Sally scrunched up her nose. “What do you mean?”
With her shoulders now rounded she searched for words to express her feelings. “He had to get married, so he married me, then the next step was kinner, so we had a boppli. Amos seemed to be doing things because they were expected of him rather than doing them because he wanted to do them. If you ask me, he didn’t want to be a vadder at all—much less, a husband.”
Sally nodded then looked out the window again. “It must’ve been hard for you with him spending so much time away.”
“He found something displeasing about me, but I don’t know what.”
Sally lunged for her arm and held it. Looking into Evelyn’s eyes, she said, “The fault must’ve been with him. There’s nothing wrong with you. He should’ve been pleased to have you as his fraa.”
“Denke, Sally, but how would you know what a man likes?”
“Don’t doubt yourself. Menner don’t need much to keep them satisfied, believe me, and I’m certain you did everything to make him happy.”
“That’s true; I did.” She stared back out the window at Jed and her daughter. Martha was now chasing Jed as he swerved and circled just out of her reach. Mark sat not far from them looking on. Hearing Martha’s giggles filled Evelyn with happiness. “All I wanted was for Amos to want to be with us, and for him to want to play with Martha just like that.”
Sally rubbed her arm. “You remember what Mamm used to say?”
“About regrets?”
Sally nodded.
“A waste of time,” Evelyn stated just as their mother would’ve said it.
“That’s right. And that’s true. You weren’t to know that Amos would be like he was. You married him in faith that he would be a gut husband and a gut vadder.”
A tear trickled down Evelyn’s cheek before she wiped it away with the back of her hand. “Sometimes I feel that Gott let me down. Look how happy you and Mark are. Amos and I were never happy like that.”
Sally slowly nodded and remained silent. Even though she had no answer or comment, Evelyn felt comforted that she’d acknowledged her pain.
She looked out at Jed again to see that Sally’s boys had joined Jed and Martha. “The boys are home.”
“Cake and cookie time,” Sally said as she moved away from the window.
Evelyn stepped back when Jed glanced in the direction of the kitchen window. After a few seconds, she peeped out once more. When she noticed he was now playing with the boys as well, she kept studying him. How happy would she be if she’d married someone like him; someone bright and cheerful who took an interest in his kinner and didn’t feel the need to be on his own?
“Stop staring,” Sally hissed.
Evelyn giggled. “Okay, but it’s not easy.”
“Sit down and I’ll cut you a piece of cake. Give that boppli of yours some food.”
Evelyn put a hand on her stomach, over her baby, and then sat down at the kitchen table. “Denke, and then Martha and I will have to go home. We’ve got a few things to do before it gets dark.” Besides the dinner to prepare, there was the horse’s stall to clean, the horse and the chickens had to be fed, and their water needed to be changed. She hoped that the stove would be working by the time she got home or she’d have to cook over the fire once more. The fire—ach! She desperately needed wood chopped.
Chapter 7
God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?
Numbers 23:19
* * *
When she and Martha were leaving Sally’s house, Jed was near her buggy.
“Goodbye, Martha. Bye, Evelyn.”
“Bye, Jed,” Evelyn said wondering why he was now walking toward them.
“Need a hand?” he asked.
“Nee, we’re fine. About what you overheard just now…”
He raised his eyebrows and his eyes locked onto hers. “Your proposal of marriage?”
“Jah. I’m not going to accept—he’s a lovely man and would make someone a gut husband, but not me.”
He nodded and kept staring, which made her feel like she had to explain further. “Besides that, my husband has only just died. There should be a suitable time that passes before I’d ever consider a thing like that.”
He folded his arms and leaned back.
“And Hezekiah’s older, a lot older—you’ll see that if you stay around long enough to meet him. I wasn’t making fun of him or gossiping about him. Well, I suppose I was talking about him, which might be the same, although I wasn’t being cruel.”
Finally, he spoke. “I’m glad you pointed that out.”
“I thought I should. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.” Evelyn rubbed her neck. She wanted to scratch—certain that her nerve rash was coming back. “I just wanted you to know that I’m not that kind of person.”
He nodded his head once, sharply. “Gut!”
“You could lift Martha into the buggy for me.”
“I’d be glad to.” He reached down and placed Martha in the buggy.
“Denke,” Martha said in a small voice.
“You’re welcome, Martha. Denke for allowing me to play with you today.”
Martha giggled.
“Goodbye, Jed.” Evelyn was now in the driver’s seat.
Jed stepped back from the buggy. “Farewell,” he said with a bow.
She turned the buggy around and headed away from him, convinced she shouldn’t have said anything at all. Her mother had always told her that men didn’t like women who talked too much. Perhaps that was her problem she thought as her horse clip-clopped down the long driveway.
Amos had bought the house she was currently living in with money his father had gotten when he sold off most of his farmland. Amos had been an only child. Perhaps Amos was so used to being alone, he didn’t know how to share his life with others.
The two houses were, she hoped, debt free, but from what she’d recently found out about Amos and his dealings, she’d have to pay a visit to the local land titles office to see if it was owned free and clear. Maybe that’s the answer—I could borrow against one of the houses. She shook her head and groaned when she realized she’d have no way to pay back a loan.
Once she got home there were many outside chores to be done with the animals. When they were done she walked inside and looked down at the wood box. There was only enough wood until tomorrow. She waited until it was very cold before she lit the fire hoping to save as much wood as she could.
Perhaps, she thought, Gott is testing me and allowing me only what I need to get through each day—one day at a time. Evelyn recalled a story from the Bible, in 1 Kings 17, about the jar of flour that never ran out and the oil that never ran dry—just as the Lord had promised to Elijah.
She picked up the large black Bible that Amos had read out of when he’d been home. Flicking through the pages, she found it and read the passage aloud “And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord, which he spake by Elijah.”
Needing some encouragement that God was still with her, she read the previous few pages. She was a widow too! She read how Elijah had met a widow in a great famine and asked the widow for food. The widow told him they had barely any food for herself and her son. She’d intended to prepare their last meal and then they would die. Elijah told the widow to carry on as planned, but first to make a loaf of bread for him before she made loaves for herself and her son. If she did as instructed, he assured her the oil and flour would never run out until rain fell on the land once more.
She closed the Bible. God was telling her she had to find ways to be more giving. Even though she had barely anything to give, perhaps she could give of her time. If Gott is telling me to do that then that is exactly what I must do. Shutting her eyes, she asked God to bring her someone she could help, or to show her how she could be of service to someone.
/> Feeling at peace, she turned off the overhead gaslight, and climbed the stairs with a kerosene lamp in hand to light her way.
Chapter 8
But my God shall supply all your need
according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19
* * *
Evelyn woke the next morning pleased to wake before Martha. The older Martha got, the longer she was sleeping-in of a morning, and that suited Evelyn just fine. As much as she was devoted to Martha, she cherished quiet moments alone as she watched the sun rise. Today, though, it was too cold to get out of bed. She pulled the quilt higher over her head, so she could breathe in the warm air. Her baby was going to be a winter baby and that would make more work.
Evelyn closed her eyes tighter and tried to avoid making another mental list of all that needed to be done before the baby arrived. The stove still wasn’t working and the night before, after cleaning out the stable and doing the other chores, Evelyn had only enough energy to cook a meal. Now the pot and the plates she’d used for that meal were lying in the sink waiting to be washed.
She sighed and wished she'd made the effort last night. Her standards couldn’t slip just because she was tired. If she got used to seeing the house a mess, a mess it might stay. Waking up to a tidy kitchen had always made her feel good, and knowing those dishes awaited her was another reason to stay in bed that much longer.
The next thing Evelyn knew was that a small hand was on her shoulder shaking her.
“Mamm, wake up. Dat’s here.”
Evelyn rubbed her eyes and could tell by the light filtering through the window that she’d slept way past the ten minutes she had intended. She looked at her shivering daughter.
“Come on, we better get you changed into some warm clothes.”
“Dat’s here.”
“Nee he’s not here. He won’t be back, he’s with Gott now.”
“He’s here,” Martha insisted.
“Mr. Hostetler’s downstairs; is that what you mean?
Martha nodded.
Evelyn sighed. “You get into my bed and stay warm. I’ll be back as soon as I go and see what he wants.” Evelyn stripped off her nightgown, pulled on her dress and over-apron, and then pushed her hair under her prayer kapp. She looked down at her bare feet and pulled on black stockings. “Stay there,” she said firmly to Martha.
Evelyn reminded herself not to hurry down the stairs.
“Hezekiah!” she said as she opened the door. “I didn’t hear you knocking.” By the position of the sun in the sky, Evelyn guessed it to be around nine or ten in the morning.
“Martha answered the door. I hope I didn’t give her a fright. She still seems to think I’m her vadder,” he said with a grin.
“Did she call you that again?”
He laughed. “She did. I’m here because I heard you’re getting some work done at William’s old haus.”
“That’s right. I had Mark and a friend of his take a look at it yesterday.”
“I’m quite happy to help.”
She looked down her stockinged feet and then back up to his face. “I do appreciate your offer. There are so many things happening at once I can’t quite keep track of them. Mark is looking after things and he said he might ask for help from the community.”
“There is something else I wanted to talk to you about. Something regarding Amos, but I don’t know if now is the right time.”
“What is it about?”
“It’s about Amos and money.”
Amos and money were two things that didn’t go together in her mind, so she had no idea what he was about to say.”
“You must tell me, Hezekiah.”
“It’s not an easy thing for me to say.”
Normally she would’ve asked him into the kitchen but she didn’t want anyone to see the disrepair the place was in.
“Then we’ll sit here on the porch and you can tell me.”
After they were seated, Hezekiah took a deep breath and said, “Amos borrowed money from me.”
Evelyn gasped. “He did?”
Hezekiah nodded. “Jah, he did. I wasn’t sure if you knew about it, but then it seemed you didn’t. You would’ve mentioned it to me if you had.”
“Jah, of course, I would’ve. How much did he borrow?” Evelyn took a deep breath. Any amount would’ve been too much. Amos had never even hinted at the fact that he’d borrowed money from anyone.
“A sizeable sum. He needed it because he’d been laid off his job a year ago.”
“Nee, that’s not right; he was working.”
Hezekiah shook his head. “The business he was working for closed down six months ago and they laid most of their workers off a year ago. Amos was amongst the first of the employees to be let go.”
She put a hand to her churning stomach. Why had he never told her he’d lost his job?
“He told me his situation and asked me for money. At first it was a little money, but he was back the first of every month to borrow more.” Hezekiah shrugged his shoulders. “I had the money to give so I gave it to him.”
“How much was it?”
“Altogether it was $42,300.”
Evelyn shook her head. “That can’t be right.”
Just when God was telling her she had to be more giving, it seemed He was testing her further. Now she was sinking further into debt and needing even more money.
“I have all the paperwork. He signed every time I gave him money. It started out with five hundred dollars and then the next time it was more.”
“Forgive me, Hezekiah, I’m not doubting your words, or the fact that you gave him money. I’m surprised, that’s all. He never mentioned any of it to me.” At the realization that she would have to pay the money back, tears trickled down her cheeks. She wiped them away the best she could.
“I don’t need the money; that’s not why I’m here. When you didn’t mention it when we last spoke, I guessed you knew nothing about it—your financial situation.”
“I’ll pay you back; every cent of it.”
He sucked in his cheeks. “I don’t want to cause you concern. Just make payments a little bit at a time—whatever you can manage when you can manage it.”
“I’ll make sure I do.” She tried to be bright to cover up how upset she was.
“I noticed when I was talking to Martha at the door, there is nothing left in your wood box.
Everlyn nodded. “That’s right, I have to split more wood today. There’s plenty in the wood shed.”
“I’ll do that for you. I don’t have to be anywhere today until midday.”
She shook her head. “I can’t have you do that.”
“And I can’t not do that for a woman in your condition.” He gave a chuckle. “It’s not a hard thing for me to do.”
With more tears threatening, all Evelyn could do was nod in agreement. He was such a kind and generous man, and the only man who’d gone out of his way to ask if she needed help—apart from her bruder-in-laws.
“I didn’t tell you about your husband’s loan to upset you.”
“I know you wouldn’t do that. It was just such a shock that he didn't tell me about his job, and that he left us in debt.”
“He would’ve planned to get a job, pay me back and hope you’d never know. It would’ve been a dreadful thing for Amos to not have been able to provide for you and Martha.”
Evelyn nodded, not entirely agreeing. Amos had not been the man most people thought him to be.
Hezekiah sprang to his feet. “I’ll get to work then.”
As he walked to the woodshed near the house, Evelyn remembered Martha was still in her bed. When she walked into the house, she saw Martha sitting on the wooden stairs in her cotton nightdress. “Martha! I told you stay in my bed where it’s warm.”
“I want to see Mr. Hofstetter.”
“You can see him again when he’s finished chopping the wood. Now let’s get into some clothes and then we’ll get you some b
reakfast.”
While Evelyn warmed up Martha’s oatmeal over the fire, she raced in to inspect the kitchen in case Hezekiah happened to go in there. She saw the dishes from the night before, and quickly filled them with water and soap. She wiped down everything else with a damp rag. That looks much better!
She hurried back to the oatmeal just as it was bubbling in the pot. Then she spooned the oatmeal into two bowls. She sat at the kitchen table eating oatmeal with Martha, to the sound of log splitting. The noise had never sounded so good. With every chopping sound, she was reminded that it was one less job she’d have to do.
Now that she had some quiet time, her thoughts traveled to Amos’ debt, which had now become hers. Why didn’t he tell her he’d lost his job? And more importantly, why hadn’t anyone else in the community mentioned it? Besides Hezekiah, someone else in their tight-knit community must have known.
The amount Amos borrowed added up to be over a year of his wages. But now she wasn’t so sure what he had earned. Maybe nothing he’d told her was true.
It was good of Hezekiah to say that she could pay it back in bits and pieces, but she had no idea where she could get money. She added up her assets, which were the two houses, the two buggies and the two buggy horses. The good buggy had to be kept; one buggy horse and the old buggy could be sold. Then she could figure out what to do with the houses. The worst thing she thought of would be that she’d have to sell everything and go to live with one of her sisters.
She might have to speak to the bishop; perhaps he would figure out a way she could get money or have the community help with the house. Evelyn bit her lip when she realized that Mark was looking after all that.
Chapter 9
Amish Widow's Proposal Page 4
