“That’s why I don’t want you here. Wait until he’s back in Wexford, and then you can rip his dick off.”
“No.”
St. John ran both of his hands through his hair as he released a low groan. “For once, would you do something I ask without arguing? Please.”
Shannon folded her arms. She tried to come up with a reason she should remain, but every scenario involved Chad getting upset. “Fine. I’ll take Chad over to Magic Kingdom. That’s where the world is.”
“Thank you. I’ll text you when I’m heading there. Don’t go on the big world ride without me.”
“Small World ride.”
“Right, got it. Just don’t go on it without me.”
“Okay, we’ll see you at It’s a Small World, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
He held her waist and placed an easy kiss on her lips.
“Mama. You’re kissing Coach John.”
Turning her attention to Chad, she scrambled for an explanation and, coming up empty, said, “Hey, let’s go over to Magic Kingdom.”
Chad held up a plastic bag. “But I want to show you what I got.”
“You can show me on the bus.”
She offered a second thank-you to Tony and a nod to St. John, and turned to walk with Chad in the direction of the main gate. They struggled to maneuver through the congested walkways. She wanted to stop in a bathroom and clean him, but when a passerby stepped on Chad’s foot, he wailed like one of the monkeys in the park, so she carried him the remainder of the way to the bus stop. He would have to remain dirty a little longer. When they were safely on the bus heading to Magic Kingdom, she let him show her what he’d gotten with her forty dollars.
“That’s it? Forty bucks, and all you got was a bathing suit?”
“It has Mickey on it.”
“I see that but…okay…great. Did you try it on?”
“No, but Mr. Tony said it will fit. Can I wear it?”
“You can’t very well undress here on the bus. When we get to the park, you can change in one of the bathrooms.” She frowned at the wide stain in the crotch. “Those shorts have seen better days, anyway.”
“I sorry I had an accident.”
“Sweetie, it’s okay, really. When people are scared, they sometimes have accidents. It’s perfectly normal. Here, sit on Mama’s lap and take a nap.”
A thin worry line creased Chad’s forehead. “Am I a bad boy?”
“Absolutely not. Why would you ask that?”
“Daddy said I was a bad boy when he spanked me.”
“Your dad spanked you?”
“Ah-uh. When I had my accident. I tried to hold it, but I was scared.”
She kissed his forehead and rocked him. “You’re not a bad boy. When we get to Magic Kingdom, I’ll buy you clean undies and socks and shorts and get you cleaned up.”
“I want to wear my bathing shorts.”
“Okay, I won’t buy shorts. Now take a nap.”
It didn’t take long before Chad was asleep. Despite the vents blasting cold air into the bus, sweat seeped through her blouse from his wet hair. She wiped his damp forehead with her hand and tried to figure out what St. John planned on saying to Justin. Calculating Justin’s response was easy—he’d flip out and start pointing his frigging finger. If he swung a fist, would St. John respond? Seeing Justin face down would be worth the price of admission. And if he was knocked out cold, she’d have an easier time of gutting him. Too bad the Wiccan creed was such a killjoy; just thinking about disemboweling Justin was probably costing massive amounts of karma chips.
What would she do when she did come face to face with him? She could see herself slapping him. Maybe adding a knee to the groin. How badly did a head butt hurt the person delivering it?
Sick of thinking about doing things to Justin she wouldn’t actually do, she rearranged Chad and reached in her bag for her phone to place a call to Martin.
“Hi, Shannon,” Jayla said. “Marty’s in a meeting. Are you in Florida?”
“Yes. I have Chad with me.”
“Great. Marty is going to be pleased. I have good news too. Your paperwork is with the court, and copies were given to Justin’s lawyer. You have officially filed for divorce. And I also filed the TPO, which will protect you through Saturday.”
“Wow. That was fast, but seriously, you and I both know restraining orders don’t work. I’d rather move and get it over with. Do you know if I can buy a house before the divorce is finalized?”
“Sure you can. However, by New Hampshire law, Justin will own half of it. I’ll have Marty call you. When everything calms down, let’s go out for some fun. My treat. Unless St. John would mind me taking you barhopping.”
Shannon stammered. St. John kissing her in the conference room must have had the law office buzzing. “He doesn’t… We’re not… It’s complicated.”
“When it comes to St. John, things usually are. Call if you need anything.”
“I will, thank you.” She tucked her phone away and stared out the window. The happiest place on earth was like a small sovereign nation inside of Orlando, which posed the question as to which Disney characters comprised the ruling party. Maybe Simba kept things orderly by threatening to eat anyone who didn’t follow his rules. If so, it would be an easy way to dispose of Justin. Chomp, chomp, goodbye.
“Mama, why are you forcing Daddy?”
Chad knelt on a chair outside Main Street Bakery, a sweet roll in one hand and a Donald Duck cup in the other. Shannon sat opposite him, her plastic cup of iced tea dripping with condensation from the scalding heat. She’d like to revisit Disney, but, note to self, not in June. Or July. Or August. Maybe it was the humidity that made the air so oppressive, but damn, she was finding it hard to breathe. Sitting in the shade didn’t help either. She’d wanted to stay in the cafe, but Chad had insisted on sitting outside, so he could watch for Mickey. It was in this fugue state that she tried to figure out what he was talking about.
“I’m sorry, sweetie. Forcing Daddy to do what?”
“I don’t know.” Chad set his pastry on a napkin and licked at his fingers. “He said you were forcing him.”
“Forcing him, forcing him…” She repeated the phrase two more times in her head before light dawned. “Divorcing him?”
“Ah-huh. Why are you forcing Daddy?”
She nibbled her bottom lip as she figured out what to say. She could start by telling him his father was a jerk for even mentioning the divorce. How did Justin expect a six-year-old to grasp something as complex as divorce? More likely, he hadn’t cared.
“Honey, what did Daddy say, exactly?”
Chad set his cup on the table. “Am I in trouble?”
“No, sweetie, no. What gives you that idea? Mama is just asking what Daddy said. Did he tell you not to say anything?”
Chad folded himself into a neat ball, his feet tucked under his bum. “Ah-huh.”
She dragged his chair close to hers and lifted him onto her lap. “You know we have no secrets, and I promise you’re not in trouble. You can tell me.”
“But Daddy will be mad at me, and he’ll punish me.”
“Sweetie, I don’t want you to keep secrets from me, okay? Even if Daddy tells you to. You and me, we’re a team. Please tell me what he said.”
“’Kay. He said you won’t let him live with us anymore.” Chad wiggled around and straddled her lap, where he played with the damp hair clinging to her neck. “Is that true?”
There was no easy way to clearly explain divorce to a child, no matter the age, but for a five-soon-to-be-six-year-old, it was especially challenging. Chad was old enough to reason through things he found confusing—maybe not to where he understood all the ins and outs but surely to the point where one plus one equaled two. But understanding why she was leaving his father wasn’t black and white. He might end up thinking she was an evil monster who’d cast his father aside.
She licked her napkin and wiped around his mouth. “Honey, you se
e… It’s hard to explain, but… Well…” What was she trying to say? ‘You’re dad’s a fucking loser, and he’s been gaslighting me for years, and I hope that sticky bun was the balls because it cost as much as a week’s groceries.’
Her cell phone vibrated against the table top, and she snatched it up.
I’m in the park. Where to?
She texted back their location. “Sweetie, Coach John is here. Keep an eye out for him. He should be walking by any minute now.”
The discussion about the divorce could wait. It was time for some fun, Disney style.
Chapter 33
“Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Chad dozed in the seat next to the airplane window, and Shannon held her hands to her face while St. John hummed “It’s a Small World” and rattled the ice cubes in his glass.
Not able to take it any longer, Shannon said, “If you hum that song one more time, I’m going to feed your vocal cords to you.”
St. John raised an eyebrow her way. “Wow, that’s a lot of hostility for a woman who just spent time in the happiest place on earth. You should be filled with glee.”
“I am filled with glee, so button it.”
His response was a quiet chuckle.
“When are you going to tell me what you said to Justin?”
“When you ask nice.” He lifted his drink and drained the alcohol.
She gritted her teeth. “Please tell me what happened. Is he coming home tomorrow?”
“That I don’t know.”
“Well, what did you say?”
“Before or after I punched him?”
She sensed the look of shock spreading on her face. “You didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t.”
“I didn’t, but I wanted to. I’ve run into men like him throughout my entire adult life, and even before that. Oh, I would have loved to deck him, but I didn’t.”
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what she was apologizing for; it had just seemed like the best thing to say.
“I’m a big boy. I can take it. He did have a few choice threats you might want to hear about, but you have to stay calm.”
“I’m always calm,” she said.
“Yeah, like a hurricane.”
“No, thanks. You do know that anything Justin told you is a lie. He’ll do the exact opposite.”
“I hope so.”
He set his glass down, reached for the last bag of almonds, and held them her way. She shook her head and he emptied the entire contents into his mouth and chewed. When he finished, he sighed and stretched out his legs.
His stalling worried her. “Please don’t drag this out. Just tell me,” she urged.
“He’s going to fight you for custody of Chad.”
“That’s it?” She couldn’t help but scoff. “Let him try. The courts always side with the mother.” The longer St. John remained mute, the greater her confidence eroded to where she was almost begging him to agree with her. “It’s true. I’ve done nothing wrong, and Justin’s been unfaithful. They have to let me keep Chad. Right?”
“I don’t know. You’d have to ask Marty. But don’t worry. I think I set Justin straight.”
“You don’t get to do this, St. John.”
“Do what?”
“Handle Justin. You’re not in my life on a permanent basis.”
“As you keep reminding me.”
“As you’ve reminded me.” She shrugged off his arm when he tried to slip it over her shoulders. “I am so done with Justin—and you.”
“Meaning what?”
“You’re smart. You figure it out.” If she couldn’t strike at Justin, she’d go after the closest target she had.
He leaned close. “For Christ sake, Shannon, have I deserted you? Are you alone right now? Please tell me because I seem to think I’m on a plane with you and Chad instead of at a job site.”
“I didn’t ask you to come to Disney. I could have done it myself.”
“Yes, you could have. What you seem to be missing is I wanted to be here.”
“You just said you’d rather be working.”
“Don’t twist my words. Save that little ploy for when you’re talking to your husband.”
She forced herself to meet his cold stare. “Then why are you here? Why care what happens to me or Chad?”
He crumpled the empty almond package and sent it skimming like a hockey puck across his tray. “You’re smart. You figure it out.”
“What are you saying, St. John? That you love me?”
There, she’d given him an opening. All he had to do was take the bait and run with it. She just needed to hear him say the words, or some facsimile of them. He touched her cheek, and she readied her response. ‘I’ve fallen for you too. Let’s fall together.’ Enough of the is-she-isn’t-she crap; she was in love with him. There, she’d admitted it to herself. And she was ready to tell him…after he told her.
“The last person you need in your life is me. You’ll only get hurt.”
Those were not the words she wanted to hear. Not betraying any sign of disappointment, she said, “Thank you for all that you’ve done for me, but I never said I needed you in my life, and I’m sorry to disappoint you—I don’t care a fig about you.”
She swung away and looked at Chad. She was sorry—sorry she’d given in to her desires and slept with him; sorry she’d allowed herself to fall for him; sorry she’d broken her rule about never letting someone close again to hurt her; sorry she hadn’t run from Justin back when she had a chance; sorry for everything she’d done that put her where she was at that very moment. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
******
St. John asked the flight attendant for two drinks of water with lemon. He gave one to Shannon and other he nursed as he sorted through what he’d said to Justin.
‘Let me tell you about a man I know. This guy is a weak fuck who wanted to punish his wife for what he saw as her betrayal at leaving him. So, what did the low-life do? He kidnapped his own son. He used an innocent child in his sickening game of revenge. But there’s a problem the guy didn’t foresee. There’s another man who cares for the mother, and the child, and that man will do whatever it takes to protect them. Do I make myself clear?’
He would have added a more direct threat if Tony hadn’t pulled him away.
When the waters arrived, St. John handed one of the glasses to Shannon. She remained with the back of her head facing him, so he set the water on her tray and settled against his seat to ride out the remainder of the flight.
He didn’t have the words in his vocabulary that would get her to understand what he was feeling. He didn’t want another failure. He’d given his last wives everything they’d wanted and then some. The sex had been fucking awesome. He’d taken them on trips, built them each a big-ass house, and they’d still left him for someone else. Granted, he’d never loved the last two, but still, with three marriages and three divorces under his belt, he had to know when it was time to take his bat and glove and go home.
St. John huffed and shifted in his seat.
Shannon cast a dirty look his way. “What’s your problem?”
“My problem? What’s yours?” He tried to make his question sound angry while keeping his voice low. Not an easy task.
“Me? I’m not the one squirming around like I have worms in my pants.”
“It’s ants in my pants, not worms, and I’m not squirming.” As long as they were speaking again, he needed to know one thing. “Why did you stay with Justin?” He must have sprouted two heads because that was the look she was giving him, like he had two heads that she wanted to rip off.
“What?”
“I asked—”
“I heard you.”
“Then why did you…? Just drop it.” He raised his glass and emptied the water.
Shannon rearranged herself so her entire body faced his way. “What exactly do you want to know?”
“I asked a simple question. You’ve hung around despite the fact that he treats you like shit. You even moved to New Hampshire with him. My wives walked away from me for far less.”
“Are you wondering why your wives left you even though you’re this great guy, and I’ve stayed with a jerk like Justin?”
“Not exactly how I would phrase it but, yeah, something like that.”
“I can’t tell you why your wives left, St. John. Although, as I get to know you, I’m beginning to understand.”
He rattled the cubes in his glass, and what could be a chuckle rumbled in his chest. “Cute. Thanks.” As much as it sucked, she wasn’t far from the truth. The only common denominator in all his marriages had been him. It didn’t take a genius to do the math.
“That was a low blow,” she said. “I’m sorry. I can’t speak for your wives. I don’t know why they left you. As for my staying with Justin, you have to remember I had Chad.”
He started to say that having a child doesn’t mean a woman has to stay with an abusive man but paused. If he was able to ask his mother, would she offer the same reason for having stayed with his father? He would never know the truth, and he didn’t want to attack Shannon, but he had to clear something up. “You stayed with him because of his money, didn’t you?”
The shock that registered on her face was like a slap to his. It had been a rotten thing to ask, but he’d needed to know.
“You think I’m that shallow?”
“I don’t but… Then tell me the real reason you’ve stayed with Justin. You’re not a fool. You had to know keeping Chad in that environment wasn’t good for him.”
She bit her bottom lip, which was a signal she was thinking. He’d give her the time she needed.
Instead of providing St. John with an answer, Shannon twisted away and looked out the window.
The sun was shining through the glass as the plane traveled over a bank of clouds.
“Do you think it’s raining under all these clouds?” she asked.
“I don’t care if the sky is falling.” He reached around and cupped her chin, directing her to look at him. “You’re leaving something out. Something important. Why, after six years, are you so courageous that you’re willing to try living on your own with Chad?”
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