He pounded on the door to my room so hard it felt like the house was shaking.
“Open this door right now,” he screamed.
He pounded even harder, then let out an exasperated sound. Things went quiet for just a moment, but I didn’t move.
“Hannah,” he said in a quieter tone. “Hannah, please. Let me in. I just want to talk to you. I came all this way to find you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? I missed you so much and was so worried about you, I had to find you. I searched for you, and I came out here to get you and bring you home.
“I know things haven’t been perfect between us, but we could be a family. You can’t really think that guy is any good for you or for the baby. You don’t even know him. And he owns a bar. What kind of life can he give you and a child? I could make sure both of you have everything. You and I have so much history. We know each other. We know everything about each other,” he said.
“I do know you, Ethan,” I said. “And that’s exactly why there are two locked doors between us.”
“Damn it!” Ethan shouted, slamming his hands against the door again.
The sound startled me, making me cry out, but I swallowed any more reaction. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, and I didn’t want him to think he was breaking me down. He went back to pounding his fists against the door and screaming. Soon, the sounds got louder, and I realized he was kicking the door. He was trying to break the lock.
I stepped back from the door and pressed one hand to my stomach, praying the lock held up. But what then? I didn’t think he was going to give up this time, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t get away.
The bathroom window was too small for me to climb out of. I didn’t have my phone. There was no way for me to get out and away from the house or for me to call for help. I was stuck there with nothing to do but pray he didn’t get in.
For the next several minutes, Ethan went through the cycles a couple more times. He would yell and scream, pounding on the door until my teeth rattled. Then he would change back to trying to talk to me calmly and nicely. As soon as he realized that wasn’t working, he would go back to kicking and pounding.
Suddenly, I heard another voice boom toward the front of the house.
“Hannah?”
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Ethan demanded.
His voice wasn’t coming through the door at me anymore. A loud bang made me scream, and a second later there was another. Voices grunted and shouted, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying. Another loud bang came right before a crash that sounded like walls were coming down. I stood with my back against the counter, my hands over my mouth.
Then there was silence. That was almost more terrifying than the loud sounds and shouting. My heart jumped into my throat at the sound of something hitting the bedroom door.
“Hannah?”
I nearly sobbed at the sound of Jordan’s voice.
“I’m here. I’m fine,” I said.
“Call the police. I have him,” he said.
I scrambled to unlock the door and ran out into the bedroom. With my phone in the car, my only option was to get to Jordan’s phone, forcing me to go out into the rest of the house. I did and found Jordan holding Ethan down on the ground. One shoe was lying on its side in front of my bedroom door. Apparently, that was what hit it to get my attention.
“I need your phone,” I said.
Jordan nodded and indicated his pocket. I hated to get that close to Ethan, but I knew Jordan had him. That didn’t stop Ethan from growling and trying to grab at me when I crouched down. I fished the phone out of his pocket and called the police.
They were there within a few minutes, but it felt like hours. I stood near the front door, staring at Ethan, and waiting for any sign of him moving. Finally, the police arrived and dragged Ethan away in handcuffs. One came back after stuffing him into the back seat of the car.
“You should really consider getting a restraining order against him, Hannah,” he said.
I nodded. “I will.”
“And we’ll be back to take pictures and notes of all this damage so we can include it in the police report.”
He walked out, and the second the door closed behind him, I crumbled, sobbing, into Jordan’s arms.
37
Jordan
I had been awake on and off for a while. For once, it didn’t bother me. It wasn’t nightmares or stress that was keeping me awake this time. It was contentment. I wanted to spend every single second with her that I could awake. I wanted to be conscious of how I breathed in her scent. How she felt in the crook of my arm. All of it.
Her head rested on my chest, and one leg was draped over mine. She looked so peaceful. I watched her sleep, her deep, full breaths rising her back off me and then sinking back into me. She was wearing one of my T-shirts, and it dwarfed her. The arm draped over me twitched in her sleep, and she smiled.
I brushed a strand of hair gently over her ear, and she stirred. I frowned at first, not wanting to wake her, but she slid her head up to my shoulder and smiled at me through drowsy eyes. I smiled back and kissed her nose.
“Morning,” I whispered.
“Morning,” she said as she stretched.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“I’m okay,” she said, but then suddenly her eyes went wide. She was up and running to the bathroom before I knew what was happening, and when the door slammed shut, I figured it out. I knew it was miserable, but a part of me smiled anyway. It was part of being pregnant. If I could switch with her so I did the unpleasant parts, I would. But she was carrying our baby. Anything was worth that.
The fan in the bathroom turned off, and I could hear her brushing her teeth. When she was done, she opened the door sheepishly and made her way back into the bed, curling up beside me. I patted her on the backside and kissed the top of her head.
“I like getting back in bed with you,” she said.
“Does it make you feel any better?” She nodded. “Good. So, I have a question.”
“What is it?”
“When do you want to tell everyone?” I asked.
“Now, if you want,” she said.
“Really? You’re okay with that?”
“If you are,” she said. “I don’t want to hide it anymore.”
“Do you mind if I call my mother?”
“Go ahead. I want to hear her reaction, too,” she said.
I opened my phone and found Mom’s contact info and clicked it. She picked up on the third ring and sounded groggy when she answered.
“Jordan? Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Late night, Mom?”
“Oh, you know,” she said in the way that she used to dismiss any critique of her newly found late-night shenanigans. “It was that damned Martha again, dragging us all around to different places.”
“Uh-huh,” I said. “I’m sure it was all Martha’s fault.”
“Well, it is,” she grumbled. It sounded like she was still in bed, which at nine in the morning for Mom was like getting up after noon. “Anyway, how are you, son?”
“I’m doing great, actually,” I said. “I had some news for you.”
“Well?” she asked when I didn’t come right out with it. “What is it?”
“Hannah and I are going to have a baby.”
The squeal was so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear, and Hannah began laughing.
“Oh, my baby boy, I am so happy,” she exclaimed. “Is Hannah there? Did I hear her? I thought you were in Portland.”
“I came back for the night,” I said. “But yes, she is here.”
“Let me talk to her,” Mom said, apparently already done with talking to me. I handed Hannah the phone, and she giggled as Mom gushed about the new grandbaby on the way. I lay back and listened to them giggle with a smile on my face. When she was done, Mom forgot to even talk to me again and hung up, promising to call her again later that day.
“I think the next person I call should be Matt,” I said. “But if you want to tell the girls to tell my other brothers, that’s fine.”
“How did you know I told them?” Hannah asked, shocked.
“I didn’t. I guessed. But you just confirmed it,” I laughed. “It’s okay. Tell them to spill the beans.”
Hannah got up to grab her phone and then tucked back into bed beside me, texting Ava. I called Matt’s number and waited for him to pick up. When he did, he sounded rougher than Mom did.
“What?” Matt asked as a way of greeting.
“Hey, brother,” I said. “I have some news that can’t wait.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “I am really tired.”
“It’ll only take a second,” I said. “Hannah and I are having a baby.”
“That’s nice,” Matt said, not registering it. Then it sounded like he took a deep, sharp breath. “Wait, what?”
“Hannah’s pregnant. I am going to be a dad,” I said.
“Oh, no, not you, too,” Matt said, suddenly awake. “I mean, congrats and everything, but dammit.”
I laughed. “Your time will come, little brother.”
“Well, this is great news,” Matt said, sounding a bit apprehensive, “but if it’s possible, I need you back here tomorrow. We were swamped last night, and it looks like tomorrow will be just as bad. And Lamont got deployed. He leaves tomorrow.”
“Oh, I didn’t know Lamont was active duty,” I said.
“Yeah, I forgot to mention it to you,” Matt said. “Thought you two could bond over that. Now you won’t get a chance.”
“Well, I’ll get my stuff together today and I’ll head back tomorrow afternoon.”
“Sounds good,” Matt said. “See you then. And tell Hannah I said congratulations.”
“Will do,” I said, hanging up.
After getting dressed, we headed down to the mural to take a look at the almost finished product. Pulling in, it was immediately stunning. My eyes were drawn to it the entire time I walked toward it, and I gathered her up in a side hug as we stared at it.
“This is amazing,” I said. “Like, seriously amazing.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I’m really glad you’re here. I wanted you to be when I do the final coat of the finisher.”
“Let me get the blanket,” I said. I ran back to the car and grabbed the blanket we used for picnics and brought it over. I only had a few water bottles in the car with me, so it was a paltry spread, but I sat in the grass and watched her finish it up. When she was done, she turned to me.
“It’s finished,” she said. She ran over to where I sat and jumped into my lap. We stayed there staring at her mural for quite a long time. Finally, Hannah pulled up her phone and checked the time. “Looks like we better get going if we’re going to make it to work on time.”
“I don’t think anyone would fault us being a little late,” I said, grinning.
“Mr. Anderson,” she said teasingly. “We can’t do that to them.”
“I know. Come on.”
After the fanfare that was us coming in the doors of The Hollow and being greeted by hugs and handshakes, we got on with the business of running the bar’s night service. It felt nice, if disorienting, to be back in the old bar, and I was having a decent night when I noticed something seemed to be bothering Hannah. It wasn’t glaringly obvious or anything, but as the night progressed, she seemed less enthusiastic, and her face went from her normal constant smile to a more reserved, pensive look.
I was heading back to the kitchen for expo when she came out of the employee restroom. I gathered her up in a hug, and she squeezed me tightly as I kissed her head. Then I pulled her out at arm’s length and studied her face.
“You okay?” I asked.
“I just don’t want you to leave is all,” she said. “I miss you too much when you’re gone.”
“I understand,” I said. “I miss you like hell, trust me. It drives me absolutely bananas every single day, and now that I know you’re carrying our baby, it’s even more so.” I took a pause for a moment before I continued. “I really want you to come with me.”
I expected the upset face, or the shift in tone that had come from her the other times I mentioned it. But this time, none came. Instead, she nodded and fell back into my arms for another hug. I held her tight and swayed with her.
“I just need some time to think about it,” she said.
“That’s fair,” I said. “We don’t have to talk about it again tonight, okay?” She nodded again, against my chest. “We can just focus on having a good night at work and then curling up together in bed. Nothing else. Deal?”
“Deal,” she said, nodding again against my chest. Then she pulled back and placed a kiss to my lips and then to my cheek. “I’ve got to get back to my tables,” she said and walked away.
38
Hannah
When I lived in New York, rarely did a day go by when I didn’t think about how nice it would be to live on my own. I was a full-grown woman and had no idea what it was like to not live with other people. I had no concept of having my own place, my own life.
And it wasn’t just the people. It was the noise. New York was never quiet. Even my parents’ opulent home filtered in the sounds of the city. There was constant noise, constant reminders of the chaos that made up the city that, quite literally, never sleeps.
For a lot of people, that represented vitality and excitement. There were times when I felt that way about it, too. It was exciting. Thrilling to be a part of it. But it was also exhausting. Having that much constantly happening, that many people watching, drained me. I dreamed of a time when I was away from all that and could just exist in my own bubble.
Now my bubble was starting to feel really lonely.
I was sitting in my house alone again. What was once a welcome peacefulness was now just too quiet. The idea of me getting used to him being gone and it feeling better eventually was totally out the window. These last few days were by far the worst. I missed him and felt out of sorts without him around.
We still hadn’t worked out our living situation. He was in Portland and I was in Astoria, and we didn’t know when or if or how that was going to change. In truth, that was all on me. Jordan had no question about whether he wanted me in Portland with him or not. He tried again to convince me to go, and again, I hesitated.
I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me. He was in Portland. That wasn’t going to be changing anytime soon.
Jordan loved what he did. He didn’t relish the idea of going to Portland, and he never wanted to leave Astoria, but he also wasn’t going to turn his back on his business and not fulfill his responsibilities. All the brothers had an important role in keeping the growing empire going. They were all working to support themselves, their families, and most importantly, their mother.
I had to come to terms with the idea that he wasn’t choosing them over me. He wasn’t choosing his career over me. But if I demanded he come back to Astoria or not be a part of my life, I would be forcing him to choose me over them.
It was a sobering thought.
Yet, I still couldn’t bring myself to commit to going with him. Sitting there alone in my house, trying to get into terrible afternoon TV, I couldn’t really figure out why. I could go to Portland and have Jordan and our growing relationship. Instead, I stayed here and had my couch and people on talk shows screaming at each other.
Not an equal trade.
But then why couldn’t I work it out with him? Why couldn’t I just take the leap?
If I was being honest with myself, I knew it was because things still weren’t really cemented with Jordan. We had never really said what our relationship was or how we felt about each other. We had managed to hit all kinds of milestones and plan for others while deftly skating around any actual confirmations.
That was what was holding me back. Without that confirmation, I didn’t know where I stood.
Muting the women screa
ming at each other over the head of the TV psychologist, I picked up my phone. Samantha answered on the fourth ring.
“I didn’t think you were going to answer,” I said.
“I’m sorry. I was doing an emergency afternoon bath.”
“For yourself?”
“Partially,” she said.
I was just going to leave it at that. I didn’t really need to know the full story.
“Am I fundamentally flawed?” I asked.
“That was a really serious question to throw at me right after Sesame Street,” she said. “What’s going on?”
“I’m home alone,” I said.
“Aren’t you usually? I mean, unless you’re at work.”
“That’s the point. Why? Why am I here alone when I could be in Portland with a really amazing guy?” I asked.
“Do you really want me to tell you what I think?”
“Yes.”
She took a deep breath. “You’re scared.”
“That’s your revolutionary insight?”
“Yes. Sometimes the simplest thing is what makes you think the most. Now it’s the question of what you’re afraid of. I haven’t gotten a phone call or an elaborate feathered-filled box asking me to be a matron of honor. If I don’t miss my guess, that means Jordan and you are still not defining anything. You haven’t established what your relationship is,” she said.
“That would be correct,” I said.
“And that scares you. For better or worse, you are used to being in a committed relationship. You are used to the stability. Without that, you feel like you don’t have a footing. You don’t know where you stand in his life, and you don’t know if you should put yourself out there if he hasn’t. After all, you’ve been through a lot, even more recently. So, why should you make yourself so vulnerable?” she asked. “Am I close?”
“Yeah,” I said with a resigned groan. “That’s pretty much what I was thinking. We haven’t talked about it. Not at all. I don’t know if we’re a couple. I don’t know how he feels about me. It’s making me really uncertain about everything.”
Boss Daddy: A Secret Baby Romance Page 21
