by Misti Murphy
“You clearly don’t know her very well, do you?” I side-eye him. If he did he would know that she is unpredictable and totally worth breaking laws for.
“I know her better than you do,” he says.
I purse my lips, but fuck it, if he wants a dick measuring competition that’s what he’ll get. “I know what she tastes like and how she sounds when she comes.”
His mouth shuts like a clam. His jaw hardens.
I smile wolfishly. Didn’t expect him to have anything else to say after that.
I slide the Jeep into a parking spot outside the storefront where Adira showcases insanely expensive and one-of-a-kind items. Cutting the motor, I jump onto the pavement. He can find anything you want, but what I wanted was here the whole time.
The kid climbs out too.
“You can leave,” I say, making it clear he isn’t welcome to stick around now that I don’t have to worry about him warning Ivy and sending her running.
“It’s Ben,” he says.
“What?”
“Ivy is my friend.” He shrugs as he pulls the strap of his bag over his shoulder. “Either you’re going to hurt her and I’ll have to attempt to kick your ass, or you’re going to be around for a while. If that’s the case, we might as well realize we’re going to have to get along, so…I’m Ben.”
“Rogue,” I say, surprised that he actually has the wherewithal to make that realization. I wouldn’t be willing to give up Ivy so easily.
“Don’t hurt her,” he warns.
“Don’t think you have a shot with her,” I clap back as I march up to the doors to Adira’s shop. If he can do that, then we’ll get along just fine. I raise my fist and pound on the locked entryway. I have two things I need to know; why the fuck she keeps disappearing, and what it’ll take to make her stay.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ivy
“Who on earth is making all that racket?” Adira asks as he stalks past the desk on his way to find out. “I don’t have another appointment until Matteo De La Torre at seven.”
I glance at my phone, which is sitting on top of the pile of alterations I’m working on. Another text from Ben bounces onto my screen. My heart leaps into my throat and my mouth dries.
Rogue knows I’m Uma. Rogue is here.
Oh shit. “Adira, don’t—”
He twists the handles and throws open the doors. “Oh. It’s you.”
“Don’t open the doors,” I whisper under my breath.
It’s too late now. Rogue’s masculine voice skewers me from across the room. “Let me in, Adira.”
Rogue is furious and he has every right to be. What I’ve done to him is horrible. Even if I never meant for things to go down the way they have.
“But we don’t have an appointment.” Adira bars his entry into the shop with his body. Arms wide, he keeps a grip on both doors. “I don’t see anyone without an appointment. Not even you, sweet man.”
“That’s fine. I’m not here to see you,” is Rogue’s surly response as his gaze locks with mine over the countertop. “I’m here for her.”
My throat clogs like someone poured a gallon of paste down it. There is fire in his blue orbs. They’re steely and hard and they don’t budge. Not even when I have to blink and look away when it gets to be too much. They’re still trained on me when I manage to bring my gaze back.
“I would warn you to move out of the way, Adira. You have something I’ve been looking for.”
He growls and the butterflies in my stomach make me nauseous. I should have come clean earlier. I tried, at the café, but he wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise.
The truth is I’m a coward. I could have butted in. I could have shouted out loud. Two words—two syllables—is all it would have taken. It’s me. She’s me. I’m her. Any of these combinations would have stopped him in his tracks, but I chose to keep quiet.
Another notification slides onto my phone.
Ben: I’m so sorry.
So that’s how he found out.
“Ivy?” Adira calls out. “What would you like me to do?”
I straighten to my feet. My palms are sweating and I wipe them on my jeans. There’s nothing for it but to tell the truth now. Which is what I want, right? He’s going to hate me though. “Let him in.”
I count my breaths while I wait. Adira doesn’t shift at first. Words are spoken. Quiet words. Probably a warning, if I know Adira. Rogue’s gaze holds a caution of its own as it shifts to my best friend.
“It’s okay,” I say. “Could we have a moment to talk?”
Adira steps out of his way.
“Smart move,” Rogue says.
“I feel like coffee. Do you want one? No? Good. I’ll be back in fifteen. My girl better not have any more bruises than she already has.” Adira closes the doors behind him as he leaves us alone, knowing full well that my bruises are my own damn fault. The last thing I hear from Adira is a greeting, and Ben’s name. He must have tried to beat Rogue here.
Rogue’s full attention returns to me. He stalks across the plush red carpet. “You.”
Three thoughts occur to me. He is the sexiest man I have ever seen, and I want all of him. What happened to his beautiful face? And I wonder if anyone will notice if he spills my blood on this carpet.
I turn with him as he prowls around the counter to where I stand. My hands close around the edge of the desk.
“Don’t run from me,” he says in a tone that is like a steel trap. “I’ll come after you.”
I nod. It’s all I can do. My heart is beating out of my chest and parts of me that have no right getting involved at this moment grow wet at the determination I see in every move he makes.
He cages me in and my butt hits the desktop, making everything on it rattle.
“You don’t have to be scared of me,” he says with a softness I don’t deserve. “Just don’t run.”
“Okay.” I bite my lip. I find myself touching the discolored skin just below his eye. I’m not afraid of him. I’ve never been afraid of what he can do to me. Only scared of what he will think of me. “What happened?”
“Ben happened.”
“He did this?” The flesh is puffy under my fingertips.
His eyes narrow like it pains him. “Doesn’t matter. You’re Uma Cookie.”
“Yes.” My voice comes out tiny.
“You’re Uma Cookie,” he says again, with a tip of his chin. Not asking because he didn’t hear me; no doubt he read my lips. More like he’s letting it sink in now that I’ve proven it to be fact. “You’re in college.”
I nod.
“You’re only twenty. And I…and we…got intimate. Shit. I don’t do that, Ivy.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. Our age gap is nothing. It’s six years. It’s not wrong, but after today I know why it bothers him. I get why it seems like such a big deal now. It has nothing to do with age and everything to do with him being a good man with boundaries and my having lied to him about who I am. Even if it was only lying by withholding that information.
He probably thinks he should have pushed me harder, but we were so into each other… being with each other was all that mattered.
“You made me feel crazy for weeks.” He lets out a long, low breath. “Not knowing where you’d go or how to get a hold of you or if I’d ever see you again.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, and shake my head. I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t what I wanted. “I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you earlier at the coffee shop. But I didn’t know how.”
The anger, that hard edge, it fades from his voice. Disappointment forces its way to the forefront. "Why did you run? Why didn’t you just stay like you said you would?”
Because I was addicted to him from that very first look. Back when he had no idea I existed. Before fate or luck or some gun-toting jackass put us in each other’s paths. And it’s scary for so many reasons.
I fold an arm over my waist. Follow quickly with the other. It feels like if I don’t hold
myself together my insides will fall out. How does it feel like I have so much at risk if I confess to my weaknesses when I have done everything I can to keep from growing too attached to him?
He grasps my chin and lifts my gaze to his. Those daydream blue orbs are colored with concern. “Ivy, baby, talk to me.”
“Why do you even want to know? Why aren’t you angry? Why are you even here?” My tone isn’t friendly, but it isn’t strong either. I can’t look him in the eyes and that is my absolute favorite thing to do. I’ve acted abominably, but he still wants me? If he touches me, I will crumble. If he holds me, I won’t be able to let go.
“Oh, I was furious,” he says, slow and dark, in a way that has my body becoming more alert. “And I can’t say I’m not still angry. But I had time to think on the way over here. When you were with me… as Uma Cookie… it never seemed like you were playing me. It felt like everything we did and said to each other was real.”
“It was,” I whisper.
“And you saved my life, getting me to the hospital.” He searches my face. “If this is some sick game—”
“It isn’t. I promise.”
“I didn’t think so,” he says. “But I’m going to need more from you.”
“I’m going to sound nuts,” I say as I drift my focus to a gold thread in the carpet. “But we’ve been face-to-face more times than you think.”
“Yeah.” His brow wrinkles right between his nose as he glances around at the office setup. “You were here when I came to meet Adira, weren’t you? Did you get a kick out of knowing I was searching for you?”
“N-no,” I say. Sure, my pulse had sped up and I’d felt giddy, but the idea that he wanted me was terrifying. “I didn’t think we’d ever cross paths again. I can’t talk to people. I didn’t lie when I told you I’m shy. I couldn’t even say hi to you, how could I possibly tell you I was who you were looking for?”
“But you showed up at Mojito Bar.”
“I couldn’t help myself,” I admit. “I never in my wildest dreams would have thought we’d come face to face.”
“You sucked my cock,” he says.
I glance down between us. I still remember what he tastes like. I swipe my tongue over my bottom lip and squeeze my thighs together. Bitter and a little sweet. “I did. I wanted to know what it would feel like. What you would taste like.”
He groans. “Ivy, don’t distract me.”
“Sorry.” I swallow an influx of saliva.
“Fuck.” He huffs like a bull as he grips the back of my neck and presses his forehead against mine. “All I really need to know is why you ran. It’s killing me not knowing what you’re thinking. Put me out of my misery.”
I curl my hands in his shirt, needing to get closer. “I’m scared, Rogue.”
“Of me?”
I shake my head. “Never.”
“Of what’s between us?”
“I want it to be real so badly,” I admit. “But there is a reason I go to see Dr. Keller. There are things about me that should scare you off.”
“So tell me,” he says.
“Fine.” My pulse thunders in my ears. “After my dad died, things got…bad. I felt so alone. My relationship with my mother grew worse. I wasn’t eating. Everything hurt all the time. I just wanted it to stop for a little while. I was so exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. I started taking sleeping pills. And then I started taking a few more. I didn’t really consider what I was doing…”
“Fuck.” The rough way he exhales that one word makes me flinch.
“My brother…he found me and called an ambulance.” I’d fallen asleep in the bathtub and almost drowned. But even without being under the water the amount of drugs I had in my system was enough that it should have killed me. “I was put on a seventy-two hour hold and when my time was up I wasn’t ready to go home. I wasn’t ready to face that life. I spent months at the retreat.”
“Ivy—"
I can’t bear to have him pity me or judge me. I squeeze myself tighter. “I’m okay now, for the most part. I’m on medication to deal with my depression. I see Dr. Keller every other week. Limit time with people who make my headspace worse, as much as possible. And surround myself with positivity. I like to believe I’m doing much better. Dr. Keller says I am.”
“That’s rough, Ivy.”
I can’t blame him if he wants nothing to do with me. I know how messed up I was and how far I still have to go. There’s no way he won’t look at me differently now.
“But it doesn’t scare me. You’re taking care of yourself.”
“I’m trying.” But I don’t know if it’s enough.
“You’re fighting.” He catches my jaw so his solemn gaze can hold mine. “You’re a fighter. I can tell that about you.”
“The first time I saw you was about a year ago,” I confess. I just need to get it off my chest.
His eyes widen. “What?”
“You were with your mom. I knew who you were, of course. I’d seen a few of your movies.” I glance away. I cherish my memories, but they probably freak him out. “You didn’t see me, though. I figured the connection I felt to you was all in my head. I needed something to look forward to during that time I was staying at the clinic. You came a half dozen times, and you never noticed me, and that was fine. Not even when I ran into the wall and gave myself two black eyes.”
“That’s what the medic was talking about,” he says as it comes together for him.
“Yes. Oscar was there that time too.”
“I can’t believe it.” He shakes his head.
Any second now, he’s going to pull away and run screaming out of Adira’s store as if it’s on fire. Away from the obsessive chick with the issues. Away from me. There’s only so much he can forgive me for. Because I’m not charismatic and sexy and fun like Uma Cookie. I’m a mess of secrets and lies and damage.
“I didn’t stalk you,” I say. “When I left the retreat. I didn’t go looking for you. I really was on my way home from a birthday party when you flagged me down. I daydreamed about you, but I’m sure millions of girls do. If you hadn’t jumped in front of my car, I wouldn’t have stopped. I would have felt too awkward.”
“But you did stop,” he says.
“And then you came looking for me…”
“And the connection between us was real,” he says.
“I tried to stop,” I say. “I didn’t know you were going to be at the club that night we ended up at the park. I didn’t know you would be at Bianca’s party. I didn’t even know I was going to that party until we arrived.”
“Did I scare you off with the handcuffs?” he asks, like he’s blaming himself for my being a chicken.
“Actually, I could have gotten out of them at any time. And I knew that. Adira and I took a class. It’s really not that hard to get free. I wanted to be there. I wanted to stay. I even wanted to meet your twin. You make me feel like I could be brave, and that’s new for me.” I want to blame my brother and that text he sent for sending me running. After all, it was what had me racing out of the room moments before Rogue returned with his posse in tow. And my brother would lose his shit if he knew I was with Rogue now. But the truth is, “That freaks me out.”
“Because you really do like me.” An easy grin spreads across his face from ear-to-ear.
It’s like pure sunshine pouring down on me. I like him too much for how much time we’ve spent together, especially since he’s only just found out that I’m both Ivy and Uma. I concentrate on my hands, still knotted in the slack of his shirt. “A lot.”
“So now that I know that you’re Ivy, what are you going to do?” He asks gently, but with an edge that gives away how much he wants my answer. “You can’t run. I know who you are. I know how to find you. You could tell me to go, and I will, but I hope you won’t.”
“No more running,” I murmur, and lick my lips to moisten them. No more hiding from what could be. I’m already too far gone. I can’t help myself. I don’t know how to dis
tance myself from this man. I’ve tried. And, clearly, I have failed. “No more Uma Cookie.”
His eyes crinkle in the corners. “Well, maybe just a little Uma Cookie. Your alter ego is sexy as hell. And now that I know you’re both Uma and Ivy I’m going to need you to dress up as Poison Ivy for me.”
I laugh.
“I like that,” he says.
“What?”
“You.” He takes my jaw in his hand. “When you’re happy. It fucking slays me.”
My breath catches as he leans in. He drops the sweetest of kisses on my lips. So careful not to bump my nose. I melt into his arms.
“You have no idea how much I want to kiss you properly.” He presses his lips to my cheek and to the hinge of my jaw. “Ivy. What’s your last name, Ivy?”
“Love.”
A chuckle bursts from him. “Figures.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, woman, that you are a whole lotta trouble to a cad like me.”
I almost cringe when he says that. Not because it’s corny, which it is. I actually think it’s also sweet.
No, I cringe because I’m exactly the type of trouble he doesn’t need.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Rogue
I still can’t fucking believe it.
Ivy and Uma are the same person. I can see it now, clear as day, as I watch her out of the corner of my eye while I navigate through the hills toward my twin’s house.
They have the same mannerisms and the same impish dimple that peeks out when they smile, no matter the eye color or shade of her hair or whether her freckles show or not. When she…when Ivy smiles it’s like someone has flipped a switch on a lamp with wattage as bright as the sun.
I keep trying to recall all the times she’s crossed my path. Some are easy. The first time we met at Adira’s and I was an insensitive prick and made fun of her, even though I wasn’t trying to. And every time since. But before that I really can’t dredge her up. She did admit to hiding behind a potted plant, but still… she was in front of me for an entire year and it took getting wounded to see her at all.
