fear the unknown and know it is not in our hands" his words held a sinister meaning in them and I shivered slightly at his tone, but a smile was back on his face in less than a second later and, so, I dismissed the double meaning. He leaned forward, the familiar feeling of his moustache prickling my skin as he lay a brief kiss on my forehead.
"Smile always, sweetheart."
A few days after that, my granddad passed away. Whatever light he gave off, whatever light was in my home, disappeared and I was alone once more. No matter how many times my mother tried to placate me, I couldn't get rid of this hole that the absence of my granddad left. it had taken years to get over it and, yet, the scar still remained.
I knew just as well as Aaron did, how losing a person close to you was, and I knew he needed time to cope and understand the pain. Over the past few days, the only reassurance I had gotten for Aaron's wellbeing was from Justin and Danny. I didn't try to contact him after the day. After the incident that had happened between me and Aaron before the tragic ordeal with Sam, I knew there was a chance that Aaron was still upset with me. But at the same time, it felt wrong to just sit here, doing nothing while he was suffering.
My mother walked in just then, stopping my internal battle. She sent me a small smile, coming to sit by me on the sofa. She lay a hand cautiously on my leg as I looked up at her.
"A letter came," she started, her tone hesitant as if she were stepping on dangerous waters.
"Yeah..." I dragged out, waiting for her to continue. She looked down tepidly, as if contemplating her words, but finally looked up, holding something out from behind her back.
"It was from the doctor..." my eyes immediately narrowed into dangerous slits.
"No," I stated flatly, my face devoid of any emotion. Surprise flickered on her face, but was soon replaced with a look of annoyance.
"You say that every time honey-" she started, looking flustered.
"So, why haven't you got it by now?" I asked bluntly. Although knowing how rude I sounded, I also knew that it had to be said. I had already accepted what was to come and, rather, waited an escape from this morose reality. I felt no reason to live. However, as I thought about it, the image of Aaron involuntarily flashed before my eyes. I shook it away.
Why was I thinking about him at a time like this?
"The doctor can help you..." my mum whispered out, her tone desperate. I sighed, standing up and threw the blanket I had wrapped around myself onto the floor.
"I don't want help," I grit out, walking to the stairs. But that didn't stop her. She scurried after me, practically screaming for me to stop.
"Why not?" She asked, her eyes pooling with tears. I stopped halfway, turning to look at her from the corner of my eye. She looked crazed, her hair sticking up as if she had ran her hands through it one too many times.
"I need you, sweetheart," she spoke, her voice raw as I stood and listened numbly, "I know you don't want it, I know you don't. But what about me, huh? Don't you understand that I want it? I want my one and only daughter by my side, I want her to live." My eyes tightened shut as I took in her words.
"I don't want the doctor to do anything," I couldn't stop the tremble in my voice, "all he can do is say what I already know and I don't want to be reminded. I know what I'm doing and I know what I'm losing, why can't you just get that?" My voice broke at the last part.
I loved my mum and dad, more than I loved anything else and I didn't want to hurt them by doing this. But for me, there was no meaning in life. There was no point in it and if there was, I couldn't fight against destiny. Granddad taught me that. I placed a cool hand to my forehead to ease the pain I was feeling. All this fighting; all this drama had- no doubt- taken a toll on my health. I grimaced as my head pounded rhythmically to every tear that fell out my mothers eyes.
Her nostrils flared at my words and she opened her mouth as if she was going to say something but, before she could, the doorbell rang, cutting her off. She rubbed the tears away, sending me one last look before walking into the kitchen, leaving me to answer the door.
I turned towards the door, shaking my head at what just happened. I knew that she had more to say and I would get an earful after I answered the door, but I couldn't change what I wanted just because she wanted me to. I had decided on this long back and I wasn't going to change my mind.
I grabbed the door handle in my hand, inhaling sharply before pulling open the door. However, as soon as I looked up on who had knocked, I regretted opening the door. He stood on the other side of the door, his eyes on the floor as he fidgeted with his fingers.
Upon hearing the door open, Elliot looked up, a shy smile on his face.
"Hi." He said while I stood rooted to the spot. I was speechless; my voice was stuck in my throat. I knew he hadn't seen me when talking to his friend yet did he really have the gall to act so nicely to me?
He was just playing a game- a game of revenge. He was using me to get at Aaron and all I was to him was a pawn. I wanted to say a lot to him. I wanted to give him an earful. But, I decided to stay quiet, waiting to see what he had to say. I wrapped my arms across my chest, tilting my head as I waited for him to talk. He let out a breath as he looked at me.
"I just wanted to...talk about what happened with me and Aaron," he all but spit out Aaron's name, as if it were poison. He shook his head, his hair fluttered messily on his forehead as he smiled innocently at me.
"I know you're angry," he started and I resisted the urge to scoff at his blatant remark.
If my anger was any more obvious, it would be written on my forehead
"But, I can explain," he carried on and I turned to him, surprise rolling off me in waves yet he didn't seem to realise this. I nodded my head, permitting him to narrate his
excuse and he opened his mouth to speak.
"I started the fight. I know it was wrong, but I couldn't control myself." He said, his voice soaked with guilt. I eyed him suspiciously as he spoke.
Why would he admit to that?
He looked at me shyly before tugging a hand through his hair. Seeing him as innocent as this was enough to make me forget about all the cheap things he had said about me, but the next words he uttered bought them back with vengeance.
" I don't regret starting the fight with him after all the vile things he said about you- about how your innocence was just a game. He was betting how long it would take for him to bed you; I don't regret throwing the first punch. I would do that for your honour." He said bluntly, staring straight in my eyes and it was taking everything in me not to slam the door on his nose.
He was nothing but a liar. He was using me and he didn't look as if he regretted it at all. He, rather, looked as if he was enjoying it and my blood boiled at the thought. I didn't believe him anymore. Aaron hadn't given me a reason to not trust him whereas Elliot had given me numerous. This was the end of it.
Elliot looked down at me, confused as I glared up at him. My breathing was more erratic now. My anger or my illness, I didn't know what it was, but it was in control now and it was consuming my body.
"Alex?" The intimate name left Elliot's lips and as soon as he said this, I couldn't restrain myself anymore and my hand flung out, finding its way to his face. I could hear the slap resonating through the hallway and his face snapped to the side, my hand leaving an imprint on his face. I could hear my shallow breathing in the silence as I glared at him. His hand found its way to his face as he stood in silence, feeling his face as if he was mulling over what just happened.
"Did you just..." he started, his eyes not looking at me but on the ground, the shock evident on his face.
"Get out," I spoke, my voice venomous. His eyes snapped to mine, narrowing evilly.
"What-" he started but I cut him off, glaring at him.
"I said leave," my hands clenched at my side as I spoke. I couldn't believe that, all this time, I fell for the 'sweet' act that he had played me with.
Faker Boy (Alexis Secret Book 2) Page 10
