Think about what the Wall just told you. Think back to Spock. Would he say to consider the option? Ponder it, analyze it carefully. Don’t prejudge it. Margot, you’re always freaking prejudging things. Let this one simmer, keep it on the stove. Front burner. Don’t worry about what might happen, what you might think. How it would seem to the others if you did it. Is that it? Did you hit on it? That if you were to go back into the Wall, back home, the three others would object? That they would think you weak, that you chickened out? Oh, Sergio. How could I tell him? He loves me so, and I love him, just like Joey. But, God, I could have my Joey back, as I remember him, and I would remember him. And in some odd metaphysical way, maybe, I think I understand what the Wall said. In fact, this isn’t much different than what I’ve seen other societies do with their own beings – to take trips, long or short – to other virtual worlds or worlds they knew or would want to know. It’s okay. This is not a cop-out. It’s okay to do this. My gut tells me there’s nothing wrong here. I’ll find a way to work it out with Sergio. I’ll get him to understand.
I mean, how does this differ much from what I had experienced in previous times? I had used Joey’s VR headset. I knew how carried away you could get, how totally removed from all other things you can be when your eyes are seeing those photons. And the haptic vest! I was there, in that game. It was as real to me as the world I lived in. Now here, with the Wall, my life could be redefined and re-established in an instant by computer-generated photons! But in this case, it’s not just photons. Not just a VR mask. This would be real everything – food, water, desert. Well, again, assuming I forgot the differences.
“Wall!” Margot commanded. “How would you build a sky for me, how could I fly in a jet for work, see the cities from the sky, go swimming in San Diego? How could you make the hospital I’d drive by, or the person through the store window?”
“Margot,” the Wall replied, “you were thinking of your Virtual Reality headset moments ago. The Wall can recreate all of this for you, whether virtual at times or actual and physical. The sky. Looking up at the sky and seeing a jet or jet trail. Swimming in the ocean. Driving your car. Watching television. Texting with friends. Swatting a fly. Facebook. These are photons hitting your retinas. These are experiences, adjusted by the Wall and infused to you mind so that you may live your life. These are real, tangible, physical surroundings and events for you. The Wall is suggesting that, once momentarily forgotten – and there are convenient ways to make that happen – you will become enmeshed in and utterly aligned with that new reality. The human mind is quite an elastic and adaptable tool. The Wall would present it to you in a fail-safe world. It’s been over two billion years, Margot, and the Wall was flawless at this after year one of its creation. Indeed, the Wall was flawless at all things, at least until now.”
“Can I come out of it if I so desire?” she asked.
“You can set a timer, if you prefer. Though understand, Margot. If you were to do this, your entire psychological makeup could be long altered by the shock of re-entering the existence of the Das within the Wall. Be apprised that there would be considerable risk in any re-entry. The experiences of many beings before you who have re-entered have been generally negative and detrimental to the beings. In addition, it makes returning back to that defined world very difficult were it ever to be tried again.”
Margot looked around to be certain that Sergio was nowhere near. “Jesus, Wall, I didn’t think about this until now. What about my modifications? What about health and sickness? What about living for virtual eternity?”
“All things would be put back into place, unaltered by any Das technology. For you to be properly absorbed into the re-entry process, you would have to age as normal. Not to say humans wouldn’t have fairly quickly derived the solution to aging, so there’s always that possibility. But be aware that viruses and other sicknesses would occur. Wars would occur, at least as you would see them. This would be a complete restitution of your existence on earth. You could be running on a sidewalk one day and get crushed by a distracted driver texting on his cell phone. And there are odds about humanity’s survival that would have to be factored-in, as you have discussed with the Das, and you could be affected by that.”
“And you could die,” the Wall added after a brief pause. “This resumption of your life would be run by my programmatic instructions, and it would include all the risks and rewards and joys and pains of normal life. These are things the Wall cannot predict except as the programs run. It is chance. Odds. A gamble as impermanent as life has always been.”
“Now how the hell could that possibly happen if you are creating the environment for me?”
“For it to be real to you, it would have to be made real for you. No exceptions.”
Real to me? Isn’t that what I was just thinking? This environment, this sterile place, it is not real to me. There is no risk. I’m an anomaly here. It is the home of the Das. They are accustomed to living long, long lives in brown walls. They have adjusted to the utter boredom of this place. They forget easily, so it’s harder for them to get bored by it all. I’m simply a different kind of being. I need to live a life that has some variability, variety, risk. I need to come across an aggressive driver and detest him for who he is. I need to be truly afraid of nighttime in a desert ravine, wondering if a mama bobcat or mountain lion is lurking around the next corner, or if a flash flood from a rain many miles away will sweep me to an unpleasant end.
What did that beer guy say? What was that old commercial? ‘Live well, my friend’? No, think. Think. That’s it, the most interesting man. Let’s see. ‘Stay thirsty, my friend’. That was it, that was it. I’m not thirsty. Not here. Not in these brown walls.
Chapter 15
“MARGOT?” BING KNOCKED ON the Wall, as if it were a wooden door. “Margot, can I speak with you for a minute?”
She waited.
I’m comfortable. I’m in my pajamas, reading a book from other worlds. What’s he doing here? I know. I know. I knew this was coming. Inevitable. He’s concerned. He’s afraid for himself. Not me. There are so few. He doesn’t want four. Four from billions.
She exhaled a sad, short laugh, drew in a big breath, and sighed.
“I figured you’d be coming by,” she said. “What? I guess you can come in, but I’m getting ready for bed.”
“I won’t be long.” Bing completed his sentence as the doorway dissolved to let him in. He was dressed in his well-worn tai chi pants and white t-shirt. Bing barely looked at her, his eyes darting around her room. He started pacing back and forth by her bed, nervously scratching at his chin before speaking.
“You know what this means, of course Margot. You know what you’re doing here.”
“Bing, look, I’m not undoing this. Decision made. I’m done.”
“But have you really considered all factors? The long-term consequences of this? You’re giving up what could be the closest thing to eternal life – just to go back to where you were?”
Margot was leaning back on multiple pink pillows that matched her bedsheets and bedspread. Glaring over the top of her book, she stopped reading and put the book down, open-faced on her bed. This was the first time in a long time with just her and Bing alone. No Penny. No disagreeable faces.
“Where’s Penny?” she asked.
“No Penny. She’s not involved. This is about you. It’s about all of us.”
“Bing, seriously. Look, I was just going to go to sleep. Brushed teeth. Reading. Lights are low. Do I look worried? Do you see me concerned? I’m comfortable. I’m good with this. Life is about risks. But life here is riskless. It’s made to be riskless. That’s okay for the Das. They’re used to it. They have a completely different sense of things. Of time. It’s nothing to them, and oddly, the fact that it is so finite to me where I’m going, that makes all the difference. It makes time special.”
“I’m not making myself clear, though,” Bing replied. “This is about you and your decision. yes. But your
decision affects the others here.”
“Other meaning other humans, you four?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t get it. How? I mean, you guys have all you need here. You get all you want. You see a million different lives. It will take you an eternity to see it all. No. No. I’m wrong. You can’t even see it all in an eternity, since they keep finding more and recording more and our human minds can’t possibly keep up with all that information they constantly exchange with each other. You certainly have enough to keep all of you busy for many, many lifetimes.”
“Don’t you find great interest in that?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “Honestly, I find it all exceedingly sad. I just can’t watch these things unfold in the Viewing room and know that all of it, in all cases, has the same sad ending. It’s like watching the same movie over and over, with different actors playing different beings, but using the same script. Why is that not exceedingly sad to you?’
“Margot!” Bing exclaimed, visibly distraught. “This is the nature of all species, of all societies. Of kingdoms and religions and beliefs and time and space. It comes and goes – well, except for maybe the Das. But who knows even then? Your own capabilities showed them that.”
“Bing, please. Don’t get me started down that path of thought. It could come to a really bad place for all of us.”
“Is that why you’re going?” he asked.
Margot stopped speaking and stared at the brown floor for a minute.
Damn. I should have had the Wall create hardwood flooring here. Why would I not do that? Everything else in my room is as I would want it on earth, pretty much. But it’s not that it matters. Penny would never come in here. She’d never look at it, and even then, she wouldn’t care. Even if she did like it, she wouldn’t tell me. I wonder if Bing likes what I did in here?
“You never said anything about how I did my room,” she said.
Bing looked around the room, his eyebrows raised with this abrupt change of topics. “Um,” he started. “Yes, it looks nice.”
“You don’t really think so, do you?”
Bing looked around the room again, slower this time. “No, seriously, the room is very inviting.”
“Thanks,” she replied. “I know you’re just saying that.”
“Well, uh. I forgot where we were. I think it was about you.”
“Bing, trust me here. I’m calm about this. It’s the right decision for me.”
“But it’s not the right decision for me!” Bing stammered, shaking his head.
“What?” she asked. “What do you mean?”
“Sorry, no, I meant for Sergio. He looks to you as a mother figure. He’s lost one mother already. Now he loses another.”
“I understand, really I do. But this is not my place, and I would be a terrible mother if I always gave off those vibes to him. He deserves to have a happy life, and he loves Rovada and the other Das and is acclimating well. There are enough lives of other beings out there, enough planets he can visit, to keep him happy for a long, long time. He’ll soon forget me, or at least the feelings will fade over time. He’ll adjust.”
Bing stopped pacing. “You’re probably right,” he admitted. Bing stood quietly, looking at the base of her bed, then up to the ceiling, then towards the door.
“Is that all?” She sensed more. “Bing, what’s bugging you?”
Bing closed his eyes and drew in a breath. “Margot, maybe I’ve been too influenced by the Das. I’m getting to where I just say things that I think are right. Or maybe I’m getting in touch with my emotions. Emotions are things I never had the luxury to know in my life. It was a hard life. I never spoke to you about it. But it was hard. It taught me some things. Things I find richly in the Das. Limit my pleasures. Limit my indulgences. Don’t feel sorry for myself, not even for three seconds. Grit my teeth.”
He paused almost imperceptibly. “I have never known the tenderness of a woman.”
“What?” Margot gasped. “I’m. I’m. I don’t know what to say. Do you mean what I think you mean?”
“Margot, you are the last human woman.”
“No, I’m not,” she interrupted. “Your sister’s a woman obviously!”
Bing sighed. “I don’t think you understand.”
Margot’s jaw dropped. “Oh, my God, Bing! I had no idea. I mean, not only about you being a virgin. I didn’t even think of what you’d think of this.” She bit her lip. “I mean, Jesus, you will never have a real human woman!”
Bing covered his eyes and turned his head away. “Margot, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply this. Or maybe I did. I don’t know. I’m not good with emotions. I’m not good with feelings. I harden my heart by necessity.”
“Bing!” she demanded. “Bing, look at me. Look at me.” Her words trailed off.
Bing was wiping his eyes. “Really sorry, Margot. I couldn’t have you go without saying this. You are not unattractive, you know.”
“Bing!” she laughed. “Is that the same thing as saying I am attractive?”
They both laughed.
“Come here,” she said as she pulled at his hand. “Sit down on the bed.”
Bing sat nervously on the bed, still unable to look at her.
“Your shoulders are strong,” she said as she patted his back and began to rub it slowly clockwise. “It’s okay. It’s okay with me. We are the last two.”
She took his thick hand and placed it on her chest. He turned. They caressed.
Chapter 16
“SERGIO,” MARGOT SOBBED. SHE grabbed the boy’s forearm as he tried to scramble to the door of her room. “Honey, there are just some things you won’t understand or can’t understand right now.”
“You don’t want to be with me anymore,” he said with swollen eyes and a drippy nose. “You don’t know how hard it was for me not to have a mom and dad. You don’t understand how long I waited for you to wake up, and how, like, you’ve become a big sister to me! How could you go away from me?”
“Serge, my darling boy,” she replied as she slowly released the grip on his arm. “I don’t know how else to tell you. I’m just not making it here. I’m not happy.”
“You’re not happy with me?” he said as his brows furrowed. Sergio grabbed the tissue the Wall produced for him and carelessly wiped his nose.
Margot looked at him intently. “My God, Sergio, your eyes get so brilliant green when you cry!”
“I don’t want to have eyes if I can’t be here with you! Who am I supposed to play with and go places with and watch with in the Viewing room? I get left here with Vada and Roger and sometimes Bing and Penny. I mean, everything’s good here for me. It’s not home, I don’t have my mom and dad, but I have my friends. Or had my friends.”
Margot took a long deep breath. This was not an easy decision for her. She had grown so close to him. Indeed, she felt like his sister and mother and friend, gaming opponent and confidante, teacher and philosopher.
“Little guy, you’ve spoken with the Wall, I know. You’ve spoken with Rovada and Bing and Penny, and maybe even Roger. I know they told you that this is the best thing for me. Or I hope they told you that. I could tell you a million times again why I have to do this, and I know you still wouldn’t understand. It will take time.”
Sergio stood before her and put his hands together, as if he was praying at a pew in church. “But if you go,” he pleaded, “can you guarantee me that I will see you again? I mean, for reals? I already tried the Viewing room version of you, and it looks and talks like you to me and everything, but I know it’s not you – and that wrecks it.”
“I can’t tell you that I’ll come back, Sergio. I’ve told you how this works many times in the last few days.”
“Please can’t you just go there for a little while and then come back to us?”
“You’ve asked me that a hundred times and the answer remains the same. I won’t know that I’m not really there. I will think I am there. The Wall will take care of everything f
or me. It will be my world in almost every way and my mind, as the Wall says, is plastic or malleable and will adapt to it all, rationalize it all. I won’t realize that there was this other life. It will seem like a dream to me, if it even comes to me at all. The Wall can do so much, honey. I’m in the Wall’s hands, and those are good hands.”
“I think you care more about you than you care about me,” he pouted.
“Sergio! Don’t go there again. I told you. I’m not doing well here. I place the blame for all of this destruction of humanity on the Das. Maybe it wasn’t their fault, and I can’t get over that. I can’t forgive them for being innocent bystanders as humans self-destructed. It just makes no logical sense to me. Oh, God, it reminds me. Please also remember to watch all the old Star Trek episodes, the originals, and the Enterprise ones at least. There was so much teaching there,” she paused, “that can replace some of what I wanted to teach you. Okay, will you do that?”
“Is it in 3D?”
She laughed. “Oh, no. Not even. I’m sure the Wall could dimensionalize it for you, that might help. But I grew up on those old things with my dad, and they’re worth watching.”
Sergio took a big breath and sighed. “I’m done crying,” he said. “I, I just am bad at convincing you to stay. But I love you and it hurts me to say this, but I want you to be happy. And I know you could take me with you, but it’s your life that I was not in and you couldn’t re-enter if I was there. I understand that. Rovada helped me with that.”
The Space Between Her Thoughts (The Space in Time Book 1) Page 25
