by Violet Paige
Maybe next month. I could always say more next month.
Chapter 11
I held Vaughn’s hand as he led me down a narrow staircase to a green door that was below street level. I was careful not to tip forward on my pointy heels. His fingers rubbed against mine and I shivered remembering how intimately we had touched last night. How I had given myself to him in a way that still made me feel raw and vulnerable. He touched the inside of my wrist with his thumb and I realized how much I liked the feelings.
The vulnerability somehow made me trust him more. I couldn’t explain it. I was in his hands in every sense of the word.
The hostess smiled when Vaughn gave his name for the reservation. She guided us through tables until we were seated in a back corner. It was dark and private.
“How was your day?” he asked.
He had dressed in simple charcoal pants and a white shirt. He still had a tan even though it was fall.
“I added eight clients to my caseload.”
“Is that a good thing for you? Sorry, I don’t know much about what it is you do.”
“It’s a little overwhelming,” I admitted. “I didn’t get eight new cases a week back home. This is a different world.” I paused. “But it does mean eight women who need help will get it. And the more cases I take, the more it adds to my portfolio at the clinic. All good things.” I smiled.
“Is that your end game? To build up your resume here?”
“Yes and no.”
He held the wine list close to the candle in the center of the table.
I continued, “When I moved here, it was with every intention to get one of the open spots.”
“And now?” He closed the wine book and looked at me.
“The last few weeks have opened my eyes. I’m embarrassed to say that.”
“What embarrasses you?”
“Thinking about where I started in law school and where I ended up.”
He cocked his head sideways. “I don’t follow.”
“I’ve spent the last few years doing the most boring type of law on the planet. Not following my true interests. Settling for less than what I saw for myself.” I didn’t know where the confession had come from. “And even though I’m helping people now, I realize I wasted time not doing it. I stuck my head in the sand and let other things distract me. I was so naïve.”
“But you’re here now.”
“Yes. I am.”
We sat back in our chairs when the waiter came to take our order. Vaughn ordered a bottle of red wine and dismissed him quickly.
“Any regrets about moving?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No.” It was the first time I was confident in my answer since I moved. “I think this is where I’m supposed to be.”
“D.C. has a way of growing on people.”
“What about you? How long have you been here?”
He ran his thumb over his bottom lip and moved his elbows when the waiter returned with our wine.
“Five years. I moved for the job and haven’t thought about going anywhere else.”
I reached for my glass of wine.
“There’s something to be said for finding a place you like.”
He nodded. “If my job moves me, then I’ll worry about that then.”
“Is that a possibility?” There was a needle of fear with that idea. Even if it was too soon to have that feeling.
“In my line of work it’s always a possibility.”
“You make it sound like you could get a transfer at any point.”
“No. It’s not that serious. I shouldn’t have made it sound like that. I just know not to get too attached. Guys in this business move a lot. I’m one of the lucky ones to have been in the same place for so long.”
“Lending sounds unpredictable.” I gulped the wine.
He smirked. “Different from day to day.”
“And you like it? It’s what you want to do?” I remembered the night we first met he had told me he used to be in the Navy.
“Does anyone really want the job they have? Present company excluded, of course.” He winked. “It’s interesting. I make plenty of money. I’m not out saving the world like you, and I’m ok with that.”
I giggled slightly. “I never said I was saving the world.”
“Just take the compliment.”
I blushed. “Ok. I save the world.”
“That’s better.”
We ate by candlelight. Somewhere in the front of the restaurant was the sound of an accordion. Vaughn was right about how authentic it was. The food was delicious—so was my date.
I thought we would take a car back to my place after dinner but Vaughn wanted to walk. Sometimes I got the feeling he had a restless side. He liked being outside more than in.
“Are you cold?” he asked.
“A little.” I rubbed my arms.
“Here.” He took his jacket off and draped it around my shoulders. His body heat the jacket held was warm against my skin. It smelled distinctly like him. I inhaled.
“Thank you.”
We strolled along the sidewalk. I held my clutch in one palm as Vaughn took my other hand in his. I felt the fire as our hands touched and our fingers mingled.
I struggled for something to say. Vaughn seemed comfortable not saying much. That’s what the silent broody types did. They wallowed in the silence. I studied his profile as we walked. It was half-clipped in shadows.
I measured time by the click-clack of my heels.
Vaughn stopped. “Want to try this place?”
I looked at the bar he nodded toward. It wasn’t very busy.
“Sure. A night cap sounds good.”
He held the door for me as he ushered me inside. There was a baseball game on one of the overhead screens.
“I’ll order for us.” He squeezed me into a booth with leather seats. “Do you want another glass of wine?”
I ran my tongue over my teeth. “Surprise me.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” He turned for the bar and I watched as he ordered. He placed a handful of bills on the counter and returned with the two drinks.
“Here’s your surprise.”
I looked suspiciously at the dark liquid. “Is it bourbon?”
“You’ll have to try it.” He took a swallow.
I followed his lead. The initial sip was strong at first. My throat burned, but then I tasted the sweetness. My limbs started to warm.
I flinched when I heard my phone vibrate through my purse. I peeked inside the bag to see who it was.
Garrett had sent a text.
Stop worrying. I had a great day. I’ll call you soon.
It was the first time I had heard from my brother since the call yesterday. I tucked the bag in the corner of the booth.
“Something wrong?” Vaughn pried.
I shook my head, but suddenly changed my mind. “Actually, yes.”
“What’s going on?” It was a simple gesture, but his hand slid to my knee and closed over my leg. There was more heat in his touch.
“Remember when you called last night and I wasn’t quite myself?”
“Yes. I was worried about you.”
I looked at the brim of the glass as my finger made a circle around it. “It was because of my brother.”
“Is he ok?” Vaughn’s brow furrowed together.
“It’s just if I tell you, I’m worried you’ll think differently about me.”
“Why would I do that? It’s about your brother.”
“Because it’s not the kind of thing you talk about with someone you’re casually seeing.” Shit. I didn’t mean to drop our status into the middle of this. “It’s not that—I—”
His fingers dug into my thigh. “Emily, I’m not going to change my mind about you.”
My chest seized. It was the way he looked at me with those piercing eyes. Or how his gaze drifted to my lips. Or how with his hand on my leg I felt almost as connected to him as I did in bed.
“He, u
mm, he … Garrett has bipolar disorder.” I waited for Vaughn’s expression to change, but it didn’t. “And right now he’s going off his meds voluntarily. It’s one of his protests. He moved out without talking to my mother and is trying to be part of a start-up business at the beach.”
“Doesn’t sound like a good situation for anyone.”
“It’s not. My mom has tried. I’ve tried.” I looked at Vaughn. “We’re twins. Garrett and I are twins. And it makes me feel like I should be able to help more—do more for him than anyone else.”
“You know that’s not actually true? As his sister, you’re the same as everyone else in this puzzle. Did he just call or text or something?”
I nodded. “He did. It’s been over twenty-four hours since I last heard from him. I think he’s fine for now. Until he hits one of his peaks and crashes. He can’t just go cold turkey off the medication like this.”
“Sounds like hell.”
“I used to feel so bad for him. I used to worry about how he felt. How hard it was for him to go up and down all the time. What his body had to go through just so he could function. And then somewhere along the way I stopped feeling so bad for him and started getting angry at him. And I think that’s what eats away at me the most. I’m a terrible sister.”
“For not wanting to be jerked around by someone else? That doesn’t make you terrible. That makes you human.”
I sniffed. “And consumed with enough guilt to fill this bar.”
“I have brothers and sisters.”
“You do?” I asked.
“There are five of us total. I’m in the middle. And although I’ve never had to deal with mental health problems with them, there have been other things. Families deal with shit. And what I do, what they do—it’s unrelated. I’m not responsible for their lives and they sure as hell aren’t responsible for mine.”
My stomach twisted in knots. “You can just make that distinction and you’re ok with it?”
“Yeah, I am. Doesn’t mean I don’t care. But I have to live my life, and I think you know you have to live yours too.”
“I do know that. It’s why I moved. Part of the reason.”
My hand rested on top of his. I needed more of his reassurance. More of his touch.
“I wanted to get away from him and the problems that came along with the decisions he and my mom made. That and Greer said she desperately needed a roommate.” I smiled.
“The roommate who is never home?”
“Yes, that one. I think she really just needed someone to act as an apartment sitter. It was just a ploy to get me here.”
“Not a bad plan.” He winked and my insides melted.
Our glasses were empty. The baseball game was in the ninth inning. I hadn’t seen anyone walk through the door in a while.
“Thanks for listening. And for not judging me.”
“I already made my judgments about you and they have nothing to do with the brother I’ve never met.”
His free hand slid to my chin. It moved along my cheek until he had drawn my lips to within inches of his face.
“You have?” I whispered.
“Mmmhmm.” He brushed his lips over mine and I sighed before he took my mouth with the kind of kiss that made me forget we were sitting in a bar.
Our tongues tangled and I inhaled the sweet liquor from his breath. I gasped when his hand moved from my thigh to the sliver of space between my legs. It was reactionary as I jutted forward so his fingers could run along my silk panties.
I wanted to crawl into his lap. I wanted to shred his clothes and climb on the table for him to take me. I couldn’t kiss him enough.
Our breathing became rapid. He dragged his hands through my hair.
“We’re going back to your place.” He breathed into my ear.
I nodded quickly, tearing myself away from him so I could grab my purse.
Vaughn hailed the first taxi he saw on the street. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other in the backseat. The driver cleared his throat when we reached the curb in front of the apartment.
We stumbled out of the car, Vaughn pulling me into his arms as he walked backward to the entry. I’d never hated the three flights of stairs as much as I did at this moment. My bed was so far away.
By the time we got to the top step, his mouth was on my neck. His hands shoved my dress to my hips. I pressed my palms into the door. The keys fell to the floor.
“Oh God,” I moaned.
His fingers raked over my sex, still swollen and sore from last night.
“Do you think your neighbors would care if I fucked you right here?” he growled.
I nodded. “Yes.”
I stepped obediently out of my panties as he guided them down my legs. His hand palmed my ass.
“I don’t know if I care what they think right now.”
Granted, we were the only apartment on the top floor, but I didn’t know what the people below would think if they walked out looking for the source of the sounds of passion and saw us on the upstairs landing.
“Keys are on the floor.” I gulped the words between breaths.
“They can stay.”
He spun me around to face him. As soon as I saw his eyes I forgot why I cared about the keys or the neighbors. He shoved me against the wall and I wrapped my hands around his neck. His firm lips moved against my throat. His jacket fell to the ground, exposing my shoulders.
I heard his belt buckle and the sound of his zipper. My hands helped work the dress pants out of the way. His glorious cock was free and I kissed him feverishly as he yanked my leg around his hip.
The tip of his shaft reached my entrance and I hissed as he pushed inside me.
It was blinding as he stretched around me, pushing deep inside me.
Quickly, he picked up my standing leg and slammed me against the front door, sending his cock deeper.
“Oh God, Vaughn.”
His mouth covered mine, silencing my cries of pleasure. He held my lower back and I knew there was no way this strong man would drop me. Slowly, I let go of the hold I had on his neck and let my hands float overhead, feeling the passion of each of his thrusts.
“Fuck,” he growled with a soft whisper. “I’m going to come hard.”
I whimpered. My head rolled to the side, my arms free. My eyes closed, feeling the intensity of our bodies sealed and heated.
He pumped in and out of me until I knew his orgasm had taken him. He bit my shoulder, clamping his teeth into my soft skin while he pulsed inside me. His body rigid and still. The sting of the bite turned to a tender kiss. He pressed his forehead to mine.
“Shit, Emily.”
I exhaled. “I can’t feel my legs.”
He gently placed my feet on the floor, retrieved his pants from his ankles, and handed me my panties. He leaned over again to get the keys that had spilled out of my purse.
“We can go inside now?” I asked.
“We can.” He slapped me on the ass and I giggled.
I had never done anything so explosively impulsive. What if someone had heard us? What if on the way to work I ran into one of the neighbors who knew I had sex in the hallway?
I let us into the apartment, tossing my purse on the couch. I walked to the kitchen to pour us both glasses of water. Vaughn peeled the clothes from his body and walked into the bedroom as if he had always lived here.
I followed him and watched as he lifted the comforter and crawled into my bed naked. I blinked.
He patted my side of the bed. “Coming?”
I nodded. I slid the dress off my body and moved in next to him. He brought me into his arms and against the hard planes of his chest. He kissed the back of my head and within minutes had fallen asleep.
I stared at the ceiling in disbelief. His hands were wrapped against my bare skin as he fell into a steady rhythm of breathing. I inhaled deeply and let myself relax. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
Chapter 12
I flipped to the next open page in
my journal. I looked at the last date and realized it had been two weeks since I had written. I leaned into the pile of pillows on my bed. I had a night to myself.
Vaughn said his business trip would be short. It was an overnight.
I had papers to grade. I had cases to study. I needed to submit a report to Max. And all I could think about was the cold shallow spot in my bed. I had turned to my journal, thinking I could focus on something other than how much I missed him. In only a few short weeks he had become a constant craving.
I kicked the covers in frustration, and marched to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine.
The dishes from last night’s dinner were stacked on the counter. I closed my eyes, remembering how Vaughn had kept me from putting them away. The chills ran up my arm and down my spine.
That’s what I should write about. How Vaughn had infected me with some kind of sexual intoxication. I was a different woman than the one who had moved to D.C.
It wasn’t that the boxes were unpacked and all my clothes hung in the closet. Or that I knew my way around the Metro and campus. Those things had come with time. Each day I walked through my new life, they became a part of it.
I should write about how something tugged and pulled me toward Vaughn. How I could look at him and feel the current running between us. It defied logic. He had awakened me. Brought happiness when everything else was muddled and gray.
I didn’t know how he’d done it. I had dated other men I knew more about than Vaughn. It seemed by the third date I had a complete history on their favorite sports teams, who they voted for the first time, and every place they had gone on summer vacation as a kid. They weren’t afraid to hand over their biographies. They were scared to death to hand over themselves. The distance they kept wasn’t in a list of personal accomplishments or sharing every opinion that occurred to them. The distance came from under their skin. From time they could give. From fear that feelings for me would cripple their lives.
The irony was that Vaughn was the opposite side of the coin. I knew him better than any man who had been in my bed.
I curled under the covers and rested the wine glass next to the bed.
