by Violet Paige
“Not in weeks. I don’t know when the last time was actually.”
We stopped talking when the cashier started ringing up the groceries. After we paid, we each grabbed the bags and walked outside.
Greer faced me. “I think it hit me when I saw how Vaughn just grabbed you like that.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t know if Preston has ever kissed me with so much … so much…”
“Intensity?”
“Yeah. That.”
“You’re probably right. It’s just a phase. You can get back on track with a romantic date. You two should have dinner together tonight if you’re both free. We can do the double date thing another night. Go have sex tonight.” I didn’t know if I was being generous or selfish. I wanted my alone time with Vaughn.
“No. This is just as important. I need to get to know the guy who is living in my apartment.”
We started walking toward home.
“He doesn’t live there,” I argued. I hadn’t offered him a drawer. He didn’t keep a toothbrush in my bathroom.
“I’m teasing you. I want to get to know him. See if I can break past that smoldering thing he has.”
I laughed. “I haven’t broken past the smolder.”
“Is it really serious between you two?”
“I don’t know how to answer that. It doesn’t feel casual if that’s what you’re asking.”
“How’s the sex? Tell me that. I need to live vicariously through you at the moment,” she pressed for details.
“Ok. That’s personal.”
“I know it is. But it has to be off the charts. It is, isn’t it?”
“Ok. I’ll tell you this.” I checked behind us to make sure there wasn’t anyone walking close by. “I’ve never … I’ve done all kind of new things. And I love it. Ok? That’s all I’m saying.”
“Thank God someone has a sex life.” She sighed. “I feel like a forty-year-old married woman. This is pathetic.”
My eyes softened. “Greer, just take a breath and talk to Preston. You know he misses sex as much as you do. I’ll go to a movie tonight or something if you want the apartment to yourselves.”
“You’d do that?”
I shrugged. “Of course. Vaughn said he has to leave early. I’ll go out and let you two have some space to talk. And then I’ll lock myself in my room.”
“Thank you. What do I do if it doesn’t work?” She looked panicked.
We stopped in the foyer of our building. I let the grocery bags rest on the the floor to give my arms a break.
“You have to take the first step. No relationship was cured in one night, but if you don’t have the night, make the time, set the priorities, or it won’t heal. Do the small things. They add up.” I smiled.
I saw her eyes glisten with the threat of tears.
“I-I think it’s this place, you know? We’ve made the senators and our careers more important than each other. All the things that brought us together are the things that are slowly pushing us apart.”
“Why don’t you get away for a weekend? Vaughn took me to this amazing vineyard and winery in the country. It’s rustic and romantic.”
Her jaw dropped.
“He took you on a trip?”
I nodded. I wanted to distract her from how much we had drifted apart.
“I’ll give you the name. Surprise Preston with a reservation. He’ll love it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Shit. He sounds perfect. So fucking perfect.”
I shook out my arms before picking up the bags again. “He kinda is.”
We started up the three flights to the apartment. Vaughn was right where I left him. I dropped the grocery bags on the counter and walked out to tell him we were back.
“Hi.”
“You weren’t gone long.” He rested the tablet next to him.
“I’m going to help Greer put everything away. Preston will be here at five for dinner. He volunteered to bring beer and wine.”
“Am I going to like this guy?”
“Probably not.” I smiled. “But he’s never here, so it’s not like you two have to be best friends.”
“Good to know.”
The sun had started to warm the rooftop.
Vaughn’s phone buzzed next to him. He picked it up. “Hello?”
I waited while he took the call. It sounded like work. I could tell the instant quiet and clipped way his words changed.
He hung up and looked at me.
“Everything ok?” I asked.
“I have to fly out tonight.”
“What?”
He put his bare feet on the stone floor. “My meeting was moved.”
“Out of town?” I questioned.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”
He rose from the chaise.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m getting the itinerary in my email.”
He moved toward the glass door. “Wait, Vaughn. You’re just leaving?”
He faced me. His eyes looked darker than I had ever seen them. “I have to pack. I have to get my passport.”
“I thought you didn’t know where you’re going.”
“I always take my passport when I fly.”
“Oh.” My stomach twisted in knots. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t like his mood.
“Come on.” He reached for my hand. “I need to take a shower before I leave.”
I looked through the door. Greer was busy opening cabinets and arranging the food in the refrigerator.
Our fingers entwined with instant heat. He led me through the apartment. Neither one of us said anything to my roommate as we passed through the living room. She didn’t seem to notice. Vaughn locked the door and backed me into the bathroom. He turned on the shower.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back.” He brushed my hair from my shoulder.
“I don’t think I like that idea,” I whispered. My throat clamped with pain as if I could cry.
Chapter 17
Vaughn’s eyes darted back and forth. “Emily…”
“Yes?” I wondered if it was on his tongue too. The words that had struck me this morning on the balcony.
Words I hadn’t said to anyone before. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t felt them. I had. I had felt them more than once, but I was always too afraid to say them first. Maybe that was my mistake. I waited for someone else to tell me how they felt first. I hid behind the shelter of their words. I protected myself by not going first.
“Em, I-I—”
I couldn’t stop it from happening. “I love you.”
There was silence between us. My eyes dropped to the floor. “Oh God. Was that not what you wanted to hear?”
He lifted my chin in the air. “I don’t think I’ve ever wished things could be different before.”
He crushed his lips to mine. I didn’t care that he hadn’t said it. I felt it. I felt it when his hands circled my body. When he stripped the clothes from my skin. When he lifted me into the shower.
He pressed my back into the wall. “Why now? Why did you say it now?” he growled. I thought I heard pain in his voice.
I was breathing so hard, I could barely talk. The water rushed over his back and between us. His hand pried my legs apart. I gasped when I felt him circle my clit. My mouth parted with a sigh.
“You don’t have to say it, Vaughn.” I bit my lip. “I just wanted you to know before you left. It’s ok.”
He held my eyes with his gaze. His body pinned me to the shower wall. His erection was solid against my hip. God, I wanted him. I wanted him inside me. This man I loved.
“But I’m leaving tonight.” He lifted my leg over his hip.
I nodded. “It’s ok. I love you means no pressure.” I whimpered when he pushed his cock to my entrance.
“Fuck, Emily. You just made everything complicated.”
My eyes flared. “No. It’s not.” My hips jerked forward to show him that I accepted what was between us, no matter if he said
it or not.
His hands took mine overhead. “You know you drive me fucking insane?”
I nodded. “Yes.” My voice was breathy.
“And your body is like my drug?”
I nodded again. “God, yes.”
His fingers curled against my knuckles as he started to push inside me.
“And I don’t think it was an option not to fall in love with you.”
He thrust with powerful force as my body wrapped around him. My heart seized. My blood pumped faster than before. It was the complete ecstasy of Vaughn possessing me and hearing the words simultaneously.
I lost gravity. I lost my hold on reality as his body took mine. He lifted my ass against the wall and I straddled him with my other leg. He surged inside me with strong strokes. Each one pinning me against the tile with more urgency than the last.
“Why did you say it?” he panted, kissing my throat.
He pushed inside me. “Ohh,” I cried. I had no way to support myself or gain traction. Vaughn held me as I slid up and down at his will.
“I’m leaving tonight,” he repeated.
“I know.” I found words. “I love you. I do.”
I touched the rippled lines of biceps and dug my fingertips into the skin on his shoulders.
My body tightened as my core shook with the last threads of resistance. The orgasm had built to epic proportions. Vaughn reached between my legs, caressing my clit and I lost it.
“Vaughn,” I screamed into the shower as the last wall collapsed and the orgasm broke free.
“Fuck,” he growled pumping harder and faster.
I rode him wildly, abandoning fears. I clung to him, grasping for more of his skin. His back. His arms. His hands splayed on the wall behind me as he pushed deep, giving in to his own release.
I sucked in gulps of air. The water splattered off his shoulders, hitting my cheeks.
His head hung against my neck. “Fuck.”
I raised his head so that I could stare in his eyes. “I don’t like that you have to leave, but I think I like goodbye sex.” I smiled shyly.
He lowered my legs to the floor. He kissed me, sucking and biting my lips. The flutter in my core returned. I didn’t know anything for sure, but I didn’t know how this could be anything but love.
We opened our eyes.
“I have to go soon.”
“Will you call me when you get where you’re going?” I asked.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to.” He turned around and reached for the shampoo.
I leaned into his back, circling my arms around his chest while my cheek rested on his back. I loved how he felt under my palms.
“Maybe a text or a message. I have that international app. I can give you my username.” I had added it to my phone just for him.
He ran the shampoo through his hair. “I’ll see what I can do.”
His hands landed on top of mine. He rotated to rinse the shampoo. We were chest to chest. My nipples grazed the indentations of his muscles. My lips pointed toward his. He brushed his wet lips over mine. I smiled.
“I can’t wait for you to get back.”
He was quiet.
He turned me around and soaped my back with body wash. When we were finished rinsing off, Vaughn reached for the towels, wrapping me in a spiral before drying his hair and stepping from the shower.
We both dressed and he picked up the few things he had brought with him last night.
“I guess you’ll have to get to know Preston another time,” I mused.
“I guess so.” He tucked his wallet into his back pocket and unplugged his phone from the charger.
“Maybe when you get back we can do a different double date. A movie? Or one of the shows that are coming up for the holidays?”
“Maybe.” He walked past me and pulled his jacket from the hook on the back of the door.
The charge between us had changed. I couldn’t explain it, but it seemed as if Vaughn was so distracted from his travel plans he couldn’t focus. As soon as the shower sex was over, he was on a clearly distinct mission to collect his belongings. I didn’t want to believe it was because I told him I loved him. He already knew—saying it out loud only made it official.
“When is your flight?” I sat on the bed and watched him, confused by how broody he had become.
“Three hours. I have to pack.”
“At least you had a shower,” I teased.
He sighed. “Yeah.” He walked toward the bed. “I have to get going.”
“I could ride with you. Help you pack? Or drop you off at the airport?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I have to run by the office first and pick up files. I don’t really have time.”
“I could see your office then.”
“No, Em.”
I felt the disappointment sink in. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t know how to stall him without coming across as immature. I should be able to handle this. It was a business trip. When he went to Germany for a week things weren’t this serious between us. We had one date. We were way past that point now.
The last months had been everything I wanted in a relationship. Knowing there was going to be an interruption in that made me nervous. It shouldn’t. I should have more confidence in him. In us.
I pulled my shoulders back.
“I hope you have fun wherever you go.” I plastered on a fake smile.
“Thanks.” He leaned down to kiss me. “Bye, Emily.”
He backed up toward the door, pausing for a second. I thought he was going to say something, but he turned and was gone.
I fell on the bed, trying not to feel sad. He would be back soon, I told myself. And between now and then I had plenty to keep me busy. I had more than most people. I had a huge wrongful termination case. I had a meeting with Max Harrison this week. I had a roommate to reconnect with.
I pulled the pillow to my chest. I had all of that, but what I really wanted had just walked out the door.
Chapter 18
I had fallen into sort of a groove at work. It was still chaotic and overwhelming, but that had become my new normal. Monday morning, I walked in looking for a case to distract me. I wanted to sink my teeth into something while Vaughn was gone. I hadn’t heard from him yet.
Addie looked up for a brief second.
“Good morning.” I smiled.
“Hi.” She scribbled notes on an open file.
Jessie was right behind me. “Am I late?” She was noticeably out of breath.
“No.” I shook my head. “I just got here.”
“Good.” She scooted in next to me, closer than what I was comfortable with. “I was worried that you had already started meeting with clients. I ran from the shuttle, but then I remember I left my phone so I had to find that and it was one thing after another.”
I didn’t know if I was a good mentor for Jessie or not. I didn’t enforce any type of rule system. I taught her the law of the cases we worked on. I explained what documents we needed and the deadlines for filing them. I didn’t give her advice on how to make a career in law or even how to impress the boss by showing up on time.
Addie was the complete opposite. She had handed her mentees a syllabus with expectations and guidelines for the year. They checked in with her throughout the day.
“Want me to go on a coffee run?” Jessie offered.
“Actually yes.” I needed a second to breathe. Alone. I handed her a wad of cash. “The usual.”
“No problem.” She stuffed the bills into her purse and walked out of the office.
It gave me a few minutes to settle in.
Meg poked her head in the door. “Ready?”
I waved her off, while Addie waved her first client in for the morning.
I needed more time. I didn’t know if there was enough coffee or enough minutes. But I wasn’t ready.
By lunch Jessie and I had seen four new clients and two active cases. I wanted to devote the rest of the afternoon to c
ases I still had pending.
It was hard to juggle the caseload with so many people piling up in the lobby. I didn’t want to turn anyone away, but I couldn’t help the people I was already committed to if I didn’t close some of the cases.
I walked to the student store to grab a salad. I pulled my phone out when it buzzed. It was a text from Greer.
Had fun last night. See you tonight, roomie. Want to watch a movie?
I smiled. Last night had been fun. It wasn’t what I had hoped for, but Preston decided not to come over when he realized it was going to be a girls’ night.
Definitely
I was glad that Greer wanted to try to bring us back together. It wasn’t her fault things had become foreign between us. I had ignored our friendship as much as she had. I was lost in some kind of Vaughn spell. I had to learn how to balance our relationship in my life. It was too easy to be consumed by him.
I paid for my salad and walked across campus, pulling my coat tighter to my chest. I decided to eat lunch at my desk while Jessie took her full hour break.
I poured a drizzle of dressing over the kale leaves when my phone vibrated again.
I wanted it to be Vaughn. I sighed when I saw the text was from my mother.
Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?
It seemed like the kind of conversation we needed to have over the phone. It was the most time off I had since I started at American.
Can I bring someone?
I waited for my mother’s response. I hadn’t talked to Vaughn about the holidays, but Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away. Of course it was entirely possible he had plans with his family. But there was a part of me that wanted to take him home to New Bern with me.
Even if my family was crazy and unstable. They were still my family. And I wanted them to meet him.
Greer?
I groaned. This was why texting wasn’t the best option. But it might be hard to get off the phone with my mom. I didn’t want to spend my lunch break detailing my relationship.
No. My boyfriend. I’ll call you tonight when I’m not at work.
