Becoming God

by Pankaj Ogra

  All this emotional turmoil took its toll on me. All my motivation went away. I also got time to think about every incident, and I figured out that it was not the circumstances that broke us up; it was we who kept our egos high and didn’t have enough patience to survive the sinking boat of love.

  We kept blaming each other instead of trying to understand the pain on both sides. We had issues understanding each other, but the most harmful ones were due to the influence of other people. I became powerless and hopeless. Then, I reunited myself and looked at that poster again. I read each word of it and said to myself, This is not what I want or designed for myself. That moment, I created a new future for myself.

  I created a future where she would be with me, and we would have more love and understanding than anyone would ever have. We would be united and this time, powerfully connected. I recalled my powers to make this happen with all the positivity I had. I started to turn my focus to other important issues in my life.

  Finding Guidance

  I learnt from life that having control over what you say makes your life easy. All we say when we are angry just messes up things, and we just become a subject in that situation. Now I had achieved one milestone. I had found my first person or rather, a piece of mine soul. I already felt happy and powerful, but it was not the end. I had to find the other five people too. The search was on-going, and I hadn’t tasted any success.

  Maybe I was lucky the first time. Maybe it was beginners’ luck after all. I had no other option but to find the others. I did a lot of research on the similarity between Zhumir and myself. I thought that perhaps I ought to adapt that approach to move forward.

  We had many discussions and found that our dreams were the only unique thing that was similar between us. However, would it be the case with others too? Did I have to make my dream public to find the others?

  It was a tough job. I also worked on several other details like date of birth, place of birth, time of birth, etc. I kept trying the best permutations and combinations to figure out the way to find the others, but nothing seemed logical.

  As nothing was working out, I planned to forget these thoughts for a while, as sometimes the things we chase go away from us. I planned a solo trip to a nearby town, which was also a holy town. My plan was to be part of the local festival celebrations and to have a good time with strangers from the town. The festival was Holi, the festival of colours. It makes you feel like the world is full of colours.

  People throw coloured powder on everyone around and bhang and other drinks are served to celebrate it. I was a little high after having bhang, and I thought I would explore the town. It was full of trees and greenery. It was late at night, and the sky was full of stars. As I was alone, thought of lying on the grass under a tall tree and looking at the sky.

  I didn’t know when I fell asleep. Someone called my name. I heard voices in my dream. Then, something struck my forehead, and I woke up in surprise. I looked around and found no one there.

  Well, I tried but couldn’t see anyone at a distance. I called out, “Who is there?”

  No one answered.

  I thought maybe some ghosts were hopping around or some mystical creature was trying to disturb me. I resumed my sleep. A couple of minutes later, I heard the voice calling my name again.

  This time I stood on my feet and tried to figure out who it was. I looked around the tree and couldn’t find anything. I called out again, “Who is there? Please show me yourself.” I stood to go forward and then something jumped from the tree. I looked at it clearly, and it was just a bonobo.

  He called me again, “Hello Parnog, how are you?”

  I said, “I am good, but how are you talking, and how do you know my name?”

  “I can talk and have been waiting for you here for a while.”

  “Why are you waiting for me?”

  “Well. I am sure you have met the creators of this world by now.”

  “Yes, I did, but how do you know about them?”

  “Ha ha. I know everything. Maybe I was not introduced to you so far, so let me do the honour of introducing myself.”

  “I am Dude.”

  “What kind of name is that?”

  “Ha ha. I know, but this is not my original name. I was called Chazir in the core, and here I have many names. I have been called John, Peter, Nasar, Ama, and many more. These days, I am Dude.”

  “Well, a pleasure to meet you, Dude. But why are you waiting for me here?”

  “I know, Parnog, you are in this world for a reason. You are not the only one who came from the core to make things right. There were others too who came and went away. It’s not as easy as it seems. I am the first person who came on this planet to look at things. I have lived and seen everything this planet has been through. I have seen peace, and I have seen wars too. I saw humankind growing, and I saw people killing each other for selfish reasons. I have been a silent listener here from a while. I have seen generations growing and going. I am the reason they know everything on this world. I am the reason you are here today. I am the one who conveyed the intrusion of people from other galaxies on earth. I wanted to help you with this mission. Please accept me as one of you.”

  “How are you still alive? Everyone that comes to this planet has a time to serve.”

  “Yes, you are right, but I was meant to be immortal. I have a death wish. I can die whenever I want.”

  “What were you doing on the tree?”

  “Looking at you for a while. I wanted to see you properly to know if you are the one. I was told of a prophecy that on this day, under this tree, I would meet a person who would need my assistance for the purpose of his life. So I am here.”

  “But how can I believe you are with us and not with others. You could be with our enemy. I am not sure about you yet.”

  “Yes, you are right, but you need to understand no one knows your existence yet. If they knew it, they might have already destroyed you. This mission is kept secret.”

  “From today onward, I am with you, and with time, you will develop a strong belief in me. I don’t want to rush things, but we should go home.”

  “Whose home?”

  “Your home, Parnog, you forgot I am with you now. I won’t disturb you, but I will find a place near yours.”

  “How will we leave? It’s quite early in the morning.”

  “Well, don’t worry about that. Just meet me here in an hour. I will arrange the transport.”

  Well, as decided, I checked out of my hotel and returned to the same place. I saw a car parked there.

  He said to me, “Sit inside.”

  I asked, “Who will drive the car?”

  He said, “The one who drove till here and that’s me. I have been driving since these machines got invented. Nothing new for me. I have won many dirt races, so just fasten your seatbelt and sit tight.”

  He pressed the accelerator, and we sped from there.

  He said, “The thing you will see now will amaze you, but that’s the reality of living in this world.”

  In a moment, he changed into a dashing young boy with long hair and classy clothes.

  “Wow, how did you do that?”

  “Well, that’s the world we are living in. It’s all a myth, and I have gained a lot of knowledge while living on this planet. One of them is changing my face and attire with time. Nothing big for me. It’s just a magic trick that helped me live on this planet without being recognised. I have lived the life of many people like this. I can be anything or anyone.”

  We drove to the city and reached my house. While driving back, he told me something that shocked me.

  He said he came to earth for a purpose. He was responsible for taking care of everything that happened in this world. He had to supervise how things went on, and he didn’t have to be a part of this delusional world.

  However, with time, he also changed. The temptation of this world made him greedy, and he turned himself into a handsome, rich boy. With time, he had both mo
ney and girls. He had all he could dream of. As he was not doing his job and was completely unfocused, he lost control over what was happening on earth. In that span of time, people from the other galaxy made their presence and created negativity. He said he did not know that the world was changing into until one day when he faced something.

  He said he was travelling with his girlfriend, whom he loved a lot. Someone pounced on them from behind to rob them. He did not plan to give them anything, but they shot them. He didn’t die, but she died. That day, he got his senses back, and he realised what was happening in this world. The world was corrupted by the powerful, and the powerless suffered. He saw that agony, ego, hatred, and all negative elements had taken over humankind, and they were just increasing in number like an infection.

  He tried to control the infection, but it was too late. Living with his love made him blind, and he couldn’t see what was in front of him.

  He informed the core about this incident, and they made him stay and oversee everything until it was over.

  He said he was paying for his actions, as he didn’t want to stay on earth anymore but had to. He said that was not the only mistake he made. He also misguided the people who were sent from the core so that they didn’t do their job properly as he was angry at being kept on earth. But over time, he understood that his work was the only thing that would matter in the end. Therefore, he truly wanted to help me, as that was the only way he could go back to Vardhan.Dude concluded, “Life has been a mystery, Parnog. It’s been a while that I have been in this world now.

  I saw the evolution, and I kept telling the higher power what was required and how we can improve everyone’s wellbeing. Over time, as everything was going on well, I got into my comfort zone and stopped doing my job. We realised that negativity was taking over positivity and the world was changing, but I took it casually, thinking it would take a lot of time for them to make any such changes over here, as we were also controlling the balance from the core.

  Over a year, we figured that it had gone beyond the limit and had to be balanced. As I was here the whole time and everything had happened in my presence, they didn’t let me do anything. I became egoistic. People were sent to earth to correct this; you are not the first one. I was responsible for assisting them and guiding them to create a change, but I didn’t realise that I was also a victim of negativity, and so, I never helped my colleagues in full potential.”

  I said, “Thank you for opening up to me, and I really appreciate your help. It is not possible to win this war without your learning and help.”

  He then asked me what progress I had made until now. I told him the whole story of what they told me and how I was trying to find the other five, as I had found one of them.

  Sugra

  Dude said, “I would like to tell you that I saw a guy a year ago, who looked exactly like you. The day I saw you, I thought maybe you were him, but then I observed you and realised you were different. If you are not him, you must meet him as you are exactly like him. I felt something while I got in touch with him, but then I was in a different state of mind and couldn’t figure out anything.”

  “Do you know everything?” I asked him.

  “Yes, I do, but I am not supposed to say anything as that should come with time. I know you have a question. You may think I know where the five are, but I am sorry to say I don’t.”

  “What? You don’t?”

  “Yes, they made it a secret this time so that I don’t influence their experiences. However, I know there are people. I don’t know how many or where. I kept travelling from city to city and country to country. I changed groups, and I changed places. I learnt the art of magic and to change my face and body language. One day, I saw one boy moving out of a club as I was walking through a street. Some kind of aggression in his eye grabbed my attention. I followed him for a while and saw that…Well, I don’t want to express any judgements about it.”

  “Where is he, how does he look?”

  “Ha ha, he looks exactly like you in every sense; and his name is Sugra.”

  It was raining outside, early in the morning. I heard the sound of the water droplets, and that woke me up. It felt pleasant, as it is not every day the sound of nature wakes you up. Usually, my alarm does that job.

  Well, there could be nothing better than to see the day dawning with rain. The sound of the droplets filled me with enthusiasm and positivity. I liked to be around nature. It’s just that the world was not letting me do what I wanted. If I had the power, I would be living in a hut in the mountains.

  The idea of getting ready for work ruined the whole mood. I wondered about taking the day off. I told myself I am the master of my own will; no one can force me to do something that I don’t want to. Let me not do something that will not be productive for either my company or me.

  But I needed to plan it. What should I say to Human Resource (HR) of my company? It’s raining, and I don’t feel like coming to office? Would she be able to understand that? Even if she does, would my manager be able to digest that? This time, I was out of ideas. I had already used most of them.

  Let me tell her that my friend was diagnosed with food poisoning and I had to take him to the hospital or that I was not feeling well and needed to take rest. What about, my parents are in town, and I need to spend some time with them, but that couldn’t be something unplanned. I had to think of some good ideas. Let’s make it simple and say I’m ill.

  I texted the HR.

  Hey, how are you doing? Just wanted to update that I am not feeling well, have been in the restroom for hours now. Will try to join back tomorrow.

  In a while, she texted back.

  Hope you are doing fine. let us know if you need anything. Take rest. will put you on medical leave.

  Hurrah. Time to enjoy!

  I was standing on my balcony enjoying the weather. I went inside the room to make myself some tea. It was raining heavily. I had a few sips of tea and felt good. My body was light, and my brain was excited. I was completely relaxed, and my mind missed the sound of music. I went inside again to turn on the music.

  “Oh, thinking about our younger years,

  There was only you and me,

  We were young and wild and free.

  Now nothing can take you away from me…

  Baby, you are all that I want when you’re lying here in my arms

  We’re in heaven.”

  It reminded me of the time I had with the special person in my life. Wow, even the track list was matching today. It’s impossible to not miss your love in such good weather. Suddenly, I started thinking about her. The days we had…the time we spent…why were we not together?

  What went wrong that made us drift apart? We loved each other. I used to feel peace of mind when she was on my side. It was a different thing that we used to have many fights on trivial issues. However, today, I missed her, her eyes, the comfort of having her in my arms.

  I figured I had a half-rolled joint left out in the ashtray from yesterday. I burned it and had a few puffs.

  This thought of her not being around was painful. I couldn’t see anyone comforting me the same way and me accepting anyone again. I wanted to distract myself and just enjoy this day and moment. So I went to my bed again.

  I tried to picture myself around nature. Though I was surrounded by high-rise buildings, my brain was only looking at mountains. Somehow, the greenery makes my creativity and my imagination go wild. I tried to fly in the open sky like a bird and then landed on the peak of mountains. I was walking on the green grass and eating the fresh fruits from the trees.

  All the birds surrounded me, welcoming me on my visit there.

  I asked them, “Why have you all gone from the town? I miss your voice in the morning I used to hear in the childhood. I miss you guys; I wish I can open my eyes listening to your sweet voice.”

  I walked a little and saw the snow around. I felt excited. The white colour was very bright. It felt like it was a fresh fall, so I w
alked towards it. I reached the snow mountain and started to make big balls and throwing them in random directions. I skated a little and rolled over the snow from a height. Then I made a snowman, and I put in my shirt on it. I saw someone approaching me and looked back. I tried to figure what it was as it was too bright and saw a snow lion in front of me. Fuck I am trapped.

  He came near me and said hello. I felt nice. They say they only eat you, but he greets too.

  I said hello back. I looked at him with surprise and said, “You are not eating me.”

  “No, I am not I am not hungry today. And for your information, I don’t eat everyone. I also need some friends who can understand me.”

  “Really, so mean you are here to be a friend?”

  “Yes, of course. I saw you from a distance playing alone and thought you are alone here and me too, why not play with each other.”

  “Well, the idea is great, but what would you like to play. Do you know any game? I don’t know what lions play?”

  “Yes, I do know. I have a very favourite game that I have never played before.”

  “What would that be?”

  “I know that everyone says that lions eat humans, but I wanted to say they also play with humans. As no one is ready to play with us makes us angry, so we have to eat them at last.”

  Well, that was a scary thought for me.

  “Are you trying to scare me?”

  “No, I am not. What I mean to say is that I also like to enjoy.” He smiled at me.

  “Ok, then we can play, but you need to suggest as I know human games which will require humans.”

  “Fine, let me tell you the game. I will roll you over the snow and catch you before you reach down. Then I will roll over, and you will catch me. I hope you understood.”

  “I think I did. Let’s start who will be rolled over first.”

  “Let me roll over first, and you chase me.”

  “Good, that’s simple.” He went to the top of the small mountain, and I accompanied him. Now we were at the start line.

  He said, “Let’s start with 3.”