I took a deep breath and shifted my focus to the black velvet box Jason held open. It was a beacon begging for attention, but blinding me like a solar eclipse as it flecked in the lights. Oh God. I could never wear that. It looked like it belonged in a museum. It was garish and embarrassing, just like Jason. He was loud, extravagant and dead set on being the center of attention at all times. His words and actions often made me cringe. Maybe that’s why he liked me? After all, my dad had always said that being “behind the scenes” was more my strength.
Despite our differences, I couldn’t deny that he was definitely handsome in his tux tonight. His cerulean blues were sparkling with joy as he looked up at me. His perfectly straight smile and smart clean haircut only served to accentuate that “type A” personality that I knew so well.
Jason had been suave, charming and determined to excel in everything-- when we first met. A competitive swimmer all throughout high school and college; he had that typical athletic build. He was the confidence to my shyness, the life of the party to my wallflower. Jason was the guy that everyone wanted to be around, and he had chosen me. The clean-cut, preppy young lawyer, that seemed to have jumped off the pages of a Ralph Lauren ad. Jason oozed charm. In public, he always had his arm around me, holding me close. Showing me off like a prize pony, making sure that everyone knew he was dating the daughter of the most prominent lawyer in the city.
The crowd had gathered around us and I could hear the cries of, “Say yes Lex! Say yes!”
I smiled through the uneasiness that was building in the pit of my stomach. I hated being the center of attention. I knew I needed to stop stalling and give them what they wanted. Pulling myself up straight, I smiled and nodded quickly. Jason wasted no time pulling me into his embrace and dipping me backwards. And of course, making a spectacle out of every passing moment once again. The crowd cheered.
His lips came down on mine with a heaviness that seemed rehearsed. I had always hoped that there would be stars, rainbows and glitter falling from the sky when the love-of-my-life asked me to marry him. I expected a surreal moment, where time stood still and everything slowed down to a quiet hum like you see in the movies. As always though, my expectations were off the charts. It made for a consistently disappointing life. But really, I had no reason to complain. My life was exactly as it was meant to be. Dictated and predictable.
So how did I get here exactly? Well, it’s a simple but not so simple story.
First, let’s start with tonight. It was just supposed to be a birthday party. But nothing was simple with Jason. He had planned a lavish celebration for me at the trendy French-Canadian restaurant “Sassafraz”, in the heart of Yorkville. It was everything a girl could want. Except for this girl.
Everyone we knew was here. Our own private party surrounded by a living wall of vegetation lining the dining room. It was the type of event that would definitely make tomorrow’s social news.
Despite my reluctance, it certainly wasn’t anything that I wasn’t used to though. It was common for our family to be the center of attention. My father was a founding partner at Reynolds & Cunningham. He had been a top dog at Finnegan & Martineau for decades and finally had fulfilled his life-long dream of opening his own firm. Everyone said he would fail, but of course my dad, being the shark that he was, had proved them all wrong. His specialty was litigation and he was the best in the business. Needless to say, arguing with my father was an exercise in futility. My entire life, my dad had been in the limelight and by default-- so had our family. This night, my twenty-fifth birthday, wasn’t any different.
There was a time when I had wanted to follow in my dad’s footsteps and be a bad-ass lawyer just like him. I envisioned myself helping people and making a difference. Unfortunately for me, my dad had wanted my brother Logan to pursue a career in law, but not his daughter.
Logan however, had other plans.
Right after high school, my older brother had announced that he would not be going to college. Instead he was going to backpack his way across the country and just take things as they came. Our parents were devastated but no one more so than my dad. Logan had totally blindsided them and they never got over it. From then on, I tried to make up for Logan’s choices by working extremely hard in school, but it was never enough. It didn’t matter that I graduated as valedictorian, with honors, or that I won scholarships to the top law schools in the country. They had wanted-- Logan. But Logan didn’t give a shit. He spent the next few years smoking pot and snowboarding in Whistler, British Columbia. He never came back.
Maybe he had the right idea all along.
I remember very clearly the day my parents suggested I switch from pursuing law itself, to settling for a career as a paralegal. My boyfriend Jason was being sought-after left, right and center by all the top firms. He was currently considering all of them, and narrowing down his options.
It was over our ritualistic afternoon tea, that my mother had quietly suggested to me that there was a way for us all to get what we wanted. Dad needed a partner at his new firm, and Jason was the right fit. Jason would be able to rise to partner sooner rather than later in a smaller firm. And with the two of them at the helm, I could take advantage of the easy life. There was no need to slave away through law school when I could ensure I would be taken care of.
“It is the right thing to do” she said to me. “Give this opportunity to Jason and your father." The men were better suited to that line of work anyway. Plus, it would ensure that Jason stayed in Toronto. I didn’t want to risk him leaving the city or worse-- the province, right?
It wasn’t long after that I saw the two of them smiling and patting each other on the back like old friends. Despite it feeling like a knife had been stabbed through my heart, I believed or perhaps was conditioned to believe, that I had made the right decision.
From that day forward, my dad gave Jason everything he had ever wanted. A corner office, with all the perks, leads in all the top cases, and a showering of praise at all times. Jason’s ego grew day by day and soon, I was more than happy to find reasons to stay away from the office.
Why work so hard when Jason was already taking care of everything? Besides, Jason had made it clear that he wanted a wife and eventually a mother holding down the fort at home. I definitely wouldn’t need a law degree for that. You would think that I’d be crushed, right? Wrong.
It was a safe and comfortable place, following directions. Voicing opinions that rivalled those of my family had only ever resulted in disaster. Love was conditional and for a long time, I was more than willing to pay the price.
Nothing lasts forever though.
Chapter 2
After all the cheering, back pats and kissing had finished and the last party guests went home, Jason looked at me with puppy eyes and said, “I’ve got to go Lex…I promised I’d meet up with the boys for a little after party. You understand, right?”
I was taken aback but as always, I held in my anger and disappointment. “Sure Jason, no problem.” I smiled sweetly and blinking back the tears that threatened to expose my feelings.
Years of training will do that to you. You say what they want to hear, find ways to make it work for yourself and compromise. So-- it looked like a bubble bath followed by an evening with my Kindle would be it. Besides, I knew that Jason had no idea how his bailing on me had hurt me. Who knows what he would have done or said if he did know anyway? It was very possible that his reaction would hurt even more. No-- it was best to keep such things to myself...
Maybe all of this would have been fine if Jason really loved me...maybe I could have dealt with his late nights and over-bearing ways. But the Jason that the world saw was not the same loving, affectionate Jason when we were in private. He had been that way at first of course, but as time went on and he had secured the relationship and the job that he wanted, his affections had become more sporadic.
He never kissed me unless we were out in public and he knew people were watching. Jason loved nothing more
than to hear people say what a stunning couple we were. His answer was always the same “It’s all because of my girl.”
In private however, it was another matter entirely. Especially, once he joined my dad’s firm. But change was to be expected, right? He did have a ton of work and the expectations that were put upon him were insanely high.
Maybe.
Anyway, I’d been dealing with this type of behavior for quite some time now, so it wasn’t a complete shock. Yet still…on the same night that he asked me to marry him, he was choosing to go out with friends rather than go home with me. This certainly didn’t bode well for our future together.
Anyway, I had no choice. I went back to our condo alone that night. Alone, with the exception of that huge extravagant, diamond on my finger. Is this what marriage would be like? I took off my makeup, and brushed my long almost waist length blonde hair. Never cut your hair Lexi. Men appreciate good looks. My mother’s voice rang in my ears. Well, I shrugged my shoulders to myself in my reflection. At least I had my looks.
I put on the pretty lace lingerie that was supposed to be for him, and slipped under the covers. Despite his misgivings, Jason was a good man. He may not be the most sensitive guy around but he was going to be a good provider. That I knew for sure. My mom had always emphasized what a good trait that was in a man.
As I lay in bed alone, my mind began to wander. In this solitude, I was free to fantasize without judgment. I imagined my man snuggling up behind me, his hands roaming across my naked body. Sex with Jason had always been decent, perhaps a little predictable, but at least decent.
Sort of…okay…not really.
I mean…he always made sure to kiss me at least once before sliding his hands between my legs. Most times though, I wished he’d spend a little more time on the rest of my body instead of immediately checking the humidity level of my vagina. I mean come on! There’s no temperature gauge that changes that quickly!
But tonight, I was alone. Free to go inside my head, into the darkest corners of my mind, and succumb to those deliciously dirty thoughts that only I knew existed. To the outside world, I was the perfect good girl. I lived up to my parents’ approval, I kept up appearances. Conservative and reserved, I was not the disappointment that my brother had been.
I smiled to myself in the dark. It was a damn good thing they didn’t know what secrets lay within my heart. I knew it was wrong to want the complete opposite of everything I had, but at the same time, it was my happy place, to imagine a different girl in the mirror. One who lived without fear, or judgment. One who asked for what she wanted without shame.
Rolling myself onto my back, I slid and stretched my hands across my breasts, gently massaging and cupping them in my hands. As I did, my mind conjured up a vision of another man. A dark, devastatingly handsome stranger. He didn’t have a face, but he always had a presence. A powerful, domineering presence. He was clearly in charge but yet- despite his stern energy, his focus was on my pleasure only.
I’d been with him in my fantasies before of course. Several times actually. Each time was different but the end result was always the same. He liked to test me-- push me. Take me to a place that would make me question everything and ultimately reveal something darker beneath that carefully crafted surface.
As I allowed myself to fall deeper into my fantasy, my fingers began to gently swirl around my now erect nipples. I pinched, twisted and pulled until they began to feel tender. My mind pretended to refuse his touch yet acknowledge that my body craved it even more. I continued long enough until I could feel my heart beating faster and the heat begin to rise between my thighs. My hips began to lift and writhe unconsciously with every magical touch.
The man in my head spoke.
Lexi…I told you to stay still. His hand began to slide down my silky skinned belly, lingering just above the heat that was rising from my core.
Are you getting turned on from just a simple touch to your nipples? Really Lexi, you’re such a wanton little thing. He continued, his words making me blush.
Let’s check and see just how far along you are… he said in a now deeper, sexier voice. He smirked as he shamed my every reaction. I felt myself drawn inwards from embarrassment. I turned my head to the side to look away, heat running across my cheeks flushing them, down to my breasts.
His hand slipped gently over my aching pussy. I imagined that it was him taking a firm hold of the soft folds-- then letting his hand rest there without moving. Well, it is getting rather hot down here. He mused gently to himself.
I stayed perfectly still in the dark, waiting for his fingers to give me the touch that I craved so deeply. Waiting was torture. Ever so slowly he ran the tips of his fingers up and down the throbbing lips of my pussy, now wet and ready. I rocked my hips in rhythm, trying to entice his hand to go further. “Well, look at this…someone is very wet. Shall I explore further princess?”
My voice was weak, yet I squeaked out a small and meek, “Yes please!”
There was something so freeing about being alone with this man inside my head. He always gave me exactly what I wanted. He knew my body better than I knew it myself. His every word, every movement, was always perfectly timed.
He pulled the bedcovers off and slid my lace nightgown all the way up above my head. The caressing satin slipping over my breasts cut my breath short and aroused me further. The cold air nipped at my warm skin, making me shiver in anticipation of what was to come. I could feel his gaze running over my body, taking in my nakedness.
The lacy fabric rested over my neck and face, slightly obstructing my view of what he was doing to my body. One hand went back to my breasts and continued that initial tortuous twirling and nipping between his fingers. His other hand delved deep inside my heated folds. My body couldn’t get enough of his imaginary touch. I heard myself cry out for him to stop as the sensations began to build. His long skilled fingers were deep inside me, repeatedly curling their way along my most intimate sensitive spot. Vibrations began to build as I arched my back and moaned into the empty room as I felt that unmistakable loss of control edging closer and closer. My clit and breasts swelled and my pussy began aching to the point that I was moaning loudly. Then… just like that, he stopped-- leaving me with an emptiness that permeated through my body and soul.
Your hot little cunt is dripping for me Lexi. He said, as he wiped his fingers on my thigh making me sample how wet I was.
Let’s open you up a little more and see what you really have to offer. He murmured as he spread my legs slowly with his hands. My frantic mind moved him over to that magical sweet spot. His face, (though blurry in my vision), was now perfectly placed inches from my heated core. Inhaling deeply, he whispered, I can smell your desire, so sweet and inviting. His words, though of my own creation, made me want to disappear into a black hole of longing and shame.
I brought you a present Lex... He opened the box on the nightstand and pulled out a pretty gift bag complete with tissue paper. I heard him emptying the contents next to me.
Don’t look baby, I just want you to feel. Can you do that? I closed my eyes, choosing to fall deeper into this blissful waking dream.
Knees up princess, I want you to open for me like a flower. He breathed his voice deep and raspy in my ear.
Exposed and vulnerable with my fantasy man was exactly where I wanted to be. He pressed a cool, smooth, metal sphere up against my sensitive throbbing nub. I gasped, wondering if I could take much more of this assault. A warm comfortable buzz jolted my pulsing clit. He swirled it into my pussy coating it well, before he pressed it back on to that sensitive spot. Not too much, but just enough to keep my body in a sexual trance. Next, he selected a large, thick device from his bag of tricks, and held it up for me to see. What do you think? he teased. Without waiting for my answer, he slid it into my swollen pussy pushing it deep inside me. He began to pumping it in and out with just the right rhythm. The feeling of the textured ridges rippling inside me and the tip tickling my slick wet pussy w
ere enough to drive me mad.
Hang on princess, let’s wait it out and enjoy this. I could hear the naughty satisfied grin in his voice.
It felt like my whole body was on fire. An electric charge overtook my senses and ignited sparks began to build from deep within me. I could feel myself starting to come, and the closer I got, the more I began to forget that he was just a figment of my imagination.
Time to see what you can really handle, said that commanding voice. Just a murmur from the darkest corner of my mind. A gentle flick of this magical toy and it was soon vibrating at the highest setting. I screamed into the dark, as the excitement nearly threw me off the bed. The intensity of it so high that just a light touch was now enough to bring me to the edge.
Relax my sweet…just relax and focus, you got this.
“No, it’s too much…” I whimpered. He removed it for a second but only to reach over and pinch my nipple hard making tears come to my eyes.
I make the decisions sweet girl, not you.
The vibrator began its purring again, as he slowly brought it to my skin. I could feel the throbbing of my own pulse teasing and confusing me. I tried to quiet my mind as it pushed up against my throbbing clit once again. It was practically instantaneous…my muscles began to shudder as the vibrations rocked me from the inside out. Throwing my head back, my mouth opened, emitting a loud moan. I was so close…
Until, I wasn’t.
“LEXI?? You still up…?” called out a loud, obnoxious voice.
I shot out of the bed like a cannon, flying around the room trying to hide the evidence. I threw the toys into my closet and jumped back into bed, pulling the covers up around my neck and rolling over on to my side praying that my body would calm the fuck down fast.
Heavy footsteps began mounting the stairs as he called again. I didn’t answer.
Please let him think I’m sleeping, I thought miserably. My body ached, my breath was erratic and the wetness that had been so pleasurable just moments ago, now made me feel like I’d soiled myself.
Inked Love: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 2
