by Karina Sharp
I give a half-hearted smile. “Nice segue, Mace.”
She smiles apologetically.
“I’m not quite sure. Of course I would rather stay here with McCrary, but in spite of my feelings telling me to stay, my brain is telling me it’s not the best for me to stay here. Not that I think things won’t work out, but there are so many extenuating circumstances that make my shacking up here seem like a bad decision.”
Ross, with his sweet disposition, looks at me and blinks.
“Ari, I know we just met in person, but trust me, I know you just as well as your creepiest stalker would, since Macy has told me every, and I mean every, detail about your life.”
I wonder exactly what every detail means, but I keep listening to what Ross has to say.
“I know how difficult it is to leave the one you love, especially when you had to fight so hard to find them, but I know the Navy just as well, and adultery is not taken lightly. Regardless of whether you’re estranged or have even filed for divorce, in their eyes, you are married, and to another service member, which is even worse. For him, it is adultery, and he could be court marshalled, stripped of his rank and/or commission, and fined. How you two have managed to keep it under wraps this long is beyond me, but this community is very small, and word travels fast. After he spent time with you at Tripler Hospital, then took you home upon discharge, if you think eyebrows weren’t raised and some questions asked in hushed tones, then you’re smoking some serious crack, and I want to know why you’re not sharing.”
I giggle, but his words cause my heart to drop and my chest to constrict. Ross manages to confirm every fear and worry I’ve been grappling with since the first night I set foot into this house. I think the writing has been on the wall for quite some time, I just refused to see it. I value and appreciate Ross’ candor, and his opinion lets me know that my intuition has been right all along. As saddening and soul-crushing the thought of leaving McCrary for any period of time is, I know it is for the best. Not only is it the right thing to do in order to protect his career and integrity, but it is important for our relationship that I take some time to finalize my divorce and work on myself.
After I confirm the decision in my mind and tell myself, repeatedly, it is indeed for the best, the day turns into one of the longest of my life.
McCrary comes home from work as I am attempting to read a book, but am really lost in my thoughts. As soon as he walks in the door, I can sense tension. Despite the obvious elephant in the room that is the awkwardness looming, I still swoon at the sight of him in his uniform.
He smiles warmly as he comes over to the couch to kiss me hello. “Hi honey, I’m home.”
I am happy to see him and relieved he came home to me, despite my anxiety about my decision to go back to Texas. “I’m so happy to see you. Tell me all about your day.”
He untucks his shirt, kicks off his white shoes, and sits next to me.
“Oh, you know...same old. Clients, cases, calls…”
“You make your job sound so thrilling, alliteration and all." I pat him on the shoulder and pretend to pout just a little.
“How was yours?” He pats my leg in return. “Did you have a good date with Macy?”
“I did,” I say, mostly trying to convince myself. “It was interesting.”
McCrary looks at me reassuringly and smiles. “Hang on just a minute. I want to hear all about it, but let me change into some clothes that aren’t so stark white and polyester.”
I give him a smile in return. “No problemo, muchacho.”
“Gracias, Carina. Mucho besos.”
He winks before he breezes down the hallway to the bedroom.
I try to gather my thoughts and vocabulary so that I can make sense when I give McCrary the news. I decide to formulate a prepared speech in my head. Starting with, “You know I love you, but…” seems a little too abrupt. Opening with, “We need to talk…” sounds too ominous.
I’m so lost in my mind, I don’t even notice that he’s re-entered the room, and is standing by the side of the couch, looking rather dismayed.
“Arielle.”
I jump and squeak as his greeting startles me out of my thoughts. “You scared me. I didn’t realize you were there.”
I interpret his look as worried and wonder if Macy said something to him. I naturally try to lighten the mood. “What’s up, Buttercup?”
I pat the seat next to me, motioning to him to sit down, which he does, but not moving smoothly as he normally does.
He closes his eyes slowly, pinches the tip of his nose with his fingers, and opens them again with pain-stricken eyes.
He really must know what’s going on. At that moment, I’m ready to kill Macy for blabbing and make a mental note to not trust her with another secret ever again.
Preparing to come out with the truth, I take a deep breath.
Before I can begin to speak, McCrary does. “I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
I am thrust into an internal panic. My mind flips through my mental rolodex of possible “bad news” scenarios, and I feel I might bawl just from the possibilities my brain conjures.
“I just received word today that I will be filling in as a legal officer to oversee some things on the USS Ronald Reagan while they’re on a six month deployment.” He looks defeated. “I feel terrible leaving you, and I tried to get out of it, at least for another month or so, but it was to no avail. I love you so much, and I worry about your safety and recovery while I’m gone. You’re welcome to stay here, of course, and I’m sure Macy would be happy to-”
“McCrary,” I interrupt. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you too. I’ve been trying to put a small speech together in my head, but you just saved me from having to try to recite it. It’s not bad, I promise. I just think I should go home and spend some time with my family: you know, figure out my next step and take care of some personal matters. I love you too, and I was so worried you were going to interpret my feeling the need to go home as my trying to have time away from you, or even leave you. I felt very strongly that this is a step in the right direction, and now that you’re deploying, my feelings are confirmed; I’ve made the right decision.”
I think I forget to breathe during that entire non-speech, but I had to get it all out.
“Arielle, I’m so happy you’re making decisions for yourself, but please don’t feel like you have to leave, or that you have to rush anything for me.”
“Life is not a Hallmark movie, McCrary. I'm not Sara, Plain and Freaking Tall, and the townspeople aren’t just going to side-eye us and whisper under their breath. Every time I see you in that uniform, I am coldly reminded that this is real life with real consequences. Big ones, to be exact.”
“I know life is not a fairytale or a Hallmark movie. We will continue to have our struggles and obstacles. But, even on the cloudiest of days, you continue to look toward the sun and bask in those few rays that most others can’t see. But, I see them. I see how they make you glow, and it makes my soul shine to witness it. I want to be there with you on the darkest of days as well as the brightest. In a world full of grey clouds, and even greyer rain, you manage to see color and beauty all around us, and you’ve shown me how to see it too. I was colorblind before you, and I didn’t even know it. You’ve pulled me out of that dull world, and I can’t- I won’t -live in a world without you in it. You’ve given me a gift far greater than something that can be measured by space or time. I will wait for you ‘till kingdom come, and then some.”
“I love you, McCrary, and I promise that I will be there on the pier when you return.”
The concern and worry vanish from McCrary’s brows, eyes, and jaw; he looks relieved. He pulls me into a hug so tight, I think he might bruise a rib, but I wish he could hug me tighter. I’m going to miss this. All of this.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” I say into his chest.
“I’m going to miss you more,” he says into my hair. “But, the nice thing about carriers, the R
eagan in particular, is that we can still email and chat online. At times, we can even Skype.”
“Hmmm….” I say, as dirty thoughts begin to seep into my conscious. “I’ve never been naked on a webcam before. This will be a first, and one that I’m kind of stoked about.”
“Not half as excited as me; trust me.”
McCrary extends his arms, putting space between us. I miss his embrace immediately.
“I love you more than life itself, and I will always have you on my mind during the most menial tasks and throughout the important ones. You are where my sun both rises and sets.”
Chapter 25
Arielle
Six months go by a lot faster than I anticipated they would. I busied myself with improving both my own spirit and my relationships. I began therapy, which has been an arduous and ongoing process, but it has helped raise my self-worth as well as helped me process some of the long-lasting emotional scars I bear. I focused on reuniting with my family and friends and wanted to rebuild those relationships. It turns out that I didn’t really need to do any rebuilding; they were there all along and willing to support me, I just didn’t see it. I also kept close contact with McCrary.
We emailed, chatted, talked on the phone, and, yes, even did dirty things via webcam. Well, it was more me doing dirty things and McCrary watching, since he was on a massive ship with thousands of other men and women, but I think I enjoyed it more than he did. With each email, instant message, phone call, and video chat, we grew closer and our relationship stronger. I also came into contact with McCrary’s brothers, Brock and Josh, and am getting to know them. Neither have children, but his oldest brother Josh is newly married, and he and his wife Shelley are expecting a daughter in three months. His middle brother Brock has a fiancée, Amy, but they have yet to set a date. I’ve exchanged a few emails with McCrary’s father and am eager to meet all of them in person. They’re already like family to me.
Last time McCrary and I communicated was the night before my divorce hearing. Apparently, they were having connectivity issues due to some stormy weather, so I haven't had a chance to share with him the results.
Steeped in anticipation, I stand on the pier with several other family members and loved ones of the crew of the USS Ronald Reagan as we watch the ship slowly make its way to the pier and tie up. It seems as though everything is happening in slow motion, yet time passes quickly.
One by one, the sailors disembark from the vessel to cheers, cries, claps, and rejoicing. Simply being here to witness the reunions with their loved ones is an honor. I look around me and take in all of the pure emotion and feel a sense humility. These wonderful people go through this all of the time, and have been doing it for years. I’ve only missed my love for six months, although I know this will not be the last time we are reunited after a long period apart.
I look over to the massive ship again, and I see a face I could recognize a mile away. McCrary is more stunning than I remember. I’ve never seen him in his dress uniform, and since we are in San Diego in February, he is in his winter blues. He looks beyond dapper in his white dress shirt under his dark navy, double-breasted suit jacket, matching tie, and pants. His usual ribbons adorn his chest, but seem brighter against the dark fabric, and our Hat-O-Questions is on his head, except it has more gold on it than before. McCrary was promoted to Commander during the deployment. The buttons on the front of his jacket are a polished and shiny gold, and the base of his sleeves have three thick, gold stripes. This uniform makes him look very refined and formal.
I know the instant he spots me because a stunningly wide and tremendously gorgeous smile is quickly moving in my direction. The stoicism I was trying to retain immediately goes to the wayside, as does the civility I was trying to keep. Before I can stop myself, I am running toward him until I am close enough to jump into his arms in a perfectly dramatic fashion. I plant my lips on his, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. He puts his arms around my waist and returns my advances with his mouth.
After what I deem is an adequate welcome home kiss, I release the death grip I am holding with my legs and slide down against him until I am firmly planted on the ground.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I say as I hug him tightly.
“I’ve missed you too,” he says, keeping me pressed against his body.
I knew I missed his embrace, but I had forgotten exactly how much until now. I’ve missed everything about him- his hugs, his lips, his smell, his face, his aura, his very being. I missed McCrary, and now I have him back.
“That was quite a greeting you gave me.”
“Well, I thought wearing nothing but some sexy boots would be a little inappropriate, so I opted for the more socially acceptable approach of kissing you to welcome you home,” I say, not wanting to let go of him.
McCrary laughs, and I think about how much I’ve missed that as well.
“I would have loved to see you standing here in nothing but sexy boots, but then, I would have had to fuck you right here on the pier, and I don’t think all of these lovely people with children around would appreciate that kind of show.”
“Spoil sports,” I say jokingly. “I do have a little surprise for you that is deemed appropriate for general audiences.”
“A surprise?”
McCrary watches me as I dig around in my purse.
“Yup. I am officially single and back on the market.”
I raise my official divorce decree in my hand and wave it around.
“Let the person whose job it is to read legal documents verify that. I want to make sure you got everything you asked for.” McCrary takes the document from my hand and flips through the pages, skimming it with his eyes. “Looks like you have been decreed full custody of one reptichild as well as awarded one mountain of beer bottles.”
“Yes siree, Bob. Brody didn’t even bother to show up to the hearing, so it went off without a hitch and uncontested. The judge clearly had a sense of humor as we were going through the division of assets. He seemed amused by my motion and signed off on it with a smile.”
“Congratulations, Arielle. I knew you would be strong and get through it. I’m so proud of you.”
I look up to McCrary, beaming with pride at both his patience and my perseverance.
He kisses the top of my head. “I love you to the moon and back.”
“I love you too, McCrary.”
I take back the document that now signifies my taking a stand and changing my life for the better. Gently folding it and placing it back in my purse, I look back up to my beautiful McCrary.
“Can we go home now?”
“As you wish,” he says as he takes my hand, and we walk down the pier, publicly as a couple for the first time.
***
We spend the night in a hotel in San Diego and then fly to Oahu. McCrary isn’t completely finished with his work on the carrier, but he says that he can do a lot of it from his office on Pearl Harbor, minimizing his trips to San Diego. Technically, he’s stationed in San Diego for a bit longer, but since his promotion, has been given orders back to Pearl Harbor. It all seems unnecessarily bureaucratic, but I’ve learned not to always look for rhyme or reason when the military is involved.
We pick up right where we left off, and it’s as though no time has passed since we last saw each other. His house on Ford Island is exactly as it was when I last saw it. McCrary had some co-workers and Macy check up on the place regularly while he was gone. Swanks’ wooden house that McCrary got him while I was recovering sits in the spare bedroom where he left it as well. Every detail of this house is a warm memory and exudes home- our home.
I fill my lungs with the joy in the air as McCrary comes from the bedroom holding the Hat-O-Questions, which is still full with slips of paper on which we wrote our questions. I love that he wants to continue our game, despite our pretty much playing it via the internet for the past six months.
“You are too cute,” I gush.
“I be
lieve it’s your turn to draw a question out of the hat.”
He holds the hat out to me with a mischievous smile.
I reach my hand into the hat and make a point to stir around the paper slips vigorously. I pull the piece of paper out and unfold it to reveal the words, “Will you marry me?” written neatly across.
I look over to McCrary in surprise.
“What’s the question?” he asks, smiling.
“Are you serious?”
I am in total shock. As far as I’m concerned, I have no future without McCrary in it, but I did not expect this so soon.
He drops to one knee as my mouth drops open. McCrary takes my hands in his and looks up at me with his handsome face.
“Arielle, I know it may seem sudden to you that I’m asking you this, but to me, it’s a perfect time. We’ve gotten to know one another over the past ten months, and while it may not have been under ideal circumstances, our love blossomed and transcended into something greater. I don’t want to waste any more time not officially having you as mine and I yours. You own my heart and have been its keeper since the day we met; this is simply a symbol of our love and bond.”
I always dreamed of a moment like this my entire life, but I could have never predicted how wonderful and special it would feel. I always thought I would be able to stave off tears and not be a blubbering cliché, but I thought wrong, because tears fall down my cheeks, and I can’t even begin to stop them.
“Arielle Abbott, will you do me one of the greatest honors to ever be bestowed upon me and be my wife? Will you marry me?”
“Of course I will, McCrary," I choke out. "I thought you’d never ask."
McCrary reaches one hand into his pocket and pulls out a small, blue box with a white ribbon. I recognize the Tiffany’s box and gasp.
“This is for you.” He smiles up at me.
He places the box lovingly in my hand.
“How? When?”
I cannot gather my thoughts to make a coherent sentence. He tends to still have that effect on me.
