by Najwa Zebian
The Power of Words
Your words can be more healing than any kind of medicine. They can be more toxic than any kind of poison. They can ease a mind of its nagging questions. They can relieve a heart from its doubts. They can free a heart from the chains that keep it holding on and that make it fear letting go. They can spring hope into a deserted heart. They can shatter a soul barely holding on to the pieces that make it strong. They can be a shelter for the broken and a canon of motivation for those who need confidence. They can build mountains of confidence and build stairs to those dreams that hide above the clouds. They can dig holes into the darkest and deepest of scars. They can strike happiness into the souls in most need of it, and they can strike sadness into the souls of those most far away from it. So, before you speak, ask yourself if your words are true. If they are not, then you are fooling the hopeless into hope that won't last. You are breaking down walls temporarily that will be built even higher afterwards. Say what the truth and genuineness in your heart need to say. Say no more.
Never Settle
If you choose an option because it's the only one, then you haven't chosen. You've settled.
Seal My Lips
If you understand me, then you've enslaved part of me. So, if you don't take care of my words, I will protect the pieces of my soul through the silence of my lips.
Negative Intentions
If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that's a weakness of yours. If my strength doesn't impress you, I hope you never see my weaknesses because, if you can't be happy to see me at my best, you most likely will be happy to see me at my worst.
Together
Lucky you. I don't build walls. I build strong values that take me up higher. I work on my strength, my confidence, and my independence. So, do you need to work hard to get to me? Yes. Must you take the right steps to get up there? Definitely. You see, I don't want you to break down a wall I've built only to realize that I'm at the same level as everyone else you know. I also don't want you to climb a wall only to come down it on the other side. I want you to actually come up higher for yourself and for me so that we can both say that we've worked hard to build what we have, not worked hard to get to each other, because, once we do, what's next?
Wake Up to the Darkness
As long as I breathe, I learn. As long as I have a purpose, I live. As long as I have a goal, I progress. As long as I have something to live for, I fight. As long as I struggle, I hope. I am what I do, and who I am is not who you see. I am who you understand. Do you know why? Who I think you are is not who you really are either. Unless I try to understand you, I may never really know who you are. I may never see your inner beauty. We all wear the masks that we think make us more beautiful. We claim to love what deserves our love, but we end up loving what we can't have because it adds purpose and meaning to our lives. It gives us challenges that we need to work for and overcome. Even if what we deserve comes easily, we let it go. Sometimes we don't even notice it because sometimes, no matter how bright the light may be, we don't notice its existence until the darkness comes.
Sometimes
Sometimes you choose not to walk through an open door, not because it's not inviting, but because a closed door makes you wonder, makes you anticipate, and makes you crave the challenge of opening it. A closed door makes you want to work hard. It makes you want to take the risk of knocking. This is when you realize the irony of your will to accept waiting in front of a closed door over having the guarantee of being able to walk through an open door. This is when you realize that sometimes, just sometimes, you need to close your door so others can knock on it. Sometimes you need to stop shining so others can notice your existence. Sometimes you need to stop answering unasked questions so others can start wondering.
Know Yourself
Don't aim to be understood by others before you understand yourself. People may never understand your intentions. You know them. They may never understand why you do what you do or say what you say. You know the reasons. They may never understand why you treat them the way that you do, or why you treat others the way that you do. You know why. They may never understand the words that you say or the language your eyes speak. You understand these languages because you create them. They may never understand the strength it takes to be the way that you are. You know your weaknesses and your struggles, and you are the one who works to overcome them, so your strength means more to you than it could ever mean to anyone else. It really isn't about what they understand by just looking at you. It's about what they want to understand, and if they really want to, they won't assume. They will ask.
The Other Side
You may think that I share my strengths with you to put you down and to tell you that I'm better. But have you ever thought that I had to overcome the fear of you envying my happiness, hoping that you could be happy not for me but with me? You may think that I share you my weaknesses only because I need you to help me cope with them, but have you ever thought that I had to overcome my safe silence to express my words to you? Have you ever thought that I’ve made the decision to allow you to understand me? You may think that I am nice to you because I need something from you, but have you ever thought that I had to silence every disappointment I’ve had in the past, and every unnoticed effort, to be nice to you? You may think that I care for the person that I want you to be, not who you really are, but have you ever thought that if I thought you were not worthy of my care that I would allow myself to care for you?
Close Your Door
The moments when you feel de-realized from life are critical moments to reflect on what is essential to your existence. If you don't put yourself first, no one will. Learn to stop when you've done just enough. In the same way that you say sorry when you don't have to, you need to hear it, at least, when you rightfully deserve it. You know the things and people that you promise yourself will make you happy if you push yourself hard enough to get them? They will make you happy for a while until your inner need for happiness asks for something new. Real happiness comes from within, from what you have now, not from what you will have tomorrow. Close your door. If something belongs in your life, it'll knock. You have enough things and people around you to make you happy. Don't just look at them. See them. Appreciate them. Say no when you need to, not only inside, but say it loudly enough to be heard. Extend your hand only for as long as you need to and only to the extent that doesn't hurt you. You know why? It's because, once you fall, it's not what you want that will lift you up but what you already have.
Unjustified Excuses
There's absolutely nothing wrong with giving people excuses. It just goes to show how positive you are deep down, how able you are to see the good in people, and how able you are to see past the faces that they show. The real mistake is when you treat those people as if they've tried to express those excuses to you, as if they've put the effort forward to clarify their words or actions. The problem is when you make those excuses into apologies in your own head and forgive without being asked forgiveness or even being thought of as worthy of being asked for forgiveness. The problem is when you don't allow people to feel the need to make an effort to hold a spot in your life. If you're going to keep making them feel that you're okay no matter what they do, then don't wonder why they continue to do what they do. If you're willing to spend hours trying to justify their actions, what have you left to worry about your own?
Past What You See
If only we knew the tests that each of us has encountered, we would be much more compassionate towards one another. But no. We see beauty, and we wonder why we don't have it. We see riches, and we wonder why we don't have them. We see happiness, and we wonder why we don't have it. We see contentment, commitment, and success, and we wonder why someone else has them. Little do you know that, while you're envying a person's beauty, money, or success, they may be battling to live. Those things that they have that you don't have may be a way of helping them cope. Those things may be a way of proving
to them that perfection does not exist. It cannot exist. Just because people don't complain to you, doesn't mean that they don't have problems. It means that they've learned to accept their problems and deal with them without wanting you to worry. They think of how to keep you happy while you wonder how they could be so happy. Don't judge. Don't give yourself the right to decide whether a person deserves what he or she has or doesn't have. If you were able to see through people's smiles and into their hearts, you would regret every judgment you wrongfully made. You would take back every wish you made, even between you and yourself, of harm happening to them. Worry about yourself. Appreciate what you have. Don't look past what you can't possibly understand. Be careful what you wish for. Life may give you something that you want but take away something that you need.
Lesson Learned
Sometimes we get so stuck on fixing things that we forget that it could be more worth it to throw them out. And sometimes it's not the things that are broken but the way we think of them, because of the past they remind us of or the fact that we think of them in the first place. That's why it's good to have people in your life who will tell you when you're wrong or when you need to stop thinking. Not people who will tell you what you want to hear but people who will tell you what you need to hear so that you may truly be a better person and perceive reality the way it is, not the way you think it is.
Take Care
Some people deserve your eyes if they need them, and some people don't deserve a look from your eyes. But, life isn't about what people deserve or don't deserve. Life is not fair. Be honest with yourself. Half the time you probably don't give yourself what you deserve. You allow your heart to love before your mind can tell you, Stop. You deserve more. You allow yourself to extend your hand before your mind can tell you, Be careful whose hand you’re holding. You say yes knowing that soon you will wish you said no. You walk down a path without knowing that you can come back. You even believe in others more than you believe in yourself sometimes. You believe in others' ability to make you feel better more than in your own ability to do so. So, before you expect others to be fair with you, be fair to yourself. Before you get disappointed that people didn't give you what you think you deserve, give yourself what you deserve. Those who tell you that it's a rich man's world know what they're talking about. It's not about the money but the degree to which you think of yourself. Don't confuse taking care of yourself, your self-worth, and self-esteem with selfishness, egocentrism, or being stuck up. It's not black or white. Create the shade of balance between the care that you give and that which you receive that is perfect for you.
That Path
The breaks you create on the inside can break you down more than those on the outside. Any stranger on the street will help you get back up when you fall and hurt yourself, but rarely will you find someone who will see the agony in your eyes and work to replace it with a smile. You claim to be the one to see the sadness in others' eyes, while it is you who creates the sadness in their eyes to give yourself the excuse to make them happy. Because you want to make them happy. Because you tie your happiness to theirs. And those who actually care about you, you ignore, gracefully, telling yourself that they don't need you. Because you don't need them. Because you couldn't tie your happiness to theirs.
Accept Yourself
Don't look for acceptance. Look for respect. If you get it, give it back, and if you don't, be the first to give it. If you don't get it back, keep moving forward. If you kill yourself over every person who doesn't treat you the same way that you treat them, you'll waste your time worrying about changing people who don't care about changing themselves in the first place. If you make yourself believe that you need people to accept you, then you are giving them the right to reject you. You don't need anyone to accept you. You need to accept yourself. You need to respect yourself. You can't make anyone understand you. You can't make anyone listen to you. You can't make anyone love you, trust you, or even like you. In the same way that you decide to make them important to you, give them the right to make that decision too. If they don't, it's not your responsibility to change the way they think of you. It's your responsibility to change the way you think of yourself. Before you expect people to put themselves in your shoes, put yourself in your own shoes. Worry about changing what you need to change.
It's You
You have to realize the difference between people who consistently disrespect you because of the way you deal with them and those who disrespect you because of who you are. Often, you blame yourself for the way that people treat you. Let me tell you, you're right to believe that it's something that has to do with you. You know why? It's because they just might be jealous of who you are. So give yourself a pat on the back for being good enough to make people envy a quality in you. They won't admit it. In fact, they will claim to praise you for it, but deep down they may be burning to see you lose it. They will push you to the limit to make you just like them. What a world we have to live in where living happily and peacefully means being silent, following without questioning, and living without dreaming. Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel that being a good person is something bad. Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel that you need to prove anything to them. You don't have to prove anything to anyone if you've got the proof you need for yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe in goodness. Live your life the way you know you want to. Think of yourself but don't be selfish. Seek wealth of knowledge and spirit not wealth of money. Love and allow people to love you. Give more than you take. Take, but don't be greedy. Respect people, but don't allow them to walk all over you. Speak, but only when you need to. Choose silence unless it’s going to hurt you. It’s better for your words to hurt others than for your silence to hurt you. But trust me, you don’t need to have people in your life who will make you choose between those two options.
The Little Things
Give yourself time to evaluate what happens around you. Don't read into everything. Learn to dissociate from the past and focus on the present. See the positives. Learn to believe that what others do or say cannot affect you unless you allow it to. So, although your tired little heart might hurt despite how strong it wants to be, despite how strong it knows that it can be, you need to protect it.
Your Opinion of Me
Sometimes it hurts more to stay away from what hurts you than to keep allowing it to hurt you. That's why you make excuses when they don't exist. That's why you create hope that, ironically, makes you hopeless. That's why you put locks on doors before you try to open them. Life is simple. Love is everywhere. You just have to change where you're looking. You have to change what you're seeing. See the best in yourself before you see it in others because, if you can't see the best in yourself, you will come to believe the worst that people believe of you. You will fool yourself into believing that their opinion of you is essential to your happiness. Be honest with yourself for a moment. Those who see the impact that they have on your life and choose to use it in a manipulative way do not belong in your life. A true leader will tell you to stop following him if he notices that you're following. A manipulative person will be happy to see your willingness to do whatever is asked of you. I'm not saying that you need to remove these people from your life. I'm just telling you to stop associating your happiness with theirs if they don't consider you a part of it. Stop equating your worth with their opinion of you.
No Time to Waste
Life’s too short, and it’s so easy to convince yourself that you need to just worry about working as much as you can, making as much as you can, while you can. Come to think about it, there has got to be more to life than this. What’s your purpose from all of it? At the end of your life, what do you want to look back and see that you’ve accomplished? What did you invest your time in? What things and people did you put first? What and who did you neglect? Some things are more important than others, and to be honest, we often neglect those who love us the most. Most times, this is not intentional but is because their
love is so great for us that it makes us feel so safe. So safe, in fact, that we feel we will never lose it, that we will never lose them, that they will always understand. Those people did not have to love us, but they chose to love us. Those people chose us over sleep when they needed it most, chose us over money when they could have made more of it. Those people are your parents. They brought you into this world, and all of a sudden, you became their world. You filled up a space that they didn't know they had. You helped them discover a kind of love they didn't know existed. You always had to worry about yourself, but they had to worry about you and them too. Don’t wait until it’s too late to show them your love and gratitude.
