by Harmon, AJ
"Hmm," Katy frowned.
*****
As it was going to be another sunny day on Saturday, Katy decided to run outside. It was still early and the sun was just peaking over the horizon. She could see her breath as she stood on the driveway and stretched. She needed to think and a good long run had always been Katy's personal form of therapy. The rhythmic pounding of her feet on the ground and the concentration on her breathing had a way of bringing things into focus in her mind and today she needed focus and clarity more than anything.
She started out slowly, warming up her muscles, and as she hit the park she began the rhythm; one foot after the other, arms relaxed, filling her lungs with the crisp morning air.
She missed him when he wasn't there and confused and frustrated when he was. How could that be love? Mark was everything she thought she wanted in a man. But so was Brett! Katy frowned at the thought. That was a million years ago and she had grown up an awful lot since then. She wasn't just looking for physical intimacy anymore. That wasn't love. She knew that now. She needed to define what love was. Easier said than done.
She wanted a relationship where conversation came easily, not forced, and the silence was comfortable. She wanted someone that could see her at her very worst and still want to be with her. She wanted to care for someone else's welfare more than she cared for her own. She wanted a man to take her hand in his and it be the most natural feeling in the world. She wanted a man to kiss her and not expect that it should lead to sex, that sometimes a kiss was just a kiss. She wanted someone to look at her the way Matt looked at Janie, like she was the only woman in the world that mattered. When she had sex with someone she wanted it to be an expression of love not just of lust. She wanted the physical need to be attached to something much stronger.
As Katy finished the three-mile loop around the park she realized that she was in love with Mark. Everything she wanted, she wanted with him. I manage to fall for the one person that it will never work with! So she kept running.
*****
Mark had been home in New York for about ten days before he left for Atlanta to continue his preliminary research on their next acquisition. Everyone at MEL Holdings was thrilled to see him leave. Jill, his secretary, came to see Matt after he’d left.
“I don't think I can work here anymore," she said.
"What's wrong, Jill?" Matt asked.
"Nothing I do is right and I am getting tired of being barked at all day long."
Matt sighed. "How long has this been going on?"
"About the last two weeks. No amount of money is worth this," she said.
"Jill, I apologize for my brother. He hasn’t been himself the past little while. Please don't resign. But if you'd like to be assigned to a different department I can do that."
"Will that be a cut in pay?"
"No. Whatever you make now is what you will continue to earn."
"Then you can reassign me. Thank you. I’ll have my desk cleaned out by the end of the day."
Jill stood and left Matt's office. He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his forehead. Shit, Mark! How can I help fix this?
At dinner that night, Matt picked at his food.
"Don't you like lasagna anymore?" Janie asked.
Matt lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.
"Of course I do. I love everything you cook. It's Mark."
"What's wrong?"
"He's an asshole."
Janie choked on her mouthful of water. "Why?"
"His secretary wants to be assigned to a different department. He's just not himself and I need to figure out how I can help."
"Can I do something?"
Matt smiled. How he loved her. He knew what his brother was going through. He'd been there himself; scared shitless of laying his heart on his sleeve, hoping like crazy that he wouldn't be rejected. Matt was going to have to force his brother's hand. Because, apparently, Mark was as stupid as he had been.
*****
Katy was meeting Sarah for lunch. Since the sentencing hearing, Sarah had called Katy a couple of times to check on her and so Katy had asked her to lunch. She felt connected to Sarah and hoped that by talking to her she could gain some clarity.
Sarah was running a few minutes late and whipped into the restaurant and flung herself onto the chair.
"So sorry," she panted. "It's always on the days that you think are going to be less hectic than usual that something crazy happens."
"Everything okay?"
"Oh yeah, nothing out of the ordinary," Sarah smiled. "I'm starving!"
The women perused the menus and gave their order to the waiter. Katy took a long sip of water and then began.
"Thanks for meeting me. I noticed that you wear a wedding ring. You're married?"
"I am," Sarah grinned. "Four years now."
"Well, I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I asked you some really personal questions."
Sarah looked at Katy and smiled. "You want to know how to get beyond all the baggage and live your life. You aren't the first one to ask me that."
"So?" Katy raised her eyebrows. "How do you let it all go? How do you allow yourself to be happy?"
Sarah leaned back in her chair and took a long breath. "I can only speak for myself," she said. "You've been going to therapy, right?"
Katy nodded.
"And is it helping?"
"Yeah, it is. I've actually discovered a few things that have nothing to do with the assault, which has been eye-opening. And I'm dealing with the assault much better. Although I have to admit that the best therapy so far was hearing the judge say twenty-two years!"
Sarah laughed. "Yep! I agree with that. That was awesome!"
The waiter appeared with their bowls of soup. He placed them down on the table and the two women said thank you.
"You know, it took me several months before I could go out alone and a long time before I was able to look a man in the eye, like the waiter just now for instance," Sarah continued. "My trust in men was shattered and my self-worth was non-existent. I had to believe that I was worth the same as I was before the rape. I had to believe that it didn't define who I was. And you know what? As soon as I was ready, my husband appeared, well, reappeared."
Katy tilted her head. "Reappeared?"
Sarah smiled. "Reid was the detective who handled my case. I hadn't seen him for a few years. I'd left the law firm and was working as a prosecutor when I was assigned one of his cases and we ended up working together quite a bit. Then one night he asked me to dinner and I thought it was just a work thing, you know? And at the end he asked me if he could kiss me and..." Sarah shrugged, smiling at the memory.
"So you didn't have to tell him all about it because he already knew."
"Yep, and he didn't care. Well, he did care, obviously, but it didn't change the way he felt about me. It took me a while to catch up to him," she grinned. "He knew a lot quicker than I did, but he was patient and he wanted to make sure I was ready. I’m very lucky and very happy."
Katy smiled wistfully.
"Katy," Sarah said. "Go get want you want. You deserve to be happy too."
*****
Sweat was dripping from Mark's body as he ran on the treadmill. He had been awoken at four o'clock by a dream. Actually, it was more of a memory. He was making love to her but then she'd just pushed him aside and got up and walked away. He had woken up almost crying for her to come back. He hadn't liked it at all. So he'd gotten dressed and headed down to the hotel gym. After a series of weight exercises, he'd hoped the treadmill would banish the vision of Katy invading his every thought. But it wasn’t working. Running just brought back more memories of her, of them running together.
He was going home today, his work in Atlanta completed. It was a good investment and he would be happy to include it in the MEL Holdings portfolio. He was sure Matt would be happy. He thought about the word 'happy'. He decided it was the word people used to describe themselves when they weren't pissed off. Happy! Who the fu
ck is happy? he thought.
After a couple more miles, Mark didn't think his body could run another step, so he stopped the treadmill and gulped down a bottle of Gatorade. Matt was happy. Janie was happy. His parents were happy. Mark frowned. They were happy. He wasn't. And he knew why.
*****
When Mark returned to his office in New York, he was in no better mood than when he left. Matt had left a post-it on his desk asking him to come see him as soon as he got in.
Mark knocked twice on Matt's door and pushed it open to find Janie sitting on his desk, she and Matt in a heated embrace.
"Seriously?" Mark yelled.
Janie jumped and Matt grinned.
"You're back," he said.
"Obviously," Mark snarled. "You should at least shut the door if you're gonna do this."
Janie blushed eight shades of red. Matt still hadn't released her from his arms. She straightened her sweater and tried to stand up but Matt kept her on the desk. She wriggled some more and he finally chuckled and let her go.
"Sorry, Mark," she whispered.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Matt grinned. "This is my office and you are my wife. No apologies necessary."
Mark smiled. "Glad to see you guys are still in the honeymoon phase. And it's already been... how long?"
"Almost six months," Janie smiled. "Six months of heaven."
"Now I'm going to gag," Mark teased. "I got your note. What's up?"
"Jill has left you."
"What?"
"She couldn't take you anymore. You snapped at her repeatedly?"
Mark shook his head. "That's probably true."
"You're lucky she didn't file a complaint with HR," Matt said, slight annoyance in his voice. "She’s now in legal. You should send some kind of apology."
"Yeah, I should," Mark grumbled.
"I can leave," Janie offered.
"No, it's fine," Mark replied. "I'm the jerk."
"You're not a jerk!" Janie exclaimed.
"Yeah, he is!" Matt grinned.
"Thanks for the support," Mark whined.
"What is going on here?" Janie was totally confused.
Mark looked at her and then at Matt. "I probably need a vacation."
"Can you go to Seattle?" Matt asked.
"Why?"
"I heard rumors that there is a condo building going into bankruptcy on Queen Anne hill," Matt said.
"You want me to go all the way there for a condo building?" Mark was shocked.
"Well, if my source is correct, they own several buildings. This is the first going under. Maybe we could snatch them all. I'll email you the info."
"Okay, I guess I can. The vacation can wait. When should I leave?"
"Tomorrow?"
14.
It was hard to believe that six months had passed since Katy's traumatic ordeal. She sat in the locker room at the hospital after her shift amazed that she had not only survived, but that she’d been doing pretty well the past couple of weeks. She felt she’d 'turned the corner' so to speak and was well on the way to feeling whole again. She had Dr. LaVaughn and Sarah to thank for that but it was Mark to whom she owed the most.
She thought about him all the time, but he hadn't made contact since he left after the sentencing hearing and she hadn't tried to contact him. She assumed that her assumption had been correct; that she came with just too much baggage for him to overlook. Even if he was interested, it just wouldn’t work. Katy couldn't fault him for that. She figured it would take a very special man to be able to deal with all the shit she'd been through. Sadly though, it wasn't going to be him. But she was very grateful for all he had done to help her through those dark days. He had been her hero.
Last weekend she’d accepted a dinner invitation from one of the surgeons. He was newly divorced and incredibly good-looking so Katy had been flattered when he’d asked her out. They’d enjoyed a nice evening, mainly discussing work and the hospital, and it had been good to get out and start socializing again. He’d asked her out again this evening and Katy was actually looking forward to it. She had to move on. She didn't have a choice.
She was going to meet him at the restaurant. While she was willing to try and move on, she wasn't willing to risk everything yet. She had an hour to get home and get ready to go. It was doable.
As she was gathering her stuff into her backpack, her cell phone rang.
Weird, she thought. It's Matt.
"Hey. What's up?" she asked.
"Hey Katy. How are you?"
"I'm doing well, actually. How's Janie?"
"She's fine, but you know that. She was on the phone with you for almost an hour last night."
Katy could hear the smile in his voice.
"Did I cut into your play time?" she laughed.
"Yes," he chuckled. "But I forgive you."
"Like I need your forgiveness," she grinned.
"So, I know this is weird, but can you do me a favor?"
"Sure," she said.
"Well, you haven't heard what it is yet. It's actually a professional favor."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Mark is in Seattle, and I talked to him earlier today and I'm really worried about him."
Katy's heart started racing and panic rose through her body. "What’s wrong?" she gasped.
"Well, he's sick. He has this cough that sounds like a dog barking and it's been going on for a couple of days I guess. He says he's fine, but he's really not. I was wondering...I know it's a lot to ask...but you're only a couple of hours away...do you think that...could you check on him?"
"Of course!" Katy replied without hesitation. "Where is he?"
"He's at the Four Seasons, downtown. Room 824."
"I'm on my way."
Matt hung up the phone and grinned.
*****
Katy had passed Vancouver and was heading for Seattle. She’d grabbed her stuff, ran to her car and hit the road after filling up with gas. She figured she could be to Mark's hotel by about nine o'clock, but that was with no traffic. She hadn't spent a lot of time in Seattle but she knew that traffic could be a bitch, especially on a Friday night. And she hadn’t taken into consideration leaving Portland at the height of rush hour. It was very slow going for the first little while.
But she was now in pretty light traffic and had been driving for about an hour when her cellphone rang. She ignored the call and kept driving, anxious to get to Mark. It could be bronchitis or whooping cough, or pneumonia. She needed to get him to the doctor if he would allow it. She would need to convince him to go. All three conditions were potentially very serious.
She found herself going faster and faster so she set the cruise control to 72mph. She didn't need a ticket when she was in a hurry.
About fifteen minutes later her phone rang again. She looked at the caller ID and didn't recognize the number so she dropped the phone back on the passenger seat and kept her eyes on the road. The phone buzzed to indicate a voice mail. She picked it back up and pushed the button to hear the message.
"Shit!" she yelled. "Shit! Shit!"
Dr. Gilchrist's voice was asking her where she was. He was getting worried. She hadn’t given him a thought when Matt had called. Not one thought! Mark needed her and she had left. What did that tell her?
She knew she shouldn't talk on the phone while driving, so she pulled off at the next exit and hit the ‘call’ button. He answered immediately.
"I'm so sorry," she said. "A friend called and he's in Seattle but he’s sick so I'm on my way there now."
"You expect me to believe that bullshit? You have a sick friend?"
"No, really. I think it could be pneumonia. I'm so sorry."
"And there aren't doctors in Seattle? And any doctor is gonna be better than just a nurse." The disdain dripped off his tongue and through the phone.
"Fuck you!" she hissed and hit the ‘off’ button.
Katy threw her phone back on the seat and merged her Subaru back onto the freeway.
“I’m not gonna do it anymore!” she yelled at herself. “I deserve more!” I deserve better!
The men that she had dated, and married, had been interested in her physically. And for a long time that had been enough, but not anymore. She wanted the real thing. She deserved the real thing. She deserved him.
*****
She had no idea where the Four Seasons Hotel was located. Katy pulled off the freeway and headed downtown and then pulled into a parking lot so she could look it up on her phone. She was later than she’d thought she’d be. It was getting close to ten o’clock. She navigated her way through traffic and the one-way streets and finally came to the hotel. And it was just as well because if she’d driven any further west she’d be in the Puget Sound.
She jumped out of the car and took the ticket from the valet. How much is that gonna cost me? She tried to put the thought from her mind as she made her way through the lobby to the bank of elevators. She pushed the button and waited. An elderly couple came and stood by her. Katy thought they were probably in the seventies, obviously with money, as her diamonds sparkled in the light. She must have a ring on every finger!
The doors opened and she stepped inside and pushed the number eight on the panel and the couple followed behind her.
“Which floor?” Katy asked.
“Seventh,” he said, and she pressed the appropriate button.
Katy waited a moment and then turned to look at them. “You’re welcome.”
The couple looked surprised. Katy shook her head. If that’s what it means to be rich, I’ll stay poor, thank you very much.
The elevator dinged and the couple got out.
“Wow!” she said.
One more floor up and Katy all but ran out of the elevator and down the hall.
“824, 824, 824,” she muttered as she read the numbers on the doors. Finally she came to Mark’s room and knocked, probably a tad harder than she meant too. There wasn’t an immediate answer so she knocked again.
“Shit!” she said under breath.
Mark opened the door, dressed in pajama bottoms and nothing else. His chest and feet were bare.
