I do it.
“Now let it out.”
I do that too.
“Now kiss me.”
“How’s that going to relax me?”
She gets her face closer to mine.
“Not everything is about you.”
I kiss her and she kisses me and we take our time about it. Finally, she pulls back.
She says, “There. Feel better?”
“I do.”
“You just needed your mind on something else for a minute.”
“You should be a psychiatrist.”
“I don’t think psychiatrists are allowed to kiss their patients.”
“Too bad for them.”
She bumps me with her shoulder.
“Come on. Let’s finish setting up.”
“Sounds good.”
“Also, you need to explain that shopping cart over there.”
I glance at it.
“I stole it from the store.”
“We could have used it to carry stuff in.”
“Yeah. I didn’t think of it.”
“I mean, it’s what carts are for.”
“Now you’re making me feel bad.”
“Why don’t we put it away somewhere?”
I push it into the bedroom and close the door.
“Good,” she says. “Now let’s finish getting everything ready.”
Once we have the food unpacked, laying it out goes pretty fast. We finish a little before eight and I pour us each a shot of bourbon. Janet asks what movies I got for the party.
“Con Air and His Girl Friday.”
She sips her drink and says, “His Girl Friday doesn’t have much of a score, but Con Air is fun. Songs like ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ and ‘A Summer Place.’ Trevor Rabin did the other music. Do you know him? He played in Yes for a while. Scored a couple of dozen movies at least.”
I shake my head.
“Never heard of the guy.”
“He’s a little mainstream for me, but he’s good at his job. That’s what I want to do someday. Score movies. Maybe have an orchestra play my music. I’m in a little band that plays live soundtracks for silent movies. You should come see us sometime.”
I look at her. Did we ever talk about this stuff? I don’t think so.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this before?”
She laughs a little.
“I did. Over sushi. You were so worried about eating the food right and being a regular guy that you didn’t hear a word of it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. But stop worrying about being a regular guy. I get hit on by fifty regular guys a day. I like you because you’re not regular. I bet your friends do too.”
“Listen,” I say, and pull a fistful of hundreds out of my pocket. “You spent a lot of your own money on this stuff. I want to pay you back.”
She laughs again and takes one bill.
“Thanks, Daddy Warbucks. I stole the donuts, so they were free. This will cover the rest.”
At eight, people start arriving. Carlos and Ray first. Then Brigitte. Vidocq and Allegra arrive together, which is nice to see. Candy gets there last.
She says, “Alessa couldn’t make it. She has a headache.”
“Too bad,” I tell her. The headache is almost certainly a lie, but it’s just good enough to get us both off the hook so we don’t have to spend an awkward evening together.
Candy takes one look at Janet and goes over to her.
“Hi. I’m Candy.”
“Hi. Janet,” she says, barely getting the words out. She lets one arm dangle by her side while she nervously crosses her other arm over her chest.
“How do you know Stark?”
“From Donut Universe. There’s some donuts in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”
“Thanks. I am a little.”
More people introduce themselves to Janet and she’s the same way with all of them. Suddenly quiet and nervous. That’s the last thing I expected. I want to go over and save her, but Candy puts her hand on my arm.
“I like your friend,” she says.
“Yeah. She’s nice. A musician.”
“Really? What’s she play?”
I think for a minute.
“I’m not sure.”
“She’ll probably tell you eventually.”
“Yeah,” I say, keeping an eye on Janet, who looks like she wants to be anywhere else.
“I’m hungry,” says Candy. “I’m going to check out the food situation.”
“Okay. I’ll join you in a minute.”
“Terrific. Oh. One thing.”
“Yeah?”
She goes to the kitchen and comes back with a napkin. Points to the side of her mouth.
“You’ve got a little lipstick right there.”
Now I feel as awkward as Janet looks.
“Thanks.”
Candy winks and goes to look for food.
“Anytime, tiger.”
Eventually, everyone drifts into the kitchen. When he sees the spread, Carlos’s eyes get wide. He samples a thin piece of meat from the charcuterie board and nods. Then he looks at me accusingly.
“Where’d all this come from? You sure as hell didn’t get it.”
I point to Janet.
“It was all her.”
Carlos spreads some brie on a cracker.
“It’s a good thing you know people like her and me. Otherwise you’d just be eating gas station sandwiches the rest of your life.”
“I like your tattoos,” says Ray. “Is that owl a symbol from Twin Peaks?”
Janet nods shyly.
“Yeah. It’s my favorite.”
“Mine too.”
She smiles a little.
“It’s probably why I work in a donut shop.”
Vidocq pours a glass of wine for himself and one for Allegra. It’s good to see them being nice to each other again.
Candy shares a smile with Brigitte and points her drink at me.
“You look a little jumpy tonight. You got the food. Did you remember the movies?”
“Right outside.”
“Smart man.”
While Candy gives me an “I’m going to screw with you all night until you tell me more about this other girl” look, Allegra says, “How are you feeling? Still remembering to take your meds?”
“No problems. But we should talk about things in the next few days.”
“Anytime. Just come by the clinic.”
“Thanks.”
We talk for a few more minutes before heading into the living room. Janet comes in last with the charcuterie platter and sets it on the living room table. On the sofa, Candy sits on my right. Janet is on my left, pressed against my side. I haven’t felt this uncomfortable since I first got to Hell and was a freak show attraction.
I turn on Con Air and things relax for a while. People laugh at the right places and sing along with some of the songs. The moment the movie is over, Janet is up on her feet and pouring drinks for everyone. She makes a whole circuit of the room before sitting down again, looking more like a deer caught in headlights than the wisecracker who kissed me in the kitchen. She takes my hand for a second and squeezes it. I squeeze hers back and she seems to relax a little before moving her hand back to her lap.
Everyone chats, laughs, and eats. Except for Brigitte.
“Are you feeling all right?” says Candy. “You’re so quiet tonight.”
Brigitte shrugs and tries to smile. Instead her face turns red. She puts her hand over her mouth and tears form in her eyes. Everybody shuts up.
Candy leans over and puts a hand on Brigitte’s knee.
“What’s going on?”
Brigitte takes a breath and wipes her eyes, smearing her makeup a little. She takes a breath and says, “They’re trying to deport me.”
“What?”
“I was with my lawyer this afternoon. He isn’t sure if I’ll be able to stay in America.”
I say, “What happened? D
id your visa expire or something?”
It’s hard for her to talk, so she sits for a minute. Then she says, “My visa is fine. It’s me who’s the problem. My past.”
“What does that mean?” says Candy.
I have an idea.
“It’s the movies, isn’t it? Some asshole bureaucrat found out.”
She nods a little.
Janet says, “What movies?”
Brigitte looks at her.
“I was a sex worker for a time before I came to America.”
“They’re going to throw you out because you did some porn?”
She nods.
Candy says, “How did they find out?”
Brigitte looks disgusted.
“A man. Of course a man. He was one of the producers of my Queen Bullet series. I wouldn’t marry him. The next thing you know, I get a notice in the mail. At first I thought it was a bad joke.”
“Who is he?” I say. “I’ll go have a word with him. He’ll take everything back and you’ll be in the clear.”
She shakes her head.
“It’s too late for that. He sent them evidence.”
“This is bullshit. You helped save this city.”
“Saved L.A.? How?” says Janet.
“Back when I met you, when the High Plains Drifters were taking L.A. apart? Brigitte came here to fight them. She taught me how to kill them.”
Janet looks at Brigitte. “And they don’t care you did that?”
“Evidently not.”
She gets a couple of tissues from her bag. Candy goes over and sits down next to her.
“We’ll figure this out,” she says. “There are other lawyers.”
Something occurs to me.
“I’m supposed to see Thomas Abbot. He’s connected to every Sub Rosa in the state. He’ll know a way out of this.”
“You think so?” Brigitte says.
“He has pull with the governor, senators, everyone. There’s always a loophole with these things. He’ll find it.”
Brigitte looks a little brighter at the thought.
“That would be wonderful.”
“Don’t worry about anything. I’ll see him tomorrow and we’ll get all this worked out.”
Brigitte gets up and hugs me.
“Thank you. I don’t want to leave. Not like this.”
“No one is leaving anywhere,” says Candy. “Stark will fix it. Right?”
“Absolutely.”
Allegra says, “Maybe we should put a hold on the second movie for a while. Give everyone a chance to have a drink. Calm down a little.”
I get my bourbon. “That’s a good idea.”
People get up and head back to the kitchen. When she isn’t pouring everybody drinks Janet stands with me, munching nervously on a jelly donut, not talking to anyone. I was right to bring up Abbot. People relax knowing I’ll get him involved. The bastard better be as connected as he claims. Candy, Allegra, and Brigitte huddle together, talking. I can’t blame them. Janet is too shy to go over and all the men are smart enough to know that it was one of us who caused the problems, so we should just shut up and stay out of the way for a while.
When she finishes her donut, Janet wipes her hands and says to me, “That thing you said before. What’s a Sub Rosa?”
I look at her.
We’ve been dancing around this topic since we met. Janet is smart enough to know that the people who cleaned up the mess with the High Plains Drifters aren’t regular civilians you see in the street. She knows there’s something special about me and the other people in the room. That’s probably one of the reasons she froze up when everyone started arriving.
I say, “It’s not that big a deal. Sub Rosa are people who can do tricks. Hoodoo. Magic. Whatever you want to call it. Thomas Abbot runs the operation. Keeps the lid on things.”
“Are you like that?” Janet says. “Can you do magic?”
I look across the room. Carlos is giving me a look. I give him one right back.
“For fuck’s sake, she’s not dumb. Tell her the truth.”
I don’t say anything for a second. I don’t have to.
Carlos points to me with a cracker covered in brie.
“Of course he’s magic, darling. Look at his fucking face. He should have been dead fifty times over. Hell. He was dead for a while.”
Janet looks at me.
“Wait. You were dead?”
Now I really give Carlos a look.
He shrugs.
“He makes it sound worse than it was,” I say finally.
“The shit I’ve seen this man do,” continues Carlos. “Those Vegas hotel magician pendejos, they’d piss themselves.”
“Okay. You’re done now, thank you.”
Janet smiles at me, a little uncertain.
“Is everybody here Sub Rosa?”
I point to Carlos.
“Everyone except him. He’s a bartender.”
“Fuck you, Criss Angel. You try pouring two hundred drinks a night.”
“Who else?” says Janet.
“I dabble,” says Ray. “But I’m not really Sub Rosa.”
“You still helped save my life.”
“Yeah. You were a mess when I met you.”
Janet says, “Who else?”
I take a pull from my drink.
“Candy is the only other official Sub Rosa. But pretty much everyone here can do something . . . unusual.”
“What can you do?”
I think about it.
“Mostly, not die. I’m pretty good at that. Except for the one time I wasn’t.”
Janet looks around.
“This is amazing. All these people.”
“There’s actually a lot of people like us. Some not even human. But we don’t like to spread it around, so don’t go talking about this. Okay?”
Janet shakes her head. “Not a word. But can you show me one trick? Please?”
“Perhaps you should show her something,” says Vidocq.
Carlos says, “Yeah. Don’t leave her hanging. Do your shadow trick.”
“Yes. Please. Do something with shadows.”
I swirl my drink for a minute and set it down.
“Okay. I’m going to do this one thing and then we’re not going to talk about it anymore. Agreed?”
“Agreed,” says Janet.
I walk to a shadow at the far side of the room and step through it. Come out behind Janet.
“Boo.”
She jumps like she saw a rattlesnake.
“How did you do that? That was cool.”
“It’s just hoodoo. Nothing special.”
Candy calls over to us.
“What the hell, Stark? Are you showing off for your girlfriend?”
I point to Carlos and Vidocq.
“They made me do it.”
Candy scowls at them too.
“You’ve done your little trick. Stop it and eat a donut. We’re discussing important things over here.”
“Sorry.”
Their huddle breaks up a few minutes later and they come over.
Brigitte says, “If you don’t mind, I’m not really in the mood for a party. I think I’ll go home now.”
I nod to a shadow.
“Want me to take you the short way?”
She shakes her head.
“No thank you. I need some time to think. Candy will take me back.”
And that’s pretty much the end of the party. It wasn’t quite the disaster I was afraid it might be, but I keep feeling I could have done more to make things better for people. Maybe the turkey?
Everyone says their goodbyes. Hugs and kisses all around. Then everyone is gone. Except for Janet, who takes the charcuterie platter back into the kitchen.
I follow her in and lean against the counter. I’m pissed that someone is playing games with Brigitte’s life, but I’m also 99 percent sure that Abbot can make it stop, so I’m not as tense as I would have been without the meeting tomorrow. I’ve had a fe
w bourbons so I’m not feeling too bad at all. I watch as Janet piles some half-eaten food onto an empty plate. She catches me looking and smiles.
“What?” she says innocently.
I set the plate on the counter and pull her in close.
“I feel it’s my duty as the host to tell you what a pretty girl you are.”
This time when I go in to kiss her, she pulls back.
“Can we talk about something?” she says, looking serious.
“Of course. Did I do something tonight? I saw you get quiet when everyone got here.”
“Yeah. I was just a little intimidated by meeting all of your friends at once. They’re all so interesting and I just go to school and work in a donut shop.”
“But you’re a musician. And besides, even if you just worked in a donut shop, you’re as good as anyone here.”
“Thanks. I’ll be better next time.”
“You don’t have to be better. Besides, I’m supposed to be the awkward one. You’re moving in on my job.”
She flashes me a quick smile, then looks serious again.
I say, “What else is going on?”
“I’m going to say something and you might not like me anymore, but I need to say it.”
“Unless you’re a cop with a bench warrant, I’m going to like you no matter what.”
“Some people have had a problem with it, so I just wanted to get it out there.”
“Just say whatever is on your mind.”
She looks at the floor before she begins to speak.
“When you call me ‘girl’ or ‘she’ this or ‘her’ that, well, I wish you wouldn’t. I’m not a her or she or any of that.”
“I’m not quite sure what you mean.”
“Do you know what non-binary is?”
“No. What?”
“The simplest way to explain it is I think gender is dumb,” says Janet. “I don’t feel like a man or a woman or, really, even know what those things are. It all seems so made-up. Does that make sense?”
“I guess so.”
“When someone calls me ‘she’ or ‘her’ they’re just talking about some expectation of who I am because of how I look.”
“That part I understand. So, not a she or a he either.”
“Right. Gender just doesn’t mean anything to me,” Janet says. “Yeah, I was assigned female at birth, but mentally, emotionally, it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Non-binary.”
“You can also just say ‘enby.’”
Ballistic Kiss Page 5
