But not right now. At the moment, the unlocked back door was helping him out. He’d walked over to bring Hannah some soup from Josephine’s and caught sight of her through the window. She was sound asleep on the couch in York’s den.
She’d looked so sweet. Hannah was curled on her side with her arms folded tightly in front of her, much the way Dot slept in her port-a-crib whenever Melissa put her down in the kitchen.
After staring at her for a few moments, Rob had planned to simply set the bag on the back porch and go home. Maybe even call the Rosses’ house in an hour to tell Hannah about the soup so it wouldn’t sit out all night, forgotten.
But then she cried out in her sleep.
Unable to help himself, he turned the knob on the door, found it unlocked, and let himself in.
Rob knew he shouldn’t go inside uninvited. No doubt, she was fine. He was seriously taking advantage of their friendship and the Rosses’ trust.
Moreover, he knew he shouldn’t approach Hannah when she was in the middle of a bad dream. But caution wasn’t in his vocabulary when it came to her. His need to make sure she was safe and happy overrode everything else.
Besides, he was only going to stay for a moment. Just make sure she was okay and then dart back outside.
As he walked closer, he realized that even asleep Hannah Eicher had a calming effect on him.
It had always been that way.
With Hannah, he didn’t need to watch himself or try too hard. He didn’t need to try to impress her with expensive gifts or attempt to entertain her with amusing stories about his writing career. All he needed was to be in the same room with her.
Stepping closer, he smiled. She’d just shifted. Now she was flat on her back, her arms flung up above her head like a child. Then she frowned and uttered a soft cry.
She really was in the throes of a nightmare. It was a bad one, too, based on the way she was shaking.
He was unable to stay away. Kneeling next to her, he gently shook her. “Hannah. Hannah, wake up.”
She shuddered and shook her head. “Nee.”
He ran a hand along her cheek, along her temple, right to the edge of her white kaap. “Come on, Hannah, wake up now,” he whispered. Then gave in to temptation and pressed his lips on her cheek.
She started.
Eyes open, she stared at him in alarm. Sucked in a breath.
“Don’t be scared. It’s just me.”
“Rob?”
He sat back on his haunches. “Yeah. You okay?”
She blinked again, then slowly looked around. “The boppli! Is Dorothy all right?”
He got to his feet and looked over at the pack and play. Thank the good Lord, little Dot was still sound asleep. She had a tiny thumb in her mouth and was lying on her side. Boy, he hadn’t even realized she was there. “She’s just fine,” he whispered as he walked back to Hannah’s side. “Sleeping like an angel.”
“I canna believe I fell asleep.”
“I can. Your body is still healing. You need your rest.” Actually, he was starting to worry that she needed more rest than she was getting. Should York and Melissa have really just thrown her into watching two babies full-time? It seemed like a bit much to him.
She was sitting up now. Her kapp was slightly askew and her dress was more wrinkled than he’d ever seen it. He thought she looked adorable. “How are you feeling? Are you all right?”
Rubbing her face, she shook her head. “I don’t rightly know. At the moment, I’m feeling mighty confused.”
“How come?”
“I don’t remember you coming in.” Her voice hardened. “How did you get in here?”
There was nothing to do but tell her the truth. “I was about to knock on the door when I saw you sleeping on the couch through the window next to the front door.”
“Rob, you just brought yourself inside?”
Yep, she sounded horrified, and he didn’t blame her. “Not exactly. I was going to leave, but you cried out in your sleep. I was worried that you were having a nightmare.” So, that was the truth. And, yes, his excuse almost sounded reasonable. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t embarrassed about his actions.
“I still don’t understand.”
He sat down. “Isn’t it kind of obvious? I still care about you. I hate the idea of you hurting. Even when you’re asleep, I worry about you.”
For a moment her gaze softened and he thought she understood what he was saying. That even though they’d broken up and she’d broken his heart, he still cared about her. Enough that he wouldn’t let their past get in the way. Maybe not even a closed door and her need for privacy. “Rob, what you are saying is sweet, and I am grateful for your help. But this . . . you coming into the Rosses’ house uninvited and while I was sleeping? You canna do that again.”
Everything she said made sense. “All right.” He got to his feet. “But can you tell me one thing?”
“What?”
“What were you dreaming about? Was it the fire?”
She got to her feet as well. She fussed with her dress, straightening out the fabric, and checked the pins while she talked. “Jah. I keep dreaming that I canna get out and that Daisy gets hurt.” Her blue eyes filled with tears and she quickly blinked them away as her hands fell by her sides. “Sometimes I dream about you getting hurt, too.”
“But I’m fine.”
“Jah. But sometimes I can’t help thinking that something could happen to you, Rob. Just like—” She shook her head, cutting off her next words.
But he knew what she was trying not to say. “Just like Paul?”
“Jah. Just like Paul.” She shuddered. “I hate these nightmares. I don’t know why I’m still having them.”
“You’ve been through some tough times, Hannah. Give yourself time.”
“Do you ever get scared of the fires? Are you ever afraid?”
“Of course I am. I would be crazy not to be afraid of some of the fires we’ve put out. But that’s part of the job. I’ve had so much training and the guys around me are so experienced, I no longer panic. I just get to work.”
“But what about your bad dreams?” she asked faintly. “What do you do when they come?”
He wished he could tell her that his bad dreams were about fighting fires, but his all revolved around losing her again. “I know the other guys have nightmares about fighting fires,” he said hesitantly. “I’m not sure what’s the best way to fight them, though.”
“No?”
“All I can do is tell you that getting hurt in a fire isn’t my greatest fear anymore.” And there he’d gone again. Throwing caution to the wind around her.
“What is?”
He shook his head. “That is a story for another day.”
She stepped forward. “Rob—”
“Hannah?” Christopher called out. “Hannah, where are you?”
“I’m here in your daddy’s den, Chris,” she answered. “If you wait, I’ll come get you.”
“No, I’m coming down to see you!”
Which startled Dot, too. She cried out.
Hannah rubbed her temple. “I’m sorry, Rob, but I must see to the—”
“You take Chris; I’ll get Dot.”
“But—are you sure?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry. I’ve held babies before,” he said as he reached down to gently pull Dot into his arms.
“Rob, you’re here to play!” Christopher cried as he zoomed past Hannah and circled Rob’s legs.
Reaching down, he brushed a hand over the little boy’s rumpled hair. “Hey, buddy.”
“Are you gonna stay for lunch?”
“I’m gonna stay all afternoon,” he said, making a decision.
Hannah’s gaze widened; then she seemed to come to a conclusion. “I hope you like grilled cheese sandwiches, Rob.”
“I love them.”
“Gut. Then you may help Christopher with his pull-up while I go change Miss Dorothy. Afterward, we shall have lunch.”
C
hanging a pull-up? That was a new one, but he figured if he could carry grown men out of burning buildings he could handle changing a toddler’s diaper. “Sounds like a plan,” he said as he handed the baby to Hannah and took hold of Christopher’s hand. “Lead the way, buddy. Let’s go get you settled so we can have lunch.”
Christopher grinned up at him. “Hannah makes good sandwiches.”
Unable to help himself, Rob looked over at Hannah and smiled. “I know, buddy. Hannah makes the best sandwiches ever.”
Chapter 12
After another two days passed, Hannah allowed herself to believe that things with Rob were going well.
For some reason, knowing that he was willing to walk into the Rosses’ home uninvited and even risk offending her because he cared more about her being safe than anything else had erased the last of Hannah’s fears. If Rob was willing to risk so much for their relationship, she was willing to let down the last of her guard and be with him wholeheartedly.
Hannah would be lying if she said the beauty of the Christmas season wasn’t playing a part in her change of heart as well. There was something about this season of hope that inspired her to have hope, too. And there was no better place to do that with Christopher, Dot, their parents, and Rob.
Melissa and York had not only made her feel welcome in their home, but they’d also made her a part of the family. She’d spent most of Saturday decorating a second Christmas tree in the basement, which Melissa said would be for her. Of course it was her very first time doing such a thing, but it had been great fun, especially with Melissa’s penchant for silly Christmas songs and love of Disney ornaments. Such secular items helped Hannah draw the line between the Englischer love of “Christmas” and what she’d been brought up to think about Jesus’s birth.
It might not have made a lot of sense to other people, but in her mind the dividing line was clear, and because of that she was able to await both Jesus’s birthday and Santa’s arrival with equal enthusiasm. It was rather fun to have so much to look forward to.
Actually, this morning was the first time in a week that she’d woken up with a sense of foreboding. It was Sunday and she was going to church at Amelia and Simon’s house. She wasn’t dreading either seeing her friends or partaking in the usual three-hour Amish church service. It was sitting with her sister, Malinda, and her mother and fielding their questions.
She’d also accepted Rob’s offer to drive her to the Hochstetlers’ house and pick her up afterward. He’d even offered to sit with her during the service, remembering that everyone was welcome to worship. But she’d refused his offer. Men and women sat across from each other, so she would be subjecting him to sitting with strangers. The service would also be in Pennsylvania Dutch, so he wouldn’t understand much of it at all.
But his willingness to put himself in that situation meant everything to her. She now knew that she wasn’t just falling in love with him; she was already there. All she had left to do was decide what that love meant in her life.
After gathering a ruby red scarf and her thick black cloak, she walked downstairs. It was still early. She planned to grab only a piece of fruit and some coffee before leaving for church. But Melissa, York, and Dot were in the kitchen.
“Hannah, good morning!” York said with a smile. “You look like you’re almost back to normal.”
“I’m feeling much better,” she agreed. “This morning, I didn’t even need to wrap my ankle in the bandage you gave me, and the burns on my arms are much better.”
“That’s good to hear, but don’t overdo it.”
“Jah, Doktah.”
His eyes brightened. “Tease me all you want about looking after you. I’ll still do it, though.”
“I won’t complain about that. I’m grateful for your help.”
“We were just about to make some waffles,” Melissa said, neatly ushering her to the kitchen table. “Would you like one?”
“No, thank you. Rob will be here soon. I just thought I’d have some coffee and a banana or something.”
“You sure? That’s it?”
“Jah. They’ll serve a big dinner after church, and then Rob said he might even take me out for something, too.”
Melissa poured her a cup of coffee and added a large dose of vanilla creamer, just how she liked it.
Hannah grabbed a banana, sat down, and sipped the coffee gratefully. “The first sip always tastes so good.”
“I always think the same thing,” York said.
“So, how are things going with you and Rob?” Melissa asked.
“Good.” She tried to pretend she wasn’t really pleased about that, but knew she wasn’t fooling any of them. “We seem to have stopped worrying about the past. Now I only worry when he’s on duty.”
“I think we’ll always worry about that,” Melissa said. “Firefighting is a demanding profession and it does have its dangers. I do know he’s well trained, though,” she added in a rush. “Rob graduated at the top of his class.”
“I didn’t know that, but I do know what kind of man he is. I need to trust in Rob’s abilities and the Lord’s guiding hand.” She took a breath. “No, I am going to believe that. Anything less would make me feel like I wasn’t being fair to him.”
Melissa and York exchanged glances.
“You sound really determined, Hannah,” Melissa said softly. “Are you serious about Rob now?”
“I am. I think he is serious about me, too.”
“Oh, I know Rob is,” York said. After taking a sip of coffee, he added, “I don’t think he would have started things up again if he wasn’t.”
She knew he wouldn’t. “I don’t think so, either.”
“What about you?” Melissa murmured. “I know you just said you were serious, but what are you going to do about your future?”
These were hard questions. During another time in her life, she might have even said that they were too personal—far too personal for her bosses to be asking of her.
But lately, she’d realized that she’d been keeping everyone at a safe distance. Ever since Paul had died. Or maybe even Paul, too.
She and Paul had had a lovely relationship. He’d been safe and kind. Those two things had encouraged her to feel much the same way. Everything between them had been sweet and easy. He’d never asked too much of her, and because of that, she’d never given him more than she was comfortable giving.
In addition—and it didn’t make her feel very good to admit this—she had liked how her relationship with Paul had been accepted so easily by her family. They’d been happy with her, which meant that she hadn’t had to worry too much about causing waves.
She would have coasted right along into an engagement and marriage. Never expecting too much of herself. Never expecting too much of their relationship or of her life. She would have put blinders on and firmly looked straight ahead, never wanting to be tempted by any other options in her life.
Maybe that was why when he died she’d felt both devastated by his loss and curiously abandoned. She’d not only lost Paul but also the easy, agreeable life she’d planned to have with him.
When she’d started working at the Rosses’ house and met Rob next door, she’d been jarred awake. She’d suddenly started thinking about how different her life could be. It had been as exciting as it was terrifying—which was why when her parents had pushed and pushed for her to stop seeing Rob Prince she had given in.
It wasn’t because her parents were bad people or that Rob wasn’t the man for her. It was because she’d been afraid to completely disrupt her whole life.
But it had taken a fire for her to realize that Rob hadn’t changed her—she’d already changed. She wasn’t the same woman she used to be and she no longer wanted things to be easy and agreeable. She wanted challenges and emotion.
Maybe Rob had been doing the same thing, only for him those challenges meant putting his life in danger and fighting fires.
Melissa cleared her throat. “Hannah, are you okay? Did m
y questions upset you?”
Realizing that she’d been staring off into space, Hannah shook her head. “Not at all. Actually, I think they did the complete opposite. You made me realize that I’ve made my share of mistakes.”
“Oh?”
“Jah. I think I need to see my parents soon.”
Melissa and York exchanged worried glances again. But this time it was York who nodded agreeably. “I don’t mind picking them up and bringing them over, Hannah. If you arrange a time to see them, just let me know.”
“Thank you, York.”
“Nothing to thank me for,” he said easily as he stood up. “Family is important. Both family by birth and family by choice. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the little sister I never had.”
“Truly?” His words made her feel so soft and good inside.
“Absolutely! Although I have a feeling you’re far less annoying now than you would have been if we’d grown up together.”
That made Hannah chuckle. “Don’t worry, York. My siblings would be happy to share with you all sorts of stories about how annoying their older sister was.”
He grinned. “Remind me to have a chat with them sometime soon, then.”
Chapter 13
“You tired yet, Hollywood?” Jerry asked from across the table where they were eating a late lunch.
Or maybe it was dinner? Rob wondered. He could never figure out what to call the middle of the shift meals. He’d come on shift at seven that morning and it was now four in the afternoon. After this meal, he would try to take a nap so he would be ready in case they got called out later that night.
Or, for that matter, why he even dwelled on such things.
But maybe thinking about that kind of stuff was easier than thinking about how his latest mystery series was going to get picked up for a miniseries next fall.
Which was why all the guys at the station house were now calling him Hollywood.
“Yep.” He grinned at Trenton. “But I’ve been tired since Thanksgiving, so it’s nothing new.”
“I hear you.” Their engineer leaned back and propped a foot on the seat of the empty chair next to him. “It’s been a crazy Christmas season. How many space heaters have caught on fire? Five? Six?”
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