by Fiona Miers
The carriage was slowing down already. Where had that time gone?
The driver pulled their carriage right up to the front of the dressmaker and the coach man jumped down and opened the door.
Robert jumped straight out and waited to help Ellie out also.
She placed her gloveless hand in his and his intake of breath whistled through his teeth. Her skin was so smooth, when had she taken her gloves off?
“This way, young lady.”
He guided her into the shop and stood at the back as she went forward to greet the shop keeper.
“I will wander about your village Miss Sommers and come back a little later.”
He turned to walk out of the shop when she called him back.
“No Mister Blakely, please. I need your opinion.”
He stopped himself from groaning aloud as he turned around and walked further into the shop.
“How can I be of assistance Miss Sommers? I am an old man and know little of fashions.”
He grimaced at his own word choice. He wasn’t an old man, but he needed to keep reminding them both of their considerable age difference.
Not to mention the fact he had decided never to remarry. Why did he keep forgetting that fact?
“But you are a man, Sir.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him and gazed up with her innocent brown eyes.
He clenched his teeth and half bowed at her to hide it.
“I am at your service, Miss Sommers.”
Ellie smiled and disappeared into another room with the dressmaker.
Robert waited, then stood up. After a while he turned to pacing up and down for what seemed like forever. Whatever could they be doing?
The dress maker came bustling out.
“Please, sit down Sir.”
Robert sat, his ankle crossed over his knee.
His jaw fell open when Ellie walked out in a ball dress of pale pink. She picked it up and stepped up onto the round step in front of the mirrors.
“I’m not sure about the colour. Robert?”
He slammed his mouth shut when she turned to look at him, her eyebrows raised in question.
“No, the colour is lovely.” He cleared his throat. Was that his voice?
“I’m worried about the neckline also.”
Ellie flushed a lovely shade of pink to match her dress and Robert shifted in his chair. Hunger was growing inside of him and he knew it would be hard to hide in his face. He looked down at his nails to disguise it.
“You aren’t a new debutante, Miss Sommers. You can get away with a slightly lower neck line.”
He risked a look up to see her face smiling in approval.
The next hours were a torment of the worst kind.
Time after time he had to watch Ellie prance around beautiful dresses, gloves, even look at stockings and pelisses. She asked him for his opinion on colours, textures, even on appropriate neck lines.
He was sweating by the time she had finished. She had followed every piece of advice he had given her, even ordered in a special version of purple fabric because he had said he liked it. He had never felt more special.
“Thank you so much, Mrs. Essex.”
Ellie kissed the elderly dress maker on the cheek and held her gloves in her hand, not putting them on.
Robert looked at the white gloves.
“Do you want to put them on, and we can perhaps go for a short walk before heading home.”
Ellie smiled and tucked them into a pocket in her day dress.
“No, I have recently learnt the pleasure of not wearing gloves.”
She waited for him and he offered her his hand. His naked, glove less hand. Hell.
Heat infused his whole arm, clenching his teeth against the need to pull her closer. He wanted to caress her cheeks, kiss her soft pink lips. He shook his head, where were these feeling coming from? These strange desires?
“What would you like to see Robert?” Ellie looked at him with her wide, clear brown eyes and he wanted to beg her to stay with him forever.
Embarrassed by his own feelings, he looked away.
“Anywhere you like Ellie. Perhaps a tour of the village? I have no need of anything in particular.”
They walked through the small village, smiling as they went.
Ellie showed him the general store and the tea shop. They even had a butcher and a baker. It was a charming little town. Ellie pointed at shop windows and told stories of her childhood and Robert found himself laughing and enjoying himself.
He grimaced when they rounded the last corner and began walking back. He didn’t know whether to thank Ellie for making his holiday so enjoyable or curse her for reminding him that life could be wonderful.
He looked out at the hills towards his home. He would return there within a week. His empty home and his plain, responsible existence.
“You look upset Robert? Have I done something to offend you?”
He shook his head, sad for himself and angry that he had made her feel this way.
“Not at all, young lady. Just thinking about home.”
She smiled at him.
“Is your home very beautiful?”
Robert shrugged, he rarely saw it as anything more than a building.
“I have been told it is. But as I live there alone, it is rarely enjoyed as it should be.”
He felt the tension in Ellie and pulled her slightly closer.
She finally spoke after a quick inhaled breath.
“Have you thought about remarrying?”
Robert laughed, how would he handle this? The true answer was yes, many times, until he remembered why he had made his decision.
“No, I won’t remarry. Losing my wife and child hurt too much. I can’t do that again.”
Ellie gasped, tightening her grip on his arm.
“Oh my, that sounds horrible.”
He smiled, squeezing the hand on him.
“It’s life, but don’t feel sorry for me. I’m happy now.”
They walked a little further and he turned to her when they reached the carriage. He must be honest, he felt he owed her that.
“Thank you for today Ellie. I had forgotten how lovely it is to have someone’s company. Especially someone who caters to me…” His voice faltered as he realised how much he was revealing. That was not clever.
Her green eyes shimmered as she looked up at him and a small smile picked up the ends of her mouth.
Robert’s heart rate increased. He had over stepped the line.
“It doesn’t have to end Robert, does it?”
Something resembling a horse shoe wedged itself into Robert’s chest, squeezing around his heart. She couldn’t possibly mean what she way saying.
“You have been lovely to indulge this old man Ellie, but I know you must find someone worthy of you.”
She snatched her hand out of his grasp so quickly that Robert almost fell sideways.
“If you don’t like me Robert just say so. I do not wish for these ridiculous excuses.”
His mouth gaped open. She couldn’t possibly think that?
“Ellie, of course I like you. You are easy to converse with, you make me laugh and you are extremely beautiful.”
She turned pleading eyes on him. “Then why do you say such things?”
He sighed. How could he make her understand? He was petrified but sad at the same time.
“Young lady, I will be honest. You make me yearn for another life but I do not deserve it, or you.”
Lightning flashed in her eyes as she tilted up her head and looked him straight in the eye.
“I think I am the best judge of what is good for me and what I need. Thank you Sir.”
She turned and climbed into the carriage without his help.
Robert stood still, unable to believe their conversation. He was shocked. Had she just told him that she wanted to continue their friendship and he had told her he didn’t deserve her? Was he a fool?
No, it was best for both of them.
&
nbsp; The carriage ride home was silent. Ellie would not look at him and no matter how hard he tried, Robert could not think of anything to say that would undo the damage he had just done.
When they arrived home, Robert excused himself and hid in William’s library. He even requested luncheon to be served for him so that he did not have to face Ellie once again.
He usually spent every day in his own library at home, reading about ancient Greek Mythology or doing research on the stock exchange. He had many varied interests, most of which could be visited within the confines of this one room.
Robert rarely socialised and did not miss it - silly people with their silly concerns. Occasionally he did get lonesome, but those moments were few and far between.
Something startled Robert from his book. Looking up, turned his head towards the door, unable to determine what it was. Had a servant knocked on his door? He waited, no. It wasn’t a servant.
What had pulled him out of the riveting read of India travels?
A feminine laugh sounded.
He was standing and pushing open the door before he had chosen to move. That was the one thing Robert had missed, the sound of other people about the house. His house was ghost-like in its quietness.
Another laugh, louder this time vibrated through the air and Robert shivered; fingers dancing up his spine.
He stepped into the door way of the afternoon sitting room to find Ellie seated on a chair. Holding his breath, Robert prayed she would not see him.
She was embroidering by the low fire, her posture relaxed and confident. She sewed intently and occasionally looked down. Robert moved slightly and caught sight of a tiny black kitten playing by her feet.
She laughed again, the sound hitting him right over the breast bone.
Ellie was so alive. Robert hadn’t felt alive in a long time. Her laugh, her smile, even her temper were tempting in their passion. She really did make him want to crawl over and beg for a small piece of her. That shocked him.
She leaned over and picked up a string and held it above the kitten, giggling when the tiny fluff ball jumped and pawed at it.
Robert backed away unseen, a tear pricking his eye. He wiped it away quickly, unable to believe he had found someone like her.
Every other young, unmarried lady Robert had met was vain, timid and often brainless. To meet a woman who was beautiful, loving and as honest as she was, was beyond rare and wonderful. Could he offer for her? Did he dare? Did he even want to get married again? To a woman who would expect a family of her own.
Simultaneous feelings of pleasure and fear assailed Robert at that thought. He had made it back to the study now and sat down into the large chair with a thump.
To give Ellie children would be a pleasure he never believed he’d have again. To watch her grow large with their child was enough to bring another tear to his eye. But the possibility of losing her, that would kill him. If she had weaselled herself into his heart this deeply in three days, he could only imagine what another couple of years would do. He wouldn’t survive losing another wife, especially one he loved.
Robert picked up his book again with a heavy heart. The risk wasn’t worth it.
A single laugh sounded once more and his head shot up.
He sighed and let his head drop back against the head rest. He had a lot of thinking to do.
Five
After a stilted dinner, Ellie made her way back to the evening sitting room. Smoothing her skirt down with hands that were shaking was hard. Never one to entertain the notion of ‘nerves’, Ellie had not realised they could affect a person so much.
She lifted her hand and pushed open the door, hoping - nay praying - the housekeeper had done what she had asked for.
The warmth of the room touched her skin as she stepped into it, the roaring fire giving off much needed heat.
By the fire, Robert stood tall, his shoulders broad and proud. Ellie’s breath hitched, how did one single man make her feel like this?
She walked over to him slowly. She was very quiet, yet he turned as though he knew she was coming. His face showed no surprise, he just nodded politely.
“Good evening young lady.”
Her mouth kicked up into a smile when she curtseyed. Robert called her young lady to distant himself and to remind her of their age gap. It wasn’t very effective. She loved that he had a personal nick name for her.
“Good evening Sir. How was the rest of your day?”
“Well thank you.”
Ellie looked up and saw the mistletoe, flushing with pleasure. He was going to kiss her; she needed him to kiss her. On the cheek, on the forehead, she honestly didn’t mind. Some sort of affection, a sign that he felt something for her.
“I love mistletoe Robert, don’t you?”
She looked back at his startled face. Looking up, he groaned a very un-gentlemanly noise. He backed away, shaking his head.
“Ellie, please don’t.”
Ellie’s disappointment was so keen she brought a hand to her belly to stifle the pain.
“But it’s Christmas.”
She looked at him and he turned away, his hands, clenched fists behind his back.
Ellie groaned in a very un-ladylike way and walked to the opposite side of the room. Why was he fighting her so much?
Her father walked in at that exact moment.
“Good evening. Goodness Ellie, what is wrong?”
Her father frowned; looking from her to Robert’s turned back, then returning to her. His eyebrows were raised and he looked suspicious. She needed to diffuse the situation, though she didn’t want to miss out on Robert’s kiss either.
Ellie sighed and wiped the true frown off her face. She smiled sadly whilst trying to ignore the knot of fear in her belly.
“I stood beneath the mistletoe and asked Robert to kiss me for Christmas, and he wouldn’t.”
Her father frowned even more.
“That is not very lady-like Eleanor. Robert is a guest in our home and my personal friend.”
She pouted, like a true little girl and focused on her father. She didn’t want him knowing just how much she wanted a true kiss.
“I realise that papa, but I have never been kissed, ever. I am twenty years old and I thought for just Christmas I could.”
She dropped her head, embarrassed when true tears sprang to her eyes. Saying the words aloud made it so much more real. She wasn’t a young girl anymore. She had never cared that other men had not tried to kiss her, or court her properly. She had never cared for any of them. It hadn’t mattered, not then.
“Robert, you really shouldn’t have said no. It’s only a harmless Christmas tradition.”
Ellie looked up and saw her father staring at Robert’s back. His hands relaxed out of their fists and he turned, his face unreadable. When he began walking towards her Ellie couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t be, could he? She wasn’t even standing under the mistletoe anymore.
Robert sighed and reached for her hand. Their warm skin touched and her hand tingled, the feeling almost burning her. He guided her back to her original place in front of the fire, under the mistletoe.
An unshed tear slid down her cheek when she looked up into his face. He was so handsome, so considerate. She didn’t know how she would ever find another man who she wanted as much as she wanted him. He reached up and wiped the tear away with the pad of his thumb. The caress tender, loving somehow.
“Don’t cry Ellie.”
He cupped her face in his hands and stepped into her father’s line of sight. Ellie looked down, waiting for the lips that would soon caress her forehead.
“This is just for Christmas.”
Ellie heard the gruff words and waited for him to lean forward. Instead he applied gentle pressure and she brought her head up. She looked into his blue-grey eyes, puzzled. His words made sense, but his eyes didn’t seem in accord. They were burning with an emotion she had never seen before.
Robert’s eyes flicked over her face for a moment
then he dropped his head and pressed his lips against hers. Shocked, Ellie froze for a moment. His lips were soft but their pressure constant as he held her still and kissed her. Ellie’s head swam as pleasure filtered through her whole body. This was exactly what a kiss should feel like, her eyes slid closed.
Robert stepped back, abruptly parting their lips and leaving her tingling. Her eyes sprang open. He was looking at her they way her father looked at a good meal. It made her heat in an uncomfortable way.
Then she remembered that her father was still in the room. She turned and located him, sitting on his chair in front of the fire.
“Better Ellie?”
She nodded, still dazed and walked towards her father. Her lips felt swollen, tingly. She wanted to reach up and touch them, but didn’t dare.
“Yes father, thank you.”
Her father looked up at his friend and a strange look passed between them. Robert flushed and walked away to gather the whiskey decanter. What was going on?
“I think it is time for bed Ellie.” Her father’s tone stopped her when she moved to sit down. Looking up, she watched him take the glass of whiskey from Robert and he nodded in the direction of the door.
Afraid for Robert, she looked up to see him frowning. Then he too smiled and tilted his head towards the door.
Confused and still worried for Robert, she curtseyed to them both, then moved over to kiss her father on top of the head.
Her lips touched her father’s balding crown and she looked up into Robert’s eyes. He smiled, more fully this time and she turned to walk away.
Ellie felt a sinking feeling of guilt. She may have pushed a little too hard for her Christmas kiss.
Robert closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His heart was still pounding from his kiss with Ellie. He hadn’t planned to kiss her on the lips, hadn’t planned to touch her at all.
But he had, and he had to face up to the consequences of his actions. From the feeling he was getting from her father, he may have played his cards wrong.
“Is everything all right, William?”
He sat in the chair opposite his old friend and took a sip of whiskey. Not an easy task considering that his hands were still shaking from that one tender kiss. She tasted like everything a young lady should. Innocence, hope, love. She also had the softest and most responsive lips he’d ever had the fortune to taste. His imagination was already running wild and he needed to stop it.
