by M.A. Stacie
She stiffened. "I'm not here to open any wounds. I'm here because my father needs me. Not a single person knows what happened between Caleb and me, so you have no right to judge."
"Whoa! I'm not judgin', sweetheart. I'm bein' a friend to Caleb and askin' for you to be gentle. I care about you both, and I'd hate for this to be awkward."
Moving around him, Sydney stalked to her car. His comments had ruffled her feathers because Pax knew she wouldn't hurt Caleb intentionally.
But that's exactly what you did.
Ignoring the voice in her head, she climbed into her car and started the engine. Pax stared at her, watching her as she pulled away.
She knew exactly what he thought. Sydney Jamieson would always run away, rather than deal with the truth.
Chapter 3
"Dad, you still should have called me."
Jack Jamieson huffed, dismissing her concern. "Don't need you gettin' all heated about this. Those damn boys should never have bothered you. The house will be back to normal soon."
Frustration rose, Sydney had been having this conversation for the last hour. Her father appeared not to care he now lived in a neighbor's cottage with very few possessions to his name. In fact, he looked rather comfortable on the threadbare couch with Pax's dog on his lap. The German Shepherd eyed her, ready to pounce if she raised her voice. That her father didn't appear upset over the fire annoyed her. "I'm not leaving, Dad. I can work from here."
"Silly girl. You can't just stop livin' your life to help me. I have two strappin' boys more than willing to help. And I ain't in no grave yet."
Exhaling, Sydney fought to remain calm. "Those boys have a ranch to run. You really can't go expecting them to rebuild your house, along with caring for our horses."
"I'll be lookin' after my own damn horses," Jack snapped. "Don't need you bein' my mama, Sydney."
Rolling her eyes, she stood. She'd hit a brick wall with him, and the only way forward now would be to start to rebuild everything he'd lost. Her father might buckle eventually and she would make sure she wasn't living in a different state when he did. She'd just stay right here.
"Since I can't get you to see sense, you stubborn mule, I'm goin' up to the house. I'll be unpackin'."
"Sydney."
He'd used the very same tone on her when she was younger. On those occasions he hadn't needed to shout or raise his voice at all. His dissatisfaction instantly came through. Nevertheless, at this moment in time she honestly didn't care. He needed her, whether he could admit it or not.
Turning, she started for the door when his low voice rumbled in the silence. "Good to have you home, Ne-Ne, though you've lost too much weight. Maybe those boys can fatten you up."
"Maybe." The best response she could offer before she stepped out into the sunshine, closing the door behind her.
Momentarily blinded by the light, she stumbled down the steps. A low snigger had her body on alert. It reminded her of their first interaction—the one under the bleachers.
"Hey, Caleb," she whispered, blinking him into focus.
"Hey yourself, Sydney Jamieson." His drawl hadn't changed. It still caused ripples of arousal to fan across her body, and when she finally got a good look at him she could still see the man she'd left behind. A little older and far more defined, his biceps bulged, his tight T-shirt teasing her with signs of a washboard stomach.
Why had she called the engagement off again?
"How are you keeping?"
He chuckled again, moving closer. His gaze raked over her with slow, seductive precision, as if he was recalling every inch of her body, and how she had looked naked. Sydney shivered.
"After five years, you ask how I am? Seriously?"
Stammering for something to say, she studied his face. She couldn't see any trace of anger, or hate for that matter. In fact, Caleb's smile remained, as he rubbed his closely clipped hair with his palm. The intense green eyes she'd known so well lowered sheepishly, causing a small smile to tease her lips.
"I guess it is rather dumb. I mean it, though. You okay?"
"Better for seein' you. I missed you."
Guilt had her chest tightening. A thousand explanations flashed through her head, though she didn't verbalize any of them. "Thanks for getting Pax to call me. I missed you, too… both of you." She had no idea why she felt the need to include Pax.
"He said you'll be stayin' with us."
Heat flared within her. The attraction remained, still throbbing with each beat of her heart. Caleb took one step closer, causing her to lift her head to keep eye contact. His height had always been a turn on for her. She liked someone who could overpower her.
"Dad says you both need to feed me. Apparently I'm too thin."
His eyes devoured her again and he licked his lips as if he liked what he saw. "Ain't nothin' wrong that I can see. Maybe I should get a closer look?"
"You already did," she replied, slipping into an easy banter with him.
"That I did. Never could get enough though."
Her pussy clenched at his declaration and the guttural tone of his voice. They shouldn't be talking like this. There were far too many issues to resolve, not to mention Pax.
Sydney cleared her throat, snapping the growing tension between them. She pulled her hair up, using an elastic tie from her wrist to pull it into a ponytail.
"You changed the color," he said, pointing at her hair.
The change in subject startled her, and she had a moment to gather her bearings when Caleb started to walk away from the cottage, heading for the house.
"Um, yeah. It's been a couple of colors since I… left. I had it white blonde for the longest time."
"I like it red."
Lost for what to say next, she swallowed and asked what she really wanted to know. "Have you honestly been okay?"
Caleb stilled, turning to face her. His brows rose high on his forehead. "Do you truly want an answer? Here? Now? Because I'll give it to you, Syd. Just be prepared for what you'll get."
"I—"
"I'm bein' the good guy here, givin' you time to adjust to all the shit that's happened, but don't take that as acceptance of what you did to me—what you still do to me."
"Caleb." She reached out to grab his forearm. Surprisingly, he didn't shake her off. "I want to talk about it. I do have my reasons, though I'm certain you'll never understand."
"It's good you have a reason because you told me shit! Five years. Five fuckin' years of silence, and yet you question my silence now. You should be thankin' me for it."
His arm grew rigid beneath her palm, the sinew taut with aggression. Out of the two men, Caleb had always been the one that lost his cool first, though he never scared her. She felt safe with him, just like she did with Pax.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She gripped his arm tighter. His shoulders sagged, the tension seeping from his body and seconds later he had her swept into a tight hug. He picked her up off the ground, whispering into her ear. "I've been needin' to hear that, but don't think it's forgotten. I want the truth, Syd."
Breathing a sigh of relief for now, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Turning her face into his shoulder she inhaled, amazed when he smelled exactly as she remembered, a deep musky scent that had her hormones surging.
"Christ, I missed you," he groaned, and for a second she thought she felt his lips against her cheek.
Pax's dog, Cloud, interrupted their precarious reunion when he raced across the yard, barking loudly. Caleb lowered her back onto her feet, smoothing a loose strand of hair from her eyes. "Guess I'd better be feedin' you if Jack said so. Wouldn't want to get on his wrong side."
He linked his fingers into hers, tugging her lightly and led her to the main house.
The 4D ranch had been in Pax's family for generations, the land increasing in size as each owner bought more. The house never grew with the land. Each generation decided the two bedroom barn conversion sufficient for their needs. Clad in dark wood slats, the outside had large window
s cut into the upper and lower levels. The house blended perfectly into the scenery, as did the small cottage her father was staying in. She'd always found the house cozy when she'd visited as a teenager. The perfect place to raise a family.
Caleb continued to usher her up the steps, pushing the mesh door open before leading her into the living space.
"Looks just the same." She sighed.
"Yeah, we don't really have the time to decorate."
"What? You and Pax don't have any lady friends to help out with the decor?" She tried to hide the slight jealous edge to her tone, because the thought of any woman around her men clawed at her.
Caleb didn't miss the light inquiry, calling her on it right away. "Jealous? Want us all to yourself? Well, Ne-Ne, you can't do that from hundreds of miles away."
Her eyes grew wide in shock. Did he mean it? Had Caleb known all along about her problem?
The ringing of his cell phone put a halt to their conversation. It gave her time to calm down. Her heart raced and she fought to make sense of his little comment. She strolled over to the kitchen, noting they had changed the place a little bit because it looked new. The stainless steel gleamed, the counter top pristine and the stove looked like it had never been used. She grinned, guessing if she looked in the trash she'd find it full of frozen pizza packages. These men needed a shakeup. Her father included.
The low murmur of Caleb's voice filtered into the kitchen. Sydney closed her eyes, feeling it reverberate through her torso. Fooling herself had only worked for so long. She missed him terribly and hated herself for the pain she'd caused. Even now he was being nice to her, allowing her time to talk at her own pace, not his. The love had never gone but had certainly grown stronger, and not just for Caleb. No matter how hard she thought about the situation, she couldn't see a way around it. It would be easier if she stopped entertaining thoughts of either man.
"Syd?"
She spun, startled by his voice because she had been so lost in thought. "Um, sorry, I was miles away."
"Yeah, I got that." He waved his cell phone. "That was Pax. He's up in the top field with Roman and the other horses. He thought you'd want to go and see them. Told me to grab a saddle and take you up there."
"Roman's okay though, right?"
"Sure is. Rode him myself early this morning. His stall was barely touched by the fire and we got the horses out before it could cause any damage to them anyway."
Her lip quivered. The fire could have been far worse. She could have lost her father and everything that meant anything to her.
"Shush," Caleb soothed, swamping her in his large, warm embrace. "We're gonna sort this out. It'll all be back to normal soon. Well… as normal as it was without you here."
It hurt not to be with him, to be unable to turn her face up to meet his and be consumed by his lips. She'd sought the oblivion of his body so many times that she'd been lost without it. Back in Sacramento she didn't have the option as he lived hours away, but now that he touched her, consoled her, she found it difficult to push the ache aside.
"I missed you. I always miss you," she blurted out. His arms grew rigid around her, his exhale brushing across her neck. "You're the one that left, Syd. I'm still here. I still want you."
"You shouldn't."
"Damn right, I shouldn't. By rights I should hate you—my head tells me I should, but there's this muscle in my chest that won't let me. The thing keeps tellin' me you're the only one for me."
But you're not the only one for me.
Sydney shuddered when that thought rested front and center in her head. Being here hurt her just as much as it did Caleb. "I wish I saw it that way, Caleb."
"Maybe you could? If you told me why you left me high and dry, we could work through it. Maybe I'd understand."
Rearing back, she frowned, taking in the glint of his green eyes. If she didn't know better she'd think he already knew what her issue was. But that would be impossible. She'd told no one about her secret fantasies, and as far as Pax and Caleb were concerned she never wanted to talk about that night under the bleachers again. The only way he could know what she wanted was if he'd read her books, which again couldn't be possible. Everyone here thought she worked as a journalist not an author. They wouldn't even know to look for a penname for her.
Putting the glint in Caleb's eyes down to paranoia, she removed herself from his embrace. "I'd really like to go and see Roman."
He smiled, his face transforming from serious to cute in a matter of seconds. Caleb had never been the most playful of teenagers, his expression usually serious. However, she remembered the way her stomach would flip whenever he smiled, and it was doing those somersaults right now.
"You intendin' on ridin' him?"
Nodding, she started to walk out of the kitchen but his fingers folding around her wrist stopped her. "I'm not goin' to stop tryin', Syd. You'll always be mine until the day you say stop—the day you say that you love someone else."
Her throat constricted. "It's been five years."
"Is there someone? Somethin' that feels better than what we had?" His eyes bored into hers, his thumb stroking her pulse point. Knowing he could feel how fast her heart pounded, she shook her head. "There's no one."
"Then five years is nothin'. You're still mine. Your skin still holds my brand."
"I'm n-not cattle," she said weakly. "And I've been with people since you."
Caleb shrugged, pulling her arm until she stumbled against his hard body. "I don't care how many idiots you've used tryin' to wash my fingerprints from your skin. They're still there. I see them and so do you." He lowered his head, bringing his lips close to hers.
A groan bubbled up, her mind screaming at her to push him away. He licked his lips, anticipation thickening the air around them. Her stomach went into free fall, plummeting and going far beyond the odd flip. She wanted him to kiss her, but then she didn't and as her eyes fluttered closed he spoke softly. "Let's go find Pax."
Letting go as if he'd been scorched he stalked from the house, leaving her with the echo of his boots on the wood floor and the roaring of her blood in her ears.
Chapter 4
Sydney looked out across the hills, absorbing the view she had missed. Roman snickered, receiving a long stroke to his chestnut mane in response. It had been far too long since she'd ridden him. Her thighs we already achy and a long soak in the tub would be needed later.
Saddling Roman as soon as she'd seen him, Pax and Caleb were left coughing in her dust cloud. They would no doubt catch up with her soon, but for now she enjoyed the calm washing over her.
She was home.
In Sacramento she convinced herself into believing she didn't miss this place—the fear of facing Caleb dowsing cold water on her dreams of moving back. It was all her own doing, and the reality of being back here nothing like she'd envisioned. Caleb didn't hate her anywhere near as much as she thought he should. Though he probably would when she explained there could never be a way forward for them. Not without Pax, and that dream seemed utterly unobtainable.
Lowering her head onto Roman's, she sighed, hugging his neck tight. "What am I going to do?"
The sound of galloping hooves drifted over the hill toward her. She could tell there was more than one horse, which meant both men had come to find her.
A sharp thrill shot through her body, her thighs squeezing in response. Why did she have to love two men? Why did her body only lust for their touch? Feeling this way had become a slow torture for her, because there would be no happy ending for them.
Someone would most certainly get hurt.
"You there, Syd?" Pax called, his black stallion trotting up the hill. His dark sunglasses hid his eyes, his well-worn Stetson shading his face, but she didn't miss the hard set of his shoulders. Pax was pissed.
Bracing herself for his wrath, she smiled uncertainly at him. "Do you have a death wish?" he snapped, dismounting his stallion.
"I got carried away. I always was faster than you, though."
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A small smile crept across Pax's lips as Caleb dismounted his horse too. "In your dreams, sweetheart."
She snickered in response, watching Caleb come closer, holding his hand out to help her down from Roman.
"You need to be careful racin' around by yourself, Syd," he said seriously. She climbed down, trying to ignore the spark she felt from his touch. "All it takes is one thing to spook Roman, and he'll buck you off. He's old and temperamental now."
"Okay, Mom," she teased, wincing as her thighs quivered.
The men came to stand on either side of her, bracketing her as she stared across the land. Swamped by their size, both were over six feet in height, they towered over her much smaller frame. Secretly, she loved it. Never in her life had she felt so safe. Neither of them did anything special—just stood next to her. Nevertheless, it felt perfect.
Her shoulders rubbed against their arms, the coarse hair tickling her skin.
Desperate for a distraction, Sydney pointed across the field. "Those trees are new. I used to be able to see the start of my dad's land from here."
"Yeah, they were put in about seven years back," Pax replied.
"His wife wanted seclusion," Caleb added.
Sydney glanced at Pax. She'd heard about his marriage and she also knew how much he despised talking about it. His relationship with Emma had been a whirlwind one. They'd been married only two months after meeting and obviously never meant to last. Pax's marriage spanned a total of four months before he filed for divorce. As far as Sydney knew the last time he had laid eyes on Emma had been the day the divorce had been finalized.
Pax pointed across to the trees, clearing his throat before muttering, "I can take 'em down if you want."
She shook her head without missing a beat. "There's no need for you to go changing things for me. Besides, talking about her must still smart."
"I'm fine, sweetheart."
Her heart skipped a beat whenever Pax called her that. He'd been using it for as long as she could remember, and it always caused the same reaction.
Caleb shifted back, checking on the horses.
