He was now the father of three young girls. They would be expecting so much of Zack, now that he'd brought them, and their beautiful mother, into his life for good.
And it was for good. Wasn't it? It was the biggest change he'd wrought in his life. Things would never be the same again. But it didn't matter. Because he had Lydia back in his life again. That was all that really mattered.
So how come the first time they'd sat at a breakfast table as man and wife, it had turned out so badly. Because the truth was they'd had their first family breakfast and their first disagreement, all on the same morning.
Zack and Lydia had both made sure that the children had no idea that there had been any kind of problem. There had been lots of smiles and jokes about the food that Mrs. Brodie had made. She'd taken it all in good humor. There had been a real sense of something Zack hadn't felt in such a long time.
Family.
Not since his father had been around had Zack had any kind of feeling that came close to matching how that breakfast had felt this morning. And it had felt good. Real good.
He'd loved looking across the table at Lydia, as she helped Daisy arrange her food on the plate, encouraging the little girl to eat the healthy stuff, even if she didn't really want to. Zack had teased Kate about whether she was going to work with one of the horses with Ned in the corral that day.
Gretchen had been her usual self. Zack recalled the words he'd heard Gretchen utter the previous night. They'd touched him and he was sure the young girl had meant what she'd said. Zack didn't mind. He'd have been amazed if all three girls had taken to him, seeing as how he was a total stranger to them all. Two out of three wasn't bad for now. Gretchen would come around. Eventually. Zack would have to figure out a way to win her over.
The whole breakfast had been an experience that had filled Zack's heart with joy. Lydia was so unbelievably beautiful. Every time he looked at her his heart filled with something he hadn't believed he would ever feel again. He wasn't going to put a word on it. Not right now. But, he knew deep down the only word he wanted to label those feeling with.
Heck. He was a rancher. Guys like him didn't easily fall for a sweetheart like he had with Lydia. But she had meant so much to him all those years ago. And, he'd never forgotten her.
Never.
Now that she was back in his life the whole wide world looked like a new, exciting place. He felt he had a new purpose in life, felt a strong sense of renewal.
And that was why he'd felt so bad last night when he'd woken up and found her gone. That was why, when Lydia had turned down his request that they spend the day together as a newly wed man and wife, it had burned inside him so much. Had hurt him to the core.
Because he wanted to be close to Lydia. Above all he wanted to feel the way he'd felt all those years ago. He knew that it was possible to regain the sense of connection with her that had meant so much to him. He knew it wasn't impossible.
But, Lydia was holding him back.
After this morning he knew that now. He'd seen the hesitation in her eyes since the moment she'd arrive at the ranch. Zack wasn't fooling himself. He'd learned the hard way that you couldn't get far in life by fooling yourself. He'd seen men try it out here in Montana. They hadn't lasted long. This place had a way of forcing people to be honest, pushing men and women to the limits, bringing families closer than they'd be any place else. And that was what he wanted. To keep his word to Lydia, find a permanent place by her side for the rest of his days, and be the best father he could be to the children he'd only just gotten to know.
That wasn't asking much. Was it?
But Lydia was sure pushing him away.
Zack steered his horse down into a valley. In the distance he could see the herd. His men were riding around the cattle, hollering to each other in the cold morning air. The snow would be coming soon, and they'd have their work cut out just keeping the herd from getting into difficulties. The winters were hard out in Montana. There had already been a flurry of snow that had lain for a week and had melted causing some flooding in the low lying areas of the ranch. But Zack and his men, all of whom were loyal, knew the land in these parts like the back of their hands. There was hardly any corner of his spread where they hadn't had to deal with one problem or another.
Zack drew his collar tight up around his chin and drove the horse down toward the distant herd.
How would all this fit in with him being a family man now? Could he make the ranch a safe place for what was now his family? What would life be like with him and five women all in the same house? That thought made him swallow nervously, feeling the chill in his throat.
Zack wondered for how long Lydia would keep on pushing him away. She hadn't been unkind to Zack. Not for a moment. She had just reacted to every move he'd made to get close to her with a real and obvious hesitation.
Zack understood things had been hard for Lydia. As he'd done on so many occasions since her arrival, he tried to imagine how much she'd suffered, how much pain she'd felt. Thinking of her pain, Zack's jaw tightened. He grasped the reins and tugged on the horse, keeping him on the trail.
It wasn't fair that someone so beautiful would have had to endure so much suffering. The goodness shone out of his wife, Zack thought. He could see it in her eyes, her smile, every gesture toward the children, every word she uttered. Zack caught a hold of himself. He realized that his every waking moment had become consumed with thoughts of Lydia.
He had to get a hold of himself. Especially if he was going to have any chance of winning her over; any hope of winning those amazing children over; any possibility of getting what he knew he had always wanted and which was now within his grasp.
Because, what Zack Buchanan wanted above all else in the world was the love of Lydia and the joy of a family. And, right now, the way he saw it, he had a long way to go if he was going to have any chance of making either of those things a permanent feature of his life in the years to come.
CHAPTER TEN
The children burst into the parlor once again and raced around the sofa where Lydia was sitting. The piercing scream of Daisy's voice cut through Lydia.
"Girls! Try to keep the noise down a little, please," Lydia called out as she watched Kate chase Daisy around the parlor. Lydia had no idea what game they were playing but it seemed to have been going on for a very long time. Lydia wondered where Gretchen was. She hoped Gretchen had followed Lydia's advise and stayed indoors. The cold outside was biting and she didn't want any of the children to run the risk of catching a chill. They still weren't used to the climate of Montana. It would take them a long time to adjust.
If they ever would.
All the girls talked about was how much they missed San Francisco. How much they missed their friends. Gretchen talked continually about how much she missed her dog. They'd had a cute little mongrel who'd been a permanent source of both pleasure and trouble for Lydia. Caring for a puppy in a small apartment in the city wasn't an easy thing. But, she'd done it for the children, even though the neighbours hadn't approved and the little puppy had needed so much attention that it had taken time Lydia would have much preferred giving to the children.
And then they'd left. And, oh, the tears. They'd had to leave the puppy with a friend. The decision had been a traumatic one. Lydia had decided there was no way she could bring a puppy out to the wilds of Montana, let alone find a way to bring it on such a long journey without the risk of harm, or even worse.
So the decision to give the dog away had been made.
Gretchen had been inconsolable. It went some way to explaining how unsettled she'd been since arriving on the ranch. She missed that dog. She'd looked after it so well, and she'd created a strong bond with the little animal.
But life was hard for everyone, and some decisions were just plain unavoidable.
Lydia regretted leaving the puppy behind. In hindsight, having seen how things were organized on the ranch, she thought that the puppy might have survived the trip and may have sett
led on the ranch.
That would have made Gretchen so happy, and it would have given Lydia one less thing to worry about. Because, she worried about Gretchen so much. Being the oldest sister Gretchen had always been the one to assert herself, the one to boss her sisters around. To control her daughter's feisty temperament had had taken all the patience Lydia could find within herself.
And, Lydia had wondered on more than one occasion just where Gretchen had gotten that explosive zest for life. With a sigh she once again admitted that it probably came from Lydia herself. There was no getting away from the fact that the only reason Lydia had had the strength to survive the recent tragedy had been the forcefulness of character her father has so firmly instilled in her.
Daisy came racing into the parlor followed a few feet behind by Kate. Both of the girls' faces were flushed with their exertions. Their boots clattered noisily on the wooden floorboards.
Lydia put down the book she had been trying to concentrate on. "Really girls," she commanded. "Enough is enough. You'll end up scaring Mrs. Brodie if you keep up that racket."
Daisy slid to a halt and Kate ran into her back, wrapping her arms around her sister to steady herself.
"Sorry, mama. We were just playing. You told us we couldn't go outside."
"I know I did. And I still don't want you to go out. It's too cold, and neither of you is used to this cold weather."
"Are we going to have snow, mama?" Kate asked, her eyes wide with expectation.
Lydia frowned slightly. "Your father said so," she said, noticing how easily those words tripped off her tongue. "And he should know. He's lived here a very long time."
"Does that mean we're going to have snow on Christmas day?" Daisy asked breathlessly.
"That would be lovely wouldn't it?" Lydia said , smiling at her daughter. "We never had that in the city, did we?"
Both girls shook their heads in unison.
"What's it like?" Kate asked.
"Snow?" Lydia responded. "It's very cold, but there's lots of fun you can have with it," she added.
"Really?" Kate asked. "Can we make a snowman? My friend Elizabeth, back in the city, told me that she used to make them back East. She said you could use a carrot for a nose."
Daisy burst into a fit of laughter.
"That's right. If you can get a hold of a carrot, of course."
"Don't we have any carrots?" Kate asked.
"Maybe Mrs. Brodie's got some. I'll ask her next time I see her. But you're going to need snow if you want to make a snowman," Lydia said to her smiling children who now looked positively ecstatic at the prospect of having so much fun. If there was snow.
"Can you make it snow, mama?"
Lydia's eyes crinkled into a smile. "Me? I can do a lot of things, Daisy, but I'm afraid I can't make it snow."
"Can papa make it snow?" Kate asked. "Seeing as how this is his place."
Lydia gestured to her two daughters that they should come to her. They skipped over to her and threw themselves into their mother's arms. "You two are just so adorable," Lydia said, hugging them close. She held them tight, savoring the closeness of them, the scent of their freshly washed hair, the softness of their petite dresses. Lydia was overcome by a sense of how blessed she was with these two wonderful children. They were the true legacy of her beloved Daniel. In her arms she held the precious gift he had left her with. At no time in the last few weeks had she ever felt that these children were a burden to her, something that she could consider letting down for even a moment. Her commitment to her children was absolute.
Lydia kissed both of them on the cheek. "As far as your new father being able to make it snow, I suppose you could ask him that when he comes home from work."
"When's he coming home?" Kate asked.
Lydia held back the impulse to frown. Instead, she smiled at Kate. "I believe he said he'll be back for lunch," she answered. "So, maybe you two could go and wash those hands. Make yourself look pretty for him," she said.
The two girls nodded, looked at each other and exchanged a brief knowing look. Then Daisy raced off again, screaming as loud as before. Kate cocked her head to one side at Lydia and then chased after her sister. Lydia watched them racing out of the parlor and shook her head.
How was she going to cope with this for a whole winter? Was she going to survive it? It was such a change for everyone, not least for Lydia herself.
Lydia picked up the book and tried to resume reading, but her mind couldn't settle on the tiny printed pages.
Where was Zack?
That was all she could think about. She tried to understand what had happened at the breakfast table earlier, but could only put it down to a misunderstanding. That was what it had been. Zack just hadn't understood her. That was all. The prospect of spending the day with him had been enticing. It had filled her with a gentle anticipation. But, why had she refused his suggestion? What had held her back from devoting the day to being with him?
It was the same reason she had been pulling away from Zack since she'd arrived. The same compulsion to maintain at least some distance between them.
Lydia still wasn't completely comfortable being around Zack. She still hadn't left the past behind. The more she thought about the past, the more it seemed like an insurmountable barrier to her ever being truly at ease with her new husband. And that wasn't in any way Zack's fault. It was her own fault. Her own choice. And she knew it.
The way he'd looked at her as he'd headed out the door had made something clutch at her heart. It hadn't been a harsh look, nor had it been a look of admonishment. The time they'd all spent at the breakfast table would have made that impossible.
No. The look that he'd given Lydia as he'd headed out to work had been one of sadness and regret, even loss. Lydia's refusal to spend the day with Zack looked like it had cut him to the core. And that was why Lydia had spent the morning trying to distract herself with a book while keeping an eye on the children. That was why she was trying to avoid the truth that her first morning as the wife of Zack Buchanan had been spent without him.
Lydia figured there was only one thing she could do. The same thing she'd always done when she'd messed up.
Fix the darned thing.
If she'd been unfair to Zack Buchanan there was only one thing she had to do. Make it up to him. Show him that his new wife was trying. Let him know that she was determined to try and put the past behind her. Now that they were together, now that this family had a home, a place of it's own, Lydia knew that she owed it to Zack to show him that she was trying real hard to make their family strong.
Lydia knew that she had to find some way to show Zack that the future meant something to her. She had to show him that the only future that really meant anything to her was the one that Lydia and Zack were destined to share together.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Zack arrived home to find everyone waiting for him in the parlor. Once he had removed his jacket what welcomed him, and what made him feel a warm glow of appreciation, was a scene of one happy family awaiting the arrival of their father from work.
The children were all seated on the rug in front of the fireplace, attired in neat dresses and bows in their hair. They were gazing at him with wide eyed, expectant looks. Lydia came to him when he entered the room extending a welcoming hand to him. She had a smile on her face that looked completely genuine and unreserved. Looking at her made a warm hand wrap itself around Zack's heart.
"We've been waiting for you." She gestured to the fireplace. "Come. Warm yourself."
Lydia turned to the children. "Give your father some space to get close to the fire," she said.
Daisy and Kate scooted to one side of the rug. Gretchen raised her eyes and gave Lydia a look that spoke of momentary revolt.
"Gretchen. Join your sisters over on that side," Lydia said.
"It's okay, Lydia. I'm not that cold. In any case, it's getting a bit milder outside. I've known worse," he admitted.
"Lunch is nearly ready," Lydi
a told him sitting down on the sofa. She patted the seat, indicating that he should take his place next to her.
Zack paused before sitting down and gazed into Lydia's eyes. The expression there was so different from the one he'd seen on leaving earlier that morning. Gone was the reserve, the resistance, the uncertainty. It had been replaced with what looked like a genuine enthusiasm at seeing him home; a real desire to make him welcome.
Zack sat down by Lydia's side and looked at her. She was so pretty. Her hair had been tied up into a neat arrangement. Her face had a pleasing color, he figured partly to do with the warmth of the room. But it looked like more than simply a physical warmth. Zack hadn't seen Lydia look at him like this since the day she and the children had arrived.
"Did you have a good morning?" she asked.
Zack nodded hesitantly. He wasn't used to coming home and describing his morning at work to anyone except Mrs. Brodie. And she was rarely all that interested.
"I guess so. One of the cows got stuck in some mud. We had to haul it out. Took a few of us. But we got it out eventually," he said.
Kate's eyes widened. "Is the cow okay. It didn't get hurt, did it?"
"No. Just left it with a bad temper, that's all."
Gretchen frowned. "Cows are horrible," she stated firmly.
"Gretchen. Don't say that," Lydia admonished her daughter.
"They are. Big, smelly creatures. I don't like them one bit," she said angrily.
Zack smiled. "Actually, I'd agree with Gretchen. They are smelly and they can get big. Especially if they eat too much," he said.
Gretchen's brows rose quizzically. She didn't respond to what Zack had said, but he could tell his agreement with what she'd said had taken her by surprise.
"But, cows are what this whole ranching business is about. I guess it would be nice if we herded horses, or some other nicer kind of animal." Zack scrunched up his nose and gazed at Daisy. "Something that didn't smell so bad," he said to her.
Zack's Montana Bride (Sweet, Clean Western Historical Romance)(Montana Ranchers and Brides Series) Page 8
