The radio reported that power was restored to over half the city and the other half expected to be completed within twelve hours. On the ninth hour, my refrigerator hummed to life and then my heating unit kicked on.
Nicholas let out a hoot and starting rummaging through the snow-packed ice chest for something to cook. Thus far, we had lived on canned soup, broth and buttered noodles. Everything else was too much of a hassle over my small fireplace. We probably both even lost a few pounds during it all.
I was happy for the power return, but I wasn’t happy about what that meant. The roads were being cleared. Nicholas wouldn’t be stuck with me and that might lead to him realizing he'd made a mistake. Tomorrow was Saturday. Temperatures were supposed to return to the high thirties or low forties. The snow would be mostly gone by nightfall and almost certainly the roads would be reopened.
Nicholas would be free to go.
The look on my face must have given me away. Nicholas closed the lid of the chest and gathered me in his arms. He didn’t say anything but simply held me. After a long while, he pulled back and searched my face.
“I don’t have to go, you know.”
“I know.” I sniffed away how ridiculous this all was and swiped at an imaginary piece of lint on his shirt.
He jerked upright and studied my face. “Do you want me to go?”
For my own heart’s sake, yes, I did. But did I want to face a life without him? Not a chance.
“Look, I think you maybe need time away from all this…intensity. Just to be sure, Sweetheart.” He slid his fingers through my hair at the temple. “I’ve never said that I love someone, other than my mother, God rest her soul. This isn’t something I take lightly and I’m not going to change my mind, Sophie. I mean that.”
“I know you believe that now...” I shuffled my feet.
“And I’ll believe it until I’m old and feeble.”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “I really hope so,” I knew I sounded needy and pathetic. I told myself I didn’t need his reassurances because I really did believe him. Straightening my spine, I walked away from him and dug out some steaks I had saved for a rainy day. A snowy day would have to do.
The heater unit made my apartment toasty and I asked Nicholas to check on the setting. I used those few moments to compose myself and give myself a swift reminder that I went into this with open eyes.
Whatever tomorrow held, regardless of the outcome, I had walked straight into it.
Nicholas re-entered the kitchen and cocked his hip against the edge of the counter top, watching me prepare the steaks. “I’m not much of a chef.”
“Here,” he mumbled. “Put a little kosher salt on them.” He reached into my open cabinet of spices and then sprinkled some with his fingertips across the surface of the steaks. The familiarity of it had me eyeing him.
“You like to cook?”
“Not really.” He flipped the meat over. “Too much trouble for just me.”
I nodded, understanding full well what he meant.
“But now it’s not just for me anymore." He gave me a crooked grin and then averted his gaze, looking a little sheepish. "I won an apple pie taste test at a local carnival when I was teenager though.”
“Really? Apple pie is my favorite.” I issued the challenge with my voice but just in case he didn't get it, I added, "Want to prove it?"
“Got any apples?” He glanced around my barren kitchen.
“No, but if you’re that good, there will be some here the second I get back from the store.”
We cooked the meal together, enjoying the comforts of electricity and how easy it was to boil water now. As we ate in companionable silence, Nicholas’s reaction to the picture of me and Emily snuck into my mind. I began to search for a way to broach the subject with him.
When he sat back in his chair, chewing the last of his steak, I took a deep breath and reached out to touch his hand. His fingers grabbed mine and squeezed.
“What were you thinking about last night when you looked at the picture of me and Emily?”
Nicholas stopped chewing a moment and then started up again slowly, looking into my eyes. “I don't really want to talk about it right now.”
I swallowed over the lump of disappointment that rose in my throat, trying desperately to respect his wishes. Finally I nodded. "Okay."
Eventually, however, he would have to tell me.
Chapter 12
A salt truck ground its way down the main road, the noise filtering into my apartment and waking us. I stretched and thought about how nice it was to wake up in my own bed again instead of the hard floor. Beside me, Nicholas stirred and placed his arm around my waist, grumbling something about food as he nuzzled his nose against my neck.
I grinned. He was awake. His breathing was no longer heavy and I thought it was cute how he didn’t open his eyes at first, but rather came awake in stages.
“They’re finally salting the roads.”
Nicholas’s grunt tickled my skin and goose bumps rose over it.
“That means we can get out of this apartment today,” I announced, patting his arm.
He patted me back and shushed me. I grinned again.
“We can’t stay in bed all day, you know,” I added.
“I don’t have anything to do today, do you?”
I thought about my job and how I’d have to go back soon. I found the idea alone was stressful after the relaxing time I spend with Nicholas over the last few days. Going back to work meant facing reality again and at the moment, I was perfectly happy burying my head in the sand...or snow as the case was. But I made a mental note that I needed to call my boss later that day.
Temperatures were supposed to be up in the forties today. Most of the snow would melt.
“What do you want to do today? We should take advantage and get out.” I realized it wasn’t Nicholas’s knee against my leg.
Nicholas opened his eyes and rose above me, grinning the rock star smile in his drowsy state. That smile was even more handsome than when he was fully awake.
“I’ve got another form of taking advantage in mind,” he muttered against my lips. I couldn’t help but laugh. The man could turn any phrase into something sexual when his mind was in the gutter.
***
I want to take you out on a real date, Sophie.
Nicholas’s words echoed in my head and for the life of me, I had no idea why I was worried so much over what to wear, how to fix my hair, and how much makeup to apply. Granted, my wardrobe was pretty thin since work took up so much of my life, but I still had a few good items left.
The thing was, I had no idea where he wanted to take me. Most places were still closed due to road conditions, but apparently Nicholas found reservations somewhere, because we were due to be there in a little over an hour.
A quick phone call earlier that afternoon confirmed that I would have to be back at work tomorrow morning. I wasn’t looking forward to it after the happy time I spent with Nicholas. Now that I knew I loved him and felt such hope inside of me, I couldn’t imagine going back to dying patients. And even thinking those thoughts made me feel insensitive. Nursing was never and would never be about me, but rather my patients. Nursing left no room for selfishness. But I held on to hope that once I got back into my normal routine, I would find a way to get my heart back into my job. Or maybe it wasn't gone to begin with but pushed aside to make room for Nicholas.
“You almost ready?” Nicholas asked through the cracked door.
I examined myself one last time...my too-red lipstick that didn’t match my skin tone, my blue eyes with brown shadow swept across the lids, and my ivory skin that no foundation ever matched. At least my hair looked ok.
“Uh...yeah, almost.” Grabbing a square of toilet paper, I rubbed my lips to erase the evidence of the lipstick but grimaced at the telltale stain left behind. I applied some lip gloss over it and was satisfied enough with the results.
After a deep breath, I opened the door. Nich
olas leaned against the foot of my bed dressed in a traditional black and white suit. One hand was tucked in his pocket the other held his jacket over his shoulder. He looked up at the sound of the door, and his eyebrows shot up as he licked his lips.
“Wow,” he whispered.
I tried to pretend that he really believed it. After all, he was the only man capable of making me feel beautiful. But I had just looked at myself in the mirror and knew there wasn’t anything special about me. Since I didn’t want to ruin the mood by voicing a rebuttal, I just smiled and bit my tongue.
He straightened as I walked toward him, my high heels catching a little in the carpet. When I was close enough to see his eyes clearly, I saw the dilated pupils and desire in the blue depths.
Try as I might, it was hard to believe the man didn’t think I was pretty when he looked at me like that.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on,” he said, taking my hand and running a thumb over the top of it.
I smiled again and looked away. “Let’s not get carried away.”
“I don’t really want to go out tonight.” He pulled me into his arms and issued the words against my ear.
“Mmm,” I moaned as he took my earlobe between his teeth. But I smacked at his arm. “We’ve been cooped up in this house for four days. Are you not itching for some fresh air?”
“I guess...but you know there’s still a lot of media around my band breaking up, right? You’re taking the chance of somebody taking a picture of us together.”
I laughed. “Funny, but I want to get out of the house so bad that thought doesn’t even bother me.”
“Well then, I guess it's time to go.”
He led me out of my apartment, taking the keys from my hands and closing the door for me. He ushered me to his rental car with his hand resting possessively on the small of my back. Once inside, he looked at me.
“This is probably against the rules somewhere, but would you mind if we dropped by Jessica’s house before dinner? I just want to make sure she survived the snow ok.”
A knot twisted in my gut when I thought about Jessica and her lifestyle. Nicholas was right to want to check on her. I felt ashamed I hadn't thought of it before now. “That’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” I assured him with a grin. I brought his hand to my lips, placing a kiss in his palm.
“I love you.” He leaned over and kissed me, lingering for a few moments.
As I touched his smooth cheek, I uttered, “I love you, too. And it’s really sweet of you to check on her.”
Nicholas shrugged. “I feel bad for her. She doesn't have any family or friends to watch after her. In a way, I guess I'm all she has.”
I nodded my understanding and looked around the apartment courtyard at the melting snow as he pulled out of his parking space. It grew dark, the sky a satin-like navy. The streetlights cast an orange glow over what was left of the snow.
We drove in silence to Jessica's house, which was located only about ten minutes west of my apartment. Nicholas held my hand. I caught his eye and with a wink, he raised my fingers to kiss them.
Everything felt so perfect with him. Every kiss, every touch, every I love you was more real to me than anything I had experienced thus far with another man. I felt like I needed to pinch myself to make sure it was real.
And for the first time, I wasn't riddled with doubt over his feelings. I knew Nicholas said what he meant and meant what he said.
“I'll just be a second,” Nicholas promised and got out of the car. He jogged to the front door and rang the doorbell. Jessica didn't come to the door. Nicholas walked right in after a long moment.
I bit at a nail and thought of all the things that led me to this particular point in my life. The death of Victoria, the death of my relationship with Kevin, the death of Emily...all of it led to the birth of this love I felt for Nicholas. Someone once told me that something good came from everything bad.
While I had once scoffed at this, I believed it now with all my heart.
“Sophie! Call 911! Call 911!” I heard Nicholas shout. My eyes snapped up to see his wild eyes and his arms frantically waving as he ran toward me. I fumbled through my purse and found my cell phone just as Nicholas yanked my door opened.
“What's wrong?” I slid from the car, trying to remain calm.
“She's barely conscious. Her heartbeat is slow. She says she took some sleeping pills.”
Nicholas ran back to the house as I closed the car door, dialing 911. My fingers fumbled over the keys but miraculously dialed the right number.
“Nine-one-one, what's your emergency?” the operator said.
I paced in front of Nicholas’s car, kicking into professional mode. “We have a medical emergency at 267 Noel Street who is barely conscious with a probable overdose. Her name is Jessica Croft.”
“Is the victim breathing?”
“I…” I stepped inside and took in the empty, crushed beer and liquor bottles, the strewn clothing. The stuffing had been ripped from the sofa and a rocking chair turned over. I could smell the alcohol as if someone held the can under my nose.
“Ma’am? Are you with the victim? Is she breathing?”
“I…just a minute. Nicholas where are you?”
“In the bedroom!”
I ran to Jessica's room and saw no one. My heart slammed even harder against the wall of my chest as I realized which bedroom she was in. I turned toward Emily's room. Nicholas hovered over Emily's bed. A torrent of emotions – anger, pity, grief – washed over me as I realized that Jessica was lying in her bed. Emily's haven. Now probably a death bed two times over.
“I'm a nurse,” I calmly told the operator as she began reciting the basics of CPR in case the need arose. “Just ask the ambulance to hurry, please.”
I pushed the door open and saw Jessica, sickeningly pale huddled in the bed in a pool of her own vomit.
Going into nurse mode, I told the operator the last of what she needed to know and then hung up. I marched over to Jessica, who lolled her head from side to side, moaning. With a heave, she threw up again and Nicholas jumped back just in time to avoid the vomit hitting his shoe.
“What did you take, Jessica?” I demanded.
She tried to focus on me, but her eyes crossed and then closed. She tried to mutter something, but it was too jumbled to understand.
“What should we do, Sophie?” Nicholas asked, a panicked edge to his voice. “She's going to die if that ambulance doesn't hurry up!”
“Try to stay calm, Nicholas. It's only been a few minutes since I called. Go into her bathroom and look for any prescription bottles. I'll look in here.” Nicholas shouldn’t be seeing Jessica this way.
I looked every place I knew of in Emily's room where a pill bottle could be hidden.
Jessica's moan's returned my attention to her. A smile curved her mouth and she motioned feebly for me to come closer. The stench was more than even I could handle. I held my breath.
“Think I'll get to see Emily when that white light comes for me?” I made out through the thickened words.
“No, I think you're going to be regretting this come morning. Sleeping pills are designed to be safer these days, Jessica. You're going to the hospital to get your stomach pumped and then when you're sober, you'll be going to rehab. I'm confidant Nicholas will make it happen.”
Her eyes glazed over once more and they closed. Her stomach heaved but nothing came up this time...which was a good sign. I checked her pulse and noticed the blue tinge to her lips. Her pulse was weak but steady.
Nicholas stepped back into the room. “I can't find anything but this!” He held out a bottle.
It was a year-old prescription for a newer sleep aid that I recognized. Quantity was thirty. Three pills still in the bottle.
I took Nicholas's hand in mine and squeezed until he met my gaze. His eyes held a mild panic. "Okay, this is a good thing. Even if she took the whole bottle, more tha
n likely we got to her early enough that she won't die." My confidence grew but my words seemed to do little to calm Nicholas.
“I hear the ambulance!” he said, the panic in his voice rising to a new level.
“Can you go flag them down at the road?” Again, I gave Nicholas something to do so he wouldn't be able to stand around and feel helpless. He was out the door in a flash.
I looked Jessica over once more and allowed the pity to sag my shoulders. Her greasy hair lay in a heap around the vomit at her mouth. They were going to have to hose her down before they could work on her the stench was so bad. It smelled as if she hadn't had a shower in days on top of the vomit...either that or she soiled herself. Glancing down, I confirmed the latter.
“In here!” I heard Nicholas issue and he and two paramedics entered the room. The dark headed one flinched, no doubt from the smell, but forged ahead.
“Ms. Croft!” The blonder one said and dug his knuckled in her chest to get a response. Only a slight moan came from Jessica.
“Let's take her vitals quickly and get her to the hospital.”
“This is the only bottle of sleeping pills we could find.” I gave it to the dark-headed paramedic and stepped away, allowing them to do their work.
They were efficient and had her on the gurney in less than ten minutes. The dark-headed one turned to us. “We'll take good care of her, sir,” he said. “We'll be giving her some meds in the rig and then the docs can go from there at County.”
Nodding my approval, I placed my hand on Nicholas's arm and turned him to get out of the way. “Let's go to the car. We can follow the ambulance there.”
He took my hand, squeezing so hard I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying out, but he needed me right now. Seeing the mother of his child in such a condition had to be hard on him.
We sat in his rental car, watching the paramedics load Jessica in the ambulance. Nicholas's breathing was labored and his eyes affixed to the doors as they closed.
His fingers clutched at the steering wheel as though he was holding onto Jessica's life. “If she dies...” He allowed the thought to trail away.
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