Day Three
Emily’s cappuccino filled mug clattered against the plate as her hand shuddered uncontrollably. Not even the café that both her and Lizzy had been to almost a thousand times before made her feel safe.
Unsafe was the wrong word for it though, used worked better.
“You alright Em’s?” Elizabeth asked when she noticed as the afternoon sun peaked through the skyscrapers and cast their light on her friend.
Emily didn’t respond for a second but then jumped like she’d been shouted at, “What? Yes. No, I’m fine.”
Lizzy’s brow furrowed, “Are you sure? Is that creep at the building getting to you?”
Emily shook her head and took a sip, letting the warm froth fill her mouth before breathing out a sigh that both instigated and indicated her calming down, “No, he’s fine. Bit of a pothead, but other than that he’s fine. I just… have you heard of the DD?”
Lizzy’s eyes flashed open with excitement, but dropped back to a look of ignorance, “N-no. What’s that?” she asked innocently.
“I saw that Liz, you can’t lie to me.” Emily said with a judgemental look, “But whatever. Turns out the tenant who had the room next to me before I got in had it in her room. I didn’t think anything of it but it had this… allure. I don’t know how to explain it…”
“You used it!?” Lizzy shrieked in response.
“Keep your voice down!” Emily hissed, “And ye-… Well… not really. It kinda… sorta… used me.” she said embarrassedly. “Not that I’m complaining! It just… It didn’t even occur to me until this morning how weird that was. It went in places that I, well, that I’m not normally comfortable with. Ever since then I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.”
Lizzy stared on impatiently, “Well? Details! How was it?”
Emily became increasingly uncomfortable with her friend’s knowledge of the DilDozer and decided she had to ask, “First, where did you hear about it?”
“Girls talk…” she lied.
“Don’t give me that, come on, the truth.”
Lizzy sighed, “Fine. But you can’t tell anyone, ok? If word got out everyone would be hunting it. I was at a salon, you know the one on 52 and 2nd? Anyway, there’s this woman there, mid-thirties, really uptight business type, you know? So, she comes in month after month, same thing every time, quick trim and root touch-up, the entire time she’s chugging her coffee and shooting off emails from her phone.”
She paused for dramatic effect and took a long sip from her mug, the word coffee triggering the almost involuntary action, “Except one day she comes in and she’s on cloud nine. Seriously, it was like she was floating, and all of a sudden she’s getting bangs done and she’s ignoring calls. I have to find out what’s going on, you know how I am, so I ask her and she says that it’s between her and ‘DD’. I wanted to find out more but she was adamant about it being a secret and refused to say anything else on the matter. But, right before Chantelle finished with her hair the woman let out a sigh, the word ‘DilDozer’ dying on her lips, and I swear every woman in the room, myself included, quivered. Ever since I’ve been absolutely dying to see it.”
“Wow…” Emily trailed off, “But why haven’t you told me about it until now?”
Lizzy laughed shrilly, “And add more people to the competition? I don’t think so. But, you know, since you have it, maybe I could… see it?”
Emily raised her mug to her lips, “You want to see the DilDozer-ah!” she screamed as the mug in her hand turned into DilDozer and attempted to force its way into her mouth.
In a panic, she threw the writhing creature to the ground and watched it smash into a thousand pieces, “Jesus Em’s!” Liz shouted, “What the Hell!? Two-hundred dollar boots here.”
A forced blink later saw her mug smashed on the pavement and flecks of foam on her friend’s suede boots, “I’m so sorry!” she said, “I just… It was a bit hot. I’m sorry.”
“Bullshit!” Liz snapped, “You threw i- Oh hi.” she said, snapping to a calmer tone as the waiter appeared.
“Is everything ok?” the young panicky boy asked as he looked between the two of us.
Lizzy shot Emily a look, “Yeah, it was a bit hot.” she lied.
“Sorry! I’ll have someone come clean it up right away and bring you a fresh cup.”
“No,” Liz responded while staring at Emily who was still wiping down the boots, “that’s fine, we’re just going to head over to her apartment now, isn’t that right?”
Emily stopped wiping and looked between the waiter and her friend and sighed, “Yeah… I suppose so.”
DilDozer Page 3
