Just Can't Get Enough

by Hodges, Cheris

  “I want to go home,” Celina said. “I have to get out of here.”

  Darius helped Celina to her feet. “I’ll take you home,” he said.

  Rena nodded. “Take her home and we’ll take care of any paperwork and arrangements that need to be made,” she said.

  “Darius, take care of our girl,” John said as they left the room. Once they were in the hallway, Darius took note of her condition. She was an emotional wreck, with red puffy eyes and dried tear stains on her cheeks. Darius didn’t know what to say to her. He didn’t know how to comfort her because he’d never lost anyone close to him before.

  “Do you want something to eat?” he asked. Celina shook her head. They walked out of the hospital and got into the rental car. Celina snapped her seat belt in place and stared out of the window listlessly. Darius drove slowly out of the parking lot. He wondered if he should have taken her out of the hospital. Did Celina need to go home to her father’s house today? He glanced at her as he made his way to the interstate junction.

  “Celina, are you sure you want to go home?” he asked.

  “I have to,” she said. Her voice was weak. “I have to start making plans for him.”

  “Your mother can help you with that. You don’t have to do this alone,” he said.

  Celina kept her head turned toward the window, pressing her hand against the glass and falling silent.

  “I should’ve been here. Been by his side every minute. That’s why he wanted me to come home. I should’ve taken him to the hospital, not Ms. Velma,” she said. “Was this my way of paying him back for what happened twenty years ago? How could I have been so selfish?” Celina slammed her hand against the window. “That show in New York could’ve waited.”

  “Celina, you can’t beat yourself up about this. You didn’t do anything wrong. You couldn’t have known that your father was going to die tonight. What would’ve been different if you’d been here?”

  She turned and looked at him. “That’s just it, I would’ve been here. He would’ve had my arms around him. He wouldn’t have been surrounded by strangers.”

  Darius took her hand in his. “Celina, you and your father made peace with each other and that’s all that matters. He made you understand what happened those many years ago and you got a chance to forgive him.”

  “Did I?” she asked as she took her hand from underneath his. “Maybe that’s why I left. I knew my dad didn’t have a cold. No matter how well he seemed to be doing, I knew there was no cure for cancer. I knew he could’ve relapsed, but the first thing I did was hop on an airplane and go to New York for a stupid show.”

  “Celina, your father seemed as if he was doing well. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. You were here in the end and you were here when he called you,” he said.

  Celina didn’t reply. She just leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. Darius watched as tears fell from her eyes.

  For the rest of the trip, Celina slept and wept, leaving Darius feeling helpless. He wanted to do something to help Celina, but what? When he pulled into Thomas’s driveway, he half expected his old friend to come to the door. Thomas would always wave to Darius as he cut the lawn. The two men didn’t talk much, but since he and Celina had started seeing each other, he saw a glimmer of respect in her father’s eyes anytime they saw one another. Darius wanted Thomas to be around and to watch him fall in love with his daughter. He wanted Thomas to give him his blessing to marry Celina if and when he asked her.

  “Celina,” he said, as he tapped her on the shoulder. “We’re home.”

  Sitting up, she sighed as she looked at the house. Her hand was poised to open the car door, but she didn’t.

  “Are you sure you want to go inside?” he asked as he opened the door for her when he saw that she wasn’t going to.

  Slowly, she emerged from the car, obviously not wanting to enter the house. Darius walked a few inches back from her. Celina turned around. “I want to be alone right now,” she said.

  “No,” Darius said. “You don’t need to be alone. Celina, let me take care of you, okay?”

  She ran her hand across her face and turned away from Darius. “I don’t want to argue with you, but I need to be alone. Please, just go away.”

  “Celina, are you . . .”

  She turned to him and yelled, “Just go, Darius! just leave.”

  He backed down the steps. “Celina, if you need me, I’m right next door.” Darius headed to his house, keeping his eyes on Celina as she walked inside. He wanted to do something to help her through this tough time in her life, but if she didn’t want his help, there was nothing he could do. And that made his heart hurt like hell.

  CHAPTER 21

  Celina sat in her father’s favorite chair with his robe draped over her shoulders. She inhaled deeply and released a sigh. She wished she had been there with her father when he needed her most. I never should’ve done that stupid show, she thought as she hugged herself. Celina felt a breeze against her cheek. “Celina,” she heard a voice say. She furrowed her brows.

  “Who’s there?” she said as she stood up. She followed the voice that continued calling her name. The calls grew louder as she reached her childhood bedroom. It was funny because she hadn’t spent a night there since she’d been back.

  “Celina, I know you love me.”

  She looked around, but didn’t see anyone. “Daddy,” she called out. “Oh, Daddy, I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” Celina felt his presence around her, pulling her against his chest.

  “But you were. You gave me what I needed, your forgiveness. Live your life, baby, you have a right to do that.”

  Celina looked up to the sky. “I wanted you in my life.”

  “I had my chance to be in your life and I blew it. You don’t owe me anything. I let you down, not the other way around. Live your life.”

  Celina dropped to her knees. “Daddy, please, don’t leave me, not now. I need you.”

  “Celina?” She turned and looked to the door and saw a figure there that she’d expected to be Thomas, but Darius walked into the room and took her into his arms.

  “Are you all right?”

  She held on to Darius. “He was here. He said-said that I was there for him when he needed me.”

  Darius looked into Celina’s eyes. “Who was here?” He stroked her cheek gently.

  “My dad.” She leaned her head against Darius’s shoulder. Darius scooped her up into his arms.

  “I think you need some rest,” he said. “Have you eaten anything? Do you want me to fix you some soup or something ?”

  Celina shook her head. Darius carried her into the living room and laid her on the sofa. He covered her with the afghan from the back of the sofa. “Darius, you don’t have to do this,” she said.

  “I know,” he said before kissing her forehead. “Stay here and I’ll fix you a cup of soup or something.”

  Celina grabbed his arm. “I just want you to hold me. Sit here with me for a little while.” Darius eased down on the sofa beside her, pressing her head against his firm chest. He stroked her hair gently as she cried silently. Though she was sad, she felt at peace and found comfort in his arms and the fact that her father didn’t blame her for not being there. The front door of the house opened and Rena and John walked in.

  “Celina,” Rena said softly as she approached the sofa. “Are you all right?”

  She looked up at her mother and smiled through her tears. Rena walked over to her daughter and sat beside her. “When do you want to have the funeral for Thomas?” she asked.

  Celina shook her head. “I don’t want to think about that right now,” she said, burying her head in Darius’s chest.

  “I know this is unpleasant, but we have to make these arrangements and you’re his daughter. You have to do this,” Rena said.

  Celina leapt to her feet. “I don’t have to do it today.”

  Rena stood up in Celina’s face. “You’re right,” she said. “But you can’t hide away
in this house. Thomas is gone. You made your peace with him and he got a chance to tell you what happened all of those years ago. He told me that he could go peacefully because he knew you didn’t hate him.”

  “You talked to him?” Celina asked. Rena nodded. She took Celina’s hand in hers.

  “When you went to New York, Thomas called me. He told me that you two had repaired your relationship. He said you didn’t cringe every time he said my name. You laughed at old memories that the two of you shared. Then, Thomas asked for my forgiveness. I told him he didn’t have to ask for what he already had.”

  Celina stifled a sob with her hand. “That’s why we have to put him to rest,” Rena continued. “We have to put him to rest and honor that new relationship you two had.”

  Celina nodded. “I just can’t right now,” she said.

  Rena clasped her hands together. “Well, I’ll cook dinner and we can sit down and talk later.” She gave Celina a sideways glance. “Because I know you haven’t eaten today and I don’t want to hear any back talk, young lady.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Celina said, feeling like a child again.

  Darius smiled at her. “Mrs. Malcolm, why don’t I help you in the kitchen?”

  Rena waved her hands. “No, I’ll take care of it. Come on, John,” she said as she turned toward the kitchen. Celina sat down and leaned against Darius.

  “Somehow she always does that,” she said.

  “What?”

  “Makes me feel like a twelve-year-old.” Then Celina smiled for the first time since her father passed away. Darius smiled too, then the couple broke into a fit of laughter. Celina looked at Darius and kissed him gently on the lips. “Thank you for being here for me,” she said. “I don’t think I could’ve made it today without you.”

  “That’s why I’m here,” he said. “And if the shoe was on the other foot, I know you would have done the same thing for me.”

  “I love you so much,” she said, then wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

  A few hours passed, with Celina and Darius sitting in the living room silently. Rena walked into the living room and cleared her throat.

  “All right love birds, dinner is ready,” she said from the doorway. Celina and Darius followed Rena into the kitchen and sat at the table. She had cooked fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese. Rena sliced a tomato and a cucumber for Celina and the four of them sat down.

  “Let’s all pray,” John said as everyone held hands around the oak table. “Lord, we come to you today with a heavy heart and praise in our mouths. We thank you for the life of Thomas Hart. Lord, we know you have taken our brother to a better place and we pray for the strength to deal with the loss of this man. We ask you to protect and guide this family and keep us in your loving arms. Amen.”

  Celina looked up at her stepfather. She’d never heard such words of comfort. She knew that she would make it through this time because she had her family and Darius to help her. Celina was learning that she could lean on people and she didn’t have to run anymore. She smiled as she looked around the table and at the people who were there to support her. Celina reached out and grabbed Darius’s hand and offered him a silent thankyou. Rena looked at the couple, then turned to John.

  In a loud whisper, she said, “Looks like we’ll be celebrating a wedding soon.”

  “Mom, I heard that,” Celina said, embarrassment creeping up on her cheeks, turning her face a shade of pink.

  “I know you did,” Rena said. “Did you hear it too, Darius?”

  He coughed, nearly choking on his chicken leg. “Uh, yes ma’am, I heard you loud and clear,” he said as Celina patted him on his back to dislodge the meat in his throat.

  “Rena,” John said in a stern voice, “let’s eat dinner in peace. Leave these kids alone.”

  She rolled her eyes, then smiled. “All right, I’ll leave it alone, for now,” she said as she picked up the platter of fried chicken from the middle of the table. “Maybe tomorrow we can go down to Norris Funeral Home and start making plans for Thomas’s celebration, because you know your father would’ve wanted a party.” Rena laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes, which were glistening with unshed tears.

  Celina smiled. “I think you’re right,” she said quietly.

  Rena nodded. “I know your father,” she said. A knock at the door interrupted their dinner.

  Celina stood up. “I’ll get it,” she said. Celina walked over to the door and opened it. She smiled when she saw Velma standing there. The older woman hugged her tightly.

  “I’m so sorry about Thomas,” she said when the two women broke their embrace. “I wish you two would’ve been able to spend more time together.”

  Rena walked to the front door to see what was taking Celina so long to come back to the table. “Baby, what’s going on?” Rena asked. Then she looked at Velma. “Hello.”

  “Hi, I was Thomas’s nurse,” she said, extending her hand to Rena. “I was with him when he got sick.”

  Celina noticed a nervous vibe from Velma. She could’ve sworn the older woman’s hand trembled when she shook hands with Rena.

  Rena nodded, indicating that she knew who Velma was. “We were just about to have dinner. Why don’t you come in?”

  “Well, I don’t want to interrupt your family dinner. I just wanted to pay my respects,” she said. “I didn’t realize you were going to be here, Rena.”

  “Velma, that’s all water under the bridge. What happened with you and Thomas was years ago. I’ve moved on,” she replied.

  Celina looked from her mother to Velma. “What’s going on?”

  Rena raised her hand. “Ancient history. Velma, come in and join us for dinner. You and Thomas had something special.”

  Velma nodded and walked in the house. Celina shook her head in disbelief. Velma was the woman who had broken up her parents’ marriage twenty some years ago. I just can’t believe this, Celina thought as John brought an extra chair for Velma. Darius looked at the strange expression on Celina’s face.

  “You okay, babe?” he asked.

  She nodded, but gave him a “we’ll talk later” look.

  “So,” Rena said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that fell over them. “Velma, how did you and Thomas link up again?”

  Velma looked tense as she bit into her piece of chicken. “Well, Thomas needed a nurse and when I heard that he was sick, I wanted to help.” She turned to Celina. “I had no idea that you didn’t . . .”

  “I was eight years old. How would I have known?” Celina snapped.

  Rena shot her daughter a cautionary look. “Celina.”

  “I’m sorry, but is this the woman who broke up our family?” Celina said sharply as she leaped to her feet, knocking her chair over.

  Velma placed her napkin in her plate. “I’d better go. The last thing you all need is me fanning the flames of the past.”

  “No, Velma. Now, part of the reason Celina came here was to make peace with her father. Celina, Velma and your father fell in love. And maybe I pushed him into her arms, but Velma is not the reason I left your father. So, there’s no reason for you to disrespect her. Now, both of you sit down. Velma should’ve been your stepmother. Out of respect for me, she never married your father. I moved on with my life and your father and Velma never got a chance to be together,” Rena said.

  Celina shook her head from side to side. “I don’t understand.”

  Rena slammed her hand against the table. “There’s nothing for you to understand because this had nothing to do with you. Velma had a relationship with your father. That’s all you need to know. I came to grips with it years ago.”

  “Let me say something,” Velma said. “Celina, I loved Thomas and he loved me. But after you and your mother left, I was branded a home-wrecker. In a small town like this, you have to deal with the stares and whispers and I couldn’t do it, so I left town, leaving the man I loved behind. I came back a few months ago when I heard Thomas was ill. That is why I
took the job as his nurse. I never meant to scratch an old wound. I just wanted to be with the man I loved before he died.”

  Celina couldn’t harbor any ill will toward Velma. She would’ve done the same thing if it had been Darius. She understood why Velma did what she did.

  “Let’s just finish dinner,” Rena said firmly.

  The rest of the meal went by in silence. Celina stole glances at her mother and Velma. Darius stroked her leg.

  “Do you want to take a walk?” he whispered when they’d finished eating.

  Celina nodded and the two stood up and excused themselves from the table. Once Darius and Celina got outside, he looked at her.

  “That was a lot to digest, huh?” he said as he took her hand.

  Celina shook her head and rubbed her face. “This is just too much,” she said. “I mean, Velma and my father had a relationship and I hired her to be his nurse.”

  “Celina, that doesn’t have anything to do with you. If your mother is okay with it, then just let it go. Your father is gone,” Darius said. “All of that stuff happened a long time ago.”

  Celina nodded. “I know, but maybe I just didn’t need to know about their affair.”

  “Now you know. Does it change how you feel about your father?”

  Celina squeezed Darius’s arm. “Let’s not talk about that,” she said. “I knew my father was unfaithful to my mother, but I just didn’t expect to come face-to-face with it, today.”

  Darius kissed Celina on the cheek as they headed down the block. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Just remember the memories you have of your father. It doesn’t matter what happened between your parents. Your father loved you and you know that.”

  She rubbed her hand across her face. “I know. I just wish I didn’t know what I know now.”

  “There’s nothing you can do to change what happened twenty years ago. You don’t have to like it, but you have to deal with it and move on.”