by Judy Nunn
‘I’m sorry.’ She gazed regretfully at the dried slabs of meat on their plates. ‘I thought if I chose something really simple I might get it right for once.’
He realised that her flippancy was an act and she was genuinely dismayed the steak had proved a disaster. What did it matter if she couldn’t cook, he wondered, although the fact did come as something of a surprise. He’d never known a woman who couldn’t cook, and Elizabeth was normally so proficient at everything she turned her hand to.
‘Well, it’s a relief to discover there’s something you can’t do,’ he said jokingly.
‘I can’t swim.’
‘That’s true.’
‘But at least I can learn how to swim. I can’t seem to learn how to cook.’ She took a healthy swig of her wine. ‘I have a theory. True cooks are born. They have a passion. I don’t. I’ve tried, I really have, but it’s just not there. Even the basic ability isn’t there, which I find rather sad. It makes me less of a woman.’
‘What?’ He looked at her blankly; she was joking of course.
‘I lack the nurturing capabilities of the normal female.’
She wasn’t joking. ‘If you were any more of a woman, Elizabeth, you’d have to be locked up.’
She smiled, appreciating his effort to jolly her along, but still feeling something of a failure.
‘I have an excellent idea,’ he said. ‘Let’s keep the dessert for later and go straight to the cheese. Bread rolls, cheese and a good red wine – you can’t get much better than that.’ He crossed to the Gladstone bag, which he’d dumped on the coffee table, and opening it up he took out a bottle. ‘I naturally arrived with supplies,’ he said, ‘we won’t run out.’
Elizabeth cleared away the steaks and fetched the cheeses: a New Zealand cheddar and a French brie, which she’d gone to a lot of trouble to find. Edna Sparks had directed her to a superb little delicatessen that specialised in a line of imported foods. They settled down at the table once again while outside, through the French windows, the deluge continued.
‘Damn,’ she said, ‘I’ve even managed to mess this part up.’
The brie was firm; she’d forgotten to take it out of the refrigerator.
‘No matter,’ he assured her, ‘it’ll warm up soon. We’ll start on the cheddar.’
‘Maybe a talent with food is genetic,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘My mother can’t cook. Well, she says that she doesn’t. She views her choice not to cook as a statement, but it may very well be that she can’t. Perhaps I’ve inherited her disability – what do you think?’
‘Perhaps.’
She’d certainly inherited her mother’s eccentricity, he thought. Although he knew if he were to suggest such a thing she would vehemently deny it, considering herself the only sane member of her family. Nick enjoyed listening to Elizabeth talk about her parents. They featured quite regularly in her conversation and, from what he could gather, both were bizarre. Little wonder, he thought, that they’d bred such a remarkable daughter.
‘What about your mother, Nick?’
‘Eh?’ What did she mean, what about his mother?
‘Is she a good cook?’
‘I wouldn’t have a clue.’
He’d been so caught out by her change of focus, he’d had no time to formulate any answer but the truth.
‘Oh.’ The bluntness of his reply brought her to a halt.
‘We don’t see each other.’
Elizabeth longed to ask ‘why not?’ but decided it would probably be too intrusive, so she stuck to the original topic. ‘Was she a good cook when you were little?’
‘I don’t know. I really can’t remember.’
He didn’t appear in the least annoyed, but as he obviously wasn’t interested in talking about his mother she switched to the cheese.
‘I think the brie’s softened up a bit,’ she said.
‘I’m not trying to avoid the subject, Elizabeth.’ Which was strange, he thought. Normally he would. ‘I like hearing you talk about your family. I don’t mind telling you about mine.’
‘Oh, good.’
She settled back happily with her wine. How interesting, she thought. He’d not talked of his family before.
He’d never known his father, he said. He’d been killed in the First World War. ‘When he left for the front, my mother was pregnant with me, but neither of them knew it. When my mother found out, she hated him for leaving her. She hated him even more when he died in the trenches and she was stuck with a six-month-old baby to bring up on her own. She remarried when I was about two years old. A man called Des. He was a good enough bloke, but after she’d given him two sons and a daughter of his own, he wasn’t all that interested in raising another man’s child, so I was a bit on the outer right from the start.’
As Nick told his story with a brevity that was typical, everything fell into place for Elizabeth. So that’s why he couldn’t wait to join the army, she thought. He’d spoken quite openly about his professional life. She knew every step of his military career. Upon graduation from Duntroon, he’d been posted to New Guinea, where he’d served as a platoon commander, rising to the rank of major by the end of the war. He’d worked in Japan with the Occupation Forces, and in 1951 he’d seen active service in Korea with the 3rd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment. Finally, he’d ended up in a desk job in Canberra promoted to the rank of lieutenant colonel. ‘The army’s been my life,’ he’d told her. ‘As a boy I couldn’t wait to join up. For as long as I can remember, all I ever wanted to do was join the army.’ But he’d never said why. He’d never once mentioned his family.
‘I don’t see Mum and Des any more,’ he said now. ‘There doesn’t seem much point. They’re in their sixties, retired on the Gold Coast; they’ve got their own life and their grandchildren and they’re happy by all accounts. I used to keep in touch with my half-siblings – the four of us were quite close when we were little. I was a big brother to them back then. But we grew apart years ago. They’ve got kids of their own now; they don’t need me coming in and out of their lives.’
‘So the army’s your family.’ It all made sense.
‘Yes, I suppose it is,’ he admitted. ‘I’ve always loved army life. I still do.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘Although I sometimes think active service is easier than the diplomatic kind. Particularly the diplomatic kind required at Maralinga.’
‘Why did you accept the job then?’
‘Promotion, what else? The position of liaison officer came with the rank of colonel. The army’s all about promotion, you can’t afford to stand still. You have to work your way up rung by rung, even if sometimes you don’t like the specific job or the posting on offer.’
He was back on safe ground now; he could talk about the army all night. He was rather surprised that he’d told her about his personal life, even as briefly as he had. And he’d done so of his own volition, he realised; she hadn’t pressed him for the information. How strange. He’d certainly changed since he’d met Elizabeth.
They scoffed most of the cheese and half the second bottle of wine, and then retired once again to the bedroom where another sexual battle took place as Nick fought to maintain the control that threatened to elude him.
The dessert served as a midnight feast. They sat in bed with large bowls of ice-cream and tinned fruit salad, and watched through the window as the balcony became awash under the relentless downpour.
‘It’s been a special night, Elizabeth. Thank you.’ He smiled as he turned to her. ‘Normally birthdays come and go and I don’t notice them – even as a kid they meant little to me.’
‘Me too. Birthdays were always ghastly because my parents forgot them.’
‘This one’s been a beauty.’
He kissed her, and she could taste pineapple.
They’d moved a step closer that night, Elizabeth thought, but she warned herself not to be foolish and raise her expectations. Nick quite possibly did love her, but he was a loner and he always would be. That was his tragedy
. She must not allow it to become hers.
Maralinga was once again a hive of excitement as, throughout August, preparations for the second major test series became progressively more intense. The first of the three detonations that constituted the Antler series was codenamed Tadje and was scheduled to take place on 14 September.
By the end of August, the hordes had started pouring in. First came the scientists and specialists who would be directly involved in the tests, then the bureaucrats, military personnel and other VIPs of varying description who would observe the firings. Conspicuously absent amongst these latter arrivals was Harold Dartleigh. Harold was leaving things until the last minute. Once the series started he’d be marooned in that Godforsaken wilderness for the duration, he told himself – a whole month, no less. He would arrive for the briefings several days before the Tadje firing, and not one minute sooner.
‘I won’t be able to see you for the next fortnight or so,’ Nick said, ‘not until after the first test of the series. There’ll be a press conference following the firing, of course, and I’ll be coming to Adelaide for that.’
It was early afternoon. They’d just made love and were lying naked in each other’s arms, the bedclothes tossed to one side, their bodies still warm from their exertion.
He’d flown into Adelaide for a late morning conference at the AGIO offices and the plan had been to meet for lunch, but they’d skipped lunch and come straight to the flat. She’d told him when he’d telephoned that she could take the afternoon off. She was working on a feature that she could easily write at home, she’d said, which wasn’t true. She’d cancelled an interview to be with him.
‘I have to make a couple of trips to Canberra,’ he continued, ‘but I can’t really justify an excuse for a stopover here, things are too busy.’
She’d miss him, she thought, but she didn’t say so. She continued to play the game the way he liked it played.
‘We’ll just have to wait until the press conference then, won’t we?’ she said cheekily. ‘I shall harass you as much as I can and you can take it out on me in bed afterwards.’
He laughed and propped himself on his side with his chin in his hand, looking down at her as she lay there. She was so bloody gorgeous, he thought. He longed to make love to her again, but recovery time was necessary, so he kissed her instead, a slow, languid kiss, sensual rather than erotic, and, without the urgency of copulation, a deeply pleasurable experience.
‘I’ll miss you, Elizabeth,’ he said lightly. Then he lay back, drawing her to him and pulling the bedclothes up around them – winter’s final throes lent a chill to the air, and they’d both cooled down now. ‘It’s only two weeks, I know, but what on earth will I do without you?’
The kiss, the nurturing embrace and, above all, the sentiment, playful though it was, rather took her by surprise and she heard herself ask something she’d never thought she would.
‘Have you ever been in love, Nick?’
Far from being daunted by the question or confronted by her asking it, he replied in all honesty.
‘Once, yes. I was stationed in Seoul and she was a captain in the US army intelligence unit. I asked her to marry me. She knocked me back, thank goodness.’
‘Why do you say thank goodness if you loved her?’
‘I don’t know.’ He shrugged. ‘Perhaps I didn’t love her, although I certainly thought I did at the time. I was heartbroken when she said no. But I’m glad she did now – it wouldn’t have worked out. I’m not the marrying kind. Besides,’ he added, planting an affectionate kiss on the top of her head, ‘if I’d married Jenny I wouldn’t be here with you, would I?’
‘No, I suppose you wouldn’t.’
There was a moment’s pause.
‘Tell me about your fiancé, Elizabeth.’ The conversation had taken such an intimate turn that it seemed a natural enquiry, and he was interested to know. ‘How did he die? Or would you rather I didn’t ask that? I’ll quite understand if you don’t want to talk about it.’
‘No, no, I’m very glad you asked.’ There would never be a more appropriate time, Elizabeth thought; she couldn’t have orchestrated a better opening if she’d tried. ‘I’ve been wanting to tell you for some time now, Nick.’
She sat up, leaning her back against the bedstead, the blankets pulled around her, and Nick, recognising her need to talk, did the same.
‘My fiancé’s name was Daniel,’ she said. ‘Lieutenant Daniel Gardiner, and he died at Maralinga.’ She was aware of his shock, but she didn’t wait for a response, continuing in the same matter-of-fact manner. ‘Exactly how he died is a mystery. The official report says “accidental death”, the unofficial report says “suicide”. I don’t believe either to be the case.’
He was staring at her dumbfounded, barely able to believe what he’d heard. ‘You’re young Dan’s fiancée?’
‘I was. Yes. Did you know him?’
‘Of course I did. Everyone knows everyone at Maralinga.’
‘Do you know anything about his death?’
‘No more than you obviously do.’ Was she interrogating him, he wondered. It certainly sounded that way. ‘His death was reported accidental for the sake of the family and also for security purposes. How did you know it was suicide? Who told you?’
‘It wasn’t suicide, Nick.’ She ignored the question. ‘Danny would never have killed himself. He had too much to live for. We were in love, we were to be married in April. It wasn’t suicide, and it wasn’t an accident. They’re covering something. I don’t know what, and I don’t know who, but I intend to find out. That’s why I came to Australia. Will you help me?’
‘Help you? In what way could I possibly help you?’
Elizabeth didn’t notice the slightly distant tone. She was too excited by the prospect of acquiring an ally in Nick.
‘You could make some enquiries for me.’
‘Enquiries into what exactly?’
‘The investigation.’
‘And what investigation would that be?’
‘The investigation into the accident …’ She’d suddenly registered the scorn in his voice and she became flustered. He was ridiculing her, or so it sounded. ‘There must have been an investigation. You could find out who was the last person to see Danny alive, that sort of thing …’
‘What could have led you to believe, Elizabeth, that I would offer you my assistance? If you have seriously developed the demented notion that the army murdered your fiancé, how on earth could you expect –’
‘Not the army, Nick, I didn’t say the army. Well, I didn’t mean the army, I meant someone. I don’t know who or why, but someone killed Danny.’
He threw back the bedclothes and stood. It was too ludicrous, he thought, sitting here naked discussing military assassination plots.
‘Please listen to me, please,’ she said desperately.
‘I can listen while I dress,’ he said, pulling on his trousers. ‘I have to be leaving for the airport soon – the plane’s scheduled for take-off at four.’
‘I had a letter from Danny that he posted from Ceduna only several days before he was killed. In it he talked about his friend Pete Mitchell. Pete had been murdered and Danny suspected foul play –’
‘Pete Mitchell was killed by a jealous husband.’ He didn’t look at her as he tucked his shirt into his trousers and sat to put on his boots.
‘I know that, but Danny didn’t at the time and it worried him. Pete had told him just before he’d been murdered of something terrible that had happened at Maralinga. Danny didn’t say what it was, but men had been threatened with court martial if they spoke of what they’d seen.’
Nick looked up sharply.
‘And,’ she continued, ‘he was worried that Pete’s murder was in some way connected.’ Elizabeth was relieved to have finally gained Nick’s full attention. His eyes were now riveted upon her. ‘Danny intended to make his own investigations into the murder, but he died only several days after he posted that letter. Pete�
�s death proved unrelated to whatever it was the men saw and to the threat of court martial, Nick, but what about Danny’s? Don’t you think two coincidental deaths is rather stretching credibility?’
‘So you believe some nameless, faceless person murdered Dan to prevent him exposing the reason why men were threatened with court martial, is that it?’
Again the derision, but this time, even though she was unable to give him a direct answer, Elizabeth’s response was not in the least flustered.
‘I don’t know what I believe. But I intend to find out what it was those men saw. It may not be the answer, but at least it’s a starting point.’
‘I see.’ He stood and shrugged on his jacket. ‘Well, you’re certainly a woman of surprises, Elizabeth. I must congratulate you. I would never have guessed.’
‘Guessed what?’ He was offended, she thought. Why?
‘That all the time you were posing as an investigative reporter you were using me to gather personal information.’
She supposed he had a right to be annoyed, but she couldn’t help feeling he was overreacting a little.
‘I admit that I had a hidden agenda, Nick, but I was also doing what I’m employed to do and that is to cover events at Maralinga. I wasn’t posing as an investigative reporter. I am a reporter, it’s my job to investigate, and you’re the principal source of information regarding Maralinga.’
‘Do you make a habit of sleeping with your principal source of information?’
So that’s why he’s angry, she thought. She didn’t deign to answer.
Her silence only aggravated him further. ‘I presume that’s just another part of the job, is it? You used me, Elizabeth, why don’t you admit it? You used me unashamedly.’
‘No more than you used me, Nick.’ Her eyes met his squarely. ‘Be honest.’
They gazed at each other for several long seconds. Then he turned and walked away.
He’s leaving, she thought. And he’s leaving for good. So where’s the harm in telling him the truth?
‘I didn’t sleep with you to gain information,’ she said.
He stopped at the door and looked back.
