“I haven’t meant to be pushy about dating and girls, Noah. My intentions may have been a little selfish, but more than anything, I’ve just wanted you to experience what I did. It’s the most precious thing in life to share love and life with someone, and even if something goes wrong along the way, I really do believe it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” She took a tissue from her purse and dabbed at her eyes. “When I go, I want to go knowing that you’ve seen how beautiful it can be. I want to know that you have a family to support you, to love you. I don’t want you to be alone, sweetheart.”
“I know, Mama,” he said, his throat aching as his voice came out hoarse. “I haven’t meant to be angry and mean about it, either.”
“I realize that. And I know you’re just trying to protect yourself.” She sniffled. “Sweetheart, I’m not telling you what to do, but I do want to give you a piece of advice, and I promise it’s the last I’ll say on the matter after tonight.” She folded her hands in her lap and said, “I see the way you’ve been looking at Zoe, and I see the way she looks at you. I want you to really think about how you feel when you look at her and talk to her. The two of you get along like the best of friends, and that’s a big element of a loving relationship. Your daddy and I weren’t just lovers. We were partners and best friends. If you want to know the secret of the best relationships, that’s it right there.”
Noah should have realized that his mother would notice the underlying attraction between him and Zoe. It wouldn’t be obvious to anyone from a distance, but if someone was watching with as much interest as Arlene, they would be hard pressed to ignore it. “I’m not going to lie, Mama,” he said carefully. “If I decided to change my mind about all this, I’d definitely want to ask her out.” He needed to ease into this. He couldn’t just up and tell his mother that he’d been hiding something from her. She’d be so hurt she wouldn’t want to talk to him for a week.
“She likes you, too, Noah. And that girl is right for you,” she insisted. “What happened to your daddy…” She trailed off and shook her head. “That’s an unusual thing. The biggest threat you face is breaking up, and I can tell that girl is passionate and loyal, just like you. If you don’t screw it up by being a typical man, there’s nothing in your way of spending the rest of your life with someone. And I think Zoe Hartman is the right someone. Now, I could be wrong, but I have a sense about these things. So, like I said, I won’t say anything else about it, ever again. But I want you to think it over.”
Noah pulled up in front of her apartment and turned to face her. “Okay, Mama. I’ll think about it, if you do something for me.”
She frowned, looking suspicious. “What?”
He gave her the biggest, broadest grin he could muster. “I want you to tell Alan Crosby that you like him. And I don’t mean as a friend or doctor. I mean that you find him attractive and would be open to going on a date with him.”
Arlene looked at him with her mouth agape. “Why, I have never—”
“Come on, Mama,” he cut her off. “I’ve seen it in your eyes and the way you’ve flirted with that man for ages. I don’t care what you call it. You’re enamored with him, or you fancy him, or whatever you want to say. But he’s the only man I’ve ever seen you act like that toward, which tells me that, for you, he’s something special. Maybe a second chance.”
Her scowl came back, deeper than before. “And what would a man like Alan want with me anyway?” she asked.
Noah rolled his eyes. “Trust me, Mama, he’ll be thrilled to hear how you feel. And I’d be willing to bet he asks you to dinner right away.”
“I don’t know about that,” she grumbled. Then, she sighed. “You’ll really think about asking that sweet girl out?”
It took all the willpower he could muster not to smile at the question and tell her it was too late to think about it anymore. “Yes, Mama.”
“Fine. Have it your way.” She leaned over, and Noah kissed her cheek. Then, she got out of the truck. “I love you, son, but sometimes, you’re like a bee in my bonnet.”
As she shut the door, Noah laughed. His mother was a piece of work, but he hoped he’d just changed her future with a few simple words. If his mother could find happiness in someone new, he knew there was more than a little hope for him and Zoe.
He drove home, feeling happier than he could remember. Maybe an unknown future was terrifying, but at least it wasn’t necessarily bleak, for anyone. And if he could manage to make this work, there was nothing that could bring him down.
22
Zoe inspected herself in the full-length mirror of the dressing room of the only department store in Five Forks, assessing how the light-green summer dress fit her. It made her eyes glow, and it set off the darker tones of her hair nicely, but she wasn’t sure it was the best color for her skin tone. There was a deeper green one just like it, but she felt drawn to this particular shade, and she wanted it to be just right.
She wanted something new to wear to dinner tonight. She and Noah had been officially seeing each other for one month now, and they were celebrating at the one fancy restaurant in town, a little Italian place right at the edge of the city limits. She was supposed to meet him there at seven, which was only four hours away, and she had been shopping for the perfect dress for a couple of hours now.
It was special enough to think that they’d managed to avoid any catastrophes or misunderstandings for this long. Actually, they hadn’t even had a real disagreement, mostly because they communicated well and avoided circumstances that would lead to a fight. They tended to have similar expectations, and so far, nothing about Noah irritated her, and she knew him pretty well. She hoped he wasn’t hiding a particular resentment toward some habit of hers that irked him because, as far as she knew, it was as close to perfect as a relationship could get.
But there was more to it than a simple dinner together. They’d been talking about it for a week now, and they’d decided to tell Arlene about their relationship. The plan was for Noah to bring his mother to the restaurant like it was just a special dinner with his mother. Zoe would be there a few minutes early and already be seated at the table.
They’d discussed how to tell Arlene. Noah didn’t want to admit that he’d been deceiving her for a while, and Zoe didn’t want to lie and tell her they’d just made the decision to see each other. They’d thrown ideas back and forth like reasonable adults, and finally Zoe had said, “Don’t you think she’ll be happy enough to forgive you for not telling her at first? I actually think she’s going to explode and say that she knew it all along.”
Noah hadn’t been so sure, but he thought it over and nodded. “I guess you’re right. It’s better to just be honest.” That had pleased her greatly. She was willing to compromise, but this particular instance needed to be handled the right way, and she knew it was better to just come clean.
Once that had been announced, they had another surprise. Alan Crosby had made a separate reservation for 7:30 and would have Arlene join him for a special dinner. The two of them had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now, and Arlene was a completely different person, always aglow and much quieter. Zoe had a sneaking suspicion that she and Alan were spending more time together than Noah knew and were already very close.
But then, being friends first was a great way to start a relationship, as Zoe had discovered with Noah. Two people needed far more than passion between them to create a lasting bond, and she credited their early friendship to the fact that they could talk about anything without getting heated or loud about it. She couldn’t remember her parents ever having a reasonable conversation. They always yelled.
She headed to the checkout counter, deciding to buy the dress. She had the perfect sandals to match already. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite art teacher!” The voice grated down Zoe’s spine. Erika had stopped coming to class two weeks ago, and Zoe hadn’t minded at all. After seeing the way she acted at Dr. Crosby’s house, Zoe didn’t want anythi
ng to do with the woman.
But now that the buxom blond had seen her, there was no way to avoid at least saying hello. Zoe pasted on a smile and turned to her. “Hi, Erika. How have you been? I haven’t seen you in class.”
She waved a hand in dismissal. “I was no good at it, and we both know that. I have my own talents anyway.” She pointed to the dress in Zoe’s arm. “That is a beautiful little number. Are you going out on a date?” Erika asked in a teasing tone.
“Actually, I am,” Zoe told her. Why lie? She and Noah were going public anyway. And she didn’t want to see the smirk that was supposed to be a sympathetic smile on Erika’s face if she said no.
Instead, the woman narrowed her eyes. “I bet it’s with Noah Thomas, isn’t it? I have a feeling about these things, and you two were eyeing each other pretty good when I saw you both together.” She didn’t give Zoe a chance to answer as she continued, “I admit, I was a little jealous, but then, I’ve already gotten everything from him that the boy is willing to give, if you know what I mean. It’s the only thing he doesn’t do with that mother of his. I’ll tell you this much, though.” She elbowed Zoe in a conspiratorial gesture. “He is incredible at that! So, I would suggest getting it while he’s ripe for the picking because the offer won’t last long. Bye, now!”
And with a swish of her hair, she pranced away.
It was too late, though. Zoe thought back to the first real discussion she’d had with Noah, that same day on Dr. Crosby’s back patio. Noah had pretty much assured her that he’d never slept with Erika, yet from what Erika just said, that was an outright lie. Up to this point, Zoe had been reasonably certain that Noah was completely honest with her about everything. Now, she had to wonder about that.
It wasn’t so much that Erika was a highly credible source that made Zoe worry. It was that men typically found it easy to lie about little things like this when they didn’t think it mattered and were pretty sure they couldn’t get caught. On top of that, they had never entered into the discussion about who he may or may not have slept with. She’d felt it didn’t matter. If he’d kissed so few women, he’d likely slept with that many or less. But with Erika’s overt insinuation, Zoe questioned the number of women he’d kissed.
Most of all, she had her issues with relationships to begin with, and if Noah had betrayed her trust about one thing, however small, what else had he lied about? And what would he be willing to lie about in the future? She felt sick to her stomach. One little statement had brought into question the entire basis of their relationship, and the person she was falling in love with. What if she’d fallen for a lie, and Noah wasn’t any different or better than any other man?
Zoe rushed home, considering cancelling dinner. She couldn’t look at Noah the same right now, and she wouldn’t be able to unless he could reassure her that he hadn’t lied. And even then, she might still question it. Her heart ached, and she thought maybe she should just call the whole thing off before it was too late. She didn’t want to hurt Arlene, and if she couldn’t trust Noah, she couldn’t keep this thing going. It was better to make a clean break before they got anyone else involved.
But as she thought it through with a little more patience, she considered what Tracy would tell her. Zoe’s friend would insist that she confront Noah with what she’d heard and give him the benefit of the doubt. She would say to demand complete honesty and openness, regardless of the consequences, and then to listen with her whole heart and mind before she made a decision. The problem was, if she discovered the truth was something she didn’t want to hear, it would shatter her completely.
At the same time, she’d bought into the relationship hook, line, and sinker. She owed it to herself and to Noah to finish it the right way. That meant, if she was going to walk away, she should at least say goodbye face to face. And since that was the case, she might as well ask him for the truth. At least in person she was more likely to be able to read his expression and see if it held any deceit.
Miserable, Zoe dressed and made herself up for the date, wishing she’d never allowed herself to break her code of honor. She couldn’t fathom what life was going to be like now that she’d had a taste of something great and had to let it go.
23
“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before!” Arlene shouted, hugging them both before sitting back down in her seat. Noah beamed, but Zoe barely smiled before her face fell again. There was no light in her eyes, and Noah was concerned. What was wrong with her?
He managed to hold himself together until Alan arrived with the surprise date for his mother, and even through the short chat before the older couple wandered off to their own table. But the minute he was alone with Zoe, he said, “Talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you, Zoe.”
“I think we’ve made a mistake,” she said in a rush, as if she was afraid she wouldn’t say it at all if she didn’t say it fast.
“What are you talking about?” But he had a sinking feeling in his stomach that he knew exactly what she meant.
“I don’t think we should be together, Noah. I think we both jumped into something we never wanted to consider in hopes that it would turn out different. And I think we put our best foot forward, but it’s just not going to work.”
It blindsided him, and he couldn’t think of any reason she would suddenly change her mind, especially tonight. “I know you don’t really believe that, Zoe. There’s something you aren’t telling me. Let’s hear it. Tell me what I did wrong, and I’ll fix it.”
She scoffed. “You can’t go back and erase the past, so you can’t fix it, Noah. I’m sorry. I should never have gotten us into this.”
But he wasn’t going to give up. He was in love, and even if he didn’t like it, he knew it was right. He didn’t want to live his life without Zoe, and he was determined to assure he did everything he could to keep her. “Something from the past. Okay. Who did you talk to, and what did they tell you?”
She stared at him with wide eyes that were accusatory. “Are there a lot of people around here who know things about you that you haven’t shared with me? Or that you’ve directly lied about?”
“What?” He shook his head. “No, but there are a few people who are jealous or angry that I don’t want to be with them or their daughters or whatever. I could just imagine what one of them might say.” It had never happened before, but then, he’d never been in a relationship before. He wouldn’t put it past some of the girls his mother had set him up with to say something nasty about him just to make Zoe think twice about him.
She was silent for the longest minute of Noah’s life, and then she took a deep breath. “I ran into Erika Wells at the store today.”
Noah grimaced. “I can only imagine what came out of her mouth.”
Zoe raised an eyebrow. “Mostly that you’re good in bed.” Her eyes flinched with pain as she said it. “I thought you said you didn’t sleep with her. What else have you lied about, Noah?”
He was stunned. He’d never even considered…
Clenching his jaw, he leaned forward and told Zoe, “I kissed her one time in high school before I found out how many guys she’d messed around with. I never touched her again. We did not sleep together.” Straightening, Noah realized just how offended he was. “I thought we trusted each other, Zoe. I’ve never been anything but honest with you, and if you want to take the word of the jealous high school slut over mine, then maybe you’re right. We don’t need to be together.”
Saying that hurt, but he couldn’t handle the idea that she could accuse him of lying just because some floozy told her some outrageous tale. He stood up, reaching for the sports coat hanging over the back of his chair, and his gut wrenched. He should never have let himself get this far. He loved Zoe, and he’d wanted to follow through with that feeling, take the chance his mother told him was worth it. But he should have listened to his own logic and stayed the hell away from any sort of emotional attachment.
“I’m sorry you feel like other people are more relia
ble than me. I hope you find your happiness somewhere along the way, Zoe. I wish I could have given it to you.” Without giving her a chance to respond, he stormed out of the restaurant, not looking back. He’d seen the shock and devastation on her face clearly, and he knew that if he turned back and saw it again, he’d give in. And the last thing he needed was to keep getting closer to someone who was going to have trouble trusting him and put more stock in what others said than what he did.
He knew Alan would take his mother home, and Zoe had her car, so he wasn’t leaving her stranded. He had nothing to feel guilty about as he peeled out and sped home. But he did feel broken, and that was bad enough.
He entered his house in a fury, barely acknowledging the dogs as they ran out before slamming the door and stalking to his room. He yanked off the jacket and the dress shirt, and he shoved the dark pants down his legs and kicked them across the room before grabbing a ratty pair of jeans and jerking them on. He slid his feet into his slippers and thought about finding something to eat. He was empty, but he didn’t have an appetite and, with the nausea at the thought of how he was going to survive now, without the one person who had ever meant anything to him outside of his mother, he figured maybe food was a bad idea.
Instead, he ended up pacing back and forth across the living room, letting his rage and pain fill the air around him. It didn’t feel so lonely when he shared it with his surroundings. It seemed to come out of his pores and seep into the walls and the furniture and everything else around him. It was comforting. It made him feel more justified in his reaction to think that the objects around him understood where he was coming from. And in the back of his mind, he knew that was crazy, but insanity was preferable to facing the reality of what had just happened.
When the dogs scratched at the door, he growled and stared at it. But they were insistent, and he ambled over with a deep scowl to let them in. He threw open the door, and they all but trampled him because he couldn’t make his feet move to get out of their way.
Like A Cowboy (Wild At Heart Cowboys Book 1) Page 11
