by Rona Halsall
Sara pulled off her wet shoes while she tried to formulate a fitting response. Hailey was making it sound like Matt was doing everything, with no regard for her input and sacrifices. She could feel her temper rising and went to put her shoes in the hall while she calmed down.
‘Hey,’ she heard Hailey say to the girls when they walked into the lounge. ‘Good session?’
Sara hurried into the room after them, determined to assert herself a bit more. She felt she was becoming invisible even to her sister. ‘I’m so impressed, Hailey. You should have seen them.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘Obviously take after their father.’
‘We’re both in the first team, Auntie Hailey,’ Sophia said, the excitement clear in her voice. ‘The usual goalie dislocated a finger on Saturday, so I get to take her place.’
‘And I’m going to be in defence,’ Amelia said. ‘Coach said my tackles were awesome tonight. Didn’t he, Mum?’
‘He did, and they were.’ Sara looked at the girls, clapped her hands. ‘Right, you two, go and get showers. Football kit in the washing machine, okay? I don’t want it dumped in the bathroom.’
The girls wandered off and Sara sat down next to her sister. A shiver ran through her and she wrapped her arms round her chest. ‘I’m bloody freezing.’ She glanced at Hailey. ‘In fact, I might just nip up and get a shower myself to warm up. If I’m not quick, they’ll have used all the hot water. Why they couldn’t have had a shower at the club like everyone else, I’ve no idea. But they were adamant they didn’t want to.’
Hailey shrugged. ‘They always have done when I’ve been there.’
‘I think there must have been a falling-out or something. Maybe a bit of jealousy from some of the other girls that they’re both in the team.’
Sara was about to go and get her shower when she remembered about the following Thursday. Her evening out with James and the clash with football practice.
‘I don’t suppose you’d be able to take the girls next week, would you? It’s just… I have a meeting at work that I need to go to. It’s… um, it’s…’ She looked away, her foot scuffing at a stain on the carpet. ‘They’re doing a training course. You know, with board members being volunteers it has to be done in the evening, as most of them have jobs. And it’s a bit of a team-building thing, going for a drink after.’ She glanced at Hailey, who was giving her a curious look. ‘It’s in Harrogate. I’ve got a lift back, but I might be late.’
Her sister stared at her for a moment, then nodded. ‘Okay. Yes. I’m happy to take them, but Matt will have to keep an eye on Ezra, because you know Ez hates going to the football. And it depends what comes up at work, but it should be okay.’
Sara gave her a grateful smile. ‘It’s just a one-off.’
It’s not, though, is it? she thought as she went upstairs and pulled off her damp clothes before getting in the shower. Lying to her sister felt horrible. What’s it going to be like lying to Matt? She scrubbed at her skin, turned the water a little hotter, as if that would scald the thought from her mind.
She considered Matt’s behaviour. He was being a bit secretive, shut away in his office. And she’d been sure she’d heard someone – a woman – leave late the night before. The idea that he was having an affair resurfaced and scratched at her skin as she dried herself, rubbing harder as if that would remove all trace of her doubts.
He wouldn’t, she told herself. He wouldn’t put his family life at risk. It was as sacred to him as it was to her, of that she was sure. But his comments that morning couldn’t be ignored, and now she wondered if she was right. Basically, he was questioning whether he wanted to be in a relationship with her if she didn’t play by his rules. Wasn’t that what he’d said? And that felt harsh. Very harsh. It also made her wonder if he had an alternative future lined up for himself. Is that what he’s working on now? And wasn’t it strange that he went back out to his office the minute she got home? Like he’s avoiding me.
With her thoughts completely scrambled, she got herself dressed and headed back downstairs, where she found Hailey in the kitchen making mugs of tea.
‘Is everything okay?’ she asked, pouring milk into the mugs. ‘It’s just you seem a little… fraught.’
Sara leant against the worktop and let out a big sigh, which said it all really, without the need for words. Hailey came and gave her a hug, murmuring into her hair, ‘It’s just a tricky patch, that’s all. You’ve got to trust Matt to come through in the end. He will, Sara. He’s determined. We had quite a chat tonight.’
Sara sank into the hug, laying her head on her sister’s shoulder. ‘I just feel like I’m losing everything. Even the kids don’t seem to notice me any more. I’m out at work all day, then I’ve got to catch up with the housework at night and all the other stuff that goes with running a house and having three kids. I mean, the paperwork just for school is ridiculous. Then there’s dentist’s appointments and play dates and sleepovers and friends’ birthdays and…’ She took a deep breath, anxiety mounting, her voice rising with it, as she listed everything. ‘Then on top of that I’ve got stuff to remember for work and I just don’t think I’m doing well at any of it.’
Hailey rubbed her back. ‘You’re doing great, honestly you are. Maybe this evening out next week is just what you need. I know it’s a training course, but enjoy the social after and don’t worry what time you get back. Just be you, instead of a mum and wife and housekeeper and administrator.’ She squeezed her a little tighter, gave her a kiss on the cheek then pulled away, one hand lingering on her shoulder as she looked her in the eye. ‘I’ll make sure I can take the girls. Honestly, don’t you worry.’
Sara covered Hailey’s hand with her own. ‘Thanks, I needed that.’ She studied her sister’s face. ‘I was wondering… Your conversation with Matt… did he mention anything…’ She hesitated, then decided while Hailey was in a supportive mood, she could do with a bit more reassurance. ‘It’s just we had a row this morning, and I’ve had this feeling… Well, I heard a woman’s voice in his office last night. I’m sure of it. Then he was late coming to bed and the window was open and I thought I heard her again. Outside. I heard the gate clang shut. I had a look but couldn’t see anything.’
Hailey looked a little startled. ‘What? You’re not still worrying about that, are you? I can remember a similar conversation about him working late and you thinking he had someone else, but it turned out to be nothing. Do you remember, you had me following him from work?’
Sara nodded, heat creeping into her cheeks. Perhaps I am imagining it.
‘You’re just feeling a bit unsettled, which is natural with all the changes, but I don’t think you’ve anything to worry about. He’s a straight arrow, is Matt.’ Hailey picked up her tea while she carried on talking. ‘As far as I can tell, he’s still upset that he lost his job. Feels he’s let you all down, but he’s determined to make this business a success.’ She looked at Sara. ‘Honestly, I’ve never seen him so fired up and passionate about anything. And he loves the fact he gets to spend time with his kids.’
Sara picked up her mug and took a sip, letting her sister’s words settle in her mind. She was right. Maybe she had heard the woman in her dreams the previous night and thought she was real. That was very possible.
Her mind was being devious, deflecting attention from herself. If anything was going to tear the family apart, it was her own actions. She would be the one to blame.
Chapter Sixteen
The next day, James came into the office to drop off some figures he’d been working on for the new project.
‘I wonder if you could ask Fiona to run her eye over these when she’s in later.’ He held out a file. ‘Deadline’s on Monday and she’s getting twitchy. You know what she’s like. Has to dot every i and cross every t herself. But I’ve got all the supporting documents together, so I think we’re about there.’
Sara had work to do on the project herself and was reminded now that she needed to push it up her list of tasks. ‘No problem,
’ she said, and took the file from him, slapping it on the desk on top of the other papers.
James cocked his head, looked at her. ‘Things any better today? You still look a little peaky.’
She caught his eye and sighed. He sat down on the other side of the desk and she looked away, gathering up the invoices she’d been sorting out. ‘Everything’s okay for next Thursday, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘I’m worried about you, actually.’
She glanced at him and saw genuine concern in his eyes. Those very blue eyes, which held her in their steady gaze as she tried to work out what she was feeling, what was pulling at her insides, making her want to reach out to him.
‘Look, I never meant to cause trouble,’ he said gently. ‘I’ve only ever wanted to help you. That’s all.’ He gave her a quick grin. ‘Tell you what. How about I take you out to lunch? I need to brief you for next Thursday anyway, and it’ll do you good to get out of the office.’
Sara gave a brisk shake of her head. ‘Sorry, I don’t think I’ve got time.’ She indicated the piles of paperwork on her desk. ‘I’ve got all the project application forms to go through. Not to mention getting the monthly accounts ready for Julia. She’s coming in with Fiona tonight. They’re having a working supper, so I’ve got to organise food for them as well.’ Her voice sounded as weary as she felt.
‘I do believe I’m your boss,’ he said firmly. ‘And as I’m responsible for your health and welfare at work, I’m insisting you take a lunch break. Just an hour, that’s all, then you’ll feel energised and refreshed and you’ll work twice as fast this afternoon.’ He stood up, checked his watch. ‘Come on. We’re going. We’ll get served quicker if we’re there early.’
Sara looked at her desk – the mass of papers strewn across the surface – and a flare of panic burned through her chest. Her stomach gurgled. I can’t, though, can I?
James turned at the door and beckoned to her, eyebrows raised when she didn’t move.
She gave a tentative smile. Why not? she thought. I’m supposed to get a lunch hour and never take it. Maybe I will feel better afterwards. It was starting to sound like a good idea, and anyway, James wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
She followed him outside, where his racing-green Audi TT was parked, gleaming in the sunshine. It was another warm May day, and the cherry trees that surrounded the car park were in full bloom, their pink petals coating the ground around them like confetti. He opened the door for her and waited for her to get settled in the seat before he closed it and went round to the driver’s side.
An unexpected thrill of excitement fizzled through her. She’d never been in such a posh car before. Leather seats. No empty crisp packets or sweet wrappers or drinks cartons stuffed in the pockets of the doors or littering the floor. The whole interior was immaculate and smelt clean and fresh, a hint of sandalwood in the air. She buckled herself in, even the silky feel of the seat belt shouting quality. The engine thrummed to life, settling to a soft purr. He turned to her and grinned, his delight infectious, and she felt like she was doing something she shouldn’t. Being a little bit bad.
He’s my boss, she told herself. He insisted.
It was a rock-solid justification, and she sat back, telling herself she had no choice in the matter. He’ll be able to insist until the debt’s repaid, a little voice in her head reminded her. She shifted in her seat, not sure she was entirely comfortable with that thought.
James’s arm draped over the back of her seat as he turned to reverse, and his proximity made something stir inside her. She tensed and inched away from him, looking out of the window as they drove along the high street until he spoke, pulling her attention back inside the car.
‘I thought we could go to the pub up on the moors. It’ll look fabulous today. How about it?
It was a popular place to eat and the food was always good, but there was a chance she’d see someone she knew, and that could make her life difficult. Sara squirmed.
‘Could we go a bit further afield?’ She cringed, feeling awkward about asking. ‘It’s just Matt has a bit of a jealous streak. He wouldn’t understand about business lunches. He’d jump to the wrong conclusion and I honestly haven’t the energy.’
She listened to her own words and realised it was exactly how she’d reacted to Matt and the mystery woman in his office. Perhaps it was a work thing? She turned her attention to the countryside again, wondering if she had a jealous streak too. He denied there was anyone there, though. Why would he do that if it was all above board?
‘Okay, I hadn’t thought about that,’ James said, and turned towards Skipton instead.
They went to a country pub in a little village on the edge of the Yorkshire Dales, the drive taking fifteen minutes where it would have taken Sara half an hour. James was showing off, she thought, throwing the car round bends like a rally driver, and the machine stuck to the road on its big fat tyres. Surprisingly, she found it exhilarating, rather than scary, a hidden part of her thrilled at the excitement and danger of driving so fast. Her life had been so safe since she’d had the children, their limitations becoming her boundaries, and when she thought about it, she’d rarely done anything just for her since they’d come into her life. Now she was ready to broaden her horizons, do more to meet her own needs before she disappeared as a person completely.
The pub was quiet, and they sat in the garden at the back, where wicker seats with comfy cushions surrounded the tables. Large pots had been planted with colourful flowers and high walls sheltered the area from any breeze, making it a pleasant suntrap. Sara sat back in her chair while James went to place their order at the bar, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her skin. She tipped her head back and closed her eyes, letting out a contented sigh.
This wasn’t such a bad way to repay a debt, was it? If that was in fact what she was doing. She had no idea, and that bothered her. Even if it didn’t count – and this was just James being nice to her – it was good to have a bit of time outside the workplace to get to know him better, and maybe get a firmer grasp on the limitations of their deal. Is there a timescale? she wondered. And how will I know when the debt is paid in full?
It was all a bit vague for her liking, and she knew she’d feel more comfortable if she could tick off progress, like a loan repayment scheme, so she knew how much further she had to go. The longer it went on, the more chance there was of Matt finding out, and that would be a disaster. She shuddered at the very thought.
James came back with a couple of halves of beer and two glasses of sparkling water.
‘I know you said water, but I thought a half wouldn’t do any harm.’ He put the glasses on the table. ‘Your choice.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll drink it if you don’t want it.’
Sara looked at the beer, a sheen of condensation on the side of the glass, so cool and inviting. What the hell, she thought. Live a little. And before she could think about it any more, she’d picked up the glass and taken a sip. ‘Nice,’ she said, savouring the taste of hops as it rolled around her tongue. ‘Thank you.’
‘They said the food should only be fifteen minutes, so you don’t have to worry about us being out for too long. And I can stay and help this afternoon for an hour to make up for lost time.’ He took a sip of his own beer, eyes twinkling at her over the rim of his glass. ‘Can’t have my staff worrying.’
She laughed, and they slipped into easy conversation, discussing the community centre and how it worked. A bit of gossip about board members, which made her giggle.
‘Fiona is a little scary, don’t you think?’ she said after she’d finished her beer, feeling tipsy. She didn’t really drink these days, and on an empty stomach, her inhibitions had definitely been lifted. In fact, she was so relaxed she’d practically melted into her chair, and James looked equally chilled sitting opposite. He really was easy company outside the office. Quite charming, and full of anecdotes.
He laughed. ‘I’m glad you said it, not me. I’d be way too frightened
to voice an opinion like that.’ He looked around, lowered his voice to a whisper. ‘Walls have ears, you know. Better be careful. Do not diss the all-powerful one.’
‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Sara whispered back, joining in the charade. ‘I really admire her. I’ve no idea how she fits everything into her life and still seems so bloody relaxed. Just like Julia. The two of them are awesome.’
James nodded. ‘Awesome they might be. Doesn’t stop them being scary, though,’ and something in his voice made her wonder if he was joking or being deadly serious.
A young man appeared with their food, and Sara hauled herself into a more suitable position for eating. The mood shifted and they were quiet for a little while as they started to eat. It took her a few minutes to pluck up the courage to ask the question that was buzzing at the back of her brain, like a bee trapped against a windowpane looking for a way out.
‘James, I’ve got to ask you about our deal,’ she blurted out. He glanced up, stopped chewing. ‘I need to know… well, this is a bit stupid of me and I should have asked before I agreed, but how do I know when I’ve paid back my debt?’
He finished chewing and swallowed, took a sip of water. ‘Well now, I haven’t really thought about it myself, but I suppose we should set some parameters, shouldn’t we?’
She smiled, relief melting the tension at the back of her neck, glad now that she’d finally made herself ask.
‘Let me have a think. We’ll see how things go next Thursday, shall we, and talk again after that? Then we can come to a definite agreement as to how much of your time it will take to pay back the nine thousand.’
