Neither Sadira's expression nor her posture changed, but her russet skin paled just a bit. “I do not wish to go into detail. But...” She exhaled. “The svharja’vel is my choice. It is not put upon me by any other.”
“The ss-var-jah-vel,” Kali sounded out the Zhee word slowly. “What would happen if you took it off?”
“Nothing.”
“But then why–”
“I will never remove it,” Sadira broke in. “Unless the situation were fire.” She flushed. “Dire.”
“I knew what you meant.” Kali bit back a sigh of frustration. “And I’m not trying to convince you to remove it to help me. I know you don’t want to. That’s not what I’m getting at.”
But Sadira straightened her colorful woolen skirts and rose as if she were about to leave. “I will skip the reading lesson today. You must rest.”
Shit. Kali rose as well, though her knee protested. “It’s just...I've been thinking about magic quite a bit lately, and thought that perhaps learning more about yours would give me some insights into my own. I didn't mean to offend you.”
The Zhee mage regarded Kali; strands of her silver-white hair had come out of their tight, intricate braids to flutter in the wind. “What about your magic?”
“I've learned to do a great deal more than I used to. I've learned to...take and give energy.” She summarized her findings from the vines, but left out what she'd done to Eris' collar – and to Stonewall. “I never would have tried any of it, but for some things that happened on my journey here,” she finished.
Sadira’s eyes were wide and her voice was a whisper. “How long have you had this power?”
“Not very long,” Kali said, frowning. “The first time I did it was by accident. Stonewall and I encountered several thralls, and I had to defend myself.”
“But the other times…? When you were not in danger?”
“Those were deliberate.” Unease crept across Kali’s spine at the fear in her friend’s eyes, and she flushed as she related her fight with the thralls. “When I tried to recreate the magic here, it was only to learn what more I could do. But I didn’t hurt anything,” she added quickly. “Just some jessamin vines.”
“What you speak of…” Sadira took a deep breath, twining her fingers in her skirts. “You must take care with magic, Kali.”
“I know. I am. Trust me, Sadira. I know the damage I could cause.” Kali rubbed her aching, burning knee to emphasize her point. “But surely you can understand why I’m even following this inquiry.”
Sadira nodded slowly, though she still looked frightened. She mulled over Kali's words before frowning. “Why do you tell me these things?”
Kali glanced around. They were still alone, but she kept her voice quiet. “I know it will be extremely painful, but I wondered, perhaps, if I lent you some of my energy, you could–”
But the Zhee mage silenced her with a glare sharp enough to cut. “No.”
“But–”
“Exile the idea from your mind, for I will not do such a thing.”
A furious, sudden heat rushed to Kali's face, but she could not just let this go. “But why? It would hurt, yes, but if I could… supplement you, then perhaps I only might need one or two more sessions before–”
Sadira swore in Zhee, too fast for Kali to suss out the words, and then shook her head once. “No, Kalinda,” she added in Aredian, slowly, as if Kali was hard of hearing. “Am I not speaking clearly? I can’t do what you ask.”
“Can’t? Or won’t?”
Sadira glared. “I used the correct word.”
“Aye, but I’m asking you to reconsider. Fixing my sodding knee is the entire reason I came to this place.”
This seemed to mollify the Zhee mage somewhat, for Sadira's expression smoothed into her usual stoicism, though her voice was tight. “My magic has nothing to do with what I am capable of,” she said carefully. “Only what you can survive. You ask what would happen if I remove the svharja’vel? I wear it to bind my magic and I wear it as a reminder. If I were to lose control, you—and all others here—would be only a pile of ash.”
Her voice broke as she slipped into her native Zhee, but Kali caught two words she knew: not again. Sadira snapped her jaw shut and looked away, but not before Kali noticed the gleam of tears in her eyes. “It must be this way for me,” Sadira murmured.
Kali's mouth opened but words were slow to emerge. A flash of hematite caught her eye, somewhat shaking her from her shock, and she managed a stuttered, “Very well.”
Sadira took a deep breath but did not look back at Kali. “I am not angry with you, Kalinda, but I do not wish to continue this talk. We will have another session next week, once your knee has had time to rest.”
With that, she slipped toward the main building, blue skirt rippling in the wind. Kali only stared after her, still trying to understand what she'd learned. Not again. Sadira wore hematite to bind her own magic. Had she truly… lost control before? What did that mean? What had happened?
More to the point, if Sadira’s magic had caused trouble, then wouldn’t she want to rectify that balance, somehow? Kali blinked into the pale sky. Why shutter her magic away when she could do so much good? The human body was resilient. Surely Kali could withstand whatever magic Sadira could manage. Kali had been able to control her own, so far, though admittedly plants and people were very different. Was Sadira truly so afraid of her own abilities? How powerful was she, anyway?
Well, Kali was no worse off now than she'd been a few minutes ago. She could speak with Sadira again later and perhaps change the Zhee mage's mind. In the meantime, she had some chores to attend to. Kali rose—slowly, for her knee ached fiercely—and turned to make her way toward the kitchens...
And froze in her steps. Stonewall stood several paces away, speaking in low tones with his squad. For a moment the only sound was her heartbeat, suddenly pounding through her skull, then anticipation flooded her body, warm and sweet, and she smiled despite herself.
His gaze darted her way once but focused mainly on his squad. Of the four men and women, only one—Rook, if Kali remembered correctly—looked over at the mage. A moment later, Stonewall nodded to the group, who saluted in unison before heading toward the main building.
Kali hardly spared them a glance. Most of her attention went to the man who approached her with slow steps. Kali tried to keep her expression impassive, despite the antics of her body. “Good morning, Ser Sentinel,” she said when he drew close.
“Mage Halcyon.”
Kali fought to keep from smiling at his serious tone. “Oh, you remembered my name.”
She'd hope to make him chuckle, or at least receive some semblance of a smile, but beneath his helmet, his mouth tightened into a thin line. He glanced around before taking a step closer. “I must speak with you in private.”
Not an unusual request. But something in his voice gave her pause. “The garden?” she said. “The place we met before?”
He nodded. “Go now. I'll meet you in a few minutes.”
“What's wrong?”
“Go,” he said firmly, ignoring her question.
Kali frowned at being ordered, but she did not dare question him further where anyone could overhear. Instead, she made her limping way to the rear of the garden, where they'd met that first time, her mind working furiously. It was selfish to hope that whatever had him on edge had nothing to do with her, but...
A twig snapped. She whirled, causing her knee to throb worse, before realizing she’d been the one to make the noise. Chiding her nerves, Kali tried to distract herself by examining the jessamin vines, but even they could not hold her attention.
“Kali.”
She started at the sound of his voice. Her heart leaped to her throat and she turned again to see Stonewall standing only a few paces away, helmet now resting in the crook of his arm. With the sun obscured by clouds, his eyes seemed muddy brown.
In spite of her instincts
screaming that something was wrong, Kali's heart lifted at seeing him and she smiled. “Hello there.”
He smiled as well, but the expression did not reach his eyes and died almost immediately. “You were limping more than normal,” he said by way of greeting. “Is your knee troubling you?”
“Always. But more so today after a session with Sadira.” Kali took a step closer so that he was but an arm's length away. “What's going on?”
He hesitated, and then took her hands. His leather gloves were cold against her skin, but she didn't mind. Hoping for a kiss, Kali tilted her chin up, but he held still. Confused, she met his eyes again; uncertainty looked back.
“Thank you for meeting me,” he said.
“I'd do a lot worse for you,” she replied, though his expression had set her more on edge. Even so, she could not stop her body from reacting to his presence, nor the dozens of inclinations that raced through her mind, most of which involved them sneaking to her room. “Stone?”
With their hands joined, she felt the movement of his body when he took a deep breath. “I can't do this any longer, Kali.”
Her stomach clenched but she tried to keep her voice mild. “Do what? Stand here? You're doing a fine job, so far, though I suppose there's always room for improvement–”
“Kalinda.” So serious. The use of her full name made her jaw snap shut, her heart racing faster as she studied the tension around his mouth. When he spoke, his words were monotone and flat, and he did not meet her eyes. “I'm afraid the novelty has worn off. I… I've grown tired of your company and don't wish to see you again.”
Kali might have believed him if not for the fact that he still held her hands in his, so she could feel how he trembled.
She blinked, and then snorted. “Liar.”
He drew his hands back. “It's the truth.”
“It's horseshit.” Shaking her head, she stepped closer to him; they were still hidden by the boughs of the garden, but she struggled to keep her voice quiet, nonetheless. And it was a struggle, because tears pricked at her eyes and a shout tore at her throat, eager for release. “Why won't you just tell me what's going on in that stern head of yours? We could save a lot of aggravation.”
“It’s for the best if I don’t. But here.” He reached into his belt-pouch and withdrew a folded scrap of parchment. “This will say what I can’t.”
Her sentinel held it out to her and she accepted, though she only glanced at the blank outside before looking back up at him. “What is this? What are you talking about?”
“Please, just read it.” Just like that, he turned to leave.
Kali stood frozen for one moment before she came to her senses. He'd only taken two paces, so she grabbed his scabbard, mostly to coax him to at least look at her, if only to tell her to leave him alone. But no. The man who turned back to her did not wear anger or annoyance on his face, only a deep sorrow that cut her to the quick.
Dread curdled in her guts and her heart raced as if she'd been sprinting, but she managed to keep her voice steady. “I don’t want a letter,” she said, shoving the folded parchment back in his hand. “I want you to talk to me. What in the void is going on?”
“Please, just read–”
“Forget the sodding letter, Stonewall. What’s wrong?”
His eyes on hers were that same muddy brown, with none of their usual luster. “It doesn't matter,” he said at last, tucking the parchment back in his belt. “Put me out of your mind. I'll do the same for you, and we'll go on with our lives.”
The words sent a kick of despair into the center of Kali’s chest, making her breath come even shorter. If he'd drawn a dagger and stabbed her through the heart, she'd have been less stunned. “Just that easily?” she asked.
“Easily,” he repeated, then shook his head before he turned away again. “It's the right thing to do.”
Twenty-Two
The solstice dawned clear and bright, but there was no room for relief in Talon's heart. She stared at Captain Cobalt's bruised and battered form as he stood in the corridor outside her office.
“So the message was true,” she managed.
He swallowed. “Aye. Parsa was attacked last night by several dozen thralls. They're taken care of, but the village needs a mage. Probably only two,” he added. “As long as Sadira’s one of them.”
Talon could not stop herself from gaping. “Several dozen? The fleet rider didn’t say it was so many.”
“I doubt the rider took the time to verify before she came here. Anyway, some of the monsters fled before we arrived; some fled, after. We took care of the rest.”
Talon's heart began to race. The fleet rider had arrived late last night with a brief but urgent message for the garrison: Thralls at Parsa. Help us. Cobalt and his squad had left at once. There was no way Talon could have gone back to sleep after that, so after she’d seen Cobalt and the others off, she’d decided to get some work done. But patrol schedules now seemed unimportant in light of her captain’s news. She stepped aside and gestured for Cobalt to come inside her room. He sank heavily onto the chair opposite her desk; another clue, as if she needed it, of his exhaustion.
“Thralls struck Parsa only a few months ago,” she said, sitting across from him. She wished she had water or something to offer, but she'd not even gotten herself breakfast yet. “Did you get any sense of why they returned?”
“No, ser,” he replied. “All I know is we took as many of the blazing demons out as we could, but it was…” He took a deep breath. “Difficult. As I said, there were about three dozen initially, but by the time we arrived, about a quarter had fled, Ea knows where. After we came, about half of those remaining ran off – I couldn’t get an accurate count. We killed the rest.”
“The local militia?”
“Most were killed in action. A few of the other villagers raised arms against the creatures as well. All able-bodied folk are guarding the place now, but there’s talk of abandoning the village altogether.”
Worse and worse. “What of the Whitewater City guards? I sent a message to their leader.”
“About a dozen arrived shortly after we did. They fought well, but they were no match for those demons. Only a few returned with us.”
For a moment, Talon was struck mute with horror before she managed to collect herself. “Thank the One you were able to beat the creatures back,” she said, her mind starting to race ahead. “Stonewall's group should be free this morning. They can bring the mages.”
She'd not had time or inclination to speak with Stonewall since their private conversation a week ago. Ultimately, she'd succumbed to a moment of weakness; a desire to have one thing for herself. Foolish woman, she scolded herself. Do you see what happens when you let your attention slip? But she allowed none of these thoughts to show; they were irrelevant now.
“Which mages?” Cobalt asked.
Talon waved her hand. “I don’t care, as long as they set out at once. The priority is getting aid to Parsa.”
Cobalt ducked his head. “Aye, Commander.”
She regarded him a moment more, taking in the sight of his bruises and scrapes, and afraid to ask her next question. “Were any of ours lost?”
“Sergeant Gamber’s entire squad fell,” he said, and her heart sank. “They were overrun before we could assist. Lieutenant Wren lost his mender and Solis. Of mine…” Cobalt’s shoulders slumped. “Carruth and Mael are gone. They weren’t even supposed to come along,” he added quietly. “They were just coming off gate duty when the rest of us were setting out. Mael wanted to see some action—you know how burnies are—and Carruth just wanted to help.”
Grief swept through Talon but she tried to push the feeling aside. They would mourn their fallen brothers and sisters later. “They are on their way to their next lives now,” she managed. “The rest of you…? How bad?”
“Mostly just a few scratches between us. Nothing hematite won't…” He trailed off as her lips thinned, though h
is gaze flickered over her shoulder, where a plain wooden chest sat.
“No word from Argent yet,” she told him. “Soon, I hope.”
He nodded, and then rose – slowly. “I'll find Stonewall.”
“Good. Then get some rest,” she added, frowning slightly. “Did you get any of those scratches?”
Surely it hurt him to salute, but he did it anyway. “Nothing worth mentioning, Commander Talon.”
***
Kali looked up from her chair in the common room to see Marcen standing before her, a plate of biscuits in his hand. “'Morning,” he said, smiling. “I didn't see you at breakfast, so I thought…” He offered her the plate.
“Oh.” Kali blinked, and then accepted the food, setting the plate on the book on her lap. “Thank you.” She tried and failed to summon a smile.
If he was disappointed by her lack of enthusiasm, he didn't show it. He settled down in the chair beside her and leaned over to speak quietly. “I heard you playing your viol the other day. Did you fix the strings?”
The mere thought of the gleaming silver strings made her eyes burn; she’d not been able to look at her viol since Stonewall had…
Kali shook the thought away. “I found a spare set.”
He smiled. “That’s wonderful. We should play together, sometime.”
She nodded absently, trying to keep her misery from showing on her face. Would she ever be able to play again? Perhaps she should find a new instrument; too many unhappy memories clung to her viol.
Marcen’s voice lowered to a near-whisper. “Has Eris talked to you about tonight?”
“Aye.” Kali picked at one of the sweet biscuits, but it tasted like nothing on her tongue.
“Then I won't say anything more,” he said when she did not elaborate. “I know the others haven't exactly given you a warm welcome here, I think in part because we've all been on edge about...well.” He waved his hand in the general direction of the garrison. “But Kali,” something in his voice made her look up, “I just wanted to say that...we'd be really, really happy if you joined us tonight.”
Catalyst Moon: Breach (Catalyst Moon Saga Book 2) Page 27
