Becoming God

by Pankaj Ogra

  I said, “What if I make the wedding arrangement for you, Sir? I will make sure that your daughter has the best wedding and she goes to her new life with good memories.”

  He looked at me with surprise. “Do you think it’s a joke?”

  “No, Sir. I think I can do it, considering you will give me a meeting slot.”

  “Well, I don’t know you yet, and you are asking me something big. How can I believe you for such an important thing that means a lot to me and my daughter? I am the only one for her—her brother, mother, and father at this time, and I don’t intend to fuck up things.”

  “I know, Sir. And I don’t want to ask you to believe in me now. Let me prove it to you. Give me something to do and then look at the results, but at least give me a chance to prove myself. I know it's not easy, but I am sure in the past someone must have also believed in you despite the conditions.”

  Hendrick said, “Well, it’s absurd, but looking at you and your passion towards your job makes me take a chance. I believe everything happens for a reason and I see in you the ignition to do anything, like you did to get your first meeting. Fine then, I have a task for you. I had planned my next 2 days around the arrangement of a few things. If you can speak to the vendors and make all the arrangements for us, I will give you the chance to prove yourself, but keep in mind that I believe in you. Don’t make me never believe anyone after this.”

  I said, “I am ok with it Sir, and I will show you that your belief will not be broken. Neither for me nor for anyone who may undergo the same circumstances in future.”

  Hendrick said, “Ok then, meet me here in the morning by eight, and I shall brief you about everything. It’s time for me to go back home.”

  I said, “Sure, Sir. I will wait for you here in the morning.”

  He left, I was not sure if he understood me completely and even believed me, but I had a positive feeling about it. It was a tough choice under the prevailing circumstances for anyone. He had the night to sleep on my offer, and the gain would be his, as he would get some time with his daughter. I went back, setting all my burdens aside as I had finally made the first step.

  I reached the café in the morning before time and waited for him. He was on time and discussed the entire itinerary. He left me with a lot of work to do. I thanked him for his decision and assured him the best. This was not just a task for me, as he would take it into consideration for the work my company would do for his project. I was contemplating on all these things now.

  We planned to meet the following evening at the same time in the same place. My work had started. I left that place and reached the first destination to finalize the venue. I was then involved in finalizing the food vendors and booze vendors. Clothes were not my job as they had planned it themselves. It was a Christian wedding, so there was not much to do.

  I had the details. I just had to make sure things were organized well. I had a few other jobs too, but I was able to take the time. While I worked for him, with a positive mind-set, I also coordinated with my team for the meeting that might happen soon. I wanted to make this first impression the best one.

  We met at the café at the end of the 2nd day. I gave him all the confirmations and told him he just had to pay the advance. He was impressed and asked me, “When can we meet with your team and have the presentation?”

  I said, “Why not tomorrow second half?” I had planned everything accordingly. He was impressed with my proactiveness.

  He left saying, “I know you are good at managing things. Let’s see how good you are at presenting the business. Wish you best of luck for tomorrow.”

  We had planned our presentation in such a manner that we left nothing untouched. We went to the meeting with our partner and covered all the aspects. We gave them the costing of the proposition and the timeline required to complete the project. The meeting was awesome, and they liked our values. Everyone seemed to be impressed, but then the team had to take the final decision.

  In the evening, as I awaited a reply from Hendrick, I sat in the waffles shop and ate a few. He came with a happy smile and told me that everyone liked our proposition. It was considered the best among all of the ones they had received, and hence, we were given a chance to do the POC (Proof of Concept) and then submit our final proposal in the next 10 days. I thanked him for providing such an opportunity.

  The next 10 days were more hectic than ever. We completed all the formalities and submitted our best proposal. We waited for the final decision, which was to be made within the following week. In the meanwhile, I realised that I had been out of touch with my social life and had not been able to connect with any one. So now, I took some rest and made some calls to family and friends.

  I woke up at my friend’s place in the morning, yawned, and then looked around.

  “What are you doing early in the morning, dude?”

  Viceroy said, “I am rolling.”

  “Like really?” I asked.

  He retorted, “Yes, do you see me masturbating?”

  “No, but still, so early. Did you even sprinkle water on your face?” I said groggily.

  “Dude, do you sprinkle water on your face before every joint?” Viceroy seemed offended.

  “Sorry you took it so personally,” I apologised.

  Well, what do you want?” he asked me.

  I replied, “I…umm, maybe a puff…”

  Viceroy said, “Hmm. Well, that depends.”

  “On what?”

  He said, “On how soon you can cook something for me, as I am already down with one and feeling hungry.”

  I said, “What? Wow, waking up in the morning and then cooking. Cool experience to have, do you have any other choices, Sir?”

  Viceroy said, “Don’t ask, please, as you wouldn’t be able to get that.”

  I said, “Oh, in that case, I will give you a quick mango shake to go with a salami sandwich. Would that do?”

  Viceroy said, “Yes, if you can put some extra cheese in that the sandwich.”

  I said, “Roger that. But I also need you to do something for me.”

  Viceroy said, “Anything, bro.”

  I said, “You need to clean your room.”

  Viceroy said, “Ask anything else, bro.”

  I said, “Then maybe we both can take some time to clean this room as it smells like shit. I smell much more than cannabis here.”

  Viceroy said, “How come I don’t feel anything? Maybe my nose is blocked. Yes, the room looks a little dirty, but we can go through it, bro. Well, let’s do one thing first, and that would be to have a few puffs and maybe later we can decide on what to do.”

  I said, “Ok then, what are we waiting for? Let’s light.”

  “Umm hmmm. It’s so so good to be high in the morning. Life becomes easy afterwards.”

  Viceroy said, “Just chill and relax bro. Life is not so generous always.”

  I said, “You are right. Life is so simple. It just flicks humans like a coin in seconds. So how’s your job and stuff going?”

  Viceroy said, “I left that bro. I couldn’t match my energies with the people out there. So I resigned a day ago.”

  I said, “I am sure you know what you are up to.”

  He said, “Yes, I am getting wiser day by day in choosing.”

  The next morning was a Monday. Finally, the decision was out, and we had clinched the deal. I got a call from Hendrick giving me the news. It was a really good day, as I started my Monday with great news that didn’t just mean something to my company but also gave me confidence that I could do anything. I just needed to focus and put my energies in the right direction.

  I was able to get a billion-dollar deal for the company. Though the revenue was on a sharing basis with a partner, the percentage was higher for us, and most importantly, it was just within the timeline, with a day left.

  The project was to be started after a month, so I decided to enjoy the time I had. I took a long vacation from my office and first attended the wedding of Hendr
ick’s daughter, Esse.

  Esse looked very beautiful that day and had a smile on her face. She was wearing a white gown with flowers on her head. I met Hendrick and found that he was very happy. He appreciated the work I did for him. I could see the confidence of closing the vendor’s project and the happiness of the on-going wedding of his daughter on his face. He had fun with his mates and relatives. I stayed for a while and then left. I had a month’s time during which I planned to go home and then for a quick vacation to get refreshed.

  Becoming a Child

  What is life?

  Once I asked a wise man how to be happy. He replied saying, “Just be a child.”

  At that time, I couldn’t understand what he meant. I was in the search of happiness most of my years and didn’t find any. I went from place to place and spoke to people across the nation.

  I thought if one of my problems was solved, I would be happy. Then I thought if the next two problems ended, I would be happy, and it kept going that way. I kept solving my problems, and new ones kept coming, and there was no end to it. I was always fooled by life and had to admit later that it was indeed a vicious cycle.

  Over time, I was frustrated as nothing was working; no one gave me a proper justification for what was happening. People said “Being happy is a choice,” I wondered how to accept it. People said, “Live every moment and be happy.” I wondered how to live the moment when I was facing so many problems and not at peace.

  People said, “Life will keep going. Sometimes, it will be sad and sometimes it’s happy.” I liked this approach better. I started waiting for the happy times. But again, happy times were less and problematic ones were higher in comparison. My basic problem was still not resolved.

  People said, “Good moments last only a short while, as you enjoy them and forget the time, but hard times are hard and that makes it seem longer.” I was not convinced by this approach. I wanted to be happy all the time, leaving all my problems behind.

  After a year of listening to people and going over what they said, I tried everything. I went on vacations, but the sadness would not let go of me there too. During this confusing time, someone said to me, “Be like a child. They have no worries.” I looked at that person and he smiled. I didn’t want to ask him anything further, as it seemed to me a foolish answer. Of course, children are happy, as they don’t have any worries.

  All their worries are taken care of by their parents. Once they are born, it’s a painful affair for parents to stay up at night and take care of the child. They have to change their style of living in accordance to their child. So parents are unhappy, while the child is happy. But I realised later that was not what he meant.

  One day, when I was babysitting my niece, I looked at her patiently. This idea of being like a child was going through my brain repeatedly, as my niece was smiling no matter what was going around. She was happy and I was sad and thinking how blessed she was to be happy always. But looking at her gave me a lot of pleasure and peace. She was calm and playing with herself, she didn’t need any one to make her happy. But after an hour she started crying, Uffff now she is not happy, I thought.

  When I checked her, I realised she had pooped. After a while, she got hungry. This was the only time I saw her crying. I wouldn’t say that she was sad, rather, asking for her rights. Now I understood the fact of life that the gentleman told me. I understood one thing—you don’t need anyone to make you happy in life,

  Either you are happy with yourself or you can’t be happy at all, no matter who comes in your life. It’s important that one likes one’s own company and that happiness is permanent, no one can take it away from you.

  Then I met this person again, as he used to go for evening walks in the same society I was living in. He was a mature man with a good thought process. The other day when I saw him walking from my balcony, I went down to discuss his understanding of life again. This time, I listened to him closely.

  Being a mature person, he understood the pain I was going through. He looked at me and said, “Being a child doesn’t mean you have to act and react like a child. It means you have to be natural in every sense.”

  I told him about the incident with my niece, and he asked me, “Did you look at the child closely while she was playing?”

  I said, “Yes.”

  He said, “Did you enjoy with her?”

  “Yes, a lot. I felt like playing with her. She was so pleasing with her childish ways.”

  He said, “Because what is inside is reflected outside. If you are calm inside, you will look calm outside to others and vice-versa. In a similar fashion, if the child is happy, everyone around is happy and wants to be with them, but when they are not happy, no one likes them. A child is the purest form of positive vibes. A child doesn’t know religion, caste, ego, problems, happiness, big, small, etc.

  They are just neutral and with themselves, with a smile on their faces for no specific reason. There are no thoughts of manipulations, or thoughts about the meaning of life, no religion, and no forced thoughts within. They are the most uncorrupted people living on this earth, but when they get their senses, they become one of us.”

  I said, “So you mean to say that everything we think has no meaning?”

  He said, “I would say 99% of it. Most things that create a problem for us are an extended thought of the actual problem. When we face a problem, we don’t think of solving the problem, we get to a point where we think of the impact that that problem may create, and that’s the point where all the pain comes in.

  If I have a problem, I should probably think of solving the problem, but most of the time, we are worried about its future impact. Something that has not yet happened creates a doubtful situation for us leading us to a point where there is no solution but just more problems. We get one problem, we create more problems.

  How would you expect a person with so many problems to be happy? On the contrary, when we are happy, we don’t think much, we just anticipate the moment.”

  I said, “What is the problem?”

  He said, “Well, the answer is different for every individual because my problem is not your problem, and specifically, my problem can’t be understood by you as that’s not your problem.

  We can only empathize with the problems of others. We can’t feel them and can only relate to them. Some of the problems are similar to groups. Even then, we can only relate to it, but it doesn’t mean the answer to that problem is same for others.

  I would like to cite an example of my schooldays, when I had to go for a parents-teachers meeting. I still remember the day. My problem was similar to that of many backbenchers as we all had poor marks in one subject or the other. How our parents would react was more problematic than how our teacher would.

  But even during those problems, I used to wait for the next problem, which I already knew—getting secluded from friends and being with my books for a couple of days until my parents’ anger subsided.

  Somehow, I had figured out the solution to that problem, and hence, I never used to get frustrated thinking about what would be next as I already knew.

  But when the problem is new and we can’t see the next phase to it, we get worried, and worry has no end, it’s on-going.”

  I asked, “So how to deal with problems?”

  He said, “Don’t deal with it, just leave it there, and start working on productive things for a while.”

  I said, “What do you mean by not dealing with it?”

  He said, “Have you realised that all your problems always have an end?”

  I said, “Yes.”

  He said, “So what difference does it make if you think about it a lot?”

  I said, “So you mean to say I should just leave the problem and shouldn’t look back.”

  He said, “Well, not exactly. I don’t mean to leave it completely. Just leave it for a while and then start working on it and solving it without thinking about what will come next. Take a stepwise approach to deal with each of yo
ur problems with time. Gradually, you will be able to deal with any new problems and that’s practice.

  Problems are a part of life that will always be there, whether you want it or not till the end of your life. Problems are important as they always teach you new things in life. The more problems you face in life, the more you learn from life. It’s not something you should be afraid of. Rather, take this as a challenge to learn in life and achieve different milestones of life. First comes the problem, the next is learning, and the third is improvisation. It a practice of living a life, and with time, you get more efficient.

  We humans learn and make a difference by overcoming problems. Now, having no problem is also a challenge. That means your life is not moving ahead. Having many problems in your life means you are growing fast as an individual and person.

  Examine a situation where there is no problem. It’s like driving a car on the road and there is no traffic, no light, and no speed breakers. You might get bored after some time. You know most of your problems are due to the other people that you come across in daily life. Now you can’t take everyone out of this world, and even if you are successful, you can’t live a life without people.

  So every problem is an opportunity first and then, it becomes a problem. A problem is not a problem, but looking at it with a negative perspective is a problem, just a change in the perception will solve everything. So looking at the problem in a positive way is the only solution to problem.”

  This time, I was able to relate more to what he said. Most of my problems resolved with time and only left me with experience that I used in my next expedition. As I understood problems, I also understood how to be happy.

  He said in the end, “Think. If God has sent you here for a reason, when you get back to him, he may say, ‘I sent you to earth to enjoy and learn, as nothing on earth actually existed, but you wasted your time with disappointments and being sad. I never planned that for you. I just wanted you to be happy always.’”

  Life Needs Fun