by H. L. Logan
Where before Tisha had been unflappable, she actually seemed intimidated. “You’re not interested in coming to an agreement?”
“No. I’m here because my lawyers cost a thousand bucks an hour and I didn’t want to waste their time.” He glared at her, leaving unsaid that her hourly rate was much lower. “If this goes to court, none of you will have a prayer.”
Jaz touched my knee, and I turned to her. I could guess what she was thinking. Maybe Derek honestly could give Gretchen a better life than we could.
“Look, uh…” I grimaced and looked down, unwilling to even hear these words come out of my mouth. “Jaz and I want what’s best for Gretchen. If Derek can give her a better quality of life than we can… it’d break our hearts, but we’d give her up.”
“I’d give her only the best,” Derek said, a cutting smile on his face.
Tisha turned to my sister. “Amanda, you’re the biological mother. Your opinion counts more than anybody’s. What do you want for Gretchen?”
The look on her face said she wanted to be with Derek. “I… I want to hear more about Derek’s plans for if he got custody.”
“She’d have everything the Conway name could bestow on her,” Derek said without missing a beat. “All the best nannies. The finest boarding schools. A fast track to the best colleges in the nation.”
It sounded to me like we’d been defeated… but Amanda’s eyes narrowed at her ex-boyfriend. “Nannies? Boarding schools? Do you plan on spending any time with Gretchen at all?”
That threw him for a loop. “I—I’m busy, Amanda. I work. I have… projects.”
“Why do you want her so bad when you’re already planning how you’ll get rid of her?” Amanda asked hesitantly. “What projects are so important they’d keep you from seeing your daughter?” Derek went silent, and Amanda turned to us. “You two. How much time do you spend with Gretchen in a week?”
“All of it.” I shook my head. “When I’m not there, Jaz is, and vice versa.”
“Don’t get that look on your face, Amanda.” Derek’s voice betrayed suppressed anger. “Would you really rather Gretchen be raised by a couple of lesbian lovers than by a future senator?”
The four of us gaped at him. I was still focused on how he chose to label us as lesbian lovers when we’d just announced our intention to get married. Jaz, though—she was a step ahead of me.
“You’re planning to run for senate, Derek?”
“Not tomorrow, but down the road,” he said with a sneer. “I’m a Conway. It’s what we do.”
Jaz refused to take the bait. “Would you say you’re so eager to get Gretchen because you don’t want it known that you had a child out of wedlock? That you were a deadbeat dad who allowed her to be raised by a single mother, and/or her sister and her lesbian lover?”
Now it was all clicking for me. “This is all about appearances for you,” I said slowly.
“I tried to spare you from this,” Amanda told Derek. “I never wanted this to be an issue.”
“I know.” His voice went gentler than it’d been at any point today, and he moved as if he wanted to touch her arm, but stopped himself. “I appreciate that.”
“You know… I was never trying to trap you, but… it would solve everything if…” She trailed off.
Derek had understood enough. “That won’t be happening,” he said, placing his hand back in his lap. “You’ve shown yourself to be unstable. Disappearing for months, lying, telling stories… it’s not the material a senator’s wife is made of.”
Amanda looked at her lap, covering her face, her voice barely audible. “I did it for you.”
“That’s enough.” I stood up, slamming my hand on the table so the glasses of water shook. “You’ve come in here and insulted every member of my family but Gretchen. Conway or not, I won’t have it. We’ll never give that baby up.”
Amanda lifted her head slightly. “I’ll fight you for her,” she whispered to Derek.
An alarmed look on her face, Tisha waved her hands. “Everyone, settle down. Faye, please take your seat. We’re here to find a solution that works for everyone, remember?”
Derek’s face was cold. “The only solution that works for me is the one where that baby was aborted two years ago.”
I covered my mouth. Jaz looked similarly horrified.
And again, Amanda surprised me. “Why don’t we pretend that happened?” she asked, staring into her lap. “Derek, you don’t want Gretchen and she doesn’t want you. Forget she ever existed.”
“But when I run for senator…”
“No one will ever know.” Amanda dabbed at her eyes, speaking bitterly. “You’re not on the birth certificate. There’s nothing linking you to her. No one ever knew about you and me, anyway. You always preferred it that way.”
Instead of denying it, Derek huffed a laugh. “I was right, wasn’t I?”
Tisha held up her hands. “Derek, Amanda has proposed a solution. Give up your rights to Gretchen, and give up your claim on her. How does that sound to you?”
He pursed his lips. “You’ll never ask for child support?”
Amanda was pale. “Not a cent.”
“You know I’ll take you to court the second you try to blackmail me with this.”
“I would never.”
“Fine, then we’re done here. I am, anyway.” He stood up and walked out.
The remaining four of us were quiet for a long moment. I wanted to hug Amanda, to be the big sister she needed in that moment. I could see how much she’d once cared about Derek… and still did. And I could see that he had some sort of feelings for her, but that when it was Amanda versus appearances, he’d toss her aside in a second.
All this time, Amanda had been under the impression that she wasn’t good enough for him. She may not have been perfect, she certainly had her flaws… but I could say this much for sure. That man was nowhere near good enough for my little sister.
“So,” Tisha said quietly. “It’s the three of you now. Amanda, how are you feeling? Are you still willing to allow Faye and Jaz to adopt Gretchen, or do you plan to pursue primary custody?”
Before Amanda could answer, I jumped in. “Move in with us.”
Both she and Jaz stared at me. “Huh?”
“The three of us together can get a nicer place… maybe even a house.” I gestured wildly, my thoughts coming together even as I spoke. “Jaz and I will do the parenting, but you’ll be around so Gretchen can have you there. Between all of us, she’ll always have someone to look after her. And she’ll be the most loved little girl in the whole world.”
I should’ve asked Jaz first, but I knew she’d be on the same page as me—and in fact, at my side, she nodded.
She could see as well as I did how it would be better for Gretchen… and for Amanda. I could be the positive influence I should’ve been all along. I’d slacked off on my big sister duties for a while. Now it was time to make up for it.
“You’re saying you would still adopt Gretchen?” Tisha asked.
“Yes. Amanda could have as much or as little responsibility as she likes.”
We all looked at Amanda. “I… I don’t know what to say.” Her eyes were red, and I braced myself for her to freak out. “That would be the best thing that could possibly happen to me.”
My urge to hug her came back, and this time I didn’t deny it. “This is going to be perfect, little sis.”
“Thank you for doing this for me.” Her tears wet my shoulder.
“So we have an agreement?” Tisha asked.
The three of us nodded, and then Amanda leaned heavily into my arms.
“I won’t let you down, Faye. I promise.”
27
Jaz
“You know, it would’ve been nice if you’d gotten my opinion before asking Amanda to co-parent with us,” I murmured behind our bedroom door a few hours later.
Faye looked adorably ashamed. “It was on the spur of the moment. I did look at you first.”
&nb
sp; “And I definitely read your mind through that look.” I gave her a light punch on the arm, then flopped onto the bed. “Totally psychic, as we’ve already established.”
“I’m sorry.” Faye lay down next to me and wrapped me in her arms. “You don’t mind too much, do you? We could always back out…”
“Back out now that she’s agreed to move in with us, sure.” I smiled into her neck. “No, honestly, I think it’s a good idea. I’m not completely sure what Amanda will be like as a co-parent, but I think we should give her a fair shot. And if she’s terrible, we’ll be Gretchen’s primary moms anyway.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
I ran my hands along Faye’s body, savoring the moment of being alone with her. Gretchen was sleeping peacefully outside the door. Soon the three of us would move and find a bigger place where Amanda could join us. Everything was going to change, but hopefully only for the better.
“What do you think Gretchen should call us when she gets older?” I asked lazily. “Mom One and Mom Two?”
“And who would Mom One be?” Faye growled. “I’m not being number two.”
“As long as we both come before Derek, I’m good.” My hands tensed into fists. “I can’t believe what a piece of shit he turned out to be.”
“He was much worse than I ever thought.” Faye stroked my arm, calming me. “What about Mom A and Mom B? Less hierarchical.”
“Uh, that’s still just as hierarchical. And you really don’t see any other problems with it?” I pitched my voice high like a little girl’s. “Mom A! Mom-A! Mom-may!” I dropped to a seductive baritone. “Mommay is here for you, baby. Mommay has everything you need.”
“I guess my mind doesn’t work as creepily as yours does.” Faye rolled her eyes. “If you don’t go down that road, it would be cute. Mommay and Mombee.”
“Come to Mommay, Mombee.”
She climbed on top of me, straddling my waist. My breath caught in my throat, and it didn’t help when I felt her fingers slide between my thighs. I closed my eyes and thrust lightly against her hand. I couldn’t believe how happy I was to have her with me. She was mine.
“What’s your pleasure?” Faye breathed into my ear.
I pressed my hips up as I pulled her down. “Anything involving you.” Having second thoughts, I grabbed at her shirt. “And a lot less clothes.”
“That can be arranged.”
* * *
Amanda’s car pulled up to the side of the road a second after mine did. “Are you nervous?” I asked as she got out.
I didn’t expect more than a basic polite answer. Why would she open up to me, her sister’s girlfriend? We’d only met for the first time a few days ago—she didn’t know me. We’d never had a proper conversation, and here I was asking her about the most personal question possible.
She nodded slowly, though. “It’s a strange feeling. I haven’t seen her in so long, and I know she’s not even going to recognize me anymore.” She leaned on the car door, letting it support her until she got the strength to walk further. “I know all that’s my fault. Before you judge me, just remember I thought I was doing what was best for everyone at the time.”
“I’m not judging you. You did what you had to do.”
I liked to think I was telling the truth. Even if I didn’t agree with her actions over the past year, I understood—kind of—what she’d been thinking.
Faye and Gretchen were only a few feet away, but Amanda and I stood by the curb without moving. I had the feeling this was an important conversation, one that we needed to have.
“I know I haven’t been much of a mother,” she murmured. “You don’t have to put a positive spin on it for my sake.”
“Not at all. I’ve never been in your position, and I can’t say what I’d do if I was.”
That seemed to satisfy her. “I haven’t had the chance to say this, Jaz, but thank you.”
“For what?”
“For looking after my baby while I was away being too selfish to take care of her,” she said. “For looking after my big sister, too.” Before I could answer, she blinked away a tear and went on. “And thank you in advance for continuing to be a mom to Gretchen. I’m going to try my best to be there for her as much as I can, to be as much of a mother as I can… but I know I’m never going to be perfect.”
“I’ll always be there for her,” I said. “I don’t mean that it won’t matter whether she has you or not. Her life will be so much better for having you in it. But if you end up needing to move somewhere, or if anything happens, Gretchen will always have us.”
Amanda nodded tearfully. “You’re adopting her out of pure love, and that’s the most amazing gift I can imagine. I’m going to try my absolute best to be worthy of what you’re doing.” She took a step toward Faye and Gretchen, then paused. “I might as well tell you, since both of you are going to find out soon enough. I plan to quit drinking.”
I tried not to let the announcement get me too excited. I knew alcoholics tried to quit all the time, and that it was easier said than done—easier by a long shot. “When do you plan to?” I asked.
“Well… I’ve already unofficially done it. I haven’t had a drink since I came to Rosebridge. It didn’t feel right, considering everything that was going on.” She gave me a small smile. “I managed to not drink once I found out I was pregnant. It was difficult, but I can do it again.”
That was more than I’d expected to hear. With no words that would show how hopeful I felt, I settled for pulling her into a hug. Her eyes shone again when I let her go.
Together we moved toward the grassy field where Faye was already setting out the blanket and picnic lunch. I smiled at the sight of my partner looking beautiful in the sunlight.
Meanwhile, Amanda’s breath caught in her throat. “Is that her?” she asked. “It can’t be.”
“Yes, that’s Gretchen.”
“My God…” She walked toward the baby as if hypnotized. When she reached Faye and sank to her knees beside Gretchen, I was right behind her, eager to hear every word.
“Gretchen, do you know who this is?” Faye asked.
The baby shook her head. “No.”
“That’s your mother, sweetie,” I told her. “You might not remember her now, but she’s going to be around from now on. You can call her Mommy.”
“Mom…my?”
“That’s right, darling. Last time I saw you, you were about this big.” Amanda held her hands a few inches apart. “Now you’re practically all grown up.”
Gretchen crawled toward Amanda and plopped down on her lap. “Mommy… here.”
“Yes, darling, I’m here now.”
We ate lunch in the sun. Amanda barely took her eyes off Gretchen the whole time. Occasionally she’d glance briefly at Faye and murmur again, “She’s so big,” or “She’s already so smart.”
I’d had my doubts that she’d be the motherly type. Now that I saw her with Gretchen, holding her and feeding her, a weight I hadn’t realized was there began to lift off my shoulders.
Maybe, just maybe, this was all going to be okay.
Epilogue - Faye
“Ma, Ma!” Gretchen yelled, skidding to a stop in front of me. “Where’s Mama?”
Despite her unreasonable volume, I had to smile at the sight of her in the white dress she’d carefully chosen. At five, she was beginning to have a fashion sense all her own, and it showed in her dresses’ huge shoulders and lacy frills. When she was older, I hoped she’d look back at the pictures from today and laugh.
“You know Mama and I can’t see each other right now,” I said. “Not until we walk down the aisle.”
“But Mama isn’t in her dressing room.”
“All right. Why don’t you go look for Mommy?” Amanda should’ve been somewhere in the vicinity.
She’d done an amazing job of staying around for the past few years. It might’ve been a bit of a stretch to call her stable, since she still hadn’t held a job longer than a year and she’d ha
d a few minor relapses into drinking. But she was making her best effort, and generally succeeding.
She’d ended up getting back with her ex, Wesley, and he was sympathetic to her parenting situation. He was no future senator, but he was a good, kind man who worshiped the ground she walked on. He’d found a managerial position at a community center in Rosebridge, and then Amanda had moved out of our place to live with him. She still came by to spend time with Gretchen almost every day. The two of them had also agreed to look after Gretchen and the pets while Jaz and I went on our honeymoon.
We’d adopted not one, not two, but three giant German Shepherds from Jaz’s sister’s animal rescue. They’d come from a home where they were beaten and kicked around, and neither of us could deny them when we saw their scars. Of course, they’d grown quite a bit since then… but they still occasionally got new battle wounds when they came too close to the fat tabby cat we’d also taken in.
“There’s Mommy!” Gretchen exclaimed.
Amanda walked through the hall outside the dressing room door, our mother at her side. “You look so handsome,” Amanda said.
“That tuxedo is perfect,” my mom added.
She and Amanda had finally patched things up in the lead-up to this day. She’d reluctantly apologized for not being fully present when we were growing up, and Amanda had said she was sorry for the insults she’d thrown behind her back in the years since.
It might’ve been an unsteady truce, but it was holding up for the moment. And from the looks of it, both of them wanted to continue improving their relationship rather than go back to fighting and ignoring each other.
My mom scooped up the little girl. Soon she’d be too big for any of us to do that, so we took advantage of her size while we could. “Spin, Grandma!” Gretchen ordered, and she complied.
I had to grin as I watched them. Gretchen had brought this family together in a way nothing else could’ve. Ever since I’d first talked my mom into meeting her, she’d fallen hard for Gretchen’s charms. She got all the good times with none of the hard work, she said. And as if to prove how much she was enjoying it, she made the trip down to Rosebridge on a regular basis so she could spoil her first grandchild rotten.
