Until Next Time

by Dell, Justine

  Mother of chocolate. She’d kept Mr. Williams hooked up too long. Hands shaking, Piper snapped the machine off and then went to clamp a tool around the embalming hose. The cool metal slipped through her gloves, crashing to the floor.

  In a blink, Gavin was at her side, his hand resting on her elbow. “Are you okay, Piper?”

  She stripped her gloves and apron, tossing it straight to the floor instead of the wash bin. “Yes.” Her eyes darted to Mr. Williams. What had she been thinking? Was she so distracted that she hadn’t realized what an obvious mistake she’d made? She could do this in her sleep, in the dark, or blindfolded. Sweet peas, she was an utter mess.

  Gavin stepped in front of her, his hands stroking up her arms, settling on her shoulders. Normally that would have made her uncomfortable, but at that moment, she didn’t care.

  “Piper.” His voice was low, somewhat calming. “I’m worried about you.”

  A strangled laugh escaped her as she pushed past him, shuffling with stuff on the counter on the other end of the room. “Why would anyone be worried about me?”

  “Because of that week at the conference.”

  Her hand clenched around a clipboard before she hung it back up on the wall, but she said nothing.

  “You can try to hide it,” he said quietly, his steps echoing in the room as he strode over to her. “But we all know it had to do with Quinn. After he left, you weren’t quite yourself.”

  “You don’t even know me, Gavin.”

  “No.” His hand touched the small of her back. “But I want to. I told you that since the first day I saw you.”

  Her body went rigid. Steeling herself, she breathed out heavily, allowing the tension to slither right out of her body. She wouldn’t let him see her like this. She wouldn’t let anyone see her like this.

  “Other people at the conference mentioned it,” he added, his breath washing over the back of her neck. She suddenly wished her hair was down. “Mitch especially.”

  “When did you and Mitch have a heart-to-heart about me?”

  “The day after Quinn left. I’d talked with him briefly after a break-out session I held. I’d seen you with Mitch that first day in the lobby when you checked in. It was pretty obvious you two had a history. You didn’t strike me as the genuine hugging type, but when I saw you and him, I knew there was something there.”

  Her jaw tightened. “You were watching me?”

  “Not on purpose.” His hand moved, curling around her waist. Piper did her best to keep herself calm, her head clear.

  “I had checked in and was heading toward the elevators when I saw you come through the door with Quinn. When you breezed through the lobby, you looked different than the first time I’d seen you. And you looked far different than when you and I found that box in your basement. You were, quite simply, glowing. I won’t lie, I like watching you. I think I made it clear that I’ve liked you from the beginning.”

  She pinched the bridge of her nose, wishing this wasn’t happening right now. Wishing this wasn’t happening ever.

  “And when I saw you embrace Mitch, grinning like a schoolgirl, I knew.” His fingers gripped her waist before he shifted, taking both hands around her hips and twisting her around. Now they were face to face. His steel eyes glimmered with concern, his rueful smile sweet and completely unnecessary.

  “Anyway,” his voice went low, his eyes darkening, “I asked Mitch after that break-out session how you were doing.” His inched closer, pinning her to the unforgiving metal countertop. “The look on his face told me everything. Tell me, Piper, how did it work out? Allowing yourself to be with someone who isn’t like us?”

  She should’ve pushed him back. She should’ve shoved him halfway across the room. But she didn’t. Because she knew what he was getting at. And he would be completely right.

  During her time at the conference, Piper had learned that other people in her field weren’t necessarily like her. They cared, they loved, they lived. That knowledge had been shocking and devastating. But even though they’d talked of their families and their livelihood, Piper could have sworn she’d seen a flicker of concern behind their gazes. She knew, deep down, they worried about losing them tragically. They worried about things they didn’t actually speak about. They had allowed themselves a weakness. They had allowed themselves to be selfish. And they paid for it with happiness and worry.

  Which was why from Day One, Piper had seen Gavin differently. Unlike other people, he truly was like her. He truly didn’t want to love, to care, or to feel. He only wanted this…

  A touch, kind words, and sex. A casual relationship. What she always should’ve had with Quinn. What Gavin had offered her from the beginning. To protect her from a mistake she had ignored.

  “Well, Piper?”

  “It didn’t work.” Her voice was cold, flat. “You were right.”

  He frowned, his gaze going soft. “I’m sorry.”

  They were still chest to chest. Gavin’s hands were still latched around her waist. And suddenly she wondered if she could ease the pain of losing Quinn with something she should have started with in the beginning? Something with Gavin? It was a terrible thought to have, she knew. But Gavin had come first, she wouldn’t be feeling this bottomless pain in her chest. She wouldn’t have allowed herself to be stupid, even for a moment. She should have started with something—someone—she knew was truly like her.

  “I know what it feels like to care and then lose,” Gavin commented, his head tipping slightly towards hers. “I wouldn’t have done that to you.”

  Piper couldn’t help the catch in her breath as Gavin’s lips came dangerously close to hers.

  “We can’t afford it, can we, Piper?” he whispered, the mint tang of his breath washing over her face. “Let me help you be…you. Let me help you be what you need to be to survive in this world. That’s all I want, all I ask.”

  And with that, his lips landed on hers. Softly, carefully, the same way Quinn had kissed her that first time. But this wasn’t Quinn. As Gavin’s mouth cruised over hers, seeking, searching for a response, Piper realized that there was no spark. There was no warmth that made her want to respond. Her body felt as dead as it had a few moments before, her brain still foggy with emotions she couldn’t understand.

  It didn’t even feel like it used to feel with other men before Quinn. At least then she’d allowed herself to feel something in a kiss. A tingle, a joy that her body was getting ready to find a release. But there was no joy to Gavin’s kiss. It wasn’t for lack of trying on his part. He massaged her back, her sides, tickling his fingers over her rib cage. His lips slanted over hers, his tongue dipping into her mouth, sweeping and trying to capture a feeling that wasn’t there.

  There was nothing there. Absolutely nothing.

  Was it because she had a broken heart? Or because deep down she knew that Quinn was the only one who could make her feel? The only person who would ever elicit any response from her? The man she wanted…needed. Ached for. The man whose words were coming back to haunt her: Feel with me. No one else will ever feel like you do in my arms. No one, Piper. Tell me the same isn’t true for you.

  She suddenly realized that she would never feel anything with anyone other than Quinn. It wasn’t for lack of trying; it was for lack of him. Of Quinn.

  While that thought was terrifying, she had to embrace it—and his love—without demands or a need of anything more. He had woven himself into her heart, into her soul, and no one would feel the same in her arms. She had to feel or suffer for the rest of her life. She would be taking a chance, walking out into waters she’d long ago thought were dried up. But they were there, waiting for the right man, the right love…and waiting for Piper to see what she’d been missing.

  With that thought, reality came crashing back. Her hand splayed across Gavin’s chest, gently pushing him back. “I can’t do this.”

  When she had enough room, Piper skittered to the side, putting several feet between them. She didn’t dare look at
him. She knew what she would see. She would see passion flaring in his eyes, and she didn’t want him to see the hollowness in hers. She belonged to someone else. She hadn’t been able to see it until that very moment. And she had no idea what to do with that realization. After long silent moments, she allowed her gaze to flick up.

  Gavin regarded her carefully, swiping his hand over his bottom lip. “I’ve lost you, haven’t I?”

  “You never had me, Gavin.”

  A sad smile touched his lips. “I thought I’d still have a chance, though.”

  She shook her head, stepping back again. “I’m sorry.”

  “You let him in, didn’t you?”

  “I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.”

  At that, he chuckled. “That’s too bad—for me, that is. He’s a lucky man, Piper.”

  “He was.” She twisted her hands together, trying to wring out the emotions flooding her. “I-I let him go.”

  “I know.” Gavin’s dark gaze darted to her hands and back to her face. His expression became wistful. “I never thought I would say this, but you should fix it, then. No matter how we feel about our profession or what we think we should do in our personal lives, everyone has the right to be happy. The same goes for you.” He swung about and made his way to the door. “Goodbye, Piper. And good luck.”

  Piper’s breath rushed out as the swinging door swished silently closed behind him. He was right. Piper had to face her demons head-on, or run from them the rest of her life. She was tired of running, tired of not being happy, tired of not being the girl she had been when she was younger. It was time for her to live life.

  With renewed hope, she rushed up the stairs, running smack into Margo at the top.

  “Whoa, Piper.” Margo’s hand shot out to help her balance. “Is there a fire?”

  Piper smoothed a hand over her shirt. “Oh, heavens, no. It’s…nothing, really. I had something I wanted to do upstairs.”

  “Can it wait a minute? Someone’s here to see you.”

  Piper’s heart kicked up a notch, hoping it was Quinn. On cue, Margo stepped to the side, revealing Jessica standing next to her wheelchair-bound son in the foyer, grins splitting both their faces.

  “Piper!” Jessica face was beaming, and her son was bouncing to and fro in his wheelchair, his leg wrapped from foot to hip in a bright red cast.

  Before Piper could blink, Jessica had her wrapped in a hug. “It’s so good to see you!”

  Piper did her best to put on her happy face as she drew away. “Yes, Jessica. How are things? Lenny looks good.”

  “All thanks to you.” Another hug, this one tighter, warmer. A slice of regret speared through Piper. “Your help has been tremendous.”

  She swiped at her eyes. “No. No, I was doing what I could.”

  Jessica leveled a stare at her, still grinning. “It was more than that, Piper.”

  That much was true. Piper had cared long before she realized it. Long before she admitted it. Long before Quinn had even seen it. And was she really tired of hiding it? Running from it?

  She pressed her hand to her head. Yes. More than she could even explain.

  “Did I catch you at a bad time?” Jessica asked, disrupting her thoughts. “Piper?”

  “Oh, sorry. My mind has been running a bit in circles lately.”

  “She and Quinn broke up,” Margo said, a hint of sadness to her normally upbeat tone.

  “Oh.” Jessica hand flew to her lips. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you two had gotten serious.”

  Piper tried her best to smile. “It’s okay, you haven’t been around. You’ve been taking care of this little guy.” She ruffled Lenny’s hair, enjoying the giggle that bubbled out of him.

  “And Gavin just left,” Margo added. “You haven’t met him, Jessica, but he has the hots for our girl, here.” She bumped Piper’s hip with her own.

  Piper rolled her eyes. “Not anymore. I had to set him straight.”

  “Is that why he left looking like a wounded puppy?”

  “I imagine. His kiss wasn’t as well received as he hoped.”

  Both girls gasped in unison.

  “Don’t worry, I’m fine. He actually helped me put things into perspective.”

  Margo clucked her tongue. “Did he? And how was that?”

  “It’s complicated,” Piper answered weakly. She had some stuff to do before she could pour her heart out to Quinn. Important stuff. “But I’ll be fine, I promise you.”

  Jessica smiled easily. “With you, Piper, I don’t doubt that a bit. We’ll get out of here and let you do what you need to do.”

  “Oh no, you don’t have to leave—”

  “It’s okay.” Jessica skated around to the back of Lenny’s wheelchair. “We were out for some fresh air anyway. That van you arranged for us is a lifesaver.”

  “It was nothing.”

  “If you say so. Ready to go, Lenny?” Jessica popped a little wheelie, and Lenny squealed in delight.

  “Again! Again!” he said.

  Jessica laughed, obviously happy despite the misfortune that could have been much worse. She was strong, even in her young age. Piper wished she had been that strong from the beginning.

  “I think we’ll head to the park and stop by to see you another time,” Jessica said.

  “Give me a hug before you leave,” Piper demanded playfully.

  Jessica’s brow rose in confusion. Piper wasn’t one to outwardly display affection and actually mean it, and she knew both her employees knew that. But it was time to turn over a new leaf and toss the tattered one away.

  After a quick hug and goodbyes, Piper left Margo to take care of the funeral home while she went up to her apartment to take care of her much needed business.

  She crossed the threshold and made a beeline for her closet. She jerked open the door and stared down at the box that bore her name. The box of her things her father had kept. Steeling herself, she dragged it out and sat it on the coffee table. With a deep breath and prayer, she popped open the lid, ready to dive into the memories of her past. Ready to remember why her parents had loved her so. Ready to remember why she had loved them as much. It was time to tackle her emotions, her fears, her memories. Time to remember what it was like to be part of a family, and to remember the times when she hadn’t let fear run her life.

  It was time to live.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Quinn ambled through his grandpa’s house, picking up boxes and getting them ready for storage. He didn’t know why Grandpa had decided to finally store some of his old knick-knacks, but the task was helping him keep his mind off of Piper.

  “Is this the last room?” KC asked from the doorway to the library.

  Quinn huffed as he hauled a box into his arms. “Yeah.” He glanced around the room, admiring his grandpa’s meticulously clean and organized shelves. Shelves that still looked full. Quinn noticed that all of his grandmother’s stuff was still perched lovingly around the room. “Even though we’ve been packing and storing all day, it still looks full, doesn’t it?”

  KC strode into the room, hefting a box on his shoulder. “Yeah, I think he wanted to be able to see Grandma’s stuff better. Couldn’t do that with all that other stuff cluttering it up.”

  A frown tugged at his lips. “Yeah. He must miss her like crazy.”

  “Imagine living with the same woman for over half a century and then waking up alone.”

  Quinn hadn’t lived with Maddie at all and the pain of her death still sliced through him now and again. He’d wanted to give her the world wrapped in a pretty bow. He’d wanted her to be happy. Had he given her what she’d needed before she was taken from the world?

  “Quinn.”

  Quinn’s eyes snapped to his brother’s.

  “Man, you were totally in la-la land there for a minute.”

  “Sorry, I was thinking about Maddie.”

  KC expression went serious. “Oh. You still miss her, don’t you?”

  It had been
such a long time since she passed. Yes, he missed her. He thought about her and what her life would be like had she survived. He thought about what would put a smile on her young face. He’d loved her. And in his own special way, he still loved her. While Maddie held a special place in his heart, Piper held another.

  “Yes,” Quinn finally answered. “I’ve been thinking about her a lot more recently since…Piper, you know.”

  “Ah.” KC maneuvered to the door. “Still can’t see yourself marrying again, huh?”

  Quinn shook his head, his throat suddenly constricted. He’d wanted to make Maddie happy in life. And now he wanted to same for Piper. But he couldn’t give her what she wanted. What she needed.

  While Piper held a big part of his heart, his life, Maddie had gotten there first, had needed that commitment to die with a smile on her face. Quinn had promised her to think of her always, to never let anyone take her place. And he had to keep that promise. If only for Maddie. Quinn’s own happiness didn’t matter at this point. And since he knew Piper couldn’t have his love any other way, this was the only way.

  Quinn finally said, “Let’s get the last of these boxes out of here so I can go home and wash up.”

  KC shot him a wry glance. “You mean brood, don’t you?”

  Quinn bumped his shoulder on the way to the door. “Shut up.”

  “I wish Del were here, then I wouldn’t have to put up with you alone. I haven’t seen you like this in…well, ever.”

  “Del wouldn’t be any help. He’d only get on my nerves.”

  “He’ll be back next week. I’ll be sure to tell him how much his older brother loves him.”

  Quinn stopped short. “Back? What for? He got the promotion and he should be on the base for several more months before he gets a leave.”

  KC chuckled. “Really, Quinn? I guess you’re forgetting at how good Del is at getting what he wants.”

  “The Air Force doesn’t work like that,” Quinn grunted, finally making his way out of the library and down the hall. KC followed closely on his heels.