“I believe in you, too,” Angst said as he got to his feet, rubbing his sore neck and wondering how he would rub his sore everything else.
He couldn’t make out her expression as she flew off, but he remembered the angry tears and knew this wouldn’t be easily forgiven. Angst looked at the long path ahead that led to a tall, wide flight of stone steps. He walked over to Dulgirgraut, half-buried in the sand, left there since he’d been knocked out by Marisha the night before. Angst picked up the foci and cried out in pain as he set it on the familiar spot, hovering over his back. He rolled his shoulder several times, frustrated it wasn’t feeling better already.
“At least now they know,” he said to Dulgirgraut, not really expecting a reply.
39
After such a quick fall, it didn’t seem right that the walk up would take so long. There must’ve been thousands of stairs. Thousands. They were short, wide things just tall enough to make it awkward to take two at a time. Angst decided that progress was best made by taking two steps, and then one, and then two. After every thirtyish stairs he would stop and look around to make sure nobody saw him sit. He had convinced himself the stairway had to end soon when a large, dark man lumbered down toward him.
“I came to make sure you’re okay,” Tarness huffed. “You’re about halfway there.”
“Ugh,” Angst grunted, giving the enormous black man a brotherly slap on his shoulder.
“That was dumb, Angst,” Tarness admonished. “You could’ve died.”
“But I didn’t,” he said.
“You upset everyone,” his friend continued.
“I’ve got to be good at something,” Angst said with a grin.
“Hector is talking them down now,” Tarness said.
“Oh good.” Angst couldn’t hold back the sarcasm. “And you?”
“I’m doing fine!” Tarness lied.
He appeared satiated. There was a twinkle in both eyes that told Angst his night had been busy, but there was something else. His friend was burying emotions under the thick brows that always made him appear angry. Angst knew better. Tarness was hiding something.
They began walking up the stairs, slowly. Tarness said nothing, and Angst could’ve easily ignored the tension, but didn’t want to. He related to Tarness more than any other, and didn’t want their friendship to be lost in this adventure. He could only imagine what was wrong. His friend had taken a personal offense to every woman attracted to Angst.
“You’re upset about the mermaid,” Angst began. “And Tori, and—”
“I was,” he said with a smirk. “Being Angst sounds fun, sometimes. There are a lot of beautiful women in your life.”
“You probably had as many last night,” Angst said.
“No,” Tarness replied, shaking his head. “Just three.”
“Three?” Angst asked in surprise, remembering that Faeoris had warned she would sex him to death. “Just three?”
His friend merely shrugged.
They paused between steps, squatting to stretch their knees and calves. Bones popped and ground beneath their strained muscles, making them both laugh. They continued at a slower pace, trying to keep up with their breathing.
“It is fun,” Angst said. “But usually, it ends in hurt. My hurt. I can’t tell you how many I’ve lost. One day, Rose will move on and I won’t see her anymore. I’ll lose Moyra because of who I am. I can’t even imagine how tough it will be to lose Tori. I lose all of them. I tell myself I’ve added something to their lives, that I’ve helped them along, made them smile and feel loved. And I get memories. Great memories, but they’re ghosts of what was. I miss them, every single one, and on my bad days, on the worst days, it hurts far more than you could imagine.”
Tarness looked up and smirked. “But all that sex?”
“Ha!” Angst said. “I’ve been married twenty years. I don’t get sex.” He winked.
“Not even with the mermaid?” Tarness asked, sounding happier. He placed an arm around Angst, making him wince as it met his shoulder.
“I wish,” Angst said amorously.
“But that night, with Victoria and Tamara...?” Tarness sighed.
“I don’t even remember how I got to bed. That’s not something I wanted to happen,” Angst said, running his hand through thinning hair. It felt sticky from saltwater and longer than he liked. “I need to talk to Tori about that night, it’s not right. I feel like I crossed the line when I only wanted to jump on it. I was so embarrassed when you opened the door, I don’t even like thinking about it. You’ve got to believe me.”
“And Moyra?” Tarness prodded.
“I...” He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to be honest with his friend, but his feelings for the mermaid were far stronger than he wanted to admit, even to himself. “I’m sure she’s not for me.”
“Why not you?” he said. “She’s obviously interested.”
“Probably because I’m so very handsome and charming.”
“Don’t forget young.” Tarness laughed. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask about your mermaid girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Angst snapped, more harshly than he meant to.
Tarness smirked. “How do you, um, where do you... When you do stuff...?”
“I don’t do anything.” Angst sighed in frustration. He couldn’t tell if Tarness was teasing or trawling. “Not with her or anyone! Not to mention, I couldn’t...she has about a billion teeth.”
“Really?” Tarness said, his eyes wide in terror.
“Rows of teeth.” He drew his fingers along his own while squinting his eyes.
“Rows? Like a shark?”
“Rows.” Angst nodded. “And she really does eat men. They all do.”
“Gross,” Tarness said with a shudder.
“I know,” Angst agreed. “I threw up in front of her. I was really embarrassed, but it’s disgusting.”
“And that’s it?” Tarness asked in disbelief.
“We barely talk. Well, I talk.” He knew he wasn’t making any sense and his cheeks warmed as he floundered for words.
“How do you not talk?” Tarness placed his chin on a hand, ready for story time.
“I talk to her...we talk to each other...in our minds.” Angst winced. “It’s complicated.”
Tarness raised an eyebrow, and Angst shrugged.
“Now she reads your mind too?” Tarness’s second eyebrow joined the first. “I’m beginning to think we can all read your mind.”
“She doesn’t read my mind.” Angst frowned and said quietly, “At least I hope not.”
“What about breathing underwater?” he asked. “You were down there a long time.”
Now his ears burned hot and he’d run out of sighs. He stared at his large friend, who was barely able to hold in his broad grin.
“You’ve got a mess, Angst,” Tarness said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeeeaah.” Angst let the word draw out long. “Actually, no, I don’t have a clue. Dulgirgraut and I can’t seem to work together right. Victoria is always upset at me, and then I wake up naked next to her. The mermaid is confusing. I don’t even know what she really wants. And now, I’m sure, Faeoris is angry.”
“It sounds like torture,” Tarness said, rolling his eyes.
“Hey, it’s not all fun and girls,” Angst said with a smirk. “Everyone wants something different from me, and I can’t do it all.”
“Don’t worry about what we want. You need to just be Angst.” Tarness smiled broadly. “You’ll figure Dulgirgraut out. You’re smart, Angst, really smart. So, it’ll happen. You’re right about Tori—she will move on. Enjoy this time with her, because it won’t last. And the mermaid? I’m sorry, but that won’t last either. It sounds like she’s using you for something.”
“Using me?” Angst asked.
“I’ve been used all my life,” Tarness said firmly. “She’s using you. That’s why I came to meet you, so I could tell you that without the others hearing.”
His friend spoke true every fear that was in his mind. Angst walked slower to gather his thoughts. He was going to lose them both, somehow. These moments, these precious moments were so fleeting, they were already gone. This weighed so heavily on his heart, it hurt too much to cry.
“Your mermaid saved me,” Tarness said. “She’s pretty naked.”
“Pretty when she’s naked?” Angst asked with a full smile. He looked around as if someone were watching then spoke under his breath, “Did you see those breasts?”
“And that mouth,” Tarness said, giving his eyebrows another workout.
They walked, arms around each other’s shoulders, comparing notes as they made their way up the stairs.
Angst’s knee clicked noisily with every step, grinding from wear as they reached the top. A thick humidity hung between his tunic and chest, coating him in slick sweat. He suddenly missed the coolness of winter. The stone courtyard at the top of the stairs was empty, but Tarness wouldn’t sit. Sweat flopped from his forehead like he’d just dunked his head in the ocean, and Angst wondered how his friend had gotten down the stairs so fast. After glancing around, he set Dulgirgraut on its tip and collapsed. He really hoped they’d be left alone for a while—his heart was beating hard. Angst lifted with his shoulders and twisted; his back popped, and he sighed.
“I don’t see any of the Berfemmian, Tarness,” he said between husky breaths. “I think we’re safe to rest.”
With a loud fwump and a deep sigh of relief, Tarness landed next to him on the stairs.
Angst patted his knee and nodded knowingly. “I just want to sit here and be old,” Angst said.
“Can’t you ever find ugly people to spend time with?” Tarness asked. “Maybe someone we don’t have to be so impressive around?”
“No way.” Angst chuckled. “I wouldn’t want you to call me chicken.”
“Ha!” Tarness gasped.
“There you are!” Faeoris shouted from the courtyard.
“Back to being young,” Angst muttered.
“Let me know how that works for you.” Tarness leaned back with a wide grin.
Angst was lifted high into the air by the back of his tunic as Faeoris tossed him twenty feet away.
“Never do that again!” she roared.
Angst stood, dusting himself off and rubbing an elbow that was now leaking blood. “I don’t plan to!”
She leaped to him gracefully and attempted to pick him up under his shoulders. He remained in place, this time prepared and anchored to the ground. She pulled back in frustration, wiped his sweat from her hands with a disgusted scowl, and tried shoving him.
He grunted with pain, but didn’t budge. “What are you doing?” he snapped.
“You could’ve been killed!” Her tone was frantic.
“Yeah!” he shouted. “Just now, when you threw me!”
“You said we were friends!” Her arms were crossed as if she were squeezed between walls of emotion. “Why would you do that?”
“I had to show you what you’re capable of!” he shouted. “I knew you’d be there for me.”
She obviously didn’t know how to answer. Her eyes roamed his face as she apparently tried to find some fault in his reasoning. He was exhausted, and upset, but he also felt an electricity, an energy from their argument, or from wielding magic. He was too tired to fight it, and he let his senses reach out to feel the sword, the minerals around him, the air, the magic that connected everything.
“You think you already know me that well,” she said.
“Sometimes,” he said cockily. “Yeah.”
“Do you know this?” She leaped into the air and spun, and her foot flew toward his face just as Marisha’s had.
Angst felt it, all of it. The movement of the air, her bones rising high and twisting around. What was this? He leaned back. Her heel swung inches from his nose but didn’t make contact. He didn’t understand why they were fighting, but he didn’t care. He was almost giddy, unable to hold back his grin. She roared in frustration, swinging at him with incredible speed. He dodged every blow, and started giggling. Was he just enjoying her irritation? She smiled through gritted teeth and took two steps back. He couldn’t help but take her in; she was absolutely stunning. Sweat glistened from her bare cleavage and heaving midriff, her leg muscles were taut and ready. Her beauty was such an unfair advantage, and she used it. Faeoris jumped high and kicked out with both legs. He dropped before she connected, rolling over his back to one knee. She laughed aloud as she landed. This was like foreplay, except this time he wasn’t tied to a bed. Angst leaped to tackle her. She rolled back, and meant to keep rolling until Angst anchored her bones to the ground so he would end up on top. He kissed her on the cheek, which made her scream a battle cry, shoving him with such force he flew into the air.
“I don’t see how this helps,” Victoria whispered from behind a nearby bush.
“That’s because you’re jealous,” Hector explained. “Angst thinks he knows everything, but he’s not prepared for this.” He held out a hand.
Victoria looked at him in surprise and then accepted the hand. She smiled. “You really think this will work?”
“It obviously can’t come from me,” he said. “But it needs to come from someone.”
“I hate this.” She shook her head. “It should be me out there.”
“And that thinking is part of the reason he hasn’t been able to focus,” Hector said, without looking at her. “My future queen needs this to happen.”
“Meh,” she said under her breath.
Faeoris covered her mouth, her eyes wide with concern. Wings of light appeared in a bright flash between her shoulders as she flew toward Angst to catch him. She hovered, and waited, but he didn’t fall. He stood on an invisible shield of air and looked down at her.
“Air,” he shouted in explanation. “Catch!” He launched off the platform and landed in her arms. He kissed her on the cheek again, which made her smirk. “I’m starting to enjoy this.”
“All I get is this wrestling?” she said with raised eyebrows as they lowered slowly to the courtyard.
“It’s all I have to offer,” he said.
“That’s not enough.” Faeoris frowned. Her chest and face were flushed, and she was breathing heavily. It was both intoxicating, and frightening.
“I’m sorry...I can’t,” he said, worried he’d pushed her too far.
“I know. You said that,” she replied. “I need to calm down.”
“What can I do to help?” Angst asked. “I can leave. Sometimes my very presence drives women to screaming fits.”
“I believe you,” she said dryly as they landed. “But we can’t have sex, and wrestling with you just makes me angrier. You probably don’t know sealtian.”
“Of course I do,” Angst said. “Some.”
“Some?” she said in surprise. “I thought you knew everything.” Her words were thick with sarcasm.
“Most,” Angst lied. “I’m pretty sure all of them.”
“Will you,” she asked. “With me?”
Angst kissed her on the cheek once more, making her frown, before he hurried to Dulgirgraut. Ignoring the bright burgundy glow that already surrounded the blade, he hefted it and scrambled back to her. Crouching, he held it horizontal to the ground. He looked at her, and she stood at the ready with a staff.
“I don’t get it?” Victoria asked.
“She had to break him down,” Hector explained in a gruff whisper. “Get the fight out of him so he could relax and do the sealtian.”
“What are sealtian?” Tarness whispered, now crouching with them.
“They’re a pattern of movements used to find balance with your chosen weapon,” Tori said in a monotone, as if repeating it verbatim. “What? How do you think Tyrell taught me?”
“I’m surprised you aren’t a fan,” Hector taunted, his gray eyes mischievous. “They’re like dancing.”
“I hate this,” Victoria whispered.
�
��This has nothing to do with you.” Hector smiled, mostly ignoring the princess. “He needs this almost as much as he needs you.”
“He needs me?” she asked hopefully.
“Shush,” he replied.
“I think he needs her, too,” Tarness whispered.
Victoria slugged him in the arm. Hector shot them both a chilling gaze.
“Sorry, dad,” Tarness mocked.
Angst focused, lifting the sword vertically over his head with both hands. The red light surrounding the foci now covered his forearms. His mind was emptied, exhausted, but his body still burned with energy from their wrestling. He took a deep breath and concentrated, feeling her movements next to him. Angst sensed her arms move, lowering the staff. He lowered his sword so it was horizontal to the ground. They moved together, mirror images performing the same dance, bending like reeds, crouching like tigers, stretching like swans ready to take flight. Instinctively, they continued to the fourth sealtian, and then the fifth, flowing into each one as naturally as water.
“I never taught him those!” Hector said excitedly. “He would get so impatient and frustrated that we couldn’t get past the first few.”
“Awesome,” Victoria said dryly.
“It really is!” Hector said proudly.
“How many are there?” Tarness asked, stretching a leg.
“Thirty,” Hector replied. “Each one takes a minute, so be patient.”
The sweat was cleansing, and the ocean breeze that rolled over his bare arms exhilarating. His connection with Faeoris was different than any other he’d experienced. It was as if her body guided his own. He’d lost track of time, and didn’t care. He felt complete, accomplished. This wasn’t the success from a battle barely won, or getting away with something he shouldn’t have; this was something more permanent. Angst didn’t know when the music from Dulgirgraut had started accompanying his sealtian, when it had begun to flow in the rhythm of his movements, or when it stopped being just music. The sword’s glow grew in him, and out from him. The music became information, and power. He squeezed the tears from his eyes, and let it happen.
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