by Sara Forbes
***
Later, Jess and I are sitting in the kitchen on the second floor. We're clean. Out of respect for Natasha, I didn't share a shower with Jess, much as I would have enjoyed that. Jess had brought towels and soap which we shared and I had my stash of spare clothes in a drawer of a desk to raid. I gave Jess a clean T-shirt of mine and it looks sexy as hell on her. All I could offer was coffee so we're having a mug each.
We sit facing each other on the couch in our t-shirts and jeans, legs up, bare feet touching. It's such a dismal office and we have nothing, but it's nice and warm and this casual coziness makes me feel better than I've felt in the most expensive suites in the world's best hotels. There's something to be said for the Zen-like emptiness. I've turned off all the computers.
"Natasha likes you," I tell her. "She's never laughed in my presence before."
"I like her too," Jess says, her gaze roaming my face thoughtfully. "She's quite a responsibility though, isn't she?"
"Yes. It's been...challenging."
"So, is she the first dissident you've saved?"
I groan. "Is it so obvious?"
"Well, kinda."
I let out a low chuckle. "It's a disaster, isn't it? I don't even have the basics here for her. It's been nothing short of cruel, keeping her here for so long. God knows how many human rights I'm violating. But I didn't think it would be longer than a night or two, and there's nowhere else safe. My house has been targeted by hackers recently and I'm just trying to sell it. And forget anywhere like the embassy. But it'll be over soon and then...I'll take you on a proper date. I'll take you anywhere you want--tropical islands, the Himalayas, the South pole, the ends of the Earth."
She laughs. "I actually believe you. Camden Town would do me just fine for a first date."
I grin and scoot closer to her. "Camden Town it is. But your safety is paramount. We need some ground rules. Promise me that if something happens to me, you won't come looking? Don't try to fix things. Don't get involved. Just pretend I'm a regular guy with a job in a bank, okay?"
She gives me a curious look as though she doesn't understand my full meaning. "Or I could pretend you haven't actually told me your business. Which would be the truth."
"I know. And I will tell you, in good time. But I'm not the steady solid guy you deserve. My life is crazy sometimes. And I have restrictions, and responsibilities that I can't expect you to take on just like that."
Instead of answering, she caresses my jaw, her fingers tracing lines around my mouth. I groan, feeling my eyelids grow heavy. The hours and hours of being awake, vigilant and paranoid, are making my whole body sink into a blissful state of relaxation, muscle by muscle. I'm not sure I can manage to stay awake to tell her all the things I should, let alone ravish her the way I want to.
19
JESS
AFTER THAT AMAZING EVENING YESTERDAY, it's incredible that I have to put on an overall and go to my regular hospital cleaning job this morning, but real life is real life and that's exactly what I have to do. When Egan fell asleep last night on the couch, I took a blanket from my box of bedclothes and draped it over him. He looked so gorgeous, I was tempted to snuggle with him but he also looked shattered, so I let him rest and went home.
As I enter the main doors of the hospital, there's a tug on my elbow. I swing around.
It's my ex, Jake. On his own this time, huddled in a navy trench-coat.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"I need to talk to you."
"What? Is everything okay?"
"About your business associate." Jake's voice is monotone.
"What about him?"
His face darkens. "Look, I've been checking his background."
"How do you mean?"
"I know things about him; he's nothing but a criminal in an Armani suit."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, look, when it comes to investing, I've been around the block and seen a lot of things. I invest in lots of shit, but Bitcoin? Never again. And you know why? Because it's rigged. And from what I've seen of him, he's one of the biggest riggers out there. It's an unfair game, Jess. He's not the sort you want to be involved with."
I push through the revolving doors and he follows, close on my heels. Inside, the warmth of the hospital lobby gives me sudden energy. I swing around and face him. "Well, after you, the only way was always going to be down."
I really do not have to listen to my ex bad-mouthing Egan before I start a long shift. Seriously, has he nothing better to do? He wouldn't be going on about Egan if he didn't feel inadequate.
To my surprise, Jake's forehead crumples. "Be serious, Jess."
Oh, you suddenly care about my welfare? I want to shout at him. You didn't care much about that when you were snogging Eloise in our bathroom, throwing away my future.
Instead, I smile and say "Thanks for the advice, Jake. But now I really need to ...you know...clean toilets." I back off and start walking down the corridor past the reception desks.
"Jess," he calls out.
I turn, but I don't think my face is friendly any longer.
He runs up to me. "One more thing," he says, gasping for breath. "That scholarship? It's fake."
"What scholarship?" I ask although it hits me before the words leave my mouth. "Wait. How can you know about that?"
"The one for Wentworth College. We have mutual friends, don't forget. Everyone knows Martha's kids are busting themselves to get that. But the thing is. He's behind it all."
"Who is?" I ask.
"Egan Harwood."
"How do you mean behind it?"
"He paid for it."
"What? Now you're being ridiculous. This is all ridiculous!"
"Is it?" Jake's triumphant smile gives me all the conviction I need.
My stomach drops. Why would he be involved in that?
"He's got you in a golden cage. But...maybe you're all into that." With a smile of barely concealed triumph, Jake walks off, head held high, leaving me standing there aghast.
***
My mind's a blur all day. My motions are mechanical, like a robot, as I try to work it through. Is there any truth to what Jake said? Why would Egan pay for that scholarship? And is it true about him being manipulative and putting people out of business? I've never asked Egan about how he generates revenue. It wasn't my business. But now that Jake seems to know so much about it, I feel I should be equally well-informed.
I wasn't born yesterday, and I'm fully aware that there are shades of grey in any business you care to look at. Anyone that's rich has more than couple of question marks floating over their bank accounts. But how rich is Egan, really? If he's on Jake's radar, he must be a whole lot richer than I thought.
In fairness, all Jake sees of Egan is ruthless investor type. A shadow of his own self. A more successful one at that. No wonder he hates him. He doesn't see the side of Egan that's trying to help people, like Natasha. And possibly even Martha. Though I wish he hadn't done it this way. It does have a whiff of over-exerting control. I have to concede Jake is right on that one and he's the expert.
All I know for sure is that I have to see Egan tonight and clear this up.
20
EGAN
I SLEPT BETTER LAST NIGHT than I have in weeks, and woke up with a smile on my face. I discovered some angel had draped a blanket over me and then disappeared off into the night. I'm going to catch this angel tonight and make sure she doesn't go running off.
Sean is on the warpath today. They moved his guy from the Damascus prison to a different prison and now he doesn't know where he is. Of course, I feel terrible about this, but I can't let it show.
"No. I want to know now," he shouts over the video link. "Why are we sitting around doing nothing? These things can be done in parallel. If we'd moved Farhid when I asked for it to happen, then we wouldn't have this problem now. I've just thrown away weeks of planning and intelligence work."
"I said we wait until completion of the pilot project, so
that we know we have a closed solution in place," I say with equal determination. "We have no control over the safe house logistics and that's a fact we just have to accept."
He grunts. "Egan, people are dying every day. We can't sit on our arses either. I thought you wanted to change the world!"
"I do."
"Well, maybe our group needs a shake up."
"What do you mean?" I ask coldly.
"We need more action. More flexibility. More speed. The only reason you got moving fast on this one was because Sergei was your personal friend."
"You don't know what you're talking about, Sean. You don't just walk into a dictatorship or a failed state, steal their dissidents, and then head off to the nearest embassy to secure cover. It doesn't work like that. You're being naïve. It's attitudes like yours that cost lives."
"Well, better to die running than to hang around doing nothing."
"You might be right, but we're not doing nothing, Sean. I hope to have more progress to report at the next call."
He answers with a disdainful shake of his head.
I move on swiftly to the next agenda item and close up the meeting in a black mood.
Paul lingers on the call after the others have popped off the screen.
"How can I help, Paul?" I ask.
"He may have a point," Paul says, rubbing his goatee thoughtfully.
I suck in a breath.
"This ain't a one man show, Egan," he says. "We all have skin in the game."
"I know," I say testily. "If only there was some way to speed up these damn safe house people, believe me I would. What are they playing at?"
"Yep, looks like we'll provide our own safe house in the future."
"I'm coming to that same conclusion. But we're not there yet. In Natasha's case we just have to wait for these people to make up their minds or whatever the hell is delaying them."
"It's unfortunate," Paul says, "that Sean can use this as leverage in getting what he wants."
"You mean his prisoner out of Syria? You think I don't want that too?"
"I mean leadership of our group. You'll have a mutiny on your hands if this goes on indefinitely."
"But I can count on you?"
"Yes, of course. And you can be sure Jack and Felix will be on your side, too. They're rational thinkers. But the others? I wouldn't bet on Liam. And who knows what Axel is ever thinking. He's an anarchist at heart."
"Yeah," I groan. "Well, if what you say is true, I've still got the majority vote."
Paul nods. "But don't bet on it lasting forever."
***
"We need to talk, Egan," are the first words Jess says to me when she enters onto the second floor.
She takes the chair in front of my desk.
"Shoot," I say.
"Look, I know about the scholarship."
"Oh."
"Yeah, I really don't think that was necessary."
"I just wanted to help. I was curious about the school after you said it was your main reason for working so hard. So, I looked it up...and donated. It's not a big deal, is it?"
"Yes, but I can handle my own problems. I don't need you to go solving them with the wave of a magic wand called money."
"Okay, I'll admit. I wanted to help. But it's not like I threw money at Martha's kids. They still have to do the work and it won't be easy. There are no guarantees. I just put an opportunity in the way of a couple of bright kids, the way someone once did for me when I was a poor kid. That's all it is."
"Yes, but still." Her forehead tenses. "You're making enemies too."
"Like who?"
She dips her head. "Like my ex."
My breath escapes as an impatient hiss. "That guy in the sandwich shop?"
"Well he's the one who found out about the scholarship. He thinks you'll pull out if anything goes wrong."
"With us?" I laugh in scorn. "That says more about him than it does about me. Look, I didn't even think you'd find out, so there's no ulterior motive to my actions regardless of what your charming ex seems to think. Or, do you actually believe him?"
"No," she sighs. "No Egan, I don't. But the point stands that you're not making friends."
"I make enemies all the time. It comes with having money and power. But I know how to navigate my way around them by now. Come here." I rise and open my arms. She rises too and makes a step forward into my chest. I hug her tight. I'm pretty certain I need this more than she does.
I nuzzle her neck and then bring my lips to her ear. "It's not going to be easy, being with me. And I realize that doing stuff like that is the wrong way of going about it. I should have discussed it with you first, and I'm truly sorry."
She draws back and nods. "I'm sorry too." She makes a growling sound deep in her throat. "I can't believe I let him get to me like that."
"I'm going to make more mistakes. Lots of them probably. And people are not going to stop being critical of me. Just promise we'll always give each other the benefit of the doubt?" I ask.
She nods. "Yes, I like that. And you'll do the same?"
"You know I will."
We share a muted smile. It's our first argument I suppose. And we've survived.
"Look," I say. "I need to pick up some supplies back to the house. Will you come with me?"
"But we can't leave her alone."
"We can for an hour or two. Nobody can get in without the code. You know how reinforced it is. Plus, I'll have my phone on alert just in case. It's routine. I've been doing it for two weeks after all."
"Oh, okay. Just as long as she doesn't prefer me to stay here with her."
I smile. "Actually, she insisted on us doing this."
"Huh." Jess can't seem to fight the smile spreading across her face. "The little pervert."
That makes me laugh.
We scuttle down the stairs like two giddy teenagers, out the door and across the parking lot. It's nice with her in car. I keep turning and looking and she keeps smiling and looking away. The tension is palpable, warm, buzzing.
"You got a fancy place then?" she asks as we head out toward Kingston.
"Depends on what you understand by fancy. It's an old English cottage. Used to belong to some baron or other."
"Hm, I bet it's nice."
"Yes, but it lacks a certain warmth. And I'm selling it soon anyway so I haven't invested much in making it nice and cozy or anything."
We arrive. The automatic gates swing open and I park on the gravel driveway. I guess the Georgian architecture is pleasant and the garden has a lot of character, but I mainly bought it for the view of green fields out the back and the fact that it's super quiet.
"Oh wow." She's pointing at the ivy tumbling over the doorway. "So rustic. My grandmother used to live in a house like this."
"Was she landed gentry?"
"Oh no. A surgeon. One of the first female surgeons in England actually. My Mum had high hopes for me, telling me the brains in the family had simply skipped her generation. So, I disappointed her when I went into accounting instead. And when I dropped out of that, I made things even worse, of course."
I tighten my grip on the steering wheel. That ex of hers has a lot to answer for.
Her face turns to mine and she holds my gaze deeply, soulfully. I move my hands and cusp her chin in them. She doesn't move away. She leans in further and sighs. "I can't believe we're alone."
I lean in and kiss her lips, so soft and pliant. "I can get used to being alone with you," I say, sliding my hand under her jacket and sliding my fingers around the curve of her waist. "Let's get inside the house so we can warm each other up."
21
JESS
HOW DID I GET HERE?
I'm at his private residence and now he's kissing me. This is way out of control and yet, I'm all swept up in in like Cinderella being whisked off to the castle. Even though I know our mission is simply to grab some supplies and get back to the office as soon as possible, I'm so excited to be here and to see him in his normal enviro
nment.
The fact that we've had our first argument—and recovered from it—gives me hope. He's not even sulking. Going out with an emotionally mature guy makes a world of difference. And I do know we're going out. There are none of the usual mind games where I have to guess whether we are or not. Egan is black and white about these things.
"Okay, then." I push him playfully away. "We don't have a lot of time. You grab the provisions Natasha needs. I'll just hang on here."
"I don't want to go anywhere." His breath is hot on my ear. "Without you."
"I—I—" I can't even finish because he takes my lips again. I want him like I've never wanted anyone or anything in my life, and the sheer force of that need is overwhelming. I don't care if it's sudden. And I don't care what it costs me. I don't care about anything but the feel of his hands touching me, his hungry lips seeking mine.
"Okay, you're coming with me. This way." He leads me through a hallway with black and white checkered tiles and tasteful, classical furnishings in gold. I don't get to inspect much before he takes me by the hand and bounds up the carpeted stairs. On the first landing, he whisks me off my feet like I'm weightless and continues carrying in his arms me up the stairs.
I kick my legs out. "Put me down, you fool."
"In a moment." He climbs the next two flights, me clinging onto his neck and laughing. I'm definitely not making it easier for him but he's taking it in good sport.
He nudges a door handle with his elbow then kicks it open. Next thing I'm weightless flying through the air until I land on a soft bed, bouncing once.
"You throw all your ladies on your bed like this?" I ask, stretching out on the soft, silken cover. I smooth my hand over the surface.
"Saves time," he says. "Which we don't have a lot of."
"True that." I fling a pillow in his face. He dodges and it sails past him, landing at the window.
"Don't think you're going to make me waste time with a pillow fight. I think you know we have more important business to attend to, Ms. Wilkes." He's undoing his tie. Just that small movement is enough to make me drool. God he's sexy with the sun streaming in behind him bathing his tall athletic shape in soft glowing light.
