“There’s no sharing, Nova.” He shakes his head vehemently and drags his chair closer. “I’m all in for you. For only you.”
“But I saw her. In your office—”
He cuts me off unapologetically. “What you saw was bullshit.” His chest is so puffed out it might burst. “That woman has been making my life hell for weeks now, months even. Last night, I finally got back at her. I evened the playing field.”
“By fucking her?”
“I didn’t touch her.” His words are forceful and nearly convincing. “I swear.”
“Why should I believe you? Because you say so?” I roll my eyes.
“Because I have proof!” he insists.
He pulls out his phone as he speaks. After tapping around a little bit, he passes it to me. A video is playing. That woman is dancing, stripping herself bare.
My gut twists as insecurity and jealousy mix. “I can’t watch this,” I mutter as I drop the phone to the table and stand.
Charlie grabs my hand with an urgency that startles me. “I’m sorry but Nova, please, you have to listen to me.” His eyes beg me. “That woman, she’s in charge of issuing permits for construction projects in the town of Copper Heights. She’s been twisting my arm, withholding the demolition permit on a major project that will be starting next week. She said she wouldn’t give it to me unless I fucked her.”
“So, you did fuck her?!” Now I’m convinced that he’s just talking in circles to confuse me.
“Hell no! Watch the video!” My eyes stay glued to the screen as he speaks. “After she stripped naked, I told her I’d recorded her and that if she didn’t issue my permit, I’d take the tape to the mayor’s office…She got scared. The permit was Fed-Ex’ed to my office first thing this morning. I’ve finally gotten Helena out of my life…That’s all that happened, Nova. I swear to you.” The video confirms his claims.
Okay, so he didn’t fuck her. But that doesn’t exactly make it all better.
Shuddering, I sit back in my chair. “You realize that you lied to me, right? You told me that you’d be working last night.”
“Well, I was working. Technically.” His eyes tell me he realizes that his defence is feeble.
I close my eyes and breathe in. “Don’t get technical with me, Charlie. You promised you’d be honest. Always. And if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see that you deliberately misled me.”
He scrubs his hands down his face and we sit in silence for a long, heavy minute.
“So, what happens now?” There’s fear in his voice, in his eyes, in his posture.
I can’t look at him as I speak. “You and I, we shouldn’t be doing this. Neither of us knows how to be in a relationship. You’re scattered and I’m scared and it’s only a matter of time before we fuck each other up. Irreparably.”
“Don’t say that, Nova.”
“It’s true.”
“It’s not.”
“We’re better off as friends.”
“Don’t say that. You’re just scared.”
“As I have every right to be. I know you, Charlie. I know your M.O. If it wasn’t this chick then eventually, it’d be someone else. Eventually, you’d fuck someone else and then I’d have to burn your house down and next thing you know, I’m in Guantanamo and you—”
“I’m not a cheater, Nova. I may be a lot of things but I’ve never been a cheater.”
“Technically, right?” My tone is sharp and spiteful.
He growls low in his chest, so frustrated. “You’re saying you don’t trust me?”
“I’m saying I’ve been hurt too many times, by too many people. And I can’t let the next guy be you.” The air stills and my voice goes soft. “Because I’d lose all faith in humanity. I need you to not be a person who hurt me. I need you to be a friend…you understand that, don’t you?” My trust issues run too deep, my confidence is too fragile. I can’t take this risk.
Silence stretches out, vibrating, breathing, like a third person in the room.
“You want to just be friends...?”
It physically hurts but I say, “Yes. We should just be friends. Like we were before.”
Eyes downcast, he drums his fingers on the table for an eternal instant. I think I’m holding my breath, a part of me wishing that he’ll fight me on this, the other part of me wishing that he’ll just leave.
Slow and stiff, he gets up from the table. It takes everything in me not to stop him, not to wrap my arms around him and beg him to make me believe him, but it’s for the best.
When he gets to the door, he turns and watches me, grooves marring his forehead, lips pressed flat. “I’m falling in l—”
“Don’t…” I stop him immediately. My heart kicks against my chest. I don’t want to have to be strong.
He turns down the stairs.
“It’d never work between us,” I call out. His steps halt. “Because you’re the way you are. And I’m the way I am.”
His shoulders heave with disappointment but he doesn’t turn back. He walks the rest of the way to his truck and pulls out of my driveway.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Charlie
I’m sitting in my office chair, swiveling back and forth, staring at the stupid piece of paper in my hands.
It wasn’t worth it…
I’m seeing red. My brain is throbbing. For the first time in a long time, I let a woman into my heart, I allowed myself to fall for Nova and I fucked it all up for a piece of paper.
I’m such an idiot.
She had every right to kick me out of her life because what I did was wrong.
It’s true—the footage in the video proves that I didn’t fuck Helena when she showed up at my office the other day. She stripped naked, I recorded it with a hidden camera, I kicked her out. But in the process, I gave Nova every reason to not trust me.
She’s fragile. I’ve been in her life for long enough to know that better than anyone. She’s been hurt, she doesn’t trust easily, she goes for guys who have no chance of winning her heart. She does it to protect herself. So, why did I think it was a good idea to do something that would make her feel this vulnerable?
Because I thought she’d never find out…
I hate admitting it to myself because that makes me an asshole.
I never deserved her but she took a chance on me. And I let her down.
Dammit.
I lost the only girl I want in exchange for a piece of paper. I fling the damn thing with all my might. Mocking me, it flutters in the air and takes a leisurely voyage to the floor.
There’s a knock at the half-opened door and Leo strolls right in. “Hey man,” he says as he plops down into a chair. “The big day is finally here! We break ground on Silverberry!” A wide grin pulls up the corners of his mouth.
“Yeah, yeah…” I mutter under my breath, failing miserably to match his zeal. What I want to say is, Fuck Silverberry. Fuck everything. Because if Nova doesn’t want me anymore, none of that other stuff matters.
He furrows his brows and bends to scoop the permit off of the floor. “Where’s your enthusiasm, man? This is a big deal!”
I close my eyes and suck in a deep breath. When my eyes blink open, I’m wearing my brave face. “You’re right,” I say, forcing a smile. “This is the project we’ve been waiting for, huh?” I come around my desk and clap him on the burly shoulder. “Let’s go swing a hammer, man.”
Dragging my feet out the door, I lead the way to the parking lot and jump into my truck. I brought this on myself. I should have just left Nova alone because now I’ve hurt her feelings, I’ve ruined our friendship and I’m more alone than ever.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Nova
As my car approaches the edge of the sidewalk, my fender catches on the concrete. Every damn time.
My frustration melts away when a bitter realization spills into my chest.
This may be the last time that I pull up to this curb…
Drawing in a deep breat
h, I try to rein in my emotions. This is for the best because whatever it is that was happening between Charlie and me wasn’t healthy. It was bound to end with me crushed under a wall of hurt and I deserve better than that.
Hitching my purse on my shoulder, I throw a glance at the house. I see a figure at the front window. He’s waiting for me.
My heart heaves into overdrive and my palms grow sweaty. I summon just about all of my inner strength and courage to handle this the right way. With shaky steps, I climb out of the car and march up the walkway, ignoring the queasiness in my stomach.
Before I can lift a hand to knock on the door, it swings open. Charlie stands there. His dark eyes fall on my face and the intensity of his stare is almost enough to shove me a step back. “Nova…”
I straighten my shoulders and lift my head, trying to act like everything’s all good. But it’s way too hard to force a smile. I have to bite on my bottom lip to keep it from shaking. “Hi…” My eyes trail over his features. He looks tired. His eyes are circled by shadows and the scruff on his chin is overgrown. His cheeks are gaunt and his lips, pressed flat. He wears a rumpled white T-shirt and jeans hanging low on his hips.
Don’t think I look much better. I’m in a sweatshirt I threw on yesterday with mismatched shorts. My hair is pulled into two messy French braids running down the sides of my head. And if the way I feel inside is bleeding out onto my face, my expression must be downright pitiful.
I glance into the house over his shoulder. “Can I come in?”
His features remain grim as he steps out of the doorway and makes a sweeping gesture with his hand. It’s far less than inviting but I climb over the threshold anyway.
I jump at the sound of the door closing behind me. My nerves are all on edge. He angles around me and leads the way to the kitchen where he leans across the kitchen island with his elbows on the counter. It feels awkward, like we’re suddenly strangers. I take a seat in front of him and set my bag on my lap, all while refusing to look him in the eyes.
He clears his throat. “On the phone. You said you wanted to talk?” Maybe I’m imagining it but I think I hear a hint of hope in his voice. It’s probably all wishful thinking on my part.
“Yes.” I give a little nod then run my tongue nervously over my lips. I turn the words over in my head, searching for the right formulation. There’s no easy way to say this. Spit it out, Nova. “I got a job offer,” I say.
I feel a slight shift in his posture but I still can’t look at him for fear that I’ll break down into tears. “That’s great,” he says. There’s a soft note of encouragement in his tone. He’s always encouraging me.
I haven’t told him the whole story yet…
My stomach rolls and I draw in a deep breath. “It’s with that production company I told you about…in New York.”
My words seem to burn up all the oxygen in the room. Charlie’s body stills. When I dare to look at him, his eyes are frozen on my face. I don’t understand why it feels like I’m dying, like there’s no air to breathe.
I force myself to keep speaking. “They want to turn the Love Bugs into an animated web series and eventually pitch the idea to a television network. In time, I guess.” His jaw works, his lips move but no words come out. “Charlie? Say something...”
He gives his head a little shake and appears to snap back into the moment. He roughly drags both hands down his face to wipe away the shock. “That’s—that’s great, Nova.” He couldn’t sound less enthused if he tried. “That’s great. I’m happy for you.”
“Yeah?”
He rounds the counter and pulls me to my feet. He wraps his arms around me in a hug that feels stiff, forced. His smile has the exact same qualities. My heart is aching so bad. I’m tempted to give up on holding it together, to just let it fall apart.
Charlie continues with his fake excitement when he releases me from his hug. “That’s fantastic. I’m happy for you.”
I wrap my arms around myself. I don’t know why I’m so cold all of a sudden. It might be the arctic chill in his smile. “You’re happy for me?”
“Of course. I’m happy for you. We’re friends. So I’m happy for you.” His words hit like an icepick to the chest, the pain of it sharp and acute. He continues to hack away. “You worked so hard for this. You’re finally gonna be living your dream.”
I nod, shivering, because this isn’t my dream. It’s a fucking nightmare. I handed my heart to a man who shouldn’t have asked for it in the first place and it slipped through his fingers. It fell to the floor, shattering like an egg on the pavement.
Okay, maybe I’m being a little melodramatic but I’ve never felt this kind of pain before. I’ve never felt this confused.
Charlie scrubs his hand over his skull as he walks back around to the other side of the counter, literally putting an entire island between us. “When do you leave?”
“This Friday.”
His cool façade slips, a bitter sort of surprise taking its place on his features. “Wow—I didn’t realize it was all happening so fast.”
“I guess,” I say, lifting a shoulder and letting it slump back down.
“Well, do you need help with anything? Packing, maybe?”
I shake my head. “I’m not taking much with me. My art supplies. My guitar. Some clothes. I’ll be staying with my sister in her cramped one-bedroom so I can’t take much.”
His head bobs in understanding. “Okay, then. I’ll drive you to the airport.”
“Charlie—” I can’t accept his offer. I’ll just send myself crazy sitting in that car with him, fighting not to tell him exactly how I feel. That’s why my answer is “no”.
He zips back into my personal space, this time bracing me by the shoulders. “Let me do this much for you. Please.” For a second, he’s so close. His lips parted, waiting. We should kiss. That feels like what should happen next. But then he breaks out the old ice pick again. “We’re friends. Let me just take you to the airport.”
And because I’m a fool, because I’m weak when his hands are on me, because I’m a glutton for punishment, I hear myself saying “yes.”
Charlie smiles that frigid smile again. His eyes roam over my face and it almost feels like his trying to memorize every little detail of it. I can’t stand the heavy, sad weight of his stare so I turn away.
He follows after me as I head for the door. “So you’ll text me, right? With your flight details so I can drop you off?”
My head seems to weigh a thousand pounds when I nod. “Yeah. Sure. I will.”
I get to the door and slide into my sneakers. I feel his presence behind me. So close. Why is he doing this? Is he trying to drive me crazy? Is he trying to remind me of all the things I want from him that I’ll never be able to have? It almost feels cruel.
When I stand up and turn to face him, he leans his forearm against the doorjamb and his body arches over mine. His stare is so powerful. It makes every hair on my arms stand at attention.
My throat quivers when I look up into his dark eyes. “What?” My voice is small and weak.
A sad smile lifts one corner of his mouth. “I just know I’m gonna miss you. That’s all.”
Without another word, without any elaboration, he reaches around me and pulls the door open, like he’s silently telling me to leave. I spin away from him when I feel the tears clinging to my eyelashes.
I don’t let them fall until I’m pulling away from the curb, the grating sound of metal on concrete filling the air.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Charlie
I feel like I’ve got a log lying sideways in my throat as I pull into a spot in the parking garage.
Nova unfastens her seatbelt and twists around into the backseat. She snatches her guitar case and the backpack sitting on the bench. Then she hops out of the car and pops the trunk open to pull out her duffel. When the trunk door slams shut, it all becomes too real. Too final.
She’s leaving…
I can’t move. I’m strap
ped into my seat, hands gripping the wheel, eyes straight ahead. She pauses at my tailgate and stares down at her phone for a moment. Then, she’s standing at my window with her guitar slung over one shoulder, her backpack over the other, her duffel bag clenched in her fingers.
Bringing my eyes to her, I force a smile. I pop open the door and step out of the car. There’s a little smile on her face. It’s shallow but it’s there.
“So, this is it, huh?” It’s a lame question but it’s all I’ve got right now.
“This is it.”
We stand there staring at each other for so long that her guitar strap starts slipping down her arm. She hooks a thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the elevators.
“I’ve gotta, um—”
“Yeah…”
There’s another awkward pause. “So, do I get a hug or…?” she croaks out.
I shake myself out of my miserable fog, spreading my arms wide to receive her. She sets her bags on the ground. I pull her to me, holding her to my chest, wishing to god that I didn’t have to let her go. She squeezes her little body close to mine when her arms come around my waist.
Does she feel how hard my heart is beating? Does she realize that I’m silently begging her to change her mind?
I love her…
She gives me a sad look and her arms drop from around me.
Those eyes…
I’ll never get to watch them again in the light of the rising sun.
That hair…
I’ll never get to lose my fingers in it as I guide her lips over mine.
Those lips…
Just watching them now is driving me insane.
Without thinking, I reach out and grab her face with both hands. I lower my lips to hers and feel them sliding against her soft mouth. She gasps in that wispy, breathless way that always gets my cock to swell. I deepen the kiss, opening her lips with my tongue. I taste her again. For the last time. And it’s breaking apart every bit of willpower inside of me.
The Blue Collar Bachelors Box Set: The Complete Blue Collar Bachelors Series Page 38
