“Fine with me,” Rilla said. “But where in Ea’s realm could we go?”
Ben smoothed his thumb over his bandaged forearm, where he’d scraped it during their escape. “We have friends in the south.”
“But is it wise to flee with our tails between our legs at the first sign of trouble?” Edel asked. “Won't that undermine our cause?”
“Perhaps a little, but not permanently,” Ben said. “Better to move a few steps backward than be imprisoned or killed.”
“I don’t like it,” Brice muttered. “Fleeing like frightened rabbits. We’re not sodding helpless.”
Rilla gaped at her. “You want to stick around and see if the hemies come back for you?”
“Well, no, but…” Brice frowned and rubbed her bruise again. “I just don’t like running.”
“It's stupid to remain where you're in danger,” Leal said, nodding. Her veil slipped, but she adjusted it and gestured to the tents and wagons with a sweeping hand. “My people are nomads for a reason.”
“Agreed,” Ben replied, sitting up. “I say we head to Pillau at once.”
Drake grimaced. “Ah… count me out.”
He felt Ben's burning gaze on him – and not in a good way. “What do you mean?”
“Is this about freeing those mages on Heartfire?” Rilla asked Drake.
“Shut up,” Brice hissed, grabbing Rilla's arm and pulling the blond woman down beside her. She jerked her chin towards Ben. “We promised to keep quiet.”
Ben's eyes widened, and Drake winced internally, though he kept his voice calm as he pointed to a spot several paces away from the fire. “Can we step away for a moment?” Drake asked. “To talk privately?”
“No need,” Brice said, rising. “We'll give you lads some space. Come find us when you're done.” With that, she took Rilla's hand and led the other woman away, towards some of the other Assembly members. Edel hurried on their heels, no doubt just as anxious to get away from the impending argument. Leal glanced between Drake and Ben, and then slipped off to a Sufani wagon.
The two men were about as alone as they were going to get. Ben studied the fire before looking back to Drake, his pale-blue eyes shadowed and his mouth set in a thin line. “Mages?”
“I was going to tell you–”
“Are you trying to antagonize the sentinels?” Ben interrupted.
“Not on purpose,” Drake admitted. “Though it seems I'm making a habit of it.”
The bearded man did not seem to find the joke amusing. “Stealing hematite is one thing. Given your history, I thought perhaps you might still...need some. I didn't like how you stole it, but I didn't see cause to question your actions at the time. That was my first mistake.” He scrubbed a hand through his auburn hair. “But this…involvement with mages is another matter entirely.”
“It’s not the best plan I’ve ever come up with,” Drake said. “But it’s the best I can do in this situation. Without their hematite, the Whitewater sentinels won’t be in top form, which will make our job a little–”
But Ben cut him off with a shake of his head. “Do you know what the Circle will do to us if they find out we've helped mages?”
Better than you do. “The Circle encourages the tier system. Ben, the kind of change the Assembly wants will not come easily. We need all the allies we can get – magical or otherwise.”
Ben's face darkened. “The moment you bring magic-users into our fold, the situation will spiral out of our control. Who knows what they’ll do once they're free of the bastion? Who will keep them from harming anyone?”
“Mages are people, too,” Drake said, fighting to keep calm. “They have morals and ethics, like anyone else. They don't need bastions and sentinels to keep them from doing harm. Most of them want to help others.”
“Magic is dangerous, and those who wield it are unpredictable. Surely you've heard the same stories I have.”
“People will talk. Doesn't mean everything they say is true. Do you have any idea what sort of rumors fly about the Assembly?”
“You yourself told me about the Zhee mage who burned an entire village to ash.”
Drake clenched his jaw. “That was years ago – and an isolated incident, besides.”
“Does that matter?” Ben shuddered—actually shuddered—and Drake's stomach sank to his knees at the revulsion on his companion's face. “Anyone with that much power can’t be trusted.”
Drake looked away from Ben and studied the flames once more. With everyone too distracted to tend to it, the fire had faded somewhat. No matter. On the pretext of stoking the flames, he selected a stick and nudged the bottom log. A moment's concentration allowed him to coax the particles of the wood into burning stronger; a renewed flare of light and heat leaped from the embers. It wasn't much. It had never been. But even a little magic had always been enough.
Too much, in this case.
He looked back at Ben, who still watched him, oblivious to his manipulations. If Ben knew what Drake had just done under his nose, would he be disgusted? Angry? Would one be better than the other?
What did I expect? Drake thought bitterly. That he would accept me without question, without hesitation? Drake’s throat tightened. “I didn't realize you felt so strongly about magic.”
“And you don't?”
“No.”
Ben's brows knitted. “But you were a sentinel. I'd think you, more than anyone, would know how dangerous mages are.”
Bitterness swelled like a wave, breaking into anger as it crashed over Drake’s heart. Fine. You hate mages so sodding much? Jaw clenched, he reached for Ben’s forearm, pulling back the other man’s sleeve before Ben had a chance to speak.
As Drake removed the bandage, revealing a nasty scrape, Ben grimaced. “What are you…?”
He trailed off as Drake closed his eyes. Healing had never come easily to him, in part because he wasn’t very strong, magically, but also because he had not had much practice. Growing up in a sentinel garrison did that to a man – and a mage. But he knew enough to sense the agitated particles of Ben’s wound; with the strictest concentration, Drake coaxed the particles to slow. Ben’s forearm twitched but Drake knew the other man probably felt nothing more than the faintest tingle.
When Drake looked back at his lover, Ben’s gaze was pinned to his arm. The skin was no longer broken; the wound was now little more than an irritated patch of skin.
Stomach in knots, Drake forced himself to meet Ben’s eyes. “I understand more than you can,” Drake murmured. “Which is why I don't think as you do.”
Ben’s eyes were round, his lips parted in shock. But the words snapped him out of his trance; he jerked his arm free from Drake’s grip and tugged his sleeve back down with a shaking hand. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sorry I never told you,” Drake replied. “But I had reasons for my silence.”
“You always do.” Ben took a deep breath and looked away from Drake, toward the shadowed forest. “This…alliance of ours was a mistake.”
Worse and worse. A sick feeling tumbled through Drake's belly, urging him to run, though he held still, hardly daring to breathe. “An alliance? Is that what I am to you?”
Ben’s silence was answer enough.
Drake fought for control: of his voice, of himself. When he was certain he could speak normally, he said, “Ben… everyone deserves freedom. Even mages. Even sentinels. We are bound to the One as we are bound to each other, and so we must live in perfect harmony with our fellow men and women….”
He trailed off and looked at Ben deliberately. After a pause, the other man sighed and scrubbed his face. “'For that is the law of the One.' Yes, Drake, I know. But getting involved with mages is,” his newly-healed arm tensed as he clenched his fist, “dangerous.”
“Well, I've made a commitment,” Drake said. “I have no way to contact Gid before Heartfire.”Rarely had Drake seen Ben truly angry. But now his blue eyes blazed as he gla
red at Drake and he spoke through gritted teeth. “Then you’ll choose those mages over the Assembly? You’ll turn your back on everything we’ve worked for?”
“If I back out now and they are caught outside the bastion, their lives are forfeit. I can't allow that to happen. I won't.”
“So you’ve already made your choice.”
“Can you blame me?”
“If you’d been honest, told me what you were–”
Drake barked a sharp laugh. “What? You’d have been tolerant?” He snorted. “You’ve made your feelings on people like me very clear, Ben.”
Ben's voice was cool. “You might have changed my mind. If anyone could…” He exhaled and scrubbed his face. “It doesn’t matter now. I suppose I never knew you at all. Does anyone else know about your… abilities?”
Drake’s cheeks burned. “No.”
Ben nodded. The anger had faded from his expression now, leaving only that maddening calm. Never had Drake wanted so badly to punch anyone. “Shall I tell them, or will you? The former, I suppose,” Ben added quietly. “For you can’t be trusted.”
Drake opened his mouth to argue, but no sound came out. What could he say? Ben was right. He was a liar. Perhaps some of the other Assembly folks would stand by Drake, but he knew better than to hope. Even so, he owed it to Gid to try to stop the damage; if Drake’s Heartfire team abandoned him, the Whitewater mages’ chance of survival would drop – drastically.
So Drake only looked down at his hands, flexing his fingers and watching the sentinel mark move with his skin. “Do what you think is right. If you do tell them, all I ask is that you wait until after Heartfire.”
Ben’s brows knitted. “They deserve to know the truth, especially if they place their trust in you during a dangerous task. What other secrets do you have, I wonder?”
Drake was silent. A glance showed him that Ytel had risen to join her daughter and the other Sufani at their wagons, though Aderey still sat at the next fire over, smoking another biri and pointedly not looking at either Drake or Ben. No doubt the Sufani man had heard the entire conversation.
After another moment, Ben got to his feet. “As I said, it's too dangerous to remain here. Indigo-by-the-Sea is our best option, right now. I know you're not coming,” he added before Drake could speak. “But you should not deny our friends that option. I'll ask around and let you know who decides to accompany me.”
“You would divide us?”
Now Ben glared at him. “You have done that yourself.”
Fair enough. Drake looked back at the fire and could not keep the edge from his next words. “How long will you hide in the south?”
“At least through the winter. Perhaps that will give whatever dust you've kicked up time to settle.” Ben turned to leave, though he paused and glanced back once. “I trusted you.”
Drake's jaw clenched and he couldn’t stop himself from snapping, “You’re welcome for your arm.”
But Ben had already walked away, toward the other Assembly members. Sighing, Drake ran his hands through his loose hair—he usually kept it up in a tail—and glanced to the next fire over, where Aderey sat, still smoking his biri.
Ea's balls. Drake went to the Sufani man’s fire and sat heavily beside him. “I'd be in your debt if you've got one of those to spare.”
Aderey held the biri in his mouth as he fished around his robes for another, and passed it to Drake. “I'll collect later.”
Drake lit the biri with his magic; frivolous perhaps, but he relished the small act of defiance. He sat back, inhaling the sweet smoke, welcoming the wave of calm that swept over his body and mind. “Very nice. This is a true Zhee strain of thalo, isn't it?”
“Indeed. Most Aredians are not so discerning.”
Another inhale; another swell of peace. “I've spent some time in Zheem. But unless the price is right, the thalo cultivators don't much like to trade with anyone outside of the Circle. How'd you come by it?”
Aderey inclined his head, his green eyes crinkling in mischief. “Now that is a grand story, full of daring adventure. But my wife tells it better than I. You should ask her.”
“I'll do that.” Drake exhaled a plume of smoke. “None of your people were injured today, right?”
Aderey shook his head. “We all escaped unharmed, thank the One.”
“Thank the One,” Drake echoed. “Well, I'm sorry again for bringing you and yours into this mess, though I’m a little surprised you stuck around.”
“An understatement, if ever there was one,” Aderey said. “My wife and eldest daughter share your incredulity.”
“Why did you agree to continue our… discussion?”
The Sufani man stroked his neat black beard. “That remains to be seen.”
Nodding, Drake took another pull from the biri. “Well, I’m glad you did, because I needed to tell you I never meant to cause you any trouble.”
“But surely you anticipated some trouble would arise from your actions?”
A cold wind blew. Despite the fire's warm glow, Drake shivered. “Perhaps I should have.”
Aderey released a long puff of smoke that dissipated in the wind. “You know a great deal about sentinels. I gather you were one, once?”
“Aye. Until about three years ago.”
“What happened?”
Drake did not answer at first. How could he answer such a question? No matter how often the events played in his mind, he still did not quite understand the shape his life had taken. At last he was able to say, “I fell in love with the wrong man.”
The Sufani man furrowed his brow. “How terribly cryptic of you.”
Despite himself, Drake managed a weak chuckle at what he hoped was a joke. “Well, love was the catalyst. I fell in love with the wrong man and in doing so, realized I could not remain a sentinel any longer.” He sighed. “Can I assume you overheard my conversation with Ben just now?”
“My hearing is no longer what it once was.”
That wasn’t exactly a “no,” but Drake was starting to think it was time to stop hiding himself. “I’m a mage,” he said quietly. How strange and sweet it was to speak those three words aloud; he’d hidden from them for so long. “But not a very strong one. I grew up on the streets of Pillau, with my little brother. Our mother and two other siblings died of fell-fever.” He waved his hand. “Not an uncommon story.”
Aderey’s gaze was sympathetic. “Unfortunately.”
“Right. Well, as you can probably imagine, life was difficult for two orphan boys. The sentinels offered us a real chance at survival: food, safety, shelter. All we had to give in exchange was our loyalty – and our lives.” He studied the smoking tip of the biri. “Seemed like a fair trade at the time.”
“But you had magic.”
“I had magic. My brother didn’t know.”
“You never told him?”
Another lie. At what point did Drake’s life start to contain more lies than truths? He shook his head slowly. “He was only six summers. I was nine. I thought he was too little to understand. I thought keeping him ignorant of my abilities was the right thing to do. I thought he would be safer that way.” Drake sighed again. “Anyway, we became sentinels – together. Elan loved the life right from the start: the training, the structure.” He chuckled. “The availability of sweet rolls. But mostly, I think he loved having a home again; a place to belong.”
“You didn’t?”
“I didn’t belong,” Drake replied. “I was the thing they were training us to fight, to defend against. Not to mention the hematite. It dulled my magic. It dulled everything.”
Aderey’s eyes widened. “You speak as if you no longer consume it.”
“I don’t.”
The Sufani man’s brow furrowed. “How is this possible? I have always heard hematite is a… lifetime commitment.”
Drake knew his smile held no warmth. “I was careful. I took precautions and weaned myself off of the stuff
slowly. Very slowly,” he added at Aderey’s look of skepticism. “I can live without that poison now, but I’m not sure how long I’ll last. The damage to my lifespan is probably already done.”
“Do you still desire it?”
Drake shrugged; not an answer, he knew, but Aderey didn’t press him. “In any case, I thought I could handle living as a sentinel, bound by hematite, for my brother’s sake. And I did, for a long time. But eventually, I couldn’t hide who—what—I was any longer. That’s when I met Tobin. He made me realize that my life could take another shape, if only I had the courage to change it. He and I made plans—bad ones, as it turned out—and fled together. But we were attacked on our journey. I’m the only one who survived.”
“This Tobin…” Aderey seemed to consider. “He was another sentinel?”
Drake frowned at the curling smoke from the end of his biri. “No. He was a mage.”
“Well, I had a good chance of being right,” Aderey said with a shrug. “You looked so… stricken when the sentinels attacked today, I thought perhaps…”
He trailed off and took another drag from his biri, letting the implication sink in. Drake shook his head. “The sentinels' role is to guard mages and protect innocents. I was...stricken today, because it was upsetting to see good men and women doing foul deeds.”
“And all sentinels are 'good?'”
“No,” Drake admitted. “Of course not. And if the sentinels today had kept Brice, even sent her back to us with a message, I might have believed they did so because of the stolen hematite. But the fact that they did neither makes me think the ones we saw today were acting outside of their usual mandates – for some reason. That makes me wonder if something in their order has changed in the last several years. If so, it cannot be for the better.”
Again, Aderey looked thoughtful before replying. It was one of the traits he and Ben shared, though Drake thought neither would admit to such a thing. “Did you really steal hematite from them?”
“Aye.”
“Why?”
“It will make things a little bit easier for us on Heartfire.” A truth, but gods above, would he regret this decision later? He'd traded sentinels' well-being for mages' freedom; a worthy trade, most would say, but he could not bring himself to agree with his whole heart. Especially not where his brother was concerned. Drake dropped his gaze to the fire and thought of his little brother – not so little anymore. No longer Elan, but Stonewall; a sentinel through-and-through, following orders, performing his duty. What had become of the stern, serious boy whom only Drake could make laugh?
Catalyst Moon: Breach (Catalyst Moon Saga Book 2) Page 19
