by Misti Murphy
“Oh God,” I whisper to the Big Man Upstairs.
His family is waiting for us to eat. And he’s ordering me around like he doesn’t have a care in the world beyond sating himself with my pussy.
He starts with the tip of his tongue and the lightest of pressure. He pulls whimpers from my body with the circles he draws on my clit. Causes my hips to roll when he digs into my entrance and licks me like I’m an ice cream cone. I was kidding when I said I could wait two months. There was never any chance of me actually holding out that long. Not when my body craves him. And while it might not be right now… I don’t want to wait.
I moan when he thumbs my clit. My hands bunch in the covers when his tongue concentrates there, and he pushes a finger into me. Then makes it two and curves them just right so that he can stroke some spot that has the edges of my vision tunnelling. “Rogue.”
“Now imagine if…” his voice is gruff, commanding, “…instead of my fingers, it’s my cock stretching you. Filling you. Stroking you like this.”
He licks around his fingers and over my clit and I arch violently. A cry erupts from me as my body yearns for the orgasm he’s plying from me with his mouth and fingers.
“Imagine my cock hitting you here over and over…” He strokes that spot inside me that makes my limbs so heavy and full. He rolls that sweet electric bundle of nerves between his teeth. “While each thrust provides just the right amount of pressure on your clit to make you come so fucking hard in both ways at the same time.”
Am I hyperventilating? I’m pretty sure I’m hyperventilating.
Everything grows fuzzy. My sight. My limbs. The world. “Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh God.”
His mouth is on me as I fall apart inside. His tongue is performing magic tricks with my clit. He’s relentless. Single-minded. Pushing me closer and closer to a second but different orgasm. Pushing me until my body sparks and the world ceases to exist.
“Oh my God.” I gasp the words in my completely breathless state. My whole body continues to tingle with euphoria as I come down. My muscles are putty. My body is…his to own. It belongs to him. Is transcendent too big a word for how he makes me feel?
“You are so fucking perfect.” He’s all smiles as he runs his gaze up and down my body, letting it linger on all the places that he’s touched. And all the places that I want him to put his brand.
I raise onto my elbows. My skin is so sensitive, my hair swinging against my back is almost erotic.
He grasps the back of my neck and leans in to kiss me. “We better get cleaned up and join the others before they start to think I’ve behaved like I have no manners.”
“Oh God, they’ll know, won’t they?”
"Do they know you’re my girl? Yes.” He smiles an inch from my lips as his blues sweep my chest. “The rest is implied. Do you want to use the bathroom first?”
“You go first.” I glance around for my clothes. “I need a moment.”
“Whatever my girl needs.” He climbs off the bed and strides across the suite and into another room. Water turns on and a second later an electric toothbrush whirs in harmony.
I collect my clothes from where they’re draped over the end of the bed. When I’m with him I get swept up in the whirlwind of it all. It’s only when I come back down that I get swamped by the details.
I pick at a stray bit of lint on the bundled clothes in my lap. If I thought I was shy before, I feel it even more so now. But I think it’s the way he tells me that I belong that keeps me from wanting to run.
A small smile curls the corners of my mouth while I dress. I didn’t think after my dad passed and I fell into such a thick depression that I would ever find my way to this kind of contentment.
Rogue called me his girlfriend. His girl.
“Bathroom is all yours,” he says when he reappears.
“Thanks.” I take a couple of moments to pull the elastic out of my wet hair and run my fingers through it, turning the tangles into lose waves.
I slide my glasses onto my nose and smile at my reflection. I can be this girl that Rogue sees, right? His faith in me only seems to make my confidence grow.
My phone vibrates in the pocket of my skirt. I forgot all about it while we were swimming, but Adira is probably wanting to know how the evening has progressed. I lean my back on the counter as I light up my screen.
My smile falters. There’s a message from my brother.
I know who you’re screwing around with.
I shove my phone into my pocket, my heart racing a million miles a minute. I feel ill as I leave the bathroom. Yes, earlier, I came to the conclusion that I would have to deal with my family. But I am so not ready. Not tonight. Not now when everything is so bright.
Rogue takes one look at my expression and asks, “Everything okay?”
I nod. I need to work on my game face. Bunny ears. “Absolutely. Just a little nervous about going back out there.”
“I’ve got you.” Rogue wraps an arm around my waist and I want to sink into his embrace because it makes me feel safe. He opens the door, puts his lips to my ear, and as if he knows exactly what I need to hear says, “And I’m not letting you go. Whatever comes, we face it together.”
I know he’s partly joking and that he doesn’t understand why I’m nervous around his family, but still, the sentiment feels so much bigger than that.
It makes me feel…hopeful.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Rogue
I hold Ivy’s hand at the table.
Not under it. Not in secret. And not lightly.
We might have started out in the strangest of ways, but there are no more masks and there will be no more running. I know she’s still keeping her secrets, as we sit around the huge outdoor table with my family and friends and share a meal. Maybe they scare her and maybe it’ll take time for her to be willing to tell me everything but I’m not going anywhere.
Steaks and shrimp and salad gets passed around as freely as the wine and beer. Linc pours white into the glass in front of Ivy. “You drink, Ivy?”
“A little,” she replies, not bothering to fill him in on the fact she can only do it legally in some countries.
That’s fine with me. It would be just one more thing for my twin to stew on, when it really doesn’t matter at all. But he would file it away for later as one more reason I shouldn’t trust the girl I’m falling for.
Yes, I’m falling for her. I want her. I can’t get enough. Every touch we’ve shared. Every look. The sweet way she smells and the sound of her laugh. Don’t tell me this isn’t right. I won’t believe it. The girl is…everything. I feel her in my chest.
My heart has never been empty. It’s been filled with family. With friends. And living life as largely as possible. But I didn’t know it could feel like this either. Swollen with warmth and close to bursting.
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and press my lips to her cheek. She turns into the kiss with a smile as full as my chest.
Bianca tells a joke that is both crass and funny enough to have us all laughing to the point of tears while we tuck into our food. Ethan exhales a mouthful of beer through his nose and winces at the sting as he holds his nose with one hand and mops up the spill with a napkin.
“Sorry. We’re a rowdy bunch,” Summer tells Ivy. “It can take a bit to get used to.”
Ivy glances at me like she’s seeking reassurance, but only for a second. “It’s fine. I’m enjoying it.”
“What’s your family like, Ivy?” Ro inserts herself into the conversation while she slices into her steak.
Riot and Rebel and I exchange shocked glances. It’s such a normal, before everything, Ro moment. It’s like we’ve been transported back in time. I blink back the emotion that surges to the surface. I’m not the only one either. We’re doing the right thing with this exclusive with Marty. This is the first time I’ve felt confident about that.
“Yes, tell us about yourself,” Bianca adds before she pops a strawberry in her mouth.
/> I’d have to be a blind idiot to miss the way Ivy startles or that the light in her eyes dims when her family is the topic of conversation.
“M-my family… we’re n-not like this.” She focuses on pushing a spinach leaf soaked in strawberry vinaigrette around on her plate. “We’re not close. I don’t see them much.”
“I have six brothers.” Summer takes a sip of wine before she puts down her glass. “So when I met these three I thought I was in for a walk in the park. In some ways it was.”
“And in others we gave you hell.” I wink at her. Rebel gave her hell. I was nice as pie. And Riot took to her like she was the little sister we never had.
Riot bursts out singing the second verse of “Boys of Summer.”
I grin at Rebel. He loves and hates this song equally, but he bursts into chorus along with me and Riot as we serenade Summer, because that’s what we’ve done every time since Riot sang it to her the first time we’d claimed her as part of our family.
Summer laughs like she always does and pushes Rebel away when he tries to sneak a kiss, then changes her mind and pulls him into a lip-lock.
“Do you have any siblings, Ivy?” she asks as Rebel rests back in his seat, his arm over the back of her chair, an indulgent grin on his face.
I don’t think a single one of us at this table misses the way Ivy starts to stutter and holds herself tighter with her free arm. Her gaze bounces from Ro to my twin to her plate and sticks. “Yes. One.”
I don’t like the way she trembles as I wrap my arm around her shoulder and guide her back to my chest. I want her to feel at ease with my family. “Let’s leave the twenty questions for another time, huh?”
Rebel locks gazes with me across the spread. This girl has monsters in her closet. Are you ready for them?
He thinks I should be wary. That I don’t know her, but I do. He’s the one who doesn’t have a clue who she is.
Leave it alone, I snap with my eyes. His protectiveness is starting to grate. But he’s right that she has monsters to slay.
She will. I have no doubt about that. I’ve watched her grow courageous over these past weeks. I’ve experienced who she can be when she isn’t afraid. And she’s a fighter. One with people in her corner. Dr. Keller. Adira. Me.
I squeeze her hand and bring her knuckles to my lips. It doesn’t scare me.
She blinks up at me behind those cute round glasses. “We don’t have anything to do with each other.”
Thank fuck for that, because her brother and I are going to have issues if we ever come face to face. After what she told me…kids can be mean, but most of the time they aren’t that cruel.
She wriggles her fingers and I loosen my grasp. Just the idea that anyone would try to harm her makes me want to hulk out. But that isn’t what she needs in the middle of dinner. “It’s okay.”
“We have nothing in common,” she says to the table. “We don’t get along.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Ro says.
I swear her nails dig into my skin as I hold her hand in my lap. She told me she hates discussing her family, but I didn’t realize how much.
Bianca stands up to reach for the wine but she’s had a little too much for her skinny-assed frame and she stumbles in her Louboutins. The table jumps from the impact as she slams her hand down into a serving platter to catch herself.
“Jesus, Bianca.” Ethan groans. “I was not expecting that.”
Rebel winks at me and Linc snorts and Bianca starts to giggle as she inspects the strawberry vinaigrette on her palm before licking it off.
Riot shakes his head. “You’re such a lightweight, Boo.”
“Just pass me the wine.” She stretches across the table and scoops up the half empty bottle before Riot has a chance to move it out of her reach. Putting it to her lips, she takes a swig as she collapses back in her chair. “Cheers.”
“Should we call her a ride?” Linc asks. “Get her home before she passes out?”
“She can stay here,” Summer says. “In one of the guest rooms.”
“Now that sounds like a plan.” Bianca tips the rim of the bottle against Summer’s glass until they clink. “Let’s keep this party going.”
“Are they always like this?” Ivy whispers as she leans into me. “I think I might adore your family and friends.”
“Yes, they’re always like this.” I rest my lips against her temple as I try to recall a night like this one that involved my mom, while Linc jumps up onto his chair and starts waxing lyrical about Bianca’s love for wine.
I have memories for sure, but they’re mostly of Veronica Maddox’s absence. Of pale, empty eyes and lax expressions. Of nightgowns and bare feet and Rebel closing our mother’s bedroom door and shaking his head. Not today. We pick up the slack. We keep this family together. Whatever it takes.
And look at us now. We’re built for resilience. We’ve overcome our shitty upbringing. And monsters. And prison. We’ve added to the sum of us with the people who matter. With Ethan and Ro and Bianca and Lincoln. With Summer. And now Ivy.
My Ivy. When I look at her that’s what I see. My girl. My heart on the outside of my body. “They’re going to love you when they’ve had a chance to get to know you.”
“I don’t…” She sucks in a breath and melts into me. “I hope so.”
“Trust me.”
She nods and we laugh as Bianca and Ro race to recall a couple of lines from a movie they both worked on.
Ivy wiggles when her phone vibrates in her pocket. Head bent, she lights up the screen discreetly. I feel her whole body tense before she rises to her feet. “I need to take this. It’s… Adira.”
My gut says it’s not Adira. She wouldn’t have bothered to hide the screen if it were her best friend.
Ethan and Riot jump up and start to do a jig. Yes, a jig. Complete with linked elbows. Everyone is laughing as I watch Ivy wander the length of the pool until she partly disappears into shadows.
It’s too soon. It’s too quick. But I feel what I feel. I’ve been scared of falling for anyone my whole life. Scared that I’d miss a moment so spectacular I’d regret it. Or that I’d get sick like my mom and stop caring about anyone at all. Or at least that’s what I told myself. Now, I’m not so sure that’s what I’m scared of.
I see the distance in Ivy when it comes to what she’s willing to open up about, and it makes me chase a breath. She wields the power to hurt me and she doesn’t even know it. She makes me vulnerable and I don’t like this long-forgotten sensation that creeps through me when she shuts me out. Like I would beg for her affection.
Her back to me, she hunches into herself. Shakes her head in agitation. It has to be her mom. Or maybe her brother. It’s going to take time to get her to open up. I’m going to have to be patient. I know this. Still, I grit my teeth and tamp down the need to stalk over there and insert myself in the middle of whatever is going on.
A noise beside me draws my attention to Rebel as he takes her chair.
“You’re so fucked,” he says behind his hand.
“I know.”
“Are you sure you can trust her?” His steel blues bleed concern. We’re resilient. Not unscathed. And we each have our own way of dealing. His ability to trust people outside of our intimate group is minimal. It took him a good while to let Summer in. I’m not put off by his reaction to Ivy. It’s normal and warranted, even if it’s irritating.
Am I sure of anything else? Considering she probably just lied to me about Adira being on the phone… but I have to believe that she isn’t shutting me out. Rebel won’t see it. Ivy might not even realize it… but she’s fought so hard to let me get this close.
I nod. “I’m sure.”
“I still think I know her,” he says. “She looks so familiar. I’ve been sitting here wracking my brain all night. It’s going to drive me up the wall.”
I shrug as she comes back to me.
I pull her onto my lap and cup her thigh with my hand. Whatever she’s hiding… we’l
l work through it. “Everything okay?”
She swallows. “Yeah. All good.”
“What did Adira want?”
“I…” She blinks, and for a second I think she’s going to come clean. “He wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
“And is it?” I ask, my chest growing tight. Maybe I’m in the wrong. Perhaps it really was Adira on the phone. Maybe I am making something out of nothing because the fear of losing her is a fresh, new beast that I’ve never had to deal with before.
“It is,” she says.
We settle into each other’s body heat as the fun continues on around us. She stays quiet.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Just a bit of a headache forming.” It’s been a long and emotional day and she looks a little worn out. The bruising around her eyes from her broken nose stands out against her pale skin far more than it did this morning or even when I’d cornered her at Adira’s. “I think I’m ready to go home. I can call an Uber if you aren’t ready.”
“No.” I don’t want to say goodnight. I’m not ready to when I’ve been fantasizing all night about the moment I got to take her to back to my place and into my bed. Hell, it’s been such a wild chase to get to this moment where I know her name as well as I know her heart, that parting now feels like we could be starting all over again. “I’ll drive you.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ivy
Oh God, I feel like crap.
My stomach burbles and my sinuses sting. I was fine earlier, but by the time we sat down to eat I was starting to feel off. The pressure in my head is awful.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Rogue asks as he turns onto the street Adira and I live on. He side-eyes me and squeezes my knee. “You don’t look good.”
