“Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts, and you didn’t know how to tell them?”
I nodded and swallowed, not believing that he was actually going to tell me—a virtual stranger—about something so personal.
“She came into my life like a tornado. By the time I realized I couldn’t let her go, she was already gone. I’ve never felt that helpless, Sophie. Never. I watched the only person I’ve ever really loved waste away with cancer. But what hurts even more, if that’s possible, was how her spirit was never extinguished. You wouldn’t believe the amount of spunk.”
But I could.
“Up until the very end, she was still the same beautiful person I met and fell in love with,” he added with a whisper. "Knowing she can't share that with the world anymore leaves a gaping hole in my heart.”
Silent tears streamed down my face. Nicholas’s voice was choked, his breathing ragged. He was crying, too. He sniffed and exhaled against my hair. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I’m a wreck tonight. Today is her birthday. She couldn’t wait for her birthday. She said it made her wiser.” His grin echoed in his voice.
“What was her name?” I asked even though I knew the answer.
“Emily,” he whispered.
Somehow, hearing him say her name succeeded in opening my heart to an idea I didn’t want to have of him. For so long, I had painted a cold picture of him - one where he didn’t care or want to be around during hard times. Now, seeing him this way told me I had it all wrong. Maybe I even chose to see him wrong because it made things easier to accept. But it made the reality so real, so special to see him torn up over her short life. Emily hadn’t suffered without him, but I couldn’t say that to him right now. She loved him just as much as he seemed to love her. Their relationship had left Emily with a heart full of hope, love, and respect.
His hand rested on his knee now but I slid my palm against it and curled my fingers around him and squeezed, hoping to convey some sort of strength. There was only one thing I could do to make him forget the pain in that moment.
Turning around to face him, I gathered my courage and brushed my fingertips against his brow. He looked at me with those expectant, breathtaking eyes and I was lost. Even though this might not be why Emily wanted me here, it felt right.
Gently, I wiped away his tears and smoothed his hair as a mother might. His hand reached up and touched my cheek sweetly.
“Who are you?” he whispered, his voice full of awe. “I’ve never been able to talk to someone this way.”
“It’s amazing the things people tell me,” I teased and offered a small grin. He returned it, but quickly sobered, studying my face again. We both seemed to be waiting for something. For the right moment? For the right words? I licked my lips, knowing that kissing him was going to be an amazing journey. One I wasn’t sure I was ready for after such a short acquaintance.
“Thank you for sharing Emily with me,” I whispered, the double meaning of my words lost on him. And then, with a reverent look on his face, his lips touched mine.
It was the second time in my life I knew I would never be the same.
Chapter 2
Nicholas took me back to his hotel room after we grabbed my suitcase from my trunk around three in the morning. Nerves left me jittery when his arm wrapped around my waist in the elevator. As if sensing that, he grinned down at me with a wink.
“Relax, even though I know you’re thinking about ways to get me naked, I don’t intend to take advantage. When that’s my intention, you’ll know it.”
Somehow, I wasn’t comforted.
The hotel was booked solid and the reservations I made before I left home were across town. Nicholas casually suggested I stay in his room and, while I found the idea a little forward, I wasn’t ready to walk away from him yet. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see him after this, and in that moment, I couldn’t bear the thought. Something about him pulled me in, drew me closer with each breath.
And it wasn’t just his kiss, as wonderful as that was. The lazy kiss, the best kind in my opinion, stole my breath. He took his time to make sure I enjoyed it, too, but enjoyment didn’t quite cover it. A flame burned inside me, one that hadn't existed before now, and looking at him made me want more.
I felt like I betrayed Emily by even thinking such thoughts. He belonged to Emily, regardless of the fact that she was gone. He clearly still loved her and wasn’t over her death. I certainly wasn’t.
Perhaps, I thought as a new idea hit me, Emily wanted me to comfort him. To be there for him during all of this. Emily was selfless like that. Maybe she'd planned this all along.
Before I could understand the thought, we stepped off the elevator. Nicholas led me to a door near the end of the hallway, took out the card key, and threw open the door. As I stepped inside, my heart accelerated; not because I was scared of Nicholas, but because I had an illogical fear of the unknown. Nicholas represented uncharted territory. If my life was anything, it was predicable and safe.
He stood there looking as awkward as I felt and finally chuckled to himself. “Don’t we make a pair, acting like this? Are you hungry?”
I grinned and scratched my temple. “Yeah, I could use some water.” The cold air left my throat scratchy and dry, not to mention the water would give my hands something to do.
Nicholas walked over to the mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. He nudged the refrigerator door with his foot until it swung closed. Then he handed me the water. I twisted off the cap with a smile of appreciation and quenched my thirst with a long drink. His eyes left mine to travel very slowly down to my neck as I swallowed. A blush heated my cheeks when they fell even lower to my breasts. He wasn’t far off when he said I pictured him naked but now I realized he was doing the same thing to me.
I cleared my throat and his gaze snapped back to mine with an impish grin. He shook his head. “You aren’t comfortable with me looking at you, are you?”
When I didn’t answer he pulled me into his arms. “Are you?”
I hesitated but decided against lying; there was already enough of that going on just with me being here. “No, I’m not comfortable with it.”
“Can I ask why?” Determination had pulled his brows together in a fierce frown and I knew if we were going to move past this I’d have to give in to his prodding.
“Because I’m not like the other women at the party tonight. I don’t look like they do, I don’t dress like they do, and I don’t do the things they do.” The admission hurt because in another life I might have been someone like those women. I might have been the outgoing, flirtatious woman I always dreamed of being. I might have even been pretty.
Nicholas’s palm found my cheek as he looked at me with a sad smile. “Don’t you see, Sophie? That’s why you’re here tonight and they’re not.”
I studied his beautiful face as the heat rose into my cheeks. I shuffled my feet. He was hurting over Emily, yet was comforting me about my own silly insecurities. I already failed Emily if she had wanted me to be here for him.
Stepping into his arms, I hugged him close. I inhaled his scent, sort of like a Christmas tree only manlier, and closed my eyes when his arms came around me. “Thank you,” I responded. “But I’m getting tired. Maybe I should try to get some rest before I have to drive home tomorrow.”
He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head and his hand smoothed my hair away from my ear. “Where do you live?”
“Alabama.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Emily lived in Alabama, you know.”
Yes, I knew. “She did?”
“Mmm. I don’t suppose I could convince you to stay here until we have to leave tomorrow night, could I? I’d like to take you to dinner.” Like the instance earlier when we were dancing, I got the impression he wanted to hold on to me for a little longer. When I looked up at him, I was surprised to see the uncertainty swimming there, as if he were afraid of rejection. It seemed odd coming from a man like him. His dark brows were drawn together in
a frown and he studied me with almost desperate intensity. “I’d really like you to stay, Sophie.”
How could I resist him? Emily had loved him with every ounce of her being, and I owed it to her to give Nicholas a small measure of happiness, even if it was short-lived. And it wasn’t like it was a great hardship to spend time with him. He was honest and sincere and, I suspected, funny when he wasn’t dwelling on Emily.
“Dinner isn’t necessary, but I’ll stay until tonight. I have to go back to work tomorrow.” No need to romance me since that wasn’t where this was headed.
“Really?” His eyes rounded and his toothy grin was enough to cause me to break out into a sweat. Carefully, as if waiting for me to change my mind, he lowered his lips. He was going to kiss me again! Nothing in the world prepared me for the rush of emotion, one I couldn't place a name to, as he pressed his mouth to mine.
Nicholas was warm and soft, a total contradiction to his hard body. He'd kissed a lot of women, but this kiss felt significant. True to our last kiss, it was lazy and provoking. His hands roamed my back and I thought about how wonderful it would be to do this every day with him, to feel like this every day. His tongue made love to mine slowly and pointedly. He made me feel special, like it was really me he wanted.
But it wasn't me he wanted.
I broke away, my breaths coming to me in short, ragged puffs. I fought for composure and to re-center my world. I couldn’t afford to let Nicholas do that to me. I didn’t want to be the next notch on his bedpost, nor did I want to wind up like Emily.
Alone.
Nicholas nodded. “Yeah, you’re really good at that.”
“What?”
“Kissing me.”
"Uh, thanks." It sounded lame even to my ears.
"So why did you stop? I thought it felt pretty good."
Turning away, I walked over to his couch. “It’s after three. I really need to get some sleep or I’ll be a zombie tomorrow.”
“You can sleep in the bed.”
One eyebrow involuntarily rose at his suggestion, and he rolled his eyes. “I’ve been with you all evening, Sophie. Have I done anything to you that you didn’t want me to do?”
Words failed me. All I could do was shake my head.
“All right then. Off to bed you go.” He ushered me in the direction of the king-sized bed with downturned, inviting blankets. With the firmness a parent might use on a child, Nicholas pushed me back until my knees buckled and I plopped down on top of the mattress. Without a word, he knelt and removed my shoes, kissing the tops of my socked feet after each one. Then, all his muscle and power rose above me and bullied me into lying down. I gasped as he followed me, my heart racing so fast I knew he could feel it against his chest.
A wicked smile, one he probably used on every woman in his bed, stole over his features. His tongue darted out to lick his lips. “Good night,” he whispered against my mouth.
“Good night.” But the movement of my lips as the words were said felt more like I was caressing him. Forgetting caution and logic, I raised a fraction of an inch and secured our mouths together.
This kiss wasn’t like the first two. It was heated and my own response startled me as much as his did. A low groan escaped him and his weight fell on me as he tugged my hair gently so my head tilted for better access. His tongue plunged and mated with mine. Our bodies strained together as he nestled between my legs, heavy and warm. I had boyfriends over the years, but it was never like this. Such primitive, urgent lust. One-word sentences crowded my mind as primal needs swamped me.
Velvet.
Hot.
Need.
More.
I heard my sigh as he ended the kiss. When I looked at him, I saw his eyes were clouded with desire. He wrapped a strand of my hair around his finger and studied it.
“Funny thing,” he said. “I’ve never been attracted to redheads.”
I looked away. Surely he wouldn’t start now.
His finger forced my chin back in his direction. “But I can’t get enough of you, Sophie. I want every inch of this pale skin to touch mine. I want to see you laugh. I want those blue eyes to let go of whatever it is that’s haunting you.”
To my horror, tears rushed to my eyes and I slammed them shut, swallowing hard. No one had ever seen inside of me as deep as he seemed to...well, except for Emily.
“Nicholas,” I whispered. I couldn’t look at him.
“Yeah?” His lips were trailing a seductive path from my jaw down to my neck. It was hard to concentrate when I wanted so badly to give in.
“Could you get off me?”
He went still, and after a moment of hesitation, I heard his apology. I didn’t open my eyes for a few moments after his heat left me. He sat on the couch, elbows to his knees and ran his palm down his face. He didn’t look rejected so much as weary. I fought the urge to call him back. Nothing I could do would ease his pain, and sex wasn't the answer. It might temporarily take his mind of his pain, but it would still be waiting to consume him again the second I left.
***
“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.” Nicholas’s soft call teased me from sleep as the bed dipped under his weight. A jolt of adrenaline shot through me, and my eyes popped open and focused on the man kneeling above me. His hair glistened. He must have just gotten out of the shower. His navy blue sweater emphasized his muscles. Another pair of those tight jeans hugged his thighs and I took a moment to appreciate the sight.
“You snore.” He grinned.
I rolled onto my back and put my hand on my forehead, trying to calm my heart. I hated adrenaline rushes. It made me feel out of control.
My neck was stiff and I twisted it around, grimacing. “What time is it?” I asked, my voice heavy with sleep.
“Almost noon. Get up and get ready so we can go out.”
I exhaled, willing my eyes to stay open. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” he promised and bent down to kiss my forehead.
I lingered in bed for a moment and took in my surroundings. The hotel room décor was the last thing on my mind when I came in. But seeing it now in the daylight, I appreciated it for what it was. Despite my protesting neck, the mattress was soft and comfortable. The pillow was a little flat, but I suspected my neck problem was more from sleeping at an odd angle rather than the pillow itself. There was a small kitchenette to my left, and the bathroom was to my right. From this angle, I could see the huge jets in the round Jacuzzi situated in the corner of the bathroom. It was decorated in a modern theme with dark wood, marble floor, and pewter hardware. I rose up on one elbow and continued gazing around. The bathroom was probably as big as my whole bedroom back home.
“What is it?” Nicholas asked.
“I was just thinking you didn't get to use your nice bathroom. I'm sure if I hadn't been here, you probably would have enjoyed it a lot more.”
His low chuckle startled me. He walked over to me and sat on the edge of the mattress. “Why do you keep thinking I want someone else here with me?”
I shrugged and looked away, throwing back the covers and exiting the bed on the side Nicholas sat on.
With the coming of daylight came perspective and common sense. Maybe the fumes from all the booze last night had intoxicated me, but it was a mistake to let him get too close now. No matter how well we'd gotten along or well we seem to fit together, Emily had a bigger purpose for him, and it wasn't me.
Nicholas rounded the bed when he saw my avoidance and we stopped on opposite sides of the bed, staring at each other.
“Sophie,” he called softly, as a father might to his child. He took a step in my direction and my heart started to race.
“Nicholas, this was a mistake.” I gestured weakly around the room.
“Sophie.” A sexy grin played at his mouth, and he took another step. His eyes crinkled at the corners and that dimple flashed at me wickedly. His muscles flexed and jumped in his shoulders as he rounded the corner of the bed and pressed his hands int
o the mattress.
I tried to keep the smile from my face and pointed my finger at him instead. “This isn't fair, Nicholas. Stop trying to charm me into your bed.”
This time he took two steps toward me. I retreated equally. “Nicholas,” I warned.
The playful look in his eyes didn't scare me. It thrilled me in a way I didn't want to be thrilled. It felt wrong. I didn't want it to feel wrong, but it did.
“Sophie,” he mocked in the same warning tone. He was only a few feet away from me and grinning like a Cheshire cat. For a second, that amazing smile, coupled with his blue eyes, stopped me cold. It was all he needed to pounce, and before I knew it, I was on my back on the bed with Nicholas's weight on top of me. His grin coaxed a small smile out of me, and he struggled against my flailing arms until he finally had them pinned above me. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the fragrance of pine needles on a hot day.
“You smell good.” The words felt torn from my throat.
With a chuckle, he brushed his nose against mine. “Well the way you're acting, I thought I might have forgotten to take a shower. Why are you so scared of me? I'm as harmless as a newborn kitten.” His playfulness was intriguing and more than a little enticing. It made me feel young again, far removed from the multitude of serious people in my life.
I rolled my eyes and this time smiled big, trying unsuccessfully to suppress a giggle. I didn't smile often, so the sensation felt foreign against my cheeks.
“Wow.” The word came out on a long, slow breath. His smile faded and he gaped.
My eyebrows drew together in a frown.
“No, don't!” He spoke sharply but his blue eyes were pleading. “That's the first time I've seen you really smile.”
Again, I rolled my eyes. “You make me sound like some sort of self-conscious, depressed freak who doesn't know how to have fun.”
Nicholas shifted his weight and settled more securely against me. His thumb rubbed a lazy trail against the pulse in my wrist. I closed my eyes and his gentle touch felt like his lips were there instead...
The Picture Page 2
