by Snow, Nicole
Beth clung to me as I led her down the hall. One of these fucking days, I was gonna be big and bad enough to fight back when Eric did this shit. But I knew I had to bide my time.
I was too short, waiting for my fucking hormones to kick in full force. Prowl and I shot the shit in the school's weight room. I worked harder there than any classroom, hoping for the kinda muscles my older buddy had in a few more years.
Then I'd be able to do something about this shit once and for all.
My asshole stepdad was a big dude, and childhood pals with the town sheriff too.
If I raised my hand against him and stopped short of murdering his evil ass, he'd have me arrested and tossed into juvie, if he didn't decide to put me in the ground first. And then there'd be no one left to care for Beth. Ma was too fucked outta her mind most days to eat dinner, let alone give a shit what was going on with her kids.
Family by blood or marriage didn't faze her one bit. My Ma died sometime before I hit ten, and she wasn't coming back. The thin, greasy mess of a woman who holed herself up in the bedroom shooting syringes meant nothing to me.
Not anymore. Maybe not ever.
Beth plopped down on the broken down toilet. I dug through the sparse medicine cabinet for something to numb the pain and sterilize the small scratch the fuck had on her cheek.
Bingo. There was some rubbing alcohol left and a few random cotton swabs.
“Hang on, sis. You know this shit stings.”
“Not as bad as dad's belt. He never uses his hands anymore.” She sighed. “Guess he figured out I'm too old for that. Takes more than a rough slap to make it hurt.”
My heart sank, and I tried to hold it up. Anger did the trick. The rage pumping through my veins kept me sane, focused, determined to play the long game and win it, when I could get her outta here forever.
Just a few more years, I told myself, holding her hand. Beth's fingers tightened when I brought the cotton to her face. She winced.
Guess I was so busy tracing that jagged line down her cheek and trying not to lose my cool that I didn't hear the footsteps pounding down the hall. The door exploded open before I could turn around, and a giant hand wrapped around my neck, jerking me away from her.
“What're you fucking brats doin' in here?” Eric growled, breath as vile as always.
I didn't answer. He smashed me against the wall, hand on my neck so fucking tight his knuckles were going white. Beth jumped up and pressed herself to the bathroom wall, just as scared as me, afraid for what was gonna happen next.
Eric grunted when he saw the cotton and the wound on her face. “Asshole!”
He whacked the back of my head, hard enough to rattle my whole skull. At least his hand was off my throat, and I'd bought Beth a few more precious seconds.
“You're the reason this bitch don't learn no respect, how to do anything right.” He sucked in a sharp breath, obviously high on his own crap. “You little shit...you think you're a man? Huh?”
He stabbed a fat finger into my chest. I grunted, twisting my head away from him, refusing to meet his fucked up eyes.
“A real man would take some responsibility, Luke. He'd be here at three o'clock, on the fucking dot, and I wouldn't have to send this clumsy fucking cunt out to plow my driveway! Where the fuck were you, anyway? Jerking yourself off with that biker kid again?” He snorted, showing me his busted teeth. “Thank fucking God your mama got her tubes tied. I'd take a shotgun to the mouth if I knocked her pussy up and got another shit-for-brains bitch boy like you!”
“Big fucking loss,” I hissed, finally looking into his beady little eyes.
Eric blinked. I had a full second to realize how badly I'd fucked up by insulting him to his face before both his gorilla hands were wrapped around my throat.
“Say that again, you fucking cocksucker! Tell me how bad I fucked up clothing and feeding you and sending you to school – both you ungrateful brats! I did it. I did fucking everything for your greedy asses. And now you shit where you eat like a fucking retard!”
I choked once. My throat couldn't handle the pressure anymore. Funny. I always thought it would be a lot worse when all the oxygen in my lungs was depleted, but the death grip he had around my throat was so fucking tight my body barely understood what was happening.
Then he started to bash my head against the wall. I would've died then and there if it hadn't been for the blur behind him.
Beth sprang up, jabbing her fingers into his neck, biting him as hard as she could. Eric howled and dropped me on the floor. Everything was still spinning when I finally sat up, listening to her scream as he cornered her in the bathroom.
The only thing worse than getting my own ass killed was watching him turn on her. I sprang up, screaming for her to run, dragging myself along the wall to the phone around the corner.
Beth made it out behind me. I heard her pound into the basement, slamming the door behind her, safe for at least another minute as the beast behind her broke the lock and followed.
I wasn't stupid. The bastard was too big, too brutal. We could only hurt him in hit and runs before our luck ran out and he finished us off. My cry for help was a shot in the fucking dark.
I was still gasping for breath while I punched in the keys on the phone. No fucking cells in those days, so I had to type Prowl's number from memory, praying he was home.
“Hello?” The voice on the other end wasn't him, but I was too fucked up to care.
“Help me! Prowl, tell Prowl he's gotta come quick. Eric's beating the shit out of us...he's got my sister cornered! He's going to fucking kill us!”
There was a long pause. “You're the Spears' kid – same one who's been hanging around my boy?”
“Yeah,” I coughed, shuddering when Beth started to scream downstairs.
“Hold on, son. We'll be down there in ten minutes, soon as I get the crew together.”
Beth screamed again and I dropped the phone. Damned thing was hanging off the hook as I ran down the steps, praying it wasn't too fucking late. Took a quick look in the bedroom at Ma, squirming in their ratty bed, laughing to herself and gazing at the ceiling. She was in another world, like always, drugged out of her fucking mind as her sick hubby went nuclear.
Downstairs, I found him choking her. Same damned thing he'd done to me. I looked around for something to hit him with, but the boxes hid all the obvious shit.
Fuck it, I had to do something!
I got in one good punch, hammering the back of that asshole's head, right by the brainstem. Unfortunately, he was a lot faster than I gave him credit for. Maybe it was the meth, or the adrenaline ripping through his veins now that the murderous day of reckoning we'd all been waiting for was here.
The bastard spun. His fist smashed my left temple, so hard everything blurred and sent me down. I fell against the staircase. The blow from the wood was about as bad as his fist. I blacked out instantly.
“Come on, kid. Get the fuck up.” A powerful hand reached for me.
At first, I fought it, afraid it was him. No, Eric sure as shit never wore leather. I recognized the huge man I'd only seen once before, Prowl's dad, decked out in his full MC colors.
Prowl was behind him, and he helped steady me, his face all grim. “Don't look, Luke.”
He held my shoulders tight, refusing to let me turn around and see what the fuck was going on behind me. Then his dad looked at us both.
“Bullshit, son. He's got dibs on this motherfucker before we blow his fucking brains out.” His strong hand reached for my shoulder and guided me away from my friend.
The first thing I saw was Eric, bloodied and whimpering on the floor, his hands tied behind his back with some kinda cord. It would've been the happiest fucking thing in my life if it wasn't for the pale lifeless figure behind him.
She was sprawled out on the ground in a little head, the back of her head split open, cherry red blood pooling all around her. Grief and rage exploded in my throat simultaneously, echoing through our crappy basement.
I tried to run to Beth's cold, dead body, but Prowl's dad wouldn't let me. I jerked against his hands again and again, screaming so loud I expected the floor to cave in on our heads.
“Let it out, boy. You deserve that much. If we'd been a couple minutes earlier, you wouldn't have to. I'm sorry – real fucking sorry we couldn't get here sooner.” I could practically taste the sour regret in his voice. “When you're done crying, take this...”
I stopped blubbering just barely long enough to feel the cold, flat thing he handed me. It was Eric's belt, the same goddamned leather he'd used to beat her a hundred times before. Probably the same thing he'd used to choke her to death too, before he did the final blow.
“Pop?” Prowl wasn't looking so badass that day, more scared and unsettled than anything else.
“We got time. The other guys'll have this mess cleaned up in less than an hour...” The man reached down, forcing my fist to close tight around the leather strap. “Go to town. Anything you want, kid. Soon as you're done, I'll finish this asshole and get his carcass outta your hair. We'll figure something out for your sis too, so you can pay her some last respects.”
I heard a gun cock in his other hand. Took a good long second to stare at Eric, broken and blooded on the floor, knowing that nothing but hell was ahead.
Beating the piss out of this asshole wouldn't bring my sister back. Just then, I was fucked if I cared. I took the belt and stared bringing it down on his back, hitting him harder than I'd ever moved my fist, tearing his shirt and cutting his skin.
“Grrrr! Frrrk! Irt stiiiings!” Eric screamed the same fucking thing over and over and over.
There wasn't any satisfaction as I laid into him. His screams took over for mine, mirroring my fucking hurt, my urge to slash my own skin and light myself on fire for my fuckup.
I was too late, too weak, too young to save her.
I whacked and whacked that asshole raw 'til the dry sobs shook my whole body. I couldn't feel my arm anymore when Prowl's dad nodded. My friend grabbed me by the shoulder, leading me upstairs.
A second later, a gunshot punctured the cold winter night, sending Eric home to the demon pool that spawned him.
For the next few years, I was in a total funk, living with my buddy and his old man, Slaughter. Some bribes passed hands and Eric's friend, the sheriff, died a mysterious death, whatever it took to keep anyone from asking too many questions.
We cremated Beth and spread her ashes on the open plains. No fucking way was I locking her up in the ground or dumping her off at the condemned farm where we'd both suffered. Ma wound up institutionalized and died a couple years later. I let them toss her worthless ashes in an unmarked grave without even stopping by to see it for myself.
Prowl got the same patch Slaughter and the rest of the brothers wore about a year later, about the same time I got my PRAIRIE DEVILS MC, DICKINSON cut as a prospect. I learned to smile real big and nod at everything the Prez, the VP, and the Sergeant at Arms told me, a big guy named Moose who was a little thinner and less beardy in those days.
I also vowed I'd never, ever let a girl die like Beth if I could stop it. I'd never walk away if anybody I cared about was in the least hint of danger. And I sure as fuck wouldn't be too weak to take out the wolves circling my girl.
After that night, every waking day was about getting stronger, building muscles and brotherhood, learning to kill any asshole who deserved it. And with the club behind me, I was finally unstoppable.
Present Day
I woke up and headed for the bathroom. Vomited in the toilet and wiped my mouth. Re-living that shit in my dreams made me sick to my fucking stomach.
But today, for the first time ever, I was glad I did.
Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and I'd be down at the clubhouse first thing in the morning. Soon as the other brothers cleared out and Moose stopped giving me last minute shit about spending the holiday with him and his family, I was gone.
I set my sights on the Idaho border, and I wasn't coming back 'til she was with me. True or no truce, the Grizzlies were dangerous motherfuckers, and so was stripping in those demons' lair.
I couldn't let Alice become another Beth. Fuck, even worse, I couldn't let her slip away. I didn't know if she'd give me anything besides pure venom when I showed up, but I was beyond giving a fuck.
If Alice wanted to make a life for herself, then I'd offer her a better one. If she told me to fuck off, then I'd at least make sure nobody was coming after her pretty ass.
Nobody but me. For her, I was on the hunt, one step away from watching my fucking mind rocket into the void if I failed.
Failure? No, that was off the fucking table here. I'd bend the road my way 'til it led where I wanted, no matter how damned long I had to ride through hell and blood or acres of her ice. I wasn't backing down. Not for anything. Alice was gonna be wrapped around me like an old lady should or else I'd tear my own fucking heart out.
I was too far gone, stuck in her crazy sweet gravity, and there was only one way out. Soon as I got her, I was gonna own her the same way she'd got her nails in me. And when I did, I'd make it crystal-fucking-clear that I wasn't gonna hear any nos coming outta her mouth ever again unless she was wearing my brand.
VII: Passions Unsheathed (Alice)
I should've known better. A girl can't just up and leave and sweep her past under the rug so easily.
It only took me a few weeks to realize coming to Idaho had been one big mistake. Securing a room with virtually no credit history took up half the wad Blaze gave me to get out of his face, and running all over town with taxis and buses searching for work took a lot more.
I was down to dregs by the time I finally swallowed my pride and hit the Filthy Crown for work.
I had the body for it and the youth. I thought I was so numb, handling it would be easy, but the first night almost broke me. I stripped on the dirty stage beneath the dim lights, moving like a whirlwind to hide the tears, shaking my tits and ass like a maniac to stop all the leering men from seeing how I was coming apart at the seams.
The type of rough, dangerous looking men who frequented the bar must've liked my pain. Or maybe they could smell a virgin in over her head from ten feet away, showering her in cash like some obscene throwback to ancient, savage times.
The Grizzlies who owned the place took half – all part of the harsh terms I'd agreed to. But even after their cut, I was making plenty, and I started to save like a mad woman for the day I could blow the bar and hope that none of the hard, dirty men who watched me in the darkness would follow.
Stripping for the Grizzlies MC and their biker buddies made me think about Stinger. No, not just him, the whole clubhouse back in Missoula. I realized fast just how different the two clubs were.
Men in Grizzlies colors thought nothing of slamming dirty needles into their veins while they sipped their beer. They rocked in their seats, watching me slide up and down the pole, pumping my hips like the lewdest thing they'd ever seen. Really, it was pure revulsion, horror mixed with a smattering of fear that one day they'd pull me aside like they did to the other girls.
They'd made them offers they couldn't refuse.
Marks was the only man who kept them away from me. Some asshole trying to grab me backstage or hop up onto the stage during my act was a weekly occurrence. But the big man who was always around for security, fighting the ones who went too far off with his presence, and sometimes his fists when he needed to.
I almost thought I'd made a friend until I approached him one icy December night. He was stuffing his half of the club's cash from all the night's performances in the vault, including mine, when I crept up next to him.
“Hey...” He spun to face me, fixing his hard eyes on my robe.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Go home and rest. We'll need you fresh for tomorrow. Lotta dudes coming in looking to blow off steam from the holiday shit at home.”
“I just wanted to say thanks for keeping things orderly, night after night
. I know it's just work to you, but I'm not sure where I'd be without you...”
He grunted. “You're right. It's just a job, my duty for the club, babe. I keep the civvies and other brothers off your tits and pussy. Don't think it's a favor. I can't have you fucking 'em like those other sluts when you bring in five times as much as the next best girl here. Gotta keep that virgin shit alive – the myth, anyway. Anybody sees you sucking or fucking cock around here, your cover's blown. You do that shit in the privacy of your own home, yeah?”
I swallowed. Didn't like the way he was looking at me. This whole thing was a mistake. I turned to go, but Marks reached out and grabbed me, throwing me against the wall.
“I heard about you, Ginger-Bell,” he said, using my stage name. “I know you were close to those Prairie Pussies back in Montana. Listen, that shit's not gonna fly here. Maybe those bitches are happy to let women wrap their fucking balls up in a neat little bow and screw with their club, I dunno. All I know's the truce Fang and the national crew signed with those fucks was a big mistake. Can't wait 'til the day comes when we're rolling across the state line to pump lead into those cocksuckers again...”
He drew a sharp breath. I twisted in his meaty fist, yelling when he crunched bone. Marks opened his eyes again, the rapture on his face melting away. Disgusted, he let go and gave me another hard shove against the wall.
No wonder he never touched me himself. Sex didn't do it for this kinda man – straight up violence did.
“Just do your fucking job, got it? You're a Grizzlies girl now. Be happy it's this easy. The day may come when the brothers decide you're doing harder shit.”
I rubbed my wrist. “Harder? What're you talking –“
“Porn. Straight up suckin' and fuckin' on camera. Personal and paid sex with the rest of the club here in town, and then any old fucks we line up to bang your ass. I know this shy virgin bullshit's a fucking act, and the guys eat it up. That's cool.” He paused to light a cigarette, then took a long pull before he finished. “But it's probably gonna fall apart at some point. The day may come when we figure out better ways to make money off you that's a little more involved than flashing your cunt for stacks. Be ready.”
