“Yeah, too bad it was such a farce, huh?”
Hearing him voice it hurt as badly as being a part of the subterfuge. Some part of her had obviously been hoping against hope that the occasion, or maybe the wedding vows themselves, would soften his attitude, that he would want all of this to be real.
“I need to get out of here,” she said stiffly. “I don’t think I can bear it for another second.”
“Anxious for your wedding night?” he taunted.
She swallowed hard and fought tears. “Hardly.” In fact, she hadn’t anticipated a wedding night at all. She was positive that Cole intended this to be a marriage in name only, if only to punish her. Maybe even to punish himself for being foolish enough to marry her.
He glanced at her. “I’ve arranged for you to have your own suite at the hotel until we decide what we’re going to do,” he said, confirming her guess and stripping away any lingering hope she might have harbored that it would be otherwise.
She stared at him blankly. “What we’re going to do?” she repeated. “What does that mean?”
“Whether we’re going to leave Winding River,” he explained. “I can set up shop in California or anywhere else, for that matter.”
The explanation—the very prospect of leaving—was too much. The thought of running away once more, essentially in disgrace—even if she was the only one who understood that—was overwhelming. She bounced off the swing.
“I am not leaving here,” she said, scowling down at him. “I’ve gone along with everything you wanted, but not that.”
He didn’t seem the least bit disconcerted or distressed by her vehemence. “I just thought it might be easier to start fresh in a new place, where no one knows our history. We’d be just like any other couple who’s grown apart. No one would know we’d never really been together in the first place.”
“No, Cole,” she said, standing up to him on this as she hadn’t on anything else. “We did this to give Jake a family. That means a whole family, including your father and my mother.”
“Heaven help the kid,” he said grimly, but he nodded. “Okay, then, we stay. You can start looking for a house tomorrow.”
“I gather you don’t want to live at the Double D?”
“Not a chance.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. The prospect of living under Frank Davis’s thumb had been daunting. Maybe she and Cole would have half a chance to work things out if they were on their own.
“In town? Or would you prefer a ranch?” she asked.
“Not a ranch,” he said at once. “Though buying some property outside of town and building would be okay. That way we’ll get exactly what we want, a place with plenty of room.”
So they would barely have to speak, much less spend time together? she wondered. How had it come to this? How could there be such a terrible distance between two people who had once shared everything? Of course, the answer was plain enough. She was responsible. She had no one to blame but herself for destroying the trust that they had once felt.
“Building would take time,” she pointed out, even though her imagination was already at work on all the possibilities. She wondered if he even remembered that once upon a time they had spun their fantasies about what their dream house would look like. It had been spacious but cozy, with lots of fireplaces, overstuffed furniture and a king-size bed for the two of them. That bed had been the centerpiece of all their daydreams. Her cheeks burned at the memory. Now there would be separate beds, separate rooms, if Cole had his way.
“We have the time,” he said, his gaze locked with hers.
For a heartbeat she thought she saw affection, at least, in his eyes, maybe a promise that as the weeks and months passed, they would work things out.
Then he had to go and ruin it by lifting his champagne glass and adding in a sarcastic tone, “After all, isn’t this the first day of the rest of our lives?”
Deliberate cruelty had never been in Cole’s nature. As he heard himself taunting Cassie repeatedly on their wedding day, he wondered if this new pattern of behavior was tapping into an uncontrollable dark side of him, a side far too much like his father in the early days after his mother’s death. He hated the hurt that darkened her eyes, hated that he was responsible, but once his bitterness had been unleashed, he hadn’t been able to stop.
Cassie’s mother had insisted on keeping Jake with her for a few days while Cole and Cassie settled into married life. Obviously, she was determined to keep up the charade that this was a real marriage. And because he cared about her, had always cared about her, he let her have her illusions. He even went so far as to take Cassie’s hand as they ran to the car that her friends had decorated with painted slogans and strings of empty cans.
At the hotel, though, he left Cassie at the door to her adjoining suite, then retreated to the bar, where he nursed a drink and his dark thoughts for hours.
This was the part he hadn’t considered when he’d made his impulsive decision to marry her rather than fight her for custody of his son. He hadn’t imagined what it would be like to know that Cassie was upstairs, dressed in something slinky and sexy, perhaps, wondering if there was to be a real wedding night. He hadn’t thought ahead to how it would feel to know that she was his wife, that legally, at least, they were bound together.
He muttered a harsh expletive and tossed some money on the bar, then headed upstairs. Until he reached the door to his own room, he’d thought he was going to bed—alone. But that image of Cassie wearing lace wouldn’t quit, and his body didn’t seem to understand that she was the enemy, the betrayer.
He took a few steps toward her door, then backtracked to his own, then cursed himself for a fool. He went back to hers and hammered on it.
“Yes?”
Her voice was muffled and sleepy and so damn sexy it made his blood roar.
“It’s me,” he said tightly.
She opened the door and destroyed his illusions. She was wearing an oversize T-shirt that skimmed her knees. Her hair was rumpled, her cheeks streaked with dried tears, her eyes filled with distress. All the same, she was so blasted desirable it made him ache.
If she’d been waiting for him, though, she had long since given up. Cole raked a hand through his hair and bit back another curse.
Still, she was his wife now…if he dared to claim her. He thought about it, then sighed, defeated by his own conscience.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I thought you might be awake.”
“I was until a few minutes ago,” she said. “Do you want to come in?”
“No,” he said, then, “Yes.”
A faint smile touched her lips, then faded. “Can’t make up your mind?”
“I shouldn’t be here.”
“Why not? We are married. I have a paper that says so.”
“Yeah, but we both know…” His voice trailed off.
“What? That it’s not real?”
He nodded. What amazed him right now, though, was that it felt real, even though it wasn’t supposed to. He wanted her. He wanted all the things they had once talked about…a future, a family, a home. He wanted to make love to Cassie Collins Davis and prove that she was finally his.
He gazed into her eyes, saw the little spark of desire, caught the way her lips parted as if she was about to speak…or about to welcome his kiss. He steeled himself against his own traitorous desire and took a step back.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have disturbed you,” he said stiffly.
“Cole—”
“No, Cassie. I am not coming in there.” He said it as if she were the one who’d set out to tempt him, rather than take responsibility for his own actions in coming to her door.
“Then why are you here?”
“I wish to God I knew.”
She nodded at that. The hope that had been in her eyes dimmed, then died. Her expression hardened. “Then do me a favor,” she said quietly. “Don’t come back until you do.”
He wanted to argue that she wa
s his wife and that he’d damn well come and go as he pleased, but what was the point? She was right. He had no business being here, not unless he was willing to forgive and forget, and he was far from ready to do that. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to do that.
But as he turned and walked away, as he heard the whisper of her sigh as the door clicked shut behind him, he wondered if he hadn’t just consigned them both—not just her, but the two of them—to a life of pure hell.
Cassie hadn’t thought it was possible to be any more miserable than she had been waiting for Cole to decide what he wanted from her, but she’d been wrong. This so-called marriage was worse. Much worse.
To be so close to a man she loved and know that he didn’t trust her, that, in fact, he all but hated her, was sheer torment. Whatever hope she had felt when he’d held her in his arms just a few short weeks ago at the reunion dance was gone. The hunger and heat stirred by his touch was little more than cold ashes now. All of it had been lost due to her years of deceit.
The day after the wedding she got up, got dressed and waited for some sign from Cole of what he expected. When he hadn’t come by nine, she ordered breakfast in her room. She was tempted to change clothes and go to work, but Stella would have been appalled, and tongues all over town would have wagged. Cassie felt the same way about going to church. To arrive alone on the morning after her wedding would have stirred all sorts of comment.
By noon, though, she was going stir-crazy. Grabbing her keys, she went downstairs, got in her car and headed for Karen’s. If ever there was a time to be with her best friends, this was it.
She found all four Calamity Janes seated around the kitchen table debating the merits of various gourmet coffees. Well, Lauren and Gina were debating them, anyway. Karen and Emma were exchanging amused looks. All of them looked up, clearly startled, as Cassie walked in.
“Any of that coffee left for me?” she asked as if her arrival was nothing out of the ordinary. “And I don’t care what kind it is, as long as it’s strong.”
Karen jumped up, pulled out a chair for her and poured the coffee, as the others simply stared.
“Stop it,” Cassie ordered. “I haven’t grown two heads overnight, have I?”
“It’s just a surprise,” Gina began cautiously. “You got married yesterday. I thought—we all thought…”
“Well, you thought wrong,” she said succinctly.
“Where’s Cole?”
Cassie shrugged. “Beats me. I haven’t seen him since last night.”
Emma scowled. “The man walked out on you right after your wedding night?”
“Only in the loosest interpretation of that,” Cassie said mildly. “Technically there was no wedding night. And he never walked in, much less out.”
Gina clasped her hand. “Explain,” she ordered. “Then we can go strangle him.”
Cassie opened her mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, all the hurt and humiliation bubbled up from deep inside. Great choking sobs emerged, taking her and the rest of them by surprise.
For an instant her friends just sat there. Then they were all around her, patting her back, handing her tissues and describing Cole in such unflattering terms that eventually even Cassie began to smile.
“He is not meaner and uglier than a hound dog,” she said, sniffing. “That’s the trouble. I’m only getting what I deserve.”
“Don’t be absurd,” Emma snapped. “You don’t deserve to be treated like this, abandoned on your wedding night.”
“You, of all people, know why we got married. This wasn’t a love match.”
“Oh, of course it was,” Lauren retorted, haughtily dismissing the claim. “And the sooner the two of you realize it, the sooner you can get on with the business of being married. Cole’s just being bullheaded.”
“I lied to him,” Cassie reminded her.
“And you’ve apologized. Jake’s in his life now. Cole needs to get over the past and move on.”
“Otherwise, I’ll be down at the courthouse first thing tomorrow filing for an annulment,” Emma threatened.
“I think I’m the one who’d have to do that,” Cassie teased, amazed at how much better she felt knowing these women were on her side. That they knew the whole story—or most of it—and loved her anyway.
Emma frowned. “You know what I meant. He is not going to get away with tormenting you.”
Karen, silent up until now, reached for Cassie’s hand. “Do you still love him?” she asked quietly.
“Of course I do,” she said without hesitation. Only in the past few days with misery building at the distance between them had she realized just how much.
“Have you told him that?”
“Not in so many words.”
“Why not?”
“Because he’d throw the words back in my face.”
Karen shook her head. “I don’t think so—but so what if he does? You just keep saying ’em till he gets the message. Don’t let pride stand in your way, Cassie. Life is too short to waste a single second of it.”
The message was powerful enough on its own, but coming from Karen, who’d so recently lost her beloved husband, it carried additional weight.
“Talk to him,” Karen insisted. “And do it now. Hanging around here with us isn’t solving your problem.”
Cassie wasn’t so sure about that. Being here with her friends had given her a sense of peace. Karen’s advice had solidified her resolve to make this marriage work. She stood up and gave each of her friends a hug.
“You guys are the best,” she said. “I knew if I came here I’d feel better.”
“Now go back there and give him hell,” Emma said.
“Tell him you love him,” Karen corrected, poking Emma in the ribs.
Emma sighed. “Whatever. But call me if you want to nail the guy’s hide in court.”
“Emma, you really do have to learn to express yourself less subtly,” Gina teased. “No one can ever figure out what you’re thinking.”
“Emma’s just a passionate defender of the underdog,” Lauren said. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s why she’s so good in court. Now leave her alone.”
“Yeah, leave me alone,” Emma said. “I’m not the same little wimp you guys used to walk all over.”
“Really?” Gina asked with exaggerated shock.
Cassie chuckled at all the bantering and left Karen’s with her heart lighter and her determination renewed. No matter how long it took, she was going to win Cole’s heart again.
Unfortunately, as the first weeks of her marriage crept by with no thawing of Cole’s attitude, Cassie slowly sank into despair again. Though the three of them—she, Cole and Jake—frequently shared meals, Cole made it a point never to be alone with her. Their conversations were limited to plans for the house and anything concerning their son. He didn’t discuss his work or his days, and he never asked about hers. The wall between them was getting thicker and thicker with each passing week. She began to think it would take a wrecking ball to break it down.
Thankfully, though, Cole’s chilly attitude didn’t extend to Jake. The time he spent with his son, making up for all the lost years, was the only thing that kept Cassie going. Their bond was growing stronger day by day, and Jake was flourishing with all of the male attention.
Coming back to the hotel after her shift at Stella’s, which she had refused to give up, she glanced into Cole’s office and saw them, their heads bent over the computer keyboard. Jake was peppering Cole with a thousand questions, which he answered with an endless supply of patience.
Cassie sighed heavily. Would her own relationship with her husband ever reach that stage again? Would there ever be the easy camaraderie they’d once shared? Only one thing gave her any hope at all. Despite Cole’s cold attitude, she could tell that he still wanted her. From time to time she caught him watching her, his gaze hooded. On occasion he reached out, as if to touch her, only to withdraw without making contact. It was evident that the embers
of their passion hadn’t entirely cooled.
Even without Karen’s advice still ringing in her ears, she knew she had a choice to make. She could endure this marriage and keep her pride, or she could risk her heart to change it. She had opted for pride once and nearly lost everything. This time she wouldn’t make the same mistake.
Sex wasn’t love, but it was a means of communication, an undeniable form of intimacy, of sharing. Slowly she would turn Cole’s desire into need.
And over time she prayed she could turn it into love.
Chapter Fourteen
Cassie was driving Cole crazy. First there had been the constant hurt in her eyes, which left him filled with guilt.
Then there’d been unmistakable signs of anger. That had stiffened his resolve, prepared him for a battle that hadn’t come.
Now lately she had been doing everything in her power to seduce him. The changes were keeping him dizzy and off balance, wavering between guilt and yearning.
He’d tried telling himself that this last, sly attempt to seduce was merely wishful thinking on his part, but there was no mistaking the intent of her glancing touches, the subtle perfume, the suddenly provocative attire on a woman who’d always preferred denim to lace. She wanted him and she intended to get him, by fair means or foul.
And he, blast it all, was losing the battle. How could he hold out against a woman he’d spent the past ten years wanting?
“Cole?”
“Hmm?” he responded distractedly. When she stroked his cheek with a lingering caress, his gaze shot up. Where had she come from? She rarely entered his room without knocking, but here she was, lips moist, color high. He eyed her suspiciously. “What?”
“Do you have a minute?” she asked, her expression all innocence as her hand fell away.
She was wearing white shorts and some skimpy little triangle of fabric that pretended to be a blouse. Aside from a few bows holding it all together, her back was bare, as were her feet. Rather than her usual pale-pink, she had painted her toenails a kick-ass-red. Staring down at those erotic little toes, he lost his train of thought completely.
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